Wife cheated, I kicked her out of the house. Could use some advice on my plan on how to manage things from now on.

[deleted] · 2017-05-17T14:54:00+00:00

I am trying to approach her side of the story as open as possible.

Why?

I am taking 100% of the blame for it

Unless you shoved her on his dick, you shouldn't. She's still an independent human being with the power of self control.

But I believe my wife truly makes my life worth living.

I stopped reading here. Until you change this paradigm you're done for. You have a very healthy hamster that you need to stop feeding.

BobbyPeru · 2017-05-17T14:54:22+00:00

what part of she cheated on you makes you want to reward that behavior with more of your attention and affection?

DanceMonkeeDance · 2017-05-17T14:50:55+00:00

You've hamstered yourself quite the blue pill solution to your problem. You have the RP terminolgy down, but it's clear you haven't internalized it.

HelloImRIGHT · 2017-05-17T14:55:09+00:00

Take her skydiving, rockclimbling or something. Take her out on a date that we can look back upon and high-five eachother because we actually did something we never thought we would do. And afterwards have a dinner at my place and give her 100% of my attention...

What? Am I confused or did she not fuck some other dude?

edit: post deleted in 3..2..

Westernhagen · 2017-05-17T15:01:37+00:00

I am trying to approach her side of the story as open as possible.

I am taking 100% of the blame

I believe my wife truly makes my life worth living.

you’re wide awake at 02:30 AM and the only thing you can think about is how, when and where your wife has been having sex with someone else

These statements negate your claim to a strong frame.

You are living in her frame.

The correct approach is the "easy way out": quick divorce. No kids + she cheated = divorce is a no brainer.

SoloAlbum · 2017-05-17T14:54:18+00:00

(Side question: how do you guys deal with this? I mean, when you’re wide awake at 02:30 AM and the only thing you can think about is how, when and where your wife has been having sex with someone else?)

Reading The Rational Male helped me come to terms with the animal nature of infidelity. It did not excuse her conscious decision to act upon it, but it did help me understand it. Rationalizing her behavior helped me to detach emotionally from it, and also from her.

If you're obsessing with mental images of what happened behind closed doors, like I did, you have to first keep in mind that what you are seeing in your mind's eye is your own imagination. What happened in reality is very different than what you are imagining it to be. Your imagination will drive you insane.

It may sound strange at first, but the best practice I used to rid myself of near constant visuals was to concentrate on changing something. Whenever unwanted painful images crept their way into my thoughts, I would stave it off by altering the scene in some way. It can be as simple as moving something, shrinking something, collapsing the roof, imagining a semi truck driving through the wall, whatever. By changing something, you begin to confirm to yourself that what you are imagining is just that, imagination. The more I did it, the less haunted I was by the thoughts.

After a couple of weeks, go on dates that take her way out of her comfortzone. Take her skydiving, rockclimbling or something. Take her out on a date that we can look back upon and high-five eachother because we actually did something we never thought we would do. And afterwards have a dinner at my place and give her 100% of my attention...

You are not thinking straight. Your plan should only involve how to improve yourself.

innominating · 2017-05-17T15:00:42+00:00

Are you trolling?

If not, you have oneitis. Your ego is strong, not your frame. You clearly have not internalized MRP.

Your plan is an excellent example of how to jam yourself in your cheating wife's frame. Why do you want to invest so much time in a disinterested women?

TurdDoctor · 2017-05-17T15:11:06+00:00

My free advice- tell her you are going to fuck that other dudes wife before you talk to her ever again. Your wife did something terrible and she's tried to explain it as your fault?? Wow, she's good- don't buy into this. It sucks what your going through, but I don't see any way of this working out well for you if you get back together.

Blunter-S-Thompson · 2017-05-17T15:46:24+00:00

Wtf is wrong with you. Youve made yourself into someone who is fucking awesome, and she made herself into someone who is fucking around on you. If she really wanted to, she could have stepped up her game but instead she cheats on you and then writes a letter blaming you for her actions. GTFO and find someone as awesome as you.

wn36 · 2017-05-17T15:12:44+00:00

8.Quit being a cunt. She maintains contact only through the lawyer and you LIFT and READ THE SIDEBAR until the divorce is complete.

ReddJive · 2017-05-17T15:46:12+00:00

I can somehow sympathize with her motives leading up to the cheating.

She can stay or she can go. She chose to go. Sometimes they choose in others ways but the end reasons and end result is still the same.

