Dating with a promiscuous past

MoreThanPurple · 2025-11-12T21:49:05+00:00

OP your previous post received a lot of responses but I am not seeing that you interacted with your post at all. I will leave this one up but please know you will be required to interact with it, otherwise it will be locked as we don’t allow rants.

Deliaallmylife · 2025-11-12T22:11:26+00:00

I don't understand what you are looking for here that is different from a week ago?

ExternalCatView · 2025-11-13T11:24:11+00:00

You are overthinking this. And you are writing it like you are trying to obey some cult rulebook. Just relax.

Horror-Word666 · 2025-11-13T03:15:58+00:00

You’re young enough to course correct though! I knew girls with 30+ partners at your age and they still found husbands so I don’t think you‘re hopeless.

ArkNemesis00 · 2025-11-12T22:14:55+00:00

7 isn't great at 22 but if you slow down a bit in a few years or so your number will be fine. Some men care about this but it isn't the only thing they care about. You have other avenues to improve your desirability. Torturing yourself over it isn't likely to help. We all have regrets.

The biggest thing for men isn't promiscuity itself, it's loyalty. Demonstrate loyalty and the promiscuity of your past can be more easily overlooked. Faithfulness is very important and men view a colorful past as something that correlates to women being more likely to cheat. If he feels secure, then your past becomes one factor and not the entire determination.

As you get older, less and less men will want to know. They may have made the mistake of asking and self-sabotaging and won't be eager to do it again when they find another woman they want to be with.

Current_Bee_855 · 2025-12-02T12:56:53+00:00

I am a man and so I know what I’m talking about. Of course it can be a problem for your next partner, but 1) you don’t need to tell him unless he asks (I would just advise not to lie and 2) I assure you there are plenty of nice men out there that simply couldn’t care less about this, unless it is something way too much - which obviously is not your case.

Whike I think it is ok for you to rethink some actions, you cannot change the past and feeling guilty of something is not explicity wrong will do no good at all. Chill because you did nothing wrong, nor fucked up your future!

SereneDesiree · 2025-11-13T05:17:00+00:00

Life is not the internet. Some men care and some men really, genuinely don't. Just find one who doesn't.

DaybreakRanger9927 · 2025-11-12T21:56:45+00:00

OP, four is small potatoes. Please extend grace to yourself as a learning experience and decide to move forward in a positive way.

South-Rough-64 · 2025-11-13T01:54:48+00:00

Why do you need to disclose your number of encounters to your partner? That’s none of their business. I’ve literally never mentioned it.

TheBunk_TB · 2025-11-13T19:16:08+00:00

You have a lot to do and deal with. Be healthy enough for a relationship before getting into a relationship.

sine120 · 2025-11-13T00:04:42+00:00

I commented on your last post, the jist of what I was trying to get across was that you should avoid learning the wrong lessons here, and that your "past" isn't really that bad. There will be some men who are bothered by your actions, don't date them. There are going to be plenty of men who either don't care or can get over it when you bring other positives to the relationship, date one of these men. I'd focus less on what men think of you and more on what you think of yourself, since that seems to be the hangup here.

Ok-Journalist7629 · 2025-11-20T06:46:28+00:00

1. That's not a lot. My female friends that did casual sex had numbers in the 20s. They are all married now.

2.Just lie. I honestly wish I had, as it caused issues w my husband's respect for me. Most men assume women are lying and have been taught to put a multiplier on it. It's a white lie IMO. That is not who you are, it's not verifiable in any way and it has the potential to hurt a partner. My bff does not count any of her one night stands in her 'number'. She came to peace w the idea that those dont count and her husband of 8 years still doesn't know the 'real' number.

He didn't leave because of the number he left because you wouldnt put out fast enough. Sounds like successful vetting TBH.

NotwitdaBS · 2025-11-26T18:15:47+00:00

This is hard to respond to because you're in a bad situation which is also a realistic one. For women who think they can do whatever they like and not be judged for it will be the same one asking where are all the good men. The good men don't want women that are promiscuous and they have every right to be and all the shaming tactics towards men aren't effective anymore. Continue trying to be a person with good values that works on themselves and some men will see the person you have become and appreciate you for you. Don't be a promiscuous female thinking she can ho around and expect good men to come and save them. No man wants to be a captain save a Ho and they have every right to feel this way.

