I find dating extremely exhausting and confusing

NChSh · 2025-07-18T22:03:44+00:00

Women in a lot of cities in the world have a glut of options in 2025. They can be picky in a way that you cannot. Also, having sex with women is fantastic and a lot of men will do basically anything to do that. They will try as hard as they possibly can and center their life around trying to do it as much as possible. Also a lot of women are dating less than ever and this is probably the worst decade since like 1930 to be dating as a man (in most cities).

So any woman who wants to date right now has a glut of options, there are men who are trying harder than you to get them and not all of the women even want a serious relationship so your number goes down even further from there.

The advice is see what works for you on a profile and get ready to eat shit a lot before you find your person. And I know a lot of people say "be yourself" but think of it this way:

Every woman you meet on a dating site and likely in real life has other options. It's statistically likely that some of those options will be better looking than you right? So you have to stand out above people that are better looking than you. Having a conversation with a woman maybe once on a date is your one chance to stand through. So just be yourself and try to highlight things that make you unique without bragging. It's your best chance to have a woman notice you for who you are and if you are aligned you will have a much better chance then if you just try to have a nice polite date. Think of it like when a team you are watching is playing not to lose vs a team that is playing to win. Trying to not making any mistakes sometimes blows the game in of itself.

BravoPUA · 2025-07-19T01:25:53+00:00

This is when you need to shift gears into MAN gear.

Your world, your reality, the things you like, calling out BS when it happens (not a temper tantrum), being thoughtful because you want to.

You are the captain you call the shots.

Then it is easy, she is either with you, or gone

HomelessMilkman · 2025-07-19T07:04:29+00:00

Women are attracted to 'confidence'. As your confidence constantly fluctuates, your reactions are mixed; if your reactions are mixed, you lose confidence. The girl is trying to get you to commit to one side or the other to make a decision.

If you're very clearly 'above' the situation, she's plainly attracted to you and that isn't changing. It's very clear what they want, it's unclear whether you're offering or going to continue to offer it.

New_Banana3858 · 2025-07-18T22:09:54+00:00

girls just wanna have fun.

be silly, goofy, funny, foolish, bold, adventureous.
Lead her, be more in the present.

i assume you know the buyer seller dynamic?

-it's just how women operate...they will forever, shit test you, try to make drama, too see if you cave in or keep being the man she loves.

Outside_Bowler8148 · 2025-07-19T03:30:23+00:00

Dude you are way overthinking this and as a result are reactive. The less of a fuck you give and the more you focus on just having fun and doing what you wanna do, the more people will respond to you. Just do you, take ownership of what you want and smash really well and most of the problems you have will go away

Whole_Caramel_7279 · 2025-07-18T23:28:25+00:00

Where exactly are you meeting these woman?

In my experience the only way to find a quality woman is through cold approach during the day. I met my virgin girlfriend this way.

Night clubs and online dating (including cold ig dm’s) you’ll get ran through hoes with the crazy high expectations (because they’ve been with so many men)

Social circle/ work you only have so many options and chances are they won’t be the best you can get.

Salvation is in cold approach in the day time.

hunterpua · 2025-07-18T21:58:00+00:00

Seems like you have everything else, the looks, the good career. All that's missing is more experience and more education.

ls dating supposed to be this tiring?

Not when you know what you're doing.

Believe it or not, situations with women are a lot more repetitive than people like to admit.

Actually, situations with people are a lot more repetitive than people like to admit. Because its also true with men and anyone else regardless of how they identify themselves.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's individual differences and variance but the differences from one individual to another is rarely so extreme that you can't recognise patterns.

As long as you aren't doing the very rigid, old school scripted stuff, you can develop enough competence that you won't need to overthink to figure out the correct way to respond in a given situation.

I don't believe you're that good at reading social cues yet, nor do I believe you really understand women and people that well, otherwise, you wouldn't find this so exhausting.

So you need to educate yourself more.

You need to stop being too proud and feeling like you're above seriously learning game and female psychology.

And you need to stop being too proud to practice and get experience with a lot of women.

I've been doing this for over a decade and I remember what it was like in 2010, talking to my college crush, being so damn confused about how she's acting and how to respond.

But over time I figured it out because while I had that crush I was also flirting and approaching a bunch of other women while educating myself on real psychology like cognitive biases, social transmission, operant and classical conditioning, etc.

That's why I'm so confident that some people who criticise the works of dating coaches are just in their feelings, because if you understood legit psychology and are not just relying on your gut then you can easily separate the pseudo science from the stuff that's actually good advice. So when people generalise all dating coaches you know they don't have that ability to tell what's legit and what's not.

Do you have to do this? No.

Have guys gone for generations without learning dating to this extent? Absolutely.

But you're saying you're so exhausted with dating.

So either you do it the old fashioned way and stay exhausted with dating for 5 or more years as you're aimlessly building up your experience and making up your own pseudoscience theories, or you bolster that experience building with actually educating yourself and get this sorted in a year or two.

Yeah, its still gonna take effort but most of it is in the beginning and cumulatively less than the old fashioned way.

