What am I doing wrong?

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June 16, 2017


Post Information
Title What am I doing wrong?
Upvotes 10
Comments 53
Date 16 June 2017 06:10 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205993
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6hoa0o/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
Similar Posts

[–]anythingincRed Beret13 points14 points  (15 children) | Copy

Stoney loves to point out a buried lead, but looks like I beat him to this one!

  • Good stuff
  • Great stuff
  • Top percentile man shit
  • Amazing man shit
  • Okay, now I'm jelly shit
  • I forgot to add that she frequently displays a shitty attitude, even beyond the shit tests. She has a short temper and is hostile. If our conversation is about anything other than kids/logistics it usually degrades into an unpleasant exchange.

Well fuck me sideways. You're wife has a shitty attitude, and she is your mirror, ipso facto, YOU have a shitty attitude. You are worth exactly what you tolerate. If she gets to be a bitch to you, you are a bitch, and why would a wife want to fuck her bitch? She wants to get fucked.

Have you EVER stood up to her? Have you EVER not tolerated shitty behavior at any point?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

assuming this is all correct, I think you're correct that this woman you're married to doesn't care about you and isn't sexually attracted to you. Your wife is one of the unusual ones in which the man's changes and improvement hasn't brought her around. Probably time to consider that this is as good as it's ever going to get; so you then decide to either (1) live with it; or (2) fold this hand and be dealt another.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some women are so emotionally invested in the status quo and are so lacking in imagination that they cannot see or imagine that they have to do ANYTHING. You are MARRIED bitch. He is not going anywhere. She believes it. You know it.

Your situation is the precise reason I wrote in Dread Levels 11 and 12 (get a girlfriend/tell your wife). Some women don't "get it" until it hits them in the face. The trick is leading her right to that point without going over (usually) and getting her attention.

TLDR: You are not fucking anything up but you have to be prepared to pull the trigger.

Shit test are in abundance at my house, comfort test don't happen so often....If our conversation is about anything other than kids/logistics it usually degrades into an unpleasant exchange.

This is important. Interesting that you chose to put it at the very end.

To offer an alternative perspective, I don't know you or your wife but I would put a 10 spot on this is a woman who is overstressed, working full time, running kids everywhere, and she is tired. She resents her husband because she has to work full time. Just a guess.

If that is even a bit true then it sounds to me like you could both take some more time off and enjoy life a bit more when you are making good money. I told my boss I work 40 hours a week unless there is a trial. That's the deal.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

she frequently displays a shitty attitude, even beyond the shit tests. She has a short temper and is hostile.

Your wife clearly does not respect you. Women don't want to have sex with males they don't respect. If you are physically attractive, have a good income and own your shit around the home, kids, and in life, the lack of respect must be due to some major failure in frame or masculine behavior.

I forgot to add

Deliberately or subconsciously, you have tried hard to avoid giving us any information regarding your frame and interactions with her. (You are "burying the lead" as several others have pointed out.) Your mind thus knows that the real problem lies here, but is either protecting your ego, or is desperately seeking a solution that doesn't require asserting your own frame with your wife.

It is difficult for us to advise you when you hide all of the important information from us. So you will have to diagnose yourself, and get past your ego and share the embarrassing truth with us if you want useful advice.

First, what type of "dysfunctional captain" are you? (Very likely you are either Type 2 or Type 3.) That post also has useful roadmaps for each Type which should give you high-level guidance for fixing your situation.

Next, study carefully the ongoing stories of /u/resolutions316 and /u/prarrott by reading all of their "submitted" and their OYS posts, and the comments regarding frame. These two are current, well documented, and clearly written examples of gentlemen who, like you, lift and have improved their physical attractiveness, are professionally successful, at least mostly claim to own their shit with home and kids, but due to (somewhat different) failures of frame and lack of masculine behaviors, have largely failed (yet) to gain respect and attraction from their wives. By studying their stories, you should gain insight that will help you diagnose your own.

Like you, both /u/prarrott and /u/resolutions316 have focussed their MRP self-improvement efforts on the aspects that they personally find relatively easy (such as lifting, appearance, and career), and have put less productive effort into frame-related improvements, which (for different reasons) they find relatively confusing, difficult, or frightening. /u/prarrott's pre-MRP behavior was remarkably similar to that of a stereotypical bitch (passive-aggressive, shit-testing, arguing, angry outbursts, blame-shifting, evasion of responsibility, and DEERing), and he has found it very difficult to develop and display consistently masculine behavior and frame with his wife. /u/resolutions316 remains deathly afraid of asserting himself or challenging his wife.

