I don't know how to get out.

MrBlue351990 · 2025-06-04T21:04:14+00:00

Wow it sounds like we are married to the same person except for the income part. My divorce is pending. If i were u I would get out now and even live in the car if needed until you get your own place.

Friendly-Platypus607 · 2025-06-04T00:04:23+00:00

Sounds like divorce would be best for you. She makes more. You'd probably get alimony. Any kids? If not then that simplifies things even more.

You don't need to put up with that toxic behavior.

Divorce can be very beneficial for men too. Don't believe that nonsense that it always screws men over. That was only the case back when men always made more. We ain't living in those times anymore and thank god for that.

008muse · 2025-06-03T15:17:35+00:00

You have to walk. File. It will only get worse until it strips you completely of your manhood.

Standard-Slide-7855 · 2025-06-03T04:25:42+00:00

This was EXACTLY my situation except I made more than Her. From the pop pathology garbage to her abuse to me.

I stayed way longer than I should have because of health issues I had.

I wish I would have left two years sooner; regardless of what unknowns in my future were and how scary they were.

The relief, freedom, and understanding that I'm not everything she said I was, daily, was the best feeling.

Take the plunge. Leave. Do what needs to do what is best for YOU.

The financials will work itself out.

Get a seperate bank account, have your check direct deposit into there from now on. Make up an excuse as to why.
Ask to see all of financials before you tell her you want a divorce to ensure she doesn't hide any money (I only got 20 percent of what I should because she hid $$$)
Reach to as many attorneys for "free consultations" as you can in your county. (If you talk to them in a consultation, she can't use them. And it's free)
Make an exit plan. Talk to friends and family who would be willing to let you live with them? Help with money or food if needed.

Last. And most importantly.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. someone like her will play the victim and try to make you out as an abusive, manipulative, asshole. And use it against you to not only friends and family but on court as well.

Any time you're around, if possible, turn in your voice memo to record conversations. Even better, video recording is best. (If you're in a one party consent state you don't have to ask)

That way, when she inevitably tries to pull something in court, file a false restraining order, call the police on you; you have documented proof that you did nothing wrong.

(I say inevitably because it seems lately those type of women are the women who do those things)

This, above all else, saved me. I documented everything via voice recording or video. When the lies started coming in and I had to defend myself it was all on my phone that I didn't do anything wrong, and in fact, she was the one abusing me.

It sucks to do, but courts and laws are favored towards women. You need to do it yourself protect yourself.

Good luck.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-06-02T20:52:48+00:00

Do you have kids? If not, its time to file asap and get ready to live like a 22 year old again (cheap and basic).

If you DO have kids, you need some time to start to strategize.

In EITHER event, you MUST talk to a lawyer. Many will do 30-60 min consults for free. She does NOT need to know.

get a new email address - divorce stuff only AND you know she does not have access
new bank account at a bank you do not already use
po box, all new info goes here
cash back on everything you buy. 25-50 a pop, you can gather 2500 in a year, more if you push it.
most important - DO NOT tell her these plans or mention divorce otherwise she will be getting a lawyer and filing against you

Not only can I not afford a place to live on my measley salary, I can't save anything because I put 100% of what I earn into our living expenses.

Well once you've filed you get to take 100% of your pay with you, barring you having a mortgage and even then you'll get 1/2 the home equity.

Your situation is in your face bad but not long term bad. Will it suck to start? Yes. But it wont suck once its all done.

Your other option is to remain in hell. Bottom line: no one is going to come and save you.

EDIT: DO NOT DRINK

Particular_Car7127 · 2025-06-02T19:30:49+00:00

Talk to a lawyer ASAP

bcsam · 2025-06-02T14:27:31+00:00

She's getting ready to divorce you. In order to look as the victim (reputation management), she needs to vilify you first which is what she's doing now. Get ready!

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-06-02T14:24:25+00:00

Start lawyering up. You need to get your finances in order. Do you have kids? I was in a similar marriage for 20 years and I was married to a toxic person. She used to use the same kind of tactics as well. But my ex-wife had a violent streak to go with that as well. As for you, l would consider asking a friend, relative or parent about living there while you go through the process. As for finances, have you considered side jobs to supplement your current job? Sell things on Offerup or Ebay. Uber or Lyft. Handyman, etc. There are ways to make money if you really put your mind to it. When you go through your divorce, hit her up for spousal support. If you own a house, you could sell it outright or she could buy you out. Either way, you will have money after the divorce. If you can get a mediator, better than a lawyer but if not, be prepared to pay for one. You deserve to be happy. You are not stuck , you need to start planning for the future and your family. It may suck right now, but it will get better.