So either stay exhausted for a while or put in a ton of effort in the beginning and then just chill and enjoy the fruits of your labour and have more time to enjoy them than you would with the old fashioned way.

I know by 2012 I went from being so confused with my college crush to having a rotation of women that were far more attractive than her.

This is a skill. Don't be in your feelings. Just address and solve this pragmatically.

what595654 · 2025-07-18T21:30:35+00:00

Dating is supposed to be exciting. You are meeting new people you are interested in.

There should be some nervous energy.

When you meet someone you click with, There should be plenty of things to talk about. The possibilities are endless. Your heart should be racing. You can't wait to meet this person again.

Why are you doing something you don't even like doing?

Dating is not a requirement of life. If you are not enjoying it. Stop doing it.

But, if you want a serious relationship, you have to date first.

If you are not feeling this way, it sounds like you need an attitude, or perspective adjustment. Something is off with you.

Brendan34 · 2025-07-18T23:16:52+00:00

It’s because “dating” isn’t real. Think about it outside the context of society and what’s normalized. It’s like sampling friends occasionally, then wanting a deep friendship after all that. That only occurs when you are doing your own thing entirely, and it’s organic and not a forced ritual that’s been normalized because of screens and tech. It won’t lead to any deeper outcome until you find this depth in other areas of your life, that is to say within. The cliches are true about every person you attract being a mirror or reflection of things you need to either outgrow or let go of to evolve, or they’re like you in some way you to want to change for “the real thing.” No one can make commitment and enduring with another “just happen.” My gut feeling tells me a lot of dating app relationships down the line, maybe years from now, will end in ways where people realize they never took the time to be single long enough to grow individually, not for any one person or societal reason. Relationships are temporary, like everything, but if you can’t see the reality of these constructs with external validation, you never get to authentic meaning for yourself. That’s the only way forward, to cut off the noise and BS and live wholly for yourself, pursuing daily meaning. Cliche maybe, but ultimately the only choice. Otherwise, the lesson of “dating” repeats. My point is, dating isn’t always the way to a “relationship.” It’s not real.

Traditional_Guava639 · 2025-07-19T02:24:18+00:00

Sounds about right but try and make it fun and confusing. I feel like if you just make them genuinely have fun with you if you can get a date. I personally like to find things I want to do or restaurant i want to try. Talk less, listen and ask more. Practice and get used to asking women out. Tweak your dating profiles. Dont get me wrong, I'm single and get very frustrated, angry and exhausting but I usually try to just have fun which can be tough sometimes.

Several-Two738 · 2025-07-19T15:21:30+00:00

>First of all, I feel like women don’t know what they want and are confusing.

Women dont know what they want. Literally none of them know what they want. Society is telling them what society wants and gaslights them into paying taxes and getting a job while not telling them to get a man or get married because they'll save 50% on rent and taxes.

Why do I say this? Women are designed to follow, not lead or think on their own. You want the girl who was listening to Meg the Stallion's song about ghosting men and robbing men and watches female podcasts telling them how great it is to be single while they get more pet ads saying pets can be just as good as a spouse to be in a committed relationship with you? You gotta put in the time brother. Or dont and just use women for meaningless sex and keep complaining about women. Your choice.

friendly-asshole · 2025-07-20T00:01:00+00:00

You’re honestly better off traveling outside of the US if genuinely connections is what you’re after.

Some_Cat3514 · 2025-07-20T03:56:03+00:00

You need to enjoy and have fun yourself. Remember, you are doing it for yourself. If she's not adding value into your life. If she's fun to be with then you guys are not compatible.

Ok-Revenue-695 · 2025-07-19T04:03:33+00:00

The blackest of black pills is that girls already decide who they find cute / hot at around 10-12 years old. I'm almost 40 and I'm pretty sure if I found the girl who liked me when I was 11, right now, she'd still go out with me. Attraction isn't subjective. I never dated, the girls who liked me outright just called me hot and said they wanted to hook up. I'm bad at sports, have no hobbies. If you meet that threshold generally you'll be confident for the rest of your life. If you don't, you're always going to "struggle" with girls / women. There's only two types of men in this world; the ones who've seen this and the ones who have never.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-07-18T21:40:17+00:00

Clear up the confusion with communication. Part of getting to know a potential partner is talking to them and discovering more about them. If you don't feel comfortable asking direct questions right off the bat, try to use stories or examples that would steer her in the direction you're trying to go. Make sure she's on the same page as you from a future projection standpoint and has her shit together. Find her goals, passions, likes, dislikes and so forth to gauge compatibility.

Part of being a good couple is simply being abke to communicate like adults, settle any conflicts with peace and to have mutual respect for one another. Don't play her games and don't play your own. But get to know her well. Also screen her for mental illnesses like NPD and BPD; look up the common symptoms. It's perfectly normal for couples to argue. But if you have a partner or date who belittles you and wears you down, then you need to pay attention and be prepared to move on.

Title	I find dating extremely exhausting and confusing
Author	JustPvmBro
Upvotes	62
Comments	64
Date	July 18, 2025 9:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1m3e91f/i_find_dating_extremely_exhausting_and_confusing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-find-dating-extremely-exhausting-and-confusing.1557505 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557505

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