Who gives more and who takes more: men vs women

cb8585b · 2025-12-22T23:53:38+00:00

I don’t keep score in my relationships. Theres no need , if there was a complete lack of reciprocation they wouldn’t be someone I would call a friend.

I have acquaintances who I see occasionally that it’s more transactional in the sense of “should I invite them to x thing I haven’t heard from them in a while anyways”or if we meet for coffee or whatever we’re def going to be splitting the bill in a “mechanical” sense.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-12-22T23:42:53+00:00

I don't treat my male friends any differently than my female friends. I don't "get stuff for free" from my male friends any more than my female friends, and I have no idea why this would be any different based on gender. Friends help each other out and friends take care of each other, mutually.

One of my closest friends is moving tomorrow. I offered to watch her dog during the process, but her in-laws are handling that.

I have handy male and female friends who help me out with various house and yard related labor. In turn I walk their dogs during long days, or dog sit as needed (just got done with an 11-day twice a day visit stretch), or take their trash in when they're out of town, or give them a ride to the mechanic, etc. It's a give and take, there's no uneven unilateral "giving" or "receiving," much less somehow inexplicably divided by gender. Friends help each other out.

One of my female friends loves hosting and cooking. She "cooks a meal" a few times a year, mainly for Jewish holidays. I offer to bring something if accepted.

I'm going to be visiting a male friend I haven't seen in a decade when I travel to visit my parents this week. We're going to meet halfway in between his place and my parents' (about four hours difference) so neither one of us has to travel too far for a day trip. This is mutual consideration. We'll probably have coffee at Waffle House or something. He used to call me more often but he's been in a bit of a spell lately which I don't take personally. I just try to remember to check in with him once a quarter or so via phone, and he always answers.

I get the feeling a lot of men here don't understand how friendship works, and can only understand relationships through a lens of cold transactions instead of an organic connection and bond that is nurtured over time and creates the internal motivation to hang out with and help each other in the ways we can. I feel like not genuinely liking women nor enjoying our company contributes to the mindset of needing to "perform" as some sort of covert contract that you are "owed back" for, however they feel entitled it to be expressed.

If you feel like you're being used then end the friendship. This is not something that is exclusive nor unique to devious scheming females. But I think there's also a potential lack of self-awareness to the emotional labor male friends expect from their female friends as well. I have one friend (granted, I haven't seen him in awhile) who really seems to monologue and talk at me, but is a terrible listener. When I talk he seems to be just biding his time to whenever he can continue talking about whatever he needs to get out of his system. It happened enough that I stopped enjoying being around him. If he texted me or whatever I'd engage, but I don't feel like being a therapist. There's a difference between a give-and-take, or an active engagement back-and-forth and being talked at for hours on end about whatever is going on in his life with zero questions about what is happening in mine. That's draining and not very fun. It doesn't leave me feeling valued or nurtured like I am when I'm around my other friends.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2025-12-22T23:43:50+00:00

I have baked at least twenty people in my life christmas cookies. I bake all of them stuff for birthdays. Now. I do this for the love of the game. I can tell you I've done many of them favors of other kinds...

And don't even start me on emotional support. I know some good men, I will say that freely...but they ain't emotionally supportive returns. You don't invest in that stock portfolio for that. And before you wonder, I've helped people move houses. None helped me. I've cooked for most of the people on my life totally unreturned.

I'm a woman. I'd say think again. The only people who I would say have returned this energy were all of the women and two of the men. I don't know what men you know, but the ones I know aren't what I'd call givers.

2025-12-23T00:11:17+00:00

As far as cooking and having people over to eat, my husband and I definitely host single males more. I do the cooking. He has a friend who we call “Unmarriageable” who will show up uninvited even on holidays and a twice divorced male cousin who used to work nearby and would show up after work. He was usually invited to dinner, even if it meant cooking another side and he rarely turned me down. I adore them both.

Iwould say my husband does more things for my single female friends. Rarely does he take any money, but a female friend recently gave us some extremely expensive concerts tickets after he took out a tree for her. Fantastic surprise. When he has guys help with something heavy or a building project it usually evens out.

I guess if I had to quantify, the men in our lives are more expensive, but the women are more time consuming.

We get asked to help our elderly neighbors all the time. Probably twice a month. We live out in the country and they live only 1/4 mile away. They give us tea and really gross jam and jelly in return. She did teach me how to tile though. I’m over there more consistently, but my husband has helped him with a few big projects. They are extremely resourceful but he’s mid 80’s and she’s late 70’s.

We have the time and we don’t get roped into things we don’t want to do. With people we love and care about, we don’t bother counting beans.

thelajestic · 2025-12-23T00:13:22+00:00

I disagree with your guess. Generally I think it's probably more even across genders, but quite dependent on the individual person and general dynamic.