As we go down our paths to reclaim our masculinity and our positions as men there will be casualties in war. Because that is what it is. War

Life is warfare and a journey far from home - Marcus Aurelius

Men are fighters. We aren’t victims. We might accept the things that are entirely outside our control, but the rest? We fight. A man is someone who says fuck you to fate, because things happen as they do, as they were meant to. If it was meant to be another way it would have been.

who dare challenges what a man can and makes the life they want and need.

[deleted] · 2017-05-17T18:52:07+00:00

Your plan to "manage" this sucks ass.

But I believe my wife truly makes my life worth living.

Are you for fucking real right now? Are you serious?

I am not looking to take the easy way out, which in this case would be a quick divorce and move on (no kids, house & assets are mine).

What in the holy fuck is wrong with you? She cheated on you. She's GONE. The marriage is OVER.

I've been married 21 years, two kids, finances wrapped up so tightly in her that divorcing her would cost me a fuckton. But if she cheats, we're done, and I will not care one bit how much it costs.

Divorce her now. She's out of the house, which is half the battle. Here's what your plan should be:

1) Change the locks on the house. If you have any joint accounts, move half the money into accounts with your name only on them.

2) File for divorce right now. Get a lawyer's advice on what the likely property division will be.

3) Once you've figured out what that likely property division is, ask your lawyer if you can make her a fair offer to wrap it up quickly.

4) Immediately start meeting other women and fuck some of them as soon as you can.

Terribledragon4Hire · 2017-05-17T15:34:39+00:00

Wtf did I just read.

It's all your fault, everything that attracted her to you caused her to cheat on you!?! So it was your fault she had someone else dick inside her?

Was it before or after she communicated to you she was unhappy?

Was it before or after you guys met with someone to talk about the marital problems?

Face it, she married you for the marital status and the support you provided her.

resolutions316 · 2017-05-18T15:09:39+00:00

She cheated, then made you feel it was your fault.

SHE cheated. SHE cheated, then LIED about it.

Not, "Hey rpd051, I'm feeling disconnected", or "Hey rpd051, I'm not happy, let's go into therapy," or "Hey rpd051, you're being a fucking prick and I'm depressed, I need medication."

She. Cheated. She. Lied.

The end.

JudgeDoom69 · 2017-05-17T16:01:09+00:00

Sorry you're going through all of this.

You should have one word for her, my friend. "Next!"

rocknrollchuck · 2017-05-17T15:40:26+00:00

But the thing is, I don’t judge people for the mistakes they make

She didn't make a mistake. It was a conscious choice. And you can bet your life that SHE would judge YOU harshly were the situations reversed. Ask yourself this: If YOU were the one that slept with someone else, would she forgive you and try to fix the relationship?

My wife, however, feels I am spending too much time “outside of the house”; and not enough with her.

And she couldn't tell you this BEFORE she jumped on the other guy's dick?

To sum it up, we have simply become emotionally disconnected over the last couple of years.

That's Womanese for "I needed an excuse to sleep with someone else.

My plan, and I like to have your take on this and feel free to add any advise:

IMHO your only "plan" should be to divorce her as quickly and quietly as possible. SHE messed up, not you. And if you take her back, she will lose respect for you because you chose to stay with a cheater.

I want to find out if we can build that emotional connection again that we once had.

The hamster is strong with this one. You know what you need to do. Do you have the balls to do it?

Juan-San · 2017-05-17T16:05:57+00:00

She has written me a long letter in which she tried to explain everything leading up to her cheating.

HAMSTER AND MENTAL GYMNASTICS INTENSIFIES

I have a succesfull carreer and have the highest education possible in my county. My wife has a mediocore carreer and mediocre education. That doesn’t bother me at all. My wife, however, feels I am spending too much time “outside of the house”; and not enough with her. To some extent, this is true.

I have a strong frame and I am aware of that. It has been confirmed this is what attracted my wife in the first place, but after a couple of years together she feels it has become too demanding and too tireing for her to keep up with my frame. And she might be right... because when in comes to my life I don’t let anybody make decisions except for myself, and I stick to them. I know what I want, and I know what I don’t want. And I might have been a bit too egocentric.

I am very socially active. My wife, less. She feels I am investing way too much time in my own friends and family and not enough in hers. I tried to keep an even balance, but since she has less friends and family than I have, in absolute terms she is right.

So you're the kind of guy we all try to become. Be awesome, live an awesome life.

And I am taking 100% of the blame for it, because in hindsight I could and should have done something about it.

WHAT. You were leading, if she wasn't following it was her call.

But the thing is, I don’t judge people for the mistakes they make, I judge them for how they are dealing with their own mistakes.

