Have any men here been screwed by their lawyer?

Temporary_Toe648 · 2026-02-07T11:40:28+00:00

There is a brilliant service in England called "whatwouldajudgesay" and bypass the lawyers all together .... check it out .. this is the silver bullet for the billable hour ....

machmusic76 · 2026-02-05T14:00:21+00:00

Yeah definitely. My lawyer got p!ssed at me because the ex and I were being too amicable she wasn't making enough money out of the divorce.

Jwoot1111 · 2026-02-05T13:52:27+00:00

I consulted with 4/5. 1 just seemed like she was going to roll over. Actually. It almost seemed from the get go that she wasn’t in my side and was in more support of my wife, who had been arrested for DV 2 with our child present and had a history of drunkenness.

It was a surreal consultation for me.

She was also extremely expensive. 10k retainer.

SaaSWriters · 2026-02-05T09:01:55+00:00

My lawyer never seemed to be fighting for my rights.

Lawyers in real life and lawyers in movies are not the same thing.

The honest truth is, most people can't afford to pay the lawyer what it would take to fight to the core.

I got rid of my lawyer and represented myself. That's when I started to get results.

According-Designer15 · 2026-02-05T01:46:29+00:00

You're not alone. A lot of guys get stuck with lawyers who manage cases instead of fighting them. It's brutal when you realize the person who's supposed to protect your interests is more focused on keeping things smooth with the other side.

The part where your family picked him and you had no say? That probably made it worse. You were locked into someone else's decision while your future was being negotiated away. That's a special kind of helpless.

It's over now, and moving on is the right move. But if you're still carrying resentment about what got left on the table, write it down. Not to reopen it.... just to get it out of your head so it stops running loops.

What matters now is what you do with what you got. You can't change the outcome, but you can make sure the next phase is actually yours.

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2026-02-04T15:57:05+00:00

Yes but it was after our third date and she bought me dinner first

ItsHowItisNow2 · 2026-02-04T14:48:09+00:00

Never invite a lawyer into your bedroom!

Grafixx01 · 2026-02-04T13:18:02+00:00

I started with one where like EVERYTHING I did or said was wrong or a “no” response. He was a younger guy, my guess is inexperienced but I went with him due to recommendation. I even researched law AND brought him previous trial law examples that happened IN my state and other states for him to see and be able to argue and he was just like, “no, can’t do that.”

So I bit the bullet, left him and lost $3500. Went with another lady and no worries, sorry did SOME of the same but that was mainly due to the technical / technology barrier as she was older and not as familiar with what tech can be used for and with. I faired better with her.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-04T12:57:26+00:00

There are two kinds of family law attorneys: Litigators and mediators. You hired a mediator.

Your attorney has one job, to litigate: Trial experience, deposition ability, attention to detail and civil procedure. The ability to litigate is the greatest defining factor of an attorney. You want someone who has taken their client's goals all the way to the judge, with the ability to present your matter with persuasion and rational arguments. An attorney that does not fear going to trial, and prepares the case for trial from the onset. Believe it or not, heading to trial is the fastest and cheapest way to divorce. Going to trial is not “going to war”, or crushing, or acrimonious, it is simply exercising the system as intended.

A litigator can mediate your settlement, while preparing for trial; but a mediator cannot prepare for trial while mediating a settlement. You'll handle the negotiations if the wifey wants to talk. You need an attorney who can take the matter to trial and not be intimidated by the courtroom.‬‬‬‬‬‬ The last thing you want is an attorney that struggles in front of a judge during hearings. You want an attorney who feels comfortable in court when you’re fighting for time with your children. Your attorney must know the local court system. You want an attorney who is experienced enough with your particular judge that they have a good idea on how your judge will rule. This knowledge is vital in negotiations because you will know when to walk away.

So how do you tell if an attorney is a litigator? Depositions are the litigator’s tool, so ask them how soon they will depose your STBX. Litigators will answer the question without hesitation. Mediators will pause, pontificate, and push back. Only about 5% of divorces end in a trial. That means very few attorneys are actually experienced in the trial process.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-02-04T07:58:21+00:00

Lots of shitty lawyers. Lots of shitty clients - but the clients have an excuse!

For most family cases, the correct allocation of legal dollars is very difficult. Fighting is really expensive and not fighting can be very costly in terms of result.

Clients often instruct a lawyer to fight when they’re emotional and then get upset at the corresponding bill. Or they calm down and then make a more rational decision, but still get charged for work that was done before they changed their minds. Many times the client will just run out of money and then get stuck accepting shitty deal where continuing the fight would have been better.