I'm a woman. In my friendship group I tend to host and do the cooking (although not always), but with family it's a more shared responsibility, so I'll have meals provided by family several times a year. I don't know if this counts as "just because", because realistically it is reciprocal.

The only free labour I've had is babysitting, but the babysitting was provided by my husband's (female) family members so I don't know if that's labour for me or for him 😅 my family did help me move once, but I'd already helped them move and strip wallpaper not long before so probably doesn't really count as free labour. I don't tend to ever really call people and ask for their help, I prefer to get it done myself.

In terms of giving things: I have a weird feeling that I need to give value to the people in my life or they won't stick around, so I try to give as much as I can. For instance being the main host and chef for my friends, baking birthday cakes for friends and family, contributing baking to bake sales in work to help people raise money, batch cooking food for the freezer of a couple expecting a baby etc. Providing babysitting, petsitting, and general problem solving help. I give occasional lifts but most people I know drive so not often needed.

The gender varies - my close friendship group is mostly male (4 men and 2 women including me), I bake for more women than men (although I have baked two wedding cakes for free which were both for a man & woman), I've never known a man to run a bake sale so all my baking donations have been to help out a woman (although ultimately the charities they were supporting would help men and women so I guess that depends on how far along the chain you go). Babysitting, petsitting and problem-solving is mixed on gender.

I'm probably asked for help with things like baking, petsitting and babysitting on average once a month through the year. Other things probably less often. My husband is a very handy and helpful guy and gets far fewer requests for help - maybe a couple of times a year. But I don't think that necessarily says anything about the gender balance of people giving help, I think it's just because we have different skill sets and it happens to be mine that has been more in demand. Amongst a different set of people that might be different.

mashedturnip · 2025-12-23T00:14:03+00:00

Let’s just say plenty of men emphasize providing and money while desiring agreement and nurturing, so…..

ChewedMyWayOutOfThat · 2025-12-23T01:03:42+00:00

The statistics have shown that:

Women volunteer more than men. They are also more likely to do the majority of childcare and chores, even when they have their own full time jobs. They are also more likely to care for their elderly parents than their brothers. They do all the invisible labor and the kinkeeping, scheduling, cooking and cleaning of Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries. Every single present under the tree was wrapped by her. But nobody wrapped any presents for her. She does all the grunt shit work to make things happen and she does all this for free.

However, men enjoy an extra 3.5 hours of leisure on top of the time they already have. Men's depression is alleviated by being in a relationship, it's the opposite for women. A marriage adds 1.7 years to man's life, but shortens a woman's life by 1.4 years. If a man gets sick, he has a 4% chance his wife will divorce him. If a woman gets sick, she has a 20% her husband will divorce her. If a man does work, you have to pay him. Otherwise, he just won't do it and tries to dump the unpaid work on his wife, mom or sister.

attendquoi · 2025-12-23T01:52:22+00:00

I don't keep score with people like this. But in a general sense, I'd say I've gotten more from women than men. Many men will do the littlest things and act like they just moved heaven and earth for someone, whereas the women I've interacted with will be there for you at a moment's notice and treat it like it's nothing.

TheOneWhoThinketh · 2025-12-23T00:55:51+00:00

In terms of labor, I think women undeniably give more, not only to their partners but across all relationships, friends and family included.

I don't know why men think they give more to women than they receive. Men almost never give other men anything. And giving a woman labor or money does not make her more interested in you, unless she's a prostitute.

I think the problem is autistic men insist on objectively measuring things that cannot be measured, and conveniently ignore labor that they do not care about. They attempt to balance gender relations using metrics that will inevitably fail.

What men "give" in their relationships is not money or labor, but instead risk mitigation, aka security. The common examples of this are: walking a woman home (physical security), reassuring a woman (emotional security), explaining things to a woman (intellectual security) and even financial security in some relationships. While some of these things may seem ridiculous or outdated, the fact is that they flow only from men to women, and not from women to men.

In the modern world, most of these things are seen as obsolete for an independent woman, which makes them far less valuable in an exchange of labor. Nevertheless, when women judge the value a man brings to a relationship, his inability to offer any of the above remains a disqualifier, even if his ability to offer them is no longer used as a qualifier.

toasterchild · 2025-12-23T03:53:40+00:00

I know giver men and taker men. I know giver women and taker women. I think statistically i know more giver women than i do men, but not by a lot.

I'm a giver, i used to feel used a lot until i started only spending time with other givers or neutral people. Reciprocal friends are awesome

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-12-23T06:59:11+00:00

I'm usually the one who hands out free food. I love to bake, but I don't like sweets all that much, so it works out well for my friends. My friends and I will help each other with moving, rides, fixing something if we're able to, cause that's what friends are for. This goes for my male and female friends, I'd say the give-and-take is fairly equal with all of them.

