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Can it be done?

Reddit View
October 3, 2018
6 upvotes

I am pretty new here, working my way trough posts and am reading nmmng. I am blown away by how similar i feel to the nice guy being described in that book.

I estimate its a greater chance i have to leave my wife as a part of this journey, than for it to turn to the better. Being less nice guy will probably anyway be good for me.

I have worries that i wont recognize or act on that its time for me to leave her. Right now i feel really trapped within her frame and emotionally abused. I have almost no contact with friends because she hates my friends and gets angry if i want to spend time with them. A bit the same with my family. She nags all day about her problems and does a good job making her problems mine, and in general telling me when and what to do. «Get me my bag from the car, i forgot it». «Now we are going to clean; you do downstairs, i do upstairs». Shit i am such a pussy. Cant talk to anyone about it either, i mean «my Wife is not nice to me» isnt very manly. How cant i stand up to my Wife? I guess it didnt happen over night. But slowly Step by Step over years. In the end i went along with so much of her shit that i lost myself. She uses anger, shouting, treaths etc to Get What she wants. I remember one of the first times i saw these traits were when she was studying. I wanted to go out with a friend, but she wanted me to help her with an assignment. She trough a glass truough the appartment and screamed to Get me to help her. Unfortunately i did help her instead of going out with my friend, and ever since and here i am stucked many years later.

Sorry for rambling. I needed to let it out. Is there hope?


Post Information
Title Can it be done?
Author envanligmann
Upvotes 6
Comments 53
Date 03 October 2018 09:00 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203944
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9l5avn/can_it_be_done/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
frameNMMNG
Comments

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret20 points21 points  (25 children) | Copy

No.

You have no hope.

This isn’t the lottery and there is no winning ticket to hope for.

You will get out of this exactly what you put in, and not all at once.

Sometimes you will work for days, weeks, even months, without any tangible reward or feedback. It is a path you walk, alone, and wonder while you wander, if you are still on the right path.

There is no hope, for you.

You will falter, fail, get lost, get hurt, and question almost every step you take in the beginning if it’s the right one.

There is a guidebook, with maps and tips and tricks and instructions and all the shit you need to get to the other side of your valley in the shadow of death.

And yet, so few actually use it. They ignore some of the most basic tenets, and then wonder why they wander, in circles, lost, unable to make real progress.

That guidebook is the sidebar.

Use it, you will succeed.

Ignore it, and you will fail.

No one, not even one, has proven the sidebar wrong. But thousands of men have proved it right.

So no, there is no hope.

You don’t hope to climb a mountain.

You do it, or you don’t.

There is only one guarantee in life;

YOU.

WILL.

DIE.

EVERYTHING else is up to you.

So now you have choices.

You can hope.

Or,

You can get off your pussy-whipped, beta pegged ass and,

GET TO FUCKING WORK.

Let us know if you want help getting started.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret5 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy

You could put this to some fly beats and have a helluva rap song . Shit would be sick

[–]The_LitzRed Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

I read it with Mel Gibsons voice sitting on a horse with his face painted blue waiting to go and attack the English.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That would be EPIC!

[–]becoming_alpha2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It was already good, but reading it in William Wallace's voice made it way better.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'm thinking Ride of the Valkyries, Apocalypse Now.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Fuck man,

No pressure there...

🤔

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Pressure turns carbon into diamonds soldier!

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, well, when this divorce is over I’m going to shit a 4 carat, round brilliant, VVSI1, D color monstrosity.

Fuck, what a ride!

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I look forward to the "my divorce is over, and both my plates met each other; I DNGAF, and threesomes are planned... MRP, what do I do" post.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So do I.

I’ve learned shit about myself I’d rather not know. Knowledge is the first step to enlightenment.

And yes, there will be an update/FR after a year of not posting.

If only these noobs would get the message to read the sidebar instead of posting every, fucking, question that crosses their weak, pathetic, beta-fucked minds.