CranberrySoftServe · 2025-11-12T22:31:33+00:00

Why are you even telling men how many people you’ve slept with? Please tell me you aren’t volunteering this information, starting this conversation yourself, asking his number, or talking about it unprompted?

How long have you been in therapy? What kind of therapy, and is your therapist actually giving you homework? Are you noticing improvement? Be careful not to fall into “subscription model” therapy where the therapist just lets you sit and talk at them for an hour every appointment, and then you come back next appointment and do the same thing, putting money in their hand forever.

Hyena_and_the_Fox · 2025-11-13T16:19:14+00:00

Habits are important. If it’s in your past then don’t do it again and spend time building a more modest, conservative lifestyle. Genuinely the best thing you can do that would help men’s opinion of you would be to take some serious time to focus on yourself. It sucks but it shows a true change and dedication. Put dating on the shelf for a little while. There’s more to life than sexual relationships.

If you made this change, let’s say 3 months ago don’t expect to be in a relationship soon and pitching your changed life style. Also, when you do start dating be up front with your expectations and the lifestyle you want to have. If they are hot and cold about it then don’t even give them the time of day.

Young people are so scared of being upfront and blunt about what they want. When you get older you’ll realize how dumb it was to try and fit others perceptions. You stick to your guns and the right people will be in your life

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-11-12T23:38:02+00:00

I’ve been depressed for months just dwelling in shame.

For fucks sake, this is still not that big of a deal. Your ex was a dick, because he had had plenty of casual sex too, if I recall. Stop letting him make you feel like shit for something you can't change that he did too. He sucks.

I feel frightened to experience sex before a commitment is established, as being “pumped and dumped” is a horrible feeling. At same time, I don’t want to make a future partner feel like I desire them less or that I’m manipulating them for commitment.

No. Men are not entitled to the use of your vagina because other men got to use it. You're right that most men aren't going to want to wait until marriage or engagement or some huge commitment to have sex if you're not a virgin, but most of them don't want to wait for virgins either. They want to have sex, because sex is fun. That doesn't mean you have to sleep with them before even establishing a relationship, though. That is a perfectly reasonable boundary that doesn't change because you've had seven partners.

I wish I had parents that educated me on how to view sex healthily and the importance of reserving it to committed relationships to begin with. I want a marriage and family more than anything in life, and I’m scared I ruined that forever.

You're not viewing this in a healthy way now. Yes, your number is a little high at your age for the leader of the Turning Point chapter at your college... maybe. Plenty of college students have a little too much fun these days only to change their ways later. Lots of men don't ask about this, (especially as they get older), but even if they do, your number is seven, not seventy. Whatever content you're consuming that tells you this devalues you as a person, including this sub, STOP. Take some time to heal. Focus on yourself. The more time that passes, the less of an issue your number will be, but beating yourself up over it is not reversing anything.

amethyst-ice · 2025-11-13T03:57:55+00:00

I was in the same situation at a similar age, I didn't say much on your last post because I don't feel I have any special insight that's better than the general resources on this subreddit.

But I had a body count of 7 at 20, then met my husband at 20, and we've been together 8 years now. I wasn't aware of red pill at the time so my past wasn't something I tried to hide, but he never brought up the topic until I did (and has avoided it ever since!). I won't say that he doesn't care at all, but it's never been a "thing" in our relationship. I was also never asked by any guy before my husband.

One of my old school friends slept with more guys than me in a similar timeframe and is now married with a child. I'm not saying men don't care at all, but it's not something to catastrophize about at your age and number.

Don't pretend to be something you're not by cosplaying as a chaste virgin, because then you might end up attracting the portion of men who actually do really care about your sexual history above all else. That's not your selling point, that's ok, there are plenty of other things you can lead with. But don't walk through life like you're carrying some deep dark secret, that could weird out the men who otherwise wouldn't mind your sexual history. I think the shame you feel about this topic and the issues that led to you being promiscuous are more likely to hold you back than the actual number. But there's lots of good advice here on what to do if someone does ask you your number.

