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Update/Advice needed

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October 18, 2017
6 upvotes

Quick back story.

28, married for almost 1 year, together for almost 11. Made a victim puke on askMRP about 2 months ago about my wife having an emotional affair with a co-worker. Was in a really bad mind frame, and was acting pathetic.

I've been lifting 4-5 times a week, eating considerably better (starting Slow Carb Diet), and from my lifting addressing my style by throwing out all the clothes that don't fit me anymore and buying new items. I'm holding at Dread Level 4 until i reach my first lifting/body goal to move on. By no means RP yet.

Since then my wife realized she wanted to give our relationship a try for 2-3 months and see where we ended up. She has totally cut the co-worker out of her life and stopped partying so much to spend time at home and with me. She has defiantly noticed the results so far from me being in the gym and eating better. Also just having an overall better mindset and not being so whipped.

Recently it was my b-day and we had some dinner and drinks. I thought it went well, seemed natural between us and i was flirting a lot. Was feeling really confident with new, better fitting clothes and she made mention a few times. Got some good feedback from her as well from the flirting with comments and smiles. Even said she wanted to take a trip soon just the two of us. I said lets just pick a place in 2 days and go.

So i come home the night after that to find her crying and she wants to talk. She gives me the "its not you, its me" story and says I'm everything she wants but she just isn't attracted to me anymore. I said the only thing to do from here would be to separate for a while. I get the feeling i have been "Mr. Nice Guy" for too long.

I know this is going to be very oneitis-y but i really like this girl and would like to make it work. But on the other hand I'm not going to be in a relationship without true attraction.

Just wanting some advice on where to go from here. Going to add NMMNG to my reading list and continue my lifting and journey down the sidebar.


Post Information
Title Update/Advice needed
Author PBL89
Upvotes 6
Comments 28
Date 18 October 2017 01:03 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205268
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/776dpb/updateadvice_needed/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
dread gameframeliftNMMNG
Comments

[–]TurdDoctor17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

Kill the puppy. Read the sidebar. Lift.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the only answer. At 28 with no kids GTFO and let her hit the wall like an out of control car.

[–]470_2_700_nm6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Later bitch. I’m going to get ripped and fuck 24 year olds. Fuck where was MRP And RP when I was 28. I want a time machine.

[–]mabden12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

She has proven herself to be an unreliable cheater. What more do you need, dump this bitch so she can continue to bang the more attractive co-worker without you making her feel guilty.

[–]bob13bob10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

a year from now you'll realize this is the best thing to ever happen to you. you'll be enjoying your peak in smv while she's about to hit the wall. You'll be glad she broke it off and betrayed you; 100% guilt free. You'll have a year of pain to through first. Get trough it, it's over; not everything is your fault. Shit happens.

[–]dontbedenied3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Great attitude.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Same thing happened to me. Full beta mr nice guy, engaged to a feminist yougogirl 6 years older than me, found out she was cheating, at least even for the cringeworthy creature I was cheating was out of the line. Im glad this happened or I would most likely be the same depressed sack of shit I was living with a harpy. Shes 39 now living with like 5 cats, and the wall hit her HARD, while im on my prime.

[–]bala-key9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

I said lets just pick a place in 2 days and go.

You should pick the place.

She gives me the "its not you, its me" story and says I'm everything she wants but she just isn't attracted to me anymore.

I bet her other prospect resurfaced. There's a chance that they took it to the next level. In her mind she already did the branch swing.

When women turn to overt communication -- and she told you explicitly that she is not attracted to you -- that's the the final stage.

I know this is going to be very oneitis-y but i really like this girl and would like to make it work.

She shits on you with her behavior. Maybe she's right and maybe she can do better than you. But if you treat her like shitting on you is okay, it's going to disgust her even more.

Your default assumption should be that this relationship is over. If she detects desperation on you, the neediness that comes from your fear of losing her, that's just going disgust her.

But your plan is the same. Read the sidebar, lift and STFU. Start talking to lawyers.

You learned your first, brutal lesson from the universe. You should be grateful. Your journey has just started.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

But if you treat her like shitting on you is okay, it's going to disgust her even more.

YEEEEEEEEEP.

That whole floating a log of "let's take a 2 day trip"...really translates into:

"Hey, I keep thinking you are beneath me. Let me test this out after all this crappy behavior by still seeing if you think you are low enough to eat this shit sandwich and pretend to enjoy it."

And then OP bit down with interest (instead of laughing at the prospect) and proving her point.