My guess: On average, women receive more things for free, and men give more than they receive.

That hasn't been my experience. Most guys I know help their male and female friends pretty equally. If they're the type to not help out, they're not going out of their way to help Becky and not Bradley. If they're the type to always offer help to a friend, they'll offer it to both people.

If you're talking about guys who bend over backwards to make themselves available, or who constantly give women unrequested gifts/acts of service, those are usually guys who are hoping to get something out of it (sex or a relationship). They're not doing it for free, they're hoping there's something in it for them at some point. They definitely feel like they're giving more than they receive.

Happy_Huckleberry246 · 2025-12-23T01:48:47+00:00

My guess: On average, women receive more things for free, and men give more than they receive. Not saying that’s good or bad just how I suspect the incentives shake out.

Why do you suspect this is the case? Most volunteers that I’ve seen are women. Especially once people start having children.

I’ll help watch my friend’s kids or bring over food if someone just had a baby, is sick etc. I’ve never seen a man organize a community food train when one of their friends had a new baby for example.

My husband will help his friends with things like moving or help his parents fix things around their house.

I don’t think either of us would expect a friend to pay or immediately reciprocate if they needed a favor. Relationships shouldn’t be transactional like that. If someone is taking advantage that is a separate issue.

2025-12-23T00:44:51+00:00

Women give more, but generally from an economic pool that they contribute disproportionately less to (aka a family unit where the man makes more).

TheRedPillRipper · 2025-12-23T00:03:08+00:00

To answer the question; my wife definitely gives more. She works(albeit not very hard hehe!). Does a fair bit of family admin. Great partner. Conversely I don’t work(but volunteer a ton). Love cleaning. Do most of the school runs and extra curriculars. Yet, still have a ton of time for my hobbies. So I don’t perceive myself as overly contributing, because I’m very happy.

Examples of what I’m counting

The issue with framing relationships this way is it enables feelings that for the most are negative, and sows division. There may be value in trying to quantify every little contribution or lack thereof, but I’ve found simplifying my perspective right down to what I’m happy to give, and what I’m happy to ask for is far more beneficial.

Mysterious-Lab-7408 · 2025-12-24T05:26:25+00:00

I think in general, women do far more labor for men than the other way around, especially in long term relationships. Within the first 6 months of a relationship, however, I think it’s roughly equal or the man provides more. (Usually stuff with monetary value like food and gifts).

I’m always giving more to men in my personal relationships than the other way around. This includes money and emotional support.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-12-24T01:03:29+00:00

Women take more, men give more.

Women will aways say they give more because for them the man work is invisible, she will buy a new table with his money and say that is she giving the househous a new product, even when. This product is brought by her to her out of her will. She doing something she already want like planting flowers is her giving because it make the house better (to her).

While men give tangible resources that can be quantified and qualified, not bound by someone whims and neuroticism.

Just so you understand, at a societal level, of men where to get and pay the same amount of money out of social security women have the system would collapse.

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Neverending_Danding · 2025-12-23T15:13:04+00:00

I'm a guy. I have got more from my male friends, but I wouldn't hold that over my female friends heads, because I don't demand anything from my friends.

2025-12-23T19:22:19+00:00

I think the existence of gender roles leads to more imbalance. I don’t think I can make a clear determination this question.

Suffice it to say that gender roles make it more likely that there will be an imbalance at some point.

2025-12-23T17:21:18+00:00

From an economic standpoint, men are the only ones that actually contribute more to the economy as a whole. This tracks all the way down to interpersonal relationships. Women here will say "in my experience, women give more" because anything that makes men look good is bad and anything that makes women look good is good.

Any-Feature-4057 · 2025-12-23T01:30:50+00:00

In male’s friendship, it’s pretty rare to give someone’s gift. But in women’s friendships, it’s expected to give someone present if you receive one.

in sexual relationships, men and women give each other at the same rate. But at the beginning, it would be man who gives more. Basically convincing the women

But there’s some case when women gives more (my ex cooked me some food just to convince me to date her). It’s pretty rare tho. This usually happens when the women feels like she’s below the man’s physical level (my ex is actually on the same level as me, but she wasn’t dressed well at that time)

Title	Who gives more and who takes more: men vs women
Author	Mountain_Resident_34
Upvotes	1
Comments	85
Date	December 22, 2025 9:33 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ptbn0d/who_gives_more_and_who_takes_more_men_vs_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/who-gives-more-and-who-takes-more-men-vs-women.1569471 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569471

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