[–]hystericalbonding2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy

LOL, I wondered if you'd show up on this one. I like how you customize the end of your motivational posts.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (13 children) | Copy

I would have set him on fire but I was at lunch.

He can save himself.

But HE has to want to.

[–]hystericalbonding2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy

What happened with the weight loss?

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

My weight loss?

[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

Yep, lost interest in OP already. I saw your early posts, but missed updates on your progress, other than the divorce. It would be cool if there were a simple way in a user's profile to sort by "Own Your Shit" posts only. I suspect that OP's Own Your Shit history will remain permanently blank.

Edit: didn't pikadildo come up with a tool that tallied OYS posts? Is it possible to filter a user's history to see only OYS threads? Maybe someone like /u/wekacuck would know how.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Yeah, I haven’t posted in OYS.

And I should have.

I’ve lost almost 40lbs in the last year, by accident. My head is a little fucked up from my STBX shenanigans, and I buried my father last November. Honestly, I just put some shit on hold.

My inheritance arrives in a few weeks. I’ve lined up a personal trainer. She’s a bikini fitness competitor and a sports nutrition major at the local university. That should get me to the gym.

[–]i_stuckmydickincrazy2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

No, no, no, no, no. I'm new to this, but even to me the way you talk about the hotness of your new gym trainer sounds like a total Nice Guy covert contract to me. You need to Do Man Things With Men. Fire her now and find yourself some grizzled dude who specializes in lifting heavy pieces of metal and preferably doesn't have an Instagram.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I AM the grizzled old dude.

No nice guy covert contract.

No expectations.

But I’ll cogitate on your comment a bit.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

my trainer is a hot woman. not a bikini competitor but american ninja - spartan racing type. used to be a lot more into powerlifting - claims she could DL 425 pounds in college and weight 145 pounds. she handles all the weight i use with ease so i believe her.

only real question is your trainer a qualified lifting coach.

maybe it's gay, IDGAF, but i feel more motivation having a hot woman yelling at me for one more rep than a dude

[–]hystericalbonding2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I’ve lost almost 40lbs in the last year, by accident

The best diet is the one you can maintain, and you can't maintain one that is based on being too busy and stressed to eat. What's next?

Don't fall into the trap of worrying about muscle loss if your lifts drop during a cut. Lots of guys here stay fat because they get preoccupied with 1RM.

She’s a bikini fitness competitor

They're hit and miss. Some know a lot about training, and understand issues like joint integrity, gender differences in work capacity, and dealing with older clients. Others just know how ECA and anavar work. Be ready to fire her at any time - trainers are a dime a dozen.

Truck driving is the #1 occupation for men in North America, and it's a hard career for someone looking to stay fit and make good diet choices. You keep our economy going, but it's easy to slowly kill yourself.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I WAS slowly killing myself.

The driving was part of it.

The majority was spending 24 years, married, raising two families, working 1-2 jobs, sometimes 30-40 days in a row without a day off.

I was so fucking beta. I was honest, loyal, trustworthy, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Sound familiar?

I was also faithful, devoted, caring, loving, supplicating, the ultimate beta fucking pussy bitch to the core.

And I sacrificed, everything. My educational opportunities at work, promotion opportunities, and even retirement contributions because ‘we needed the money’, right now. I sacrificed my health. I did nothing for me.

My only hobbies were yard maintenance, home maintenance, pool maintenance, and auto maintenance. My friends were a lawn mower, a drill, a pool skimmer, and a wrench.

24 fucking years.

And then the grindstone broke.

So I worked 6-7 days a week so my wife only had to work 4, part time. She spent 12-14 hours a week at the gym, and after a couple years, became hot as hell. And then?

Shocker. She found someone who WASN’T ME! He was exciting, younger, richer, fitter, better educated, and obviously A LOT more fun since he wasn’t busy doing all the boring, mundane, day-to-day shit I was caught up in.

At first I was confused. Relational equity was a concept I understood without knowing the name, and I believed in it as firmly as I believe in my GOD. But as we both know, was I ever fucking wrong.

The story goes on and on and on, but..