Next next next next next.

Nostolgia is fine. Shared history... if good history... understandable.

But true Oneitis highlights a lack of self worth.

She's realized the finite nature of her ability to upgrade and is making a last pre 30 mad dash attempt. Classical timing coming from girls who didn't get out their cc riding years and felt like they missed out and settled too early. No one needs to invest anything else into that kind of spasm. Fuck it.

Jettison, improve, forge future resolve to not repeat bad patterns, start fresh.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lot of good advice here. Let me add this.

You think you are DL4 after 2 months. No no no.....first clue is you had to mention it. What you've done is that you've done all the things but you still lack mindset. You are not confident that you are the prize. That she can walk out and you can replace her in a week. Because you can. It's not hard.

Along with what /u/Rian_Stone says research solipsism and hypergamy. Not much said about those these days but its' all there.

Gentlemen, look. You are all hot to trot on the Dread, on getting an affair, and plates, but you are learning nothing and I mean nothing about the nature of women. It's key and fundamental. Fuck I don't care if you go MGTOW at the end of it all. As long as you follow your path and not go away in an angry petulant pout.

For women this stuff is all instinctual. They know. They deny it at some level. Some embrace it. Either way doesn't matter understand the nature and you will learn. Have all the affairs you want. It doesn't matter but you will be right back here or, as I see some of you, on /r/theredpill asking the same basic shit that the 18 year olds are asking.

For men we are born deaf dumb and blind to this. It's also why I cringe when I read "natural alpha" yea yea yea, most of us were. until we found gurls. Then we lost our shit because there wasn't someone there to tell us how fucked the whole thing is. You have to do more then just scanning reddit for new posts, or just asking us. It's all there.

You did all these things for her. To keep her. My advice? go on tis 2 day trip, where you want to go, do what you want to do.

She will follow or she won't.

[–]chachaChad6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You were good before her and you'll be good when she's gone.

Read NMMNG today. Realize that your marriage is over and that's a good thing because it's going to let you get on with your life.

You're panicking right now because you just realized you're up to your neck in quicksand. Now it's time to calm down and decide how you're going to get yourself out of the quicksand. Don't let your emotions overwhelm you and allow to give up. Calm down. Settle your mind and decide to stand up for yourself. You'll both be sad FOR A LITTLE WHILE then you'll both get on with your lives.

[–]dandar46005 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Part of your oneitis is you being scared of being alone. The last time was when you were an awkward 17 year old teenager. You fell in love with an ugly duckling who turned into a white swan. Now you feel that if that swan left you now, you wouldn't be able to find another one like her.

You are not an awkward teenager anymore. You absolutely need to let her go or give an appearance of not giving a fuck if she stays. You focus on you. You have all the time in the world. Don't stay home waiting for her to come from work or go home to her from your work. Go out. Hit the gym, the library, a concert, a comedy show, go see your friends. Only go home to shower and sleep.

If she asks you what you're doing, where you're going tell her I'm going to X at x:xx today/tmorrow. Let me know if you want to join me. If she hamster etc, DO NOT change your plans. Either she wants to be a part of your life or she doesn't. Right now she explicitly does not.

Also you have been here 2 months. 2 months! And you still have not read the main prerequisite of No More Mr Nice Guy. I placed a link so you can buy the kindle edition and start reading it on your phone/tablet/desktop right now. Don't just add it to your reading list, start reading it today. It's not that long, you should be able to read it in a day or a long evening.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

stopped partying so much to spend time at home and with me

So "emotional affair" and lots of GNOs eh?

would like to make it work

"working on the relationship" is womanese for "cater to all my demands". Its blue pill bullshit. There is no such thing. You can only work on yourself, and the relationship may improve or not.

Separate for a while is also bullshit. Shes gonna ride a mile of cocks, and when she gets gets tired of being pumped and dumped she will reach back to you to get her safe BB back.

You already know what works. Lift, increase your value, stop being a bitch, work towards being a high value masculine man. Re-read no more mr nice guy and apply it to your life. She already checked out. Seems like its time to kill the puppy. If you have no kids this is a no brainer. You arent even on your prime yet. You can get yourself better quality women.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

BEST case is this is a high stakes shit test, checking to see what is what, if the new you is legit or a sham. Most likely though, this is not recoverable, nor should it be honestly. No kids is as large of a blessing as you are going to get, don't take it for granted. The ONLY move is GTFO. If it was some version of a shit test (which you won't know, because it will look the same as a failed branch swing) she will try to come back. If you want to plate her at that point, fine, but that is as far as you can go with her, don't dig through the trash. At least then you can get some sweet retribution by doing all the nasty shit you want to her. Just know that your long-term happy life doesn't feature her.