Good lawyers know and manage this to keep the client in the fight, other lawyers either fail to manage the client or take advantage by billing whatever they can justify through client instructions, even taken in the heat of the moment. And then there are the lawyers who have no business practicing law, generally, and most of them seem to end up in family law.

More and more we are seeing people go pro se with AI assistance, and I don’t see this trend slowing down. The value proposition of a lawyer who may get you a marginally better result with a ton of legal fees versus essentially no legal fees and a less favorable result (but sometimes better!) is getting harder and harder to justify. The bad reputation of pro se litigants was based mainly on their ignorance of procedure and inability to articulate what they wanted in legal terms the court could understand. Once that goes away - I bet judges are happier to deal with most things without lawyers so they can get to the “truth” without monkeying around with lawyer games.

We will see where it leads - but nowadays, the excuse of not firing your lawyer because you can’t afford to hire another one is going by the wayside and it may make sense to give it a go on your own.

nonotmeporfavor · 2026-02-04T06:33:00+00:00

Yes. Mega. It caused my straight forward divorce to spiral into what may end up being a 2-3 year ordeal.

smartalec-71 · 2026-02-04T06:31:53+00:00

I won't say screwed per se, but I wasn't their top priority. I'd ask about things, and would have to chase them to get answers/responses. If I'm paying you a princely sum, I shouldn't have to chase you to do your job.

A year in, I got the feeling they just wanted it to end. And believe me... I wanted to complete the process as well! (I mean the family plan and the consent agreement, etc.)

When we got to the mediation for the consent agreement... they gave me little guidance, and while I didn't get completely screwed... This was due to me being good at negotiating, not based on their guidance. I wish they had been far more aggressive (or informed me to do that.)

It's over for me as well... but I feel like I could have walked away with far more.

Busy-Mission-4308 · 2026-02-04T06:03:27+00:00

I had a truly terrible lawyer. Nice guy, but feckless in court and I didn't realize how important it was to have good representation until I lost round 1 of a protracted, multiple long cause hearings that were continued for almost a year. Interviewed 5 attorneys with strong reviews, asked for them to lay out my go forward strategy given my circumstances, and narrowed it down to 2. One of them recommended the other (I needed someone very aggressive). It's 4 months later, I've gone from 20% to 50% custody, effectively blocked an attempt to move away with my kids, had a seek work order against her, and filed a motion to compel to get at hidden finances and false disclosures.

I'm still in the middle of it, and it is expensive as all get out, but a good attorney is worth it. I really hate to admit it because they still are money grabbers at the end of the day - but a talented money grabber gets you your kids back... Maybe a little bit more if you're lucky.

streetsmartwallaby · 2026-02-04T05:43:52+00:00

I didn’t get screwed over by mine but my ex- sure got screwed over by hers. In defense of her lawyer (a phrase I never thought I’d ever hear myself utter) she was a terrible client.

SeaworthinessOwn9328 · 2026-02-04T05:21:44+00:00

Mine was double dipping. He'd charge me $420/hr to read an email and then charge me another $160/hr for his assistant to read it. I fired him and filed a complaint with the Law Society.

RiseNo3399 · 2026-02-04T03:03:36+00:00

lol yes, screwed over by multiple. I was just dollar signs to them. They don’t care

ImpertinentNazgul · 2026-02-04T02:58:03+00:00

I have been unhappy with mine. There are some financial irregularities that they just seem unwilling to investigate and continue to push me towards mediation. How can I mediate in good faith with someone I believe has hidden assets? Additionally, we’ve been reactive to my STBXW and her attorney the entire time, dealing with constant threats and motions.

So, I’m meeting with a different attorney tomorrow who seems much more aggressive. If I hear even close to what I’m hoping for…making the switch.

It’s a contract negotiation once the love is gone. If you don’t like your investment advisor, do you let them keep wasting your money or do you find someone else?

PurpleGrapeTurtle · 2026-02-04T02:52:22+00:00

I don't know about screwed, but I certainly wouldn't pick her again. I'm fortunately enough to do enough research on my own so I know when she is proposing something unfavorable to me or overlooking something. I also have to continually prod her along to her to do things. I feel like I'm the lawyer, and she's my secretary. Yet I'm paying her $430 an hour! She also charges for ridiculous items.

I think about switching, but I keep telling myself "just get through this one stage of the divorce, then it will be over. Switching now will just cost more money and time". Except it feels like I never actually get closer to it ending.

Title	Have any men here been screwed by their lawyer?
Author	Then-Alps8928
Upvotes	18
Comments	40
Date	February 4, 2026 2:42 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qvch3j/have_any_men_here_been_screwed_by_their_lawyer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/have-any-men-here-been-screwed-by-their-lawyer.1572670 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572670

Comments