StatisticianOld8246 · 2025-06-02T14:18:45+00:00

My wife was on tik tok consuming stuff that rotted her brain and then told everyone I was a narcissist after I blew up my life and bought her a house. A lot of women truly have dog brains.

Effective_Hornet_833 · 2025-06-02T13:46:07+00:00

It’s over. You aren’t stuck, she’s going to divorce you if you don’t do it first.

jaglio69 · 2025-06-02T13:04:04+00:00

Just file for divorce. It’s very likely that you’ll be entitled to some alimony award for a set amount of time but this depends on your state

Lugubrious_Lothario · 2025-06-02T13:02:26+00:00

Dude. File first. Just... don't pay the bills one month. Drop it in her lap. Take your whole paycheck to a lawyer and pay him to file.

From what you described it's already over, and if you move first you will be in a much better position after the fallout.

What I absolutely promise you you do not want to experience is a a divorce from a woman with a good job who makes more than you where she talks to a lawyer first and they convince her to go through with a Silver Bullet Divorce. You think your character is being assassinated now, just wait and find out. Or -- File. FIRST.

Cool_Marionberry7132 · 2025-06-02T13:01:26+00:00

The phrase gaslighting is the worst. She gaslights me by calling me a gaslighter every opportunity she can for things that the term doesnt apply to.

She starts losing an objective argument? Gaslighter!! Stop gaslighting me!

What? I was literally right, i told you there was a deadline for that.

bluephotoshop · 2025-06-02T12:34:31+00:00

If you pay too much in living expenses, cut back on them. There are ways.

cowboy-Jim · 2025-06-02T11:49:36+00:00

Just saw you know, the first paragraph made me think you were my twin. It seems that toxic pop phrase words and character assassination is the prelude to them seeking separation.

Exactly65536 · 2025-06-02T11:11:24+00:00

The way out seems to be trivial - a divorce.

Which might happen regardless of your wishes, she doesn't sound too fond of you or too excited about the future with you.

You might be entitled for a spousal support, depending on the length of the marriage and the difference in the income, check out the laws in your country.

If you can't afford living where you live, you probably can move to a different place.

You don't have kids, right? Then you are not stuck at all.

realnullvibes · 2025-06-02T10:48:25+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, OP, but good news; you're not alone. Many men, myself included, have been there. Welcome.

You didn't mention kids, which makes things much simpler. Sounds like counseling was a bust (which is no surprise.) If there's no reconciliation, you need to ask yourself how many more years you want to live like this. Start documenting everything, keep your day-to-day receipts, and consider audio/video recording (based on the laws in your state) your interactions. Recordings may not be admissible in family court (check your laws), but it may save your life if your spouse goes for the Silver Bullet (alleged domestic violence), and you need evidence to prevent going to jail. Not a joke; read the stories in this sub.

If she's nasty now, buckle up. Prepare yourself mentally for interactions to escalate. Be the gray rock, shut your mouth, and don't let her goad you into a reaction that she can exploit against you. She will try; be smart. Attorney. Good luck.

Sacramentardo · 2025-06-06T01:41:16+00:00

I was in exactly the same situation. I got out. It meant working harder and doing side hustles and it wasn’t easy, but I’m out. Good luck to you friend. Divorce sucks real bad, make sure you’re tried everything else.

General_Rhubarb_1009 · 2025-08-28T20:55:13+00:00

There's not a whole lot for women who are not physically abused but still controlled & really forced to give up everything especially independence & anywhere I might have been able to turn & I have 3 boysm Twins 20 & dependants going to college full time & a 15yo & no shelter that women are running from men will not feel safe so I am without any resources, I don't even have 5 dollars in my pocket and the house we are in is being sold &.he getting an apartment! Not very fair either

Title	I don't know how to get out.
Author	RecduRecsu
Upvotes	33
Comments	25
Date	June 2, 2025 10:05 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1l1e5x8/i_dont_know_how_to_get_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-dont-know-how-to-get-out.1553713 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553713

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