GivMeLiberty · 2025-11-13T18:58:37+00:00

I used to be one of the guys with the obsessive thoughts about my partners sexual pasts. My advice for you:

Recognize it is wired into all men’s instincts to have at a MINIMUM some discomfort around the topic of their partner’s sexual pasts. It’s just the reality, forgive men for it.
Actually forgive yourself for your past to the point that you no longer carry any resentment towards it. You’re miles ahead of other women who are not even reflecting on their own decision-making like you are. I’m not a woman, I can’t tell you how to do this. But I can tell you as a man who has been with women in your situation and who has been the guy that is expected to wait for sex when other men didn’t, that I don’t want to be with the girl who’s regrettable sexual history is on the forefront of her mind. I want the woman whose previous partners are left entirely in the past and who is ready and able to give herself completely to me.
Put significant time in between your most recent sexual activity and your next serious relationship with a man. I’m just spitballing this next statement but I can guarantee there is some biological truth to it: sex triggers a strong emotional/neurological response from women. Insert something about oxytocin/dopamine/serotonin. You need to re-sensitize yourself to this over some amount of time spent abstinent in able to have the same emotional/neurological response with a new partner. Without this very real response, neither you nor your new partner will be able to obtain the level of intimacy in your relationship that at least I believe is required to be RP.
Seek and date men who are mature enough to not ask questions they don’t want nor need the answers to. I cannot think of any context where inquiring about a woman’s previous sexual encounters wouldn’t be evidence that a man is not mature enough to control his own impulses. If those circumstances do exist, they are extremely rare.
In the same vein as the point above this, do not utter a word about your past partners. Ever. There is nothing to gain from any mention of an ex, sexual or not… but ESPECIALLY NOT CASUAL SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS! The only time I’d say mention of previous partners is appropriate is when directly and explicitly asked about it (think “why did your most recent relationship not work out?”, NOT “how many one-night stands have you had” 🚩)
the mature men you want to be dating should not be directly inquiring about your sexual history, but they are still aware of it and of whether your behavior aligns with that of other promiscuous women. I’m not saying you have to create the illusion that you’re some untouched virgin, I’d actually encourage you to make sure that there is ZERO noticeable deliberate effort to seem “pure” or wholesome. You need to genuinely be that way by nature (putting significant time between your recent sexual activity and your next relationship will help immensely with this). But don’t be the girl who can’t join a man for dinner because she’s got to get ready for clubbing with her friends at 9PM and just “says no to all the men who approach me” or has a social media page full of half-naked photos of herself. The men who are looking for RP relationships often grew up with parents who have RP or RP-adjacent relationships, be the girl that he would have no reservations about introducing to his mother.

Fun-Insurance-4539 · 2025-11-12T22:19:51+00:00

On the brighter side of things I do have some hope I guess? I have a friend that has been with her bf for about a year now, he wasn’t happy about her body count, but his is like double the amount and she’s literally his dream girl (his words) so he treats her as such despite the bit of resentment he holds towards her past. Most of the other girls I know who have an extensive past struggle a lot to find long term relationships/ guys wanting commitment though I will say.

I know a girl my age who is a single mother and has around 20+ bodies (a lot of the bodies even know each other). I feel bad because she’s still very naive despite those around her warning her that she’s now become a target for men wanting to get easy play. Although the sex she has is consensual, a lot of the guys tell her that they want to wife her up and take care of her and her child just to hit and dip soon after. She has made her boundaries clear with these men that she only wants to have sex with commitment. They know that she is lonely and tell her what she wants to hear despite having no intentions of following through. Although my situation isn’t that bad, I’m terrified of being treated that way

Czerymoja · 2025-11-16T04:33:02+00:00

Oh please girl. Men are hypocrites. They want an attractive woman, have sex with her almost already and then blame her cause of her past. They don’t see themselves the same way.

You would be much more in trouble if you were a virgin at your age (and older). I’m speaking this from my own experience as someone who always been conservative.

Just lie like men always do or simply stop thinking you did something bad.

You’re attractive, young woman. It’s your time to be on the top of the world.

EvilKeeksOG · 2025-11-16T19:34:25+00:00

Only really young-minded men are concerned with this. Don’t share it with others, it isn’t their business.