[–]Chump_No_More3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

In all sincerity, thank your stbx wife for her honesty and the opportunity to un-fuck your life without the distractions of her ridiculous drama.

Don't separate... ghost her, go straight to divorce.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She has totally cut the co-worker out of her life and stopped partying so much to spend time at home and with me.

Maybe , maybe not...

Probably not based on the talk she gave you....

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wake the fuck up, dude. SHE. DOES. NOT. LIKE. YOU. Not even a little. She'll tell you to your face that you are unattractive because she really doesn't give a shit about the life you built together - she wants out. Period. And here you are saying "but I really like this girl..."

Too fucking bad. She's gone. What are you going to do now? That's the only question that matters.

[–]nightmancommeth2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dread hard. Its hard to do but its the only way. You have to start making yourself less available and even when you are home together find something to do that doesnt include her. Best bet is to get away right now. Let her know you will start the paperwork and you will be looking for an apartment. See her reaction and gauge from there. Dont be afraid to go nuclear. This was me about 5 years ago and the best thing I ever did was to get out of it. I met someone else and things have been amazing since.

[–]Downhere_Seeds2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you've been making some good improvements. Do one last "nice guy" thing for her and help her move, OUT! Keep improving, there is even more motivation now to get some plates and have fun.

[–]hystericalbonding3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound boring. Stop being boring.

You lack abundance mentality.

The sidebar is a good start.

Edit: Two months ago you said that you were going to read NMMNG. You still haven't read it.

You're not just desperate and unattractive, you're also lazy. Read the sidebar or fuck off.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been lifting 4-5 times a week, eating considerably better (starting Slow Carb Diet), and from my lifting addressing my style by throwing out all the clothes that don't fit me anymore and buying new items. I'm holding at Dread Level 4 until i reach my first lifting/body goal to move on. By no means RP yet.

with

Since then my wife realized she wanted to give our relationship a try for 2-3 months and see where we ended up.

two points

  1. relationships are a womans job. high SMV/RMV is a mans job

  2. Cardinal rule of relationships.

Your answer lies in your understanding of the above

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry man. Here are a few items that are from Rollo's site that are applicable:

https://therationalmale.com/2016/10/24/please-breakup-with-me/

https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/

The medium is the message here. Time to read the sidebar and lift.

[–]boot-on-the-face1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She gives me the "its not you, its me" story and says I'm everything she wants but she just isn't attracted to me anymore.

So she cheats and wants you to solve her guilt problem. So convenient!

The correct answer is: That's so terrible for you. What are you going to do to get back in my life? I'm not staying with a woman who cheats AND isn't attracted to me. Bye!

This is a no-brainer.

I said the only thing to do from here would be to separate for a while.

Close. The main thing you need to grok here is that it's not her place to choose the standards of the relationship anymore. It's her job to meet them. It's not your fault that she cheated. It's her's and she has to fix the relationship to your satisfaction.

Get any kernel of any idea that you becoming attractive for her will solve this out of your head. It's for you to share with your next woman.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The paradox is that at this stage she can only find you attractive if other women find you attractive, and probably not even then. She has made up her mind. If you work to change her mind she will resist and it will not work.

Your only move is to upgrade the marriage. I would go to Dread Level 11 and 12 immediately.

In the meantime I would go on vacation but I really mean this: You need to check out. Fuck her in the pussy. Throw her around. Go to dinner. Smile. Whatever. Just don't forget that this woman has forfeited the right to your exclusivity and keep your eyes open.

No need to rush into divorce. You have not even read NMMNG yet! Plenty of room for improvement. However, in your case, more so than usual, you really need to cultivate other options. The second you do, suddenly she will find you attractive again. Maybe, or maybe not. At that point does it matter?

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Who cares if you like her?! She is done with you. Act accordingly.

[–]tacko2760 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For the love of god pull your head out of your ass. Here come the cold water. She is not yours, she never was. You had your turn and now your turn is over. She is clearly fucking someone else. She is not attracted to you anymore. She hasn't been in a long time. Go to the gym and think about her fucking chad while you dead lift. Reflect on what a sad little bitch you WHERE. lift Read Become awesome YOUR LIFE BELONGS SOULY TO YOU.... What the fuck are you gonna do with it?!?!



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