Do either of these archetypes of relative failure to develop masculine behavior and frame that command respect from their wives reflect you, OP? If so, carefully read and reflect on the advice given to them, as it is likely relevant to you.

I don't verbally engage it becomes a tit for tat. I usually just remove my attention, go lift, etc.

Like /u/resolutions316, you may be very afraid to challenge her. As /u/weakandsensitive frequently and rightly reminds us all,

Don't be afraid to cause discomfort in the relationship when warranted.

Caveat: It is possible that even if you gain the respect of your wife, she still won't want to fuck you more. But it is almost certain that without that respect, she will not, however ripped and rich you become. Focus your efforts on developing masculine frame and behavior.

Edit: You might also benefit from reading /u/strategos_autokrator's inspiring and well-written submissions about his challenging but ultimately successful efforts to develop frame and gain the respect of his difficult wife.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

I guess just stop working on your MAP's because obviously your wife is obviously the exception to the rule and she has nothing to gain from your MRP.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Could it be... Could it be that you're.... Booorringg? You say you're fun but 90% of your post is like statistical shit. And basically it's just all the shit you're supposed to do if you OYS. OYS doesn't = getting laid. No girl ever is like dayyummm that boi pays his bills and values a healthy lifestyle! I'm gonna suck his dick! Oh unless they want to lock you down for provisions... but she already did that. And for real 70/30 on you doing all the chores but 40/60 on parenting? And you have a nanny? Priorities bro. What value is she really even adding to your life? Sounds like she has a sweet deal. You need to Dread and become unpredictable. You're her sure thing. It's consistent. You're consistent. It's boring.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why be committed if she turns you down?

[–]eyeswideshut732 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

New but my thoughts from reading and listening to others is she is not the only fish in the sea(sounds like she is a starfish!) I would move on with active dread and next her if she isnt responding to your improvements ...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Three Ideas for you that I see between the lines that might help:

  1. You may be using red pill to get back the blue pill dream (sprinkling alpha). You may not have completely let go of the Disney dream of an easy life.

  2. Because you are sprinkling alpha on it, you are not seriously committed. Your wife knows that you will fold, and, is not the least worried.

  3. Your wife might need to see OTHER women's view of you. You need to take her out around people that will notice your changes AND tell her what they notice. IMO a woman doesn't see a damn thing, but she will believe other women tell her. Strange but true.

Additionally, as I read your post, my OVERALL opinion is that you are not as far along as you think. Keep working.

[–]Murphbah1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just a noob Red Piller with questions/observations so take it for what it's worth.

Do you game your wife? That seems to be something that's not enforced as much as it should be in the MRP community.

Do you honestly feel and internalize OI?

Do you take the time to just STFU and listen to her?

They say to treat your wife like a girlfriend you're trying to fuck, and it makes sense.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Was she always like this?

Why did you marry her?

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are in denial.

Claiming level 7 dread and you are not passing her shit tests.

Read Superior Male, then reread the basics. Info should start falling like dominos

Oneitis Your post has the making of oneitis. Oneitis is unattractive.

Frame. Waiting for her to comment about your body at the pool comments, you are operating in her frame.

Your post reels of doing all for her acknowledgement. Unattractive

[–]HangingSalami1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She probably cheating on you. That's the only thing that explains the this behavior. Or she's and entitled bitch with a serious princess syndrome. Your ducked either way bro.

[–]roadblock820 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Are you gaming her constantly? I'm new at this, but of all the things I've been doing, this has by far had the most dramatic effect. On days when I get home from work and immediately seek her out for a little make-out session/10-second kiss, tease her a little, drop sexual innuendos until she's laughing and rolling her eyes, she's in a much better mood and very responsive to my escalating later. On days when I don't do this, she'll either act indifferent, or worst-case, start asking questions like "are you mad at me?" , "what's wrong?", etc.

[–]freshona0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Got some specific shit-tests and your replies you feel like sharing?

[–]askmeanything20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've not tried any active dread ...


Did you flirt with pool girl?

Do you flirt with any women?

[–]AmericanViking640 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why are you still with her/why haven't you found pussy elsewhere?

Why haven't you told her to get lost?

Your answer cannot include anything about kids.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

40k side income - passive income stream or what?

you've got 2 kids under 5 and you're both more interested in working than building a family. all sorts of red flags for me. and the rest of the regulars have it covered.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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