NEVER FUCKING AGAIN!

I will never live with a woman, or marry one, ever again. No pussy will ever hold that power over me, ever again.

Rollo Tomassi is second only to the Bible in having an affect on my life.

24 years. Gone.

$1.4million. Gone.

Now, it’s ALL ABOUT ME.

I am rebuilding my life.

I WILL ride my motorcycles, shoot my guns, pull my bows, drink, tattoo, and do what the fuck, when the fuck I want, to who the fuck I want. And if SHE doesn’t like it, SHE can STFU or GTFO, whoever she happens to be at the time.

Latent anger issues.

I no longer care.

I’ll get over it when I’M FUCKING GOOD AND READY.

As to the personal trainer, she’s serious and has a good reputation.

Probably more of an answer than you anticipated, but I like the shit you’ve posted and wanted to show you some respect.

Thanks for chiming in.

I’ll leave you with this:

https://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/3240014/A+male+fairy+tale/

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’ll get over it when I’M FUCKING GOOD AND READY

I'm not sure what it means to "get over" something. The past never disappears. It becomes a part of you, finding its place, ideally in a way that helps you find fulfillment rather than keeping you from it.

How are things with the kids? Any grandkids yet?

Rollo Tomassi

He's got a good grasp of basic psychology, including the understanding that negative emotions drive page views.

MRP is an odd place for men with cheating wives. Some of the most celebrated users have been affair partners for other men's wives. People chant AWALT, Rollo talks about women failing to take responsibility, and the circle jerk continues. People are selfish, but most people are decent.

Good luck with the weight loss.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I love your passion in each of your replies.

It actually makes me sad the journey it took you to get here...

Had it been

Now, it’s ALL ABOUT ME.

at the very start, I think your charitable natural and value proposition balancing would've been different. The fear of losing you would've meant something. But because you became so subservient to everything, everyone, and life itself, you stopped mattering.

It's a true tragedy.

I will never live with a woman, or marry one, ever again. No pussy will ever hold that power over me, ever again.

But why blame the women when it was always you? I'm sure you've read my favorite post I've ever written.

[–]hystericalbonding9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are not a special snowflake. Nothing you said here is unique.

Apply NMMNG. Read and apply WISNIFG. Read the classic post on maintaining boundaries during your transition.

Scrap the victim mentality.

[–]6TimesDown7TimesUp7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

I notice a plethora of new posters talking about being red-pilled immediately upon subscribing to the sub and how they are probably going to leave their wives soon or should leave right away.

Fix yourself first before “fixing” your marriage.

Compared to where I was a couple of years ago I know there’s no way I’d want that version of me to make any real decisions about my future other than reading, lifting, and unfucking myself.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

yes it is interesting the flow of posts coming through. Cant remember the last time there was a chorus of "NEXT", which is my main memory from my early days.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

We are experiencing a temporary drought of cheating whores at the moment

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your grandfathers beat the nazis. You're getting beat by a pair of tits and an attitude. Whatever your grandfather had in him, you can also find.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I estimate its a greater chance i have to leave my wife as a part of this journey, than for it to turn to the better. Being less nice guy will probably anyway be good for me.

This is a good start. You're fixing yourself, not your marriage. Fixing the former may fix the latter, it may not, or may help you realize that you'd rather be single. Same plan forward no matter what.

I have almost no contact with friends because she hates my friends and gets angry if i want to spend time with them.

This is bullshit. You have no contact with friends because you're afraid of your wife. YOU are the reason you're isolated, not your wife.

She nags all day about her problems and does a good job making her problems mine

You mean that your inner nice guy voluntarily accepts her problems as your own. Again, YOU are the reason this has happened.

She uses anger, shouting, treaths etc to Get What she wants. I remember one of the first times i saw these traits were when she was studying. I wanted to go out with a friend, but she wanted me to help her with an assignment. She trough a glass truough the appartment and screamed to Get me to help her. Unfortunately i did help her

Why wouldn't she use anger and shouting when you reward her for doing so?