Numerous_Working_853 · 2025-11-13T17:31:56+00:00

Again, you don't have to tell your husband everything about your life. He also has many secrets which he won't ever tell you.

lightmilktea · 2025-11-12T21:52:41+00:00

Praise the Lord for renewing your life. I pray for you a man who is kind and understanding like the Lord who will treat your past with grace and understanding. It's great that you are self-aware, so pray for a spiritual renewal of sexual innocence, so that you will have the strengths of purity, not the weaknesses of promiscuity.

eveningberry- · 2025-11-13T00:48:18+00:00

Your ex is a dickhead. There’s nothing wrong with your past, you’re a human being just going through life and learning like everyone else. Women have been indoctrinated the past few decades to think it’s “cool” and “normal” to have casual sex with men that don’t care about them.

Please don’t fixate on your “body count”, when you find the man you’re meant to be with it won’t matter. Also, you seem to put men on a pedestal. A man with double the body count holding resentment against his girlfriend is a hypocrite and loser so I wouldn’t be too jealous of that relationship.

notknownfromhere · 2025-11-13T05:03:11+00:00

The extent of thought you’re putting into this issue is exhausting from a reader’s perspective. You harping on this issue will be more of a problem than your body count quite frankly. Sure, in red pill spaces they’d count 7 as a high body count. I see it as on the low end because you’re under double digits. At your age, I was already in the double digits (low teens) and also thought no guy would ever love me if he knew about my past. It’s just not true. I’m in a relationship with a man that knows all about my past and although it didn’t make him happy to hear it, he was able to look past it and we have a great relationship. Like others have already said, being loyal and honest now will be more important than your past to a good amount of men. But try to stop torturing yourself mentally for your past mistakes. Be grateful that you’ve learned from your mistakes at such a young age. You’ll be just fine.

koalabuttsrkool · 2025-11-13T15:24:11+00:00

The number of sexual partners doesn't matter as long as you were safe. It literally changes nothing. If anyone is devaluing you because of the amount of partners you have that is due to their own insecurities and not a reflection on your worth.

AutoModerator · 2025-11-12T21:40:00+00:00

Title: Dating with a promiscuous past

Author Fun-Insurance-4539

Full text: I made a similar post about this weeks ago but I’m looking for new perspectives. I (22F) am a college student who has recently gotten into red pill/ conservatism within the last two years. That said, I wish I had woken up way sooner on how to approach dating and sex. I have been a serial monogamist for years and I am now in therapy to heal the traumas that have caused my co-dependency.

I was recently broken up with as I revealed my sexual/ relational past with my partner. I used to think that casual sex was just a part of the dating process. As a result, I have had 4 casual sex encounters with men I wanted a relationship with (talking stages/ dates leading to sex) and 3 relationship ones. I am aware that this is A LOT for my age and that it is a huge red flag to anyone with half a brain. It doesn’t excuse my behavior, but I was sexually abused at a young age by a relative. It took a lot to open up to my ex and express my desire for growth, but most men have a natural disgust towards a woman who has had any casual encounters.

I cannot stop beating myself up for my past, and I am taking time to learn how to be alone. I’ve been depressed for months just dwelling in shame. That said, I am terrified to experience dating again as I understand most men will reject me despite any work I end up doing on myself.

I have heard that one thing that drives men crazy is a girl who has had casual sex in the past, but still expects to take things slow. This is how my ex felt. I don’t know how to prevent making another man feel that way. I feel frightened to experience sex before a commitment is established, as being “pumped and dumped” is a horrible feeling. At same time, I don’t want to make a future partner feel like I desire them less or that I’m manipulating them for commitment.

I’m so frustrated at myself. I wish I had parents that educated me on how to view sex healthily and the importance of reserving it to committed relationships to begin with. I want a marriage and family more than anything in life, and I’m scared I ruined that forever. Thank the Lord above that I learned sooner rather than later as I have witnessed the women in my family basically ruin their lives with their promiscuity (single mothers, bad reputations, extensive trauma, divorces). Some of these women I speak of are still promiscuous well into adulthood and it angers me that they won’t change yet complain and even boast about it. Being in college I am surrounded by hookup culture and most of my friends if not all are/have partaken in it. Part of me just wants to remain celibate and single forever because of my frustration with myself and fear of rejection.