So she can break any boundary as long as she can deal with her wrongdoings.

I'm not a married man myself, but I follow this sub to learn the best way to deal with marriage, as I plan to eventually form a family. Everything you plan on doing goes against what this sub will recommend.

She fucked another man. That's a no-go zone. So get a divorce and drop her like it's hot.

Chump_No_More · 2017-05-17T17:45:40+00:00

I believe my wife truly makes my life worth living.

A whole lot of hamstering going on here.

YOU make your life worth living. Full stop!

Any other belief is based on a scarcity mindset, a 'Nice Guy' pathology and a shitty Mental Point of Origin.

Your mission is to live a purposeful, passion-filled life, rooted in abundance and self. The people (and things) in your life add value and/or drama. If the balance leans heavily towards drama and they interfere with your mission, then you strip them (it) out.

You need to internalize that women are merely a perk of successfully executing your mission. They are a happiness enhancer, overflowing an already filled vessel... nothing more.

They are responsible for their own happiness and choices. They have their own mission, rooted in their own feminine-centric agency. Their mission is not yours. Your paths may parallel for a time, but never assume that you walk the same path, share the same values, or pursue the same goals.

If you allow them to distract you on your journey of living a passion-filled, purposeful life, then that's on you... and only that.

chachaChad · 2017-05-17T18:21:51+00:00

I'm sure she'll come back and let you clean up the spunk from the other guys if you beg hard enough.

But I believe my wife truly makes my life worth living I think see your problem right here.

DeeMooreDeeMarriet · 2017-05-19T00:46:26+00:00

You have to be careful if you take her rock climbing or skydiving because she might accidentally land on some other guy's dick.

[deleted] · 2017-05-17T15:02:04+00:00

Ladies and gentlemen! Gather round to see this amazing cuckolded faggot hamster harder than a post wall alpha widow! Preemptive chemo is recommended, as prolonged exposure to this level of blue pill behavior has been known to cause cancer in otherwise healthy spectators!

Olderpiller · 2017-05-17T16:40:50+00:00

You have no frame. I doubt you understand mrp. So just a few questions

Is your wife hot?
What country?
Can I have her number so I can bang her also while visiting. I promise it will be meaningless and nasty. So you can forgive her and take her back when I am done

fuckmrp · 2017-05-17T20:02:31+00:00

This sounds like a solid plan, give her the silent treatment for a couple weeks then skydiving. Makes complete sense, things should work out fine. Good luck.

AZTRP · 2017-05-17T17:46:38+00:00

A different perspective:

You drifted apart because you are different people, with different needs, wants, desires, and see the world differently. You've said yourself. You're just different. Life is too short to bend who you are to her if it still doesn't make either of you happy.

Last item of your plan is basically REWARDING her for her behavior. It'll happen again, and again...

Try this. Copy your post in a Word doc and remove EVERY sentence that contains 'her' 'she' 'us' and 'we'... That's your new plan

Edit: fuck it I did it for you but left your spelling. Note the major difference in tone and frame.

My first post here, and the title basically says it all: I (34) am married to my wife (30). I have been practicing a lot TRP thought me for some time now, but somehow I ended up in a place where it seems I fucked up.

At this point, I have not yet decided what to do. I have experienced a lot of different emotions over de last few weekd.

Perculiarly, those motives are quite the opposite of TRP-teachings:

I have a succesfull carreer and have the highest education possible in my county. My wife has a mediocore carreer and mediocre education. That doesn’t bother me at all…. To some extent, this is true.

I have a strong frame and I am aware of that. I know what I want, and I know what I don’t want. And I might have been a bit too egocentric.

I am very socially active. My wife, less.

…And I am taking 100% of the blame for it, because in hindsight I could and should have done something about it. At this point, I am not mad anymore about the cheating. The thing is, sooner or later I probably would also have cheated myself.

So what do I want? I know what you’re going to say next about hypergamy, AWALT, snowflakes, rationality, etc... But I believe my wife truly makes my life worth living. Are there other women who can do the same, or can do it even better? I am sure there are. But the thing is, I don’t judge people for the mistakes they make, I judge them for how they are dealing with their own mistakes.

And that is exactly why I am motivated by it. I am not looking to take the easy way out, which in this case would be a quick divorce and move on (no kids, house & assets are mine).

My plan, and I like to have your take on this and feel free to add any advise:

Stop initiating contact for a while.

Start faking 100% outcome-independency. I can’t say I’m completely IDGAF, but I am getting there. Until that time, fake it. (Side question: how do you guys deal with this? I mean, when you’re wide awake at 02:30 AM and the only thing you can think about is how, when and where your wife has been having sex with someone else?)