There is always hope to fix yourself if you're willing to do the work. NNMNG is almost tailor made for you. Finish reading it, then go back to the beginning and read it again (and make sure you're doing all the exercises). The rest of the sidebar is important, but you have to get a handle on these Nice Guy tendencies or else you'll just be wasting your time with the rest.

[–]RedPillCoach5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

i am stuck many years later

Nope, try again. You are not "stuck." You can move in several directions but you choose to stay in this place and you can choose to move to another place.

Right now i feel really trapped within her frame and emotionally abused.

Nobody cares how you feel.

I have almost no contact with friends because she hates my friends and gets angry if i want to spend time with them. A bit the same with my family.

Blame shifting and failure to own your shit. This is 100% your fault and 100% in your control. She is going to bitch anyway so your first step is to reconnect with your friends and family.

She nags all day about her problems

Let her. Ignore when she is annoying. Leave to be with your friends and family if she gets really annoying. Reward good behavior. Punish bad behavior.

does a good job making her problems mine

100% your fault. You choose to let her make her problems yours. Why?

in general telling me when and what to do. «Get me my bag from the car, i forgot it». «Now we are going to clean; you do downstairs, i do upstairs». Shit i am such a pussy.

Yes, I agree. These are BASIC compliance tests. If you can't be bothered to learn the bare basics we are not going to be able to help you.

Cant talk to anyone about it either,

You can talk to us. What's the problem?

i mean «my Wife is not nice to me» isnt very manly.

Nobody cares.

How cant i stand up to my Wife?

Why the double negative. Say it. I am a pussy who does not stand up to his wife. Now that is out in the open, how about we work on doing something about it. Start small. Build small. Build slowly. Plan your campaign from beginning to end.

If only somebody wrote like a 12 Step Plan that guys could follow to slowly ratchet up the pressure to a better marriage or a final separation!

I guess it didnt happen over night. But slowly Step by Step over years. In the end i went along with so much of her shit that i lost myself.

Yep. Good analysis. You fucked yourself slowly, one fuck up at a time and you need to unfuck yourself slowly. One GOOD DECISION at a time.

She uses anger, shouting, treaths etc to Get What she wants. I remember one of the first times i saw these traits were when she was studying. I wanted to go out with a friend, but she wanted me to help her with an assignment. She trough a glass truough the appartment and screamed to Get me to help her. Unfortunately i did help her instead of going out with my friend

Nobody cares how you feel. What are you going to DO? Are you going to map out a winning strategy and change your behavior incrementally over the next several months or are you going to continue to suck?

Is there hope

Where there is life there is hope. That is not the real question: This is the real question- How much of my hope is sunken cost fallacy and how much is based on the present?

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lift

[–]lionmenden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah reading this I knew immediately he doesn’t lift and although that’s not the whole problem, it’s indicative of everything wrong.

[–]IRunYourRiver2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I keep a journal. Keep it short and to the point. You can flesh it out a bit with the OYS posts, but mostly you want some mileposts. These come in handy when you have your inevitable setbacks. It's nice to be able to look back and realize that even after a nasty setback, you're still so much further ahead. And, just in case no one else has said it yet - lift, sidebar, Dread.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is there hope?

You get your gym membership yet?

[–]simbarlionRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is there hope?

Here is your hope...

Whether or not this works out, you will be better off for applying MRP. Either your doormat status will disappear and you will be on the road to a happy marriage, OR you will realise you can't lose the doormat status with this one and you will be better off alone.

As per others itis not about hope for this shit show of a butlers doormat existence you live, it is about a better future life.

TLDR: grow some balls.

Final note: SHE will be happier when you get some balls, act like a man, and say no (without feeling guilty)

[–]Brickles092 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If your wife are not throwing dishes/glasses on the walls yet, there’s still hope. When you change, your wife changes too. And LIFT, women don’t respect men their size.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like my wife about 2 years ago.

The good news is you have more control than you think. Yes, it is true your wife may not play along. But, many of the times she will and is craving someone that will call out her bullshit yet be there for her when she needs the support.