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serene_brutality · 2025-11-12T22:48:55+00:00

All you can do is better. Use the regret from your past to have fewer regrets in the future.

Yes a high body count itself is unappealing to men longing for a serious relationship, the real dealbreakers are the causes of the high body count. 4 at 22 isn’t THAT bad. So going forward, yes keep your legs closed, stop having sex with people you like in order to get them to like you and work on your issues. Find a therapist perhaps or a mentor who values your goals to help you move through life in a new way.

Treat it like recovering from addiction, do your best to not make the same mistake but don’t let it destroy you when/if you do.

What you’ve really got to work on is emotional issues like insecurity, self respect, and boundaries. Treat yourself like you’re someone you’re responsible for, the advice you’d give a little sister, cousin, daughter, follow yourself. Don’t let your confused emotions and desires cloud your decision making.

So when you’re in a situation, try to remove yourself from it, think of it objectively, like an outsider. The advice you’d give them is the advise you need to follow yourself.

-Acta-Non-Verba- · 2025-11-12T22:50:37+00:00

OP, you will likely need some time to establish your credibility. People can change, but for others to perceive that change it takes time. Really, you are very young and you have a whole life ahead of you. I commend you for making the changes you have made, and for realizing what you have. I wish the best for you!

Dummy_Wire · 2025-11-12T22:12:15+00:00

Reaching 22 with a single-digit body count practically makes you a virgin these days, in many circles/places. Add on top of it the fact that you are repentant of it, and want to turn over a new leaf, and that’s even more rare. I don’t say that to minimize your feelings, but just to offer an alternate perspective (that still sorta minimizes your feelings, but whatever).

That being said, you are right that it will rub many men wrong, either that a number of men before got sex without commitment and now they’re expected to give commitment without sex, or that they saved themselves at that age while you didn’t. The latter group is probably going to have more grace for you, because you are repentant of your past, while the former will probably be much more common to encounter. Many men will probably feel both ways. There are old posts on this sub you can look up about how (and how much) to disclose about one’s sexual past, and I recommend you look them up.

Either way though, you can’t change the past. You can only stop making the same mistakes (which you have shown you want to do), and mitigate the impact of those choices on yourself and your future boyfriends and/or husband. Your promiscuity is and will be an albatross for almost all good men, in some way, at least a bit. But taking steps to “make up for it” by trying to mitigate the effects of any trauma it caused, and by improving yourself in other ways, is really all you can do. And beating yourself up and isolating over it aren’t doing that.

Content_History_2503 · 2025-11-12T23:37:54+00:00

ok-firefighter2266 · 2025-11-13T17:05:04+00:00

If you are that insecure about it just lie. I wouldn’t feel bad about this because it’s none of their business.

Think_Travel5752 · 2026-02-12T11:56:59+00:00

wish i could find women like you never got a chance

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-11-14T15:18:36+00:00

A. Stop torturing yourself. It's not helpful.

B. The number itself isn't so important, but it's a proxy for both damage and "What are the chances I get screwed over in a divorce?"

C. By the time you are in your mid-20s, you are going to think to yourself, "Why did I get so worked up about this?"

D. Generally the guys who feel this way are those who are not very successful with women. Me would loooooove to have the optionality that women have at sex. To most guys, it's like watching someone who inherited $1M squander it while you don't know where your next meal is coming from.

I have heard that one thing that drives men crazy is a girl who has had casual sex in the past, but still expects to take things slow.

Well, that part is actually true. Whatever the shortest amount of time is that you made a guy wait, we want to be that, minus a day, minimum. Why? Because when you gave it up for Chad, Pookie and Ray-Ray at last call, it's hard not to feel "less than" and "not good enough" if you are forcing us to wait especially if the rationale is "Oh, but you're a great guy! We could have smth real!" BC I promise you, that's not how it feels to the guy.

Title	Dating with a promiscuous past
Author	Fun-Insurance-4539
Upvotes	17
Comments	87
Date	November 12, 2025 9:39 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ovie7j/dating_with_a_promiscuous_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating-with-a-promiscuous-past.1566381 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566381

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