Continue what I have been doing so far, and do it even better. Keep being social, keep working hard, keep pursuing a succesfull carreer, etc...

Increase lifting, working-out and eating healthy. I am already physically fit, and I am going to be fitter.

Buy new summer wardrobe.

Keep my options open and be social with other women. I don’t plan on hooking up with other women by the way, but who knows what can happen...

anythinginc · 2017-05-17T17:57:19+00:00

I have a successful career and have the highest education possible in my county.
I have a strong frame and I am aware of that.
I am very socially active. My wife, less.

I can feel your cognitive dissonance from here.

No woman would cheat on a guy like me, so she must have had a really fucking good reason

It takes one to all of these to cheat depending on the woman:

The ramifications of potentially getting caught cheating and its likelihood were not enough to dissuade her
She had the opportunity
She wasn't satisfied with you, attraction, lifestyle etc...

Apparently she had the opportunity, you hamstered the satisfaction part, and now you are giving her the trifecta, the perfect affair.

It is not your responsibility to prove to her she should not have cheated on you. She needs to prove to you she fucked up and will make it up to you for the rest of her life if you could only forgive her. It doesn't sounds like she is trying to do that:

My wife, however, feels I am spending too much time “outside of the house”; and not enough with her. To some extent, this is true....after a couple of years together she feels it has become too demanding and too tireing for her to keep up with my frame...she feels I am investing way too much time in my own friends and family and not enough in hers. I tried to keep an even balance, but since she has less friends and family than I have, in absolute terms she is right.

Instead she is trying to make YOU feel about HER cheating. I think people call this gaslighting. No guilt, no remorse, no desire to make it up to you.

I have experienced a lot of different emotions over de last few weekd.

WEEKS! Weeks!? If she hasn't proven to you that YOU should take HER back within WEEKS then she doesn't deserve any more opportunity.

BobbyPeru · 2017-05-17T19:32:55+00:00

And I am taking 100% of the blame for it, because in hindsight I could and should have done something about it

Sure, own it. But she owns the cheating. Your hamster is going full steam ahead

Rotten_Red · 2017-05-17T22:33:12+00:00

In her letters did she make it sound like your fault for neglecting her or did she own up to her cheating? Did she say that it was her fault for not keeping her vows even though she was not getting the attention she wanted from you?

I get that you are claiming responsibility here but she needs to own her own mistakes and not try to play some kind of victim card. She is an adult and is entirely responsible for her own behavior.

[deleted] · 2017-05-18T06:23:31+00:00

Fuck three girls while you are seperated then come back and tell us how much you still need your special snowflake.

0kool74 · 2017-05-18T14:04:28+00:00

Well, between this obvious blue pill troll post, and the other troll post about dread, it looks like the MRP sub has been infiltrated by doucherags. Let's see if the mods ban these idiots or allow them to continue

[deleted] · 2017-05-18T15:57:58+00:00

Is that your experience? Unless they are hideous it is usually a boost in testosterone, confidence, and increased Outcome Independence to just be wanted by more than one female in a short span of time. Just reminds you that there are plenty of girls that want to have sex with you and your special snowflake isn't that special.

nantucketghost · 2017-05-18T16:49:02+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

Blunter-S-Thompson · 2017-05-18T17:40:42+00:00

You've clearly decided what to do all by yourself...

So what do I want?... But I believe my wife truly makes my life worth living.... Did she make a huge mistake by cheating? She sure did. But the thing is....

Rationalize and justify away, it's your life.

Enjoy rummaging through the trash.

Blunter-S-Thompson · 2017-05-18T17:42:48+00:00

You forgot the last one

8) Post here again after she dumps me, upon realizing that I'm a loser who will take back a cheater."

mabden · 2017-05-18T18:33:30+00:00

Her reasoning/hamstering for the whys of her cheating on you are all bullshit.

She is not taking responsibility for her own decisions and actions in cheating on you.

By not taking ownership of her low character traits and instead blame shifting that responsibility onto you; too much working, too demanding, too social, is a giant sign that she has little to no remorse for her actions.

She is backward justifying her disrespectful, disloyal behavior. What this will lead to is her cheating again, either with the same guy or find some other sucker willing to spread her legs for her.

Bottom line is: no ownership, no remorse, no reconciliation.

Continue with the divorce and get the fuck out of your sham marriage.

[deleted] · 2017-05-18T22:22:03+00:00

I'd let her be a plate. Live somewhere else, she is not your gf, etc, but if she wants to work (hard) to be a (part) of your life, that might be possible. But that's me.