If you're not all in then I say, no it can't be done. If you are done being a pussy then, yes.

[–]2ndalRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

She nags all day about her problems and does a good job making her problems mine

Yes, she nags all day about her problems but YOU do a good job making her problems yours. Not her. She is just doing her thing. YOU make her problems yours. Stop doing that.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

But he can't ... and I don't know what to do about it?!

[–]Aditya77-scorpio2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Whether you need to leave your wife or not should not be the question. The question should not be if your marriage can be turned around or not either.

Now that you have realized that you have not been a man, will you slowly and steadily work on yourself? Consciously, patiently, for as long as it takes?

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Step #1: Stop obeying her...especially in the bedroom when she cavemans you and tells you to take her vibrating strap-on up your butt. Life pro tip: that's definitely not a way to earn her respect.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I estimate its a greater chance i have to leave my wife as a part of this journey, than for it to turn to the better.

If you don’t have the balls for it, sure.

If you get your shit together and stop caring what she says and does, if you become a masculine, attractive man, she’ll respond just like any other girl will.

[–]becoming_alpha2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

u/matrixospartanatLV and u/RedPillCoach both nailed it, but I'm going to give you some baby steps because there is a ton of material here and it can be overwhelming to know what to do next.

  1. Finish NMMNG and then read WISNIFG, and internalize both books. Continue though the sidebar.
  2. Start identifying shit tests (your wife is being shitty to you) and passing them (STFU, joke with her about it and stand your ground). E.g. "get me my bag from the car, I forgot it" your response is "are your legs broken?" and don't get the bag. This is also referred to as retireving your balls from her purse.
  3. Get to the gym and start 5x5 stronglifts today. Do it 3 times a week, no excuses.
  4. Start dialing in your nutrition.
  5. Post weekly on the OYS thread to track your own progress, ask us questions, and get feedback.

You are at the start of a long, hard road. These are the first steps, nobody will do them for you. Get to work.

Also, don't talk with your wife about these changes. Don't tell her you're lifting and eating better because some internet strangers told you to. Say you want to be healthier. She'll notice when you start passing shit tests and being more assertive. She might get mad about it. That's normal, don't worry about her feelings. Worry about improving yourself.

[–]runnowxxx1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

hi bro, there”s no short cut to this. u need to lift/sidebar, read books, hold frame, then review ur process on OYS with ppl torching you week after week after week. then gradually u”ll become stronger. and u”ll start to have the strength to do whatever the fuck u want, to go on ur own mission.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

From your first post (5 days ago), somebody commented ...

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9jvq3i/first_post/e6urowj/

StrongLifts 5x5 is your most important step. Everything else is secondary. Next post in askMRP put up your numbers.

First step for success in your life is the gym. Gym stats or GTFO.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, if you could just say "no" to all this shit ehh??? hmmmmm

> She trough a glass truough the appartment and screamed to Get me to help her.

Classic stuff here. Psycho entitled bitch marries beta mr nice guy. Any guy who has a little bit of self esteem would have nexted the bitch when she did this.

No kids? Just leave. She is low quality, you are low quality. Read the sidebar and lift. Be single, get some plates, screw up, travel, get new outside hobbies, grow a backbone, meet new people. Stop being a faggot. Its a slow process of unfucking yourself. Start with NMMNG and WISNIFG.

[–]Whiteliesmatter11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Isolating you from friends is a red flag that your partner is abusive.

[–]innominating1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She can’t make you do anything. She can’t make her problems your problems unless you allow it.

[–]jakethesnake50001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The stay plan is the same as the go plan, don’t forget that. When you do the work, your wife is going to react and how you control your responses is what’s important... expect anything!

For me, my wife went nuts and tried to stab me. What was my response to that? Papers for divorce.

I don’t regret the marriage but I sure as hell wouldn’t do it all over again. I stayed the path and the go plan won.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hope for you, yeah. She may or may not follow along. What a waste of a victim puke... get to work.



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