I don't think I'd take her out on fancy dates. YOU are the prize. Let her cook you a nice meal, then go do something you want together.

trp_dude · 2017-05-18T22:36:55+00:00

He's about as beta as they come, but at least he did kick her out instead of telling her they can work it out.

Spin a few plates, then decide.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-05-18T22:58:14+00:00

At this point, I have not yet decided what to do

And you think we know what you should do?

those motives are quite the opposite of TRP-teachings:

Nope. It is well known that women are NEVER happy. If you are Johnie Thundercock with an 10 inch instrument who fucks her into a coma she will pine for a Beta who listens to her whining and bitching while holding her tenderly.

The good news is it sounds like YOU are her Alpha. Billy Beta was just there to provide comfort.

My plan... stop initiating contact for a while.

So you want to build an emotional "beta" connection by being MORE aloof. Tell me doc, what is the definition of insanity?

[deleted] · 2017-05-21T17:53:36+00:00

You need to divorce now, she doesn't even feel bad

RubyWooToo · 2017-05-24T21:01:22+00:00

If you take her back, she will never respect you ever again.

Scrubpuppy · 2017-05-25T15:35:02+00:00

Oh my freakin God dude. You are srtaight up rewarding her shit behavior. Now when her friends asked what happened she'll say "my life got so much better after I had an affair"

Found out my wife cheated on me after I got back from deployment. When I found out, she was still doing it, so I contacted the private eye. Gathered the evidence I needed. Played it cool. Sure, it tore me up inside, but I can handle my shit. Took the evidence to the lawyer, got his sign off that it was a done deal, took her out to dinner, confronted her in public and asked her to leave. She walked home and I let her take her stuff outside to wait on her loser friends to help her take it somewhere. Filed for a divorce on grounds of adultery. Got her to sign a settlement where she kept everything she came into the marriage with, which was nothing. 4 months later I was free and my life has been fucking amazing ever since.

DO NOT TAKE HER BACK.

chaosmech · 2017-05-26T15:46:39+00:00

She has written me a long letter in which she tried to explain everything leading up to her cheating. And despite the fact that I condemn the cheating itself, I can somehow sympathize with her motives leading up to the cheating.

Oh my dear sweet Jesus.

I have a succesfull carreer and have the highest education possible in my county. My wife has a mediocore carreer and mediocre education. That doesn’t bother me at all. My wife, however, feels I am spending too much time “outside of the house”; and not enough with her. To some extent, this is true.

I have a strong frame and I am aware of that. It has been confirmed this is what attracted my wife in the first place, but after a couple of years together she feels it has become too demanding and too tireing for her to keep up with my frame. And she might be right... because when in comes to my life I don’t let anybody make decisions except for myself, and I stick to them. I know what I want, and I know what I don’t want. And I might have been a bit too egocentric.

I am very socially active. My wife, less. She feels I am investing way too much time in my own friends and family and not enough in hers. I tried to keep an even balance, but since she has less friends and family than I have, in absolute terms she is right.

You have no clue what a frame is if you think you have a strong frame but you believe her bullshit.

Perculiarly, those motives are quite the opposite of TRP-teachings:

That's because she's lying to you. If you were, in fact, all these awesome things you say you are (which, for the sake of argument, let's say you are), then her cheating on you is not congruent with that. She's trying to pin the blame for her willful act of cheating on you and at the same time form you into a spineless beta bitch who she can push around more (and cuckold openly instead of hiding it). Which, frankly, if you're going to buy it, is a master stroke of brilliance on her part.

Now it's important to remember that even the most alpha of men can be cheated on; AWALT. But being that Alpha man makes it less likely to be cheated on; being Beta just makes it worse.

In short, if you are truly alpha in body (but obviously not in mind, as demonstrated here), kick her to the curb and be better. Build an actual frame and go find someone else who won't be so stupid as to cheat on the "best option" (assuming you will build yourself this way).

turok281 · 2017-05-17T20:23:43+00:00

This is what a fag looks like.

rpd051 · 2017-05-17T15:34:27+00:00

Thanks for the realitycheck guys, I really appreciate it. Guess I had to vent and let it all out...

Title	Wife cheated, I kicked her out of the house. Could use some advice on my plan on how to manage things from now on.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	61
Date	May 17, 2017 2:38 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6bp35n/wife_cheated_i_kicked_her_out_of_the_house_could/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/wife-cheated-i-kicked-her-out-of-the-house-could.198814 https://theredarchive.com/post/198814

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