I went out with this girl last night and ended up closing, but before we had sex she said something like, “honestly I’m not judging at all, I’m just curious, how often do you sleep with girls on the first date? Not that I’m opposed, but I never sleep with guys on the first date. What’s your secret?”
I just laughed and started kissing her. But it made me realize - I feel like my percentage of closing on first dates is pretty high. I’d say probably 75% of my first dates end in sex. I don't know what the average is, but I have a feeling that's a solid percentage. I'm not working today, so I figured I'd put together a little guide on what I think makes me successful.
For starters, yes, you need to lift. You don't need to be huge, but you need to be in shape. In fact, I think guys can get to a point where they're too big, and it looks like you spend way too much time in the gym. You don't need to be a gorilla. I'm about 5'9", 175lbs and hover around 10% body fat. Always get comments on how nice my body is. Bottom line, being in good shape makes a huge difference in terms of turning you into a guy they will break "the rules" for. And just generally speaking, you need to be doing everything else you can to maximize your value.
So back to the first date guide. This isn't earth shattering advice, but just a collection of things I've learned and implemented along the way. I think the most important thing to getting laid on the first date is kino. When you first meet each other at the bar, make that initial hug as sensual as possible. Hold it a bit longer than you might normally feel inclined. And really embrace the physical contact. Be as present as possible during that moment. Don't worry about what you're going to say once you sit down. Focus on the hug and feeling into that embrace.
Then about 15 mins into the date, touch some piece of jewelry on her hand/wrist and comment on it. Starting with the hands/wrists is best. Eventually you can start hitting/pushing her leg when she says something funny. Work your way up to putting your hand on her leg. You can also pinch her jeans and stretch them as she's talking. I don't know why I do this, but it feels natural and playful. The more you practice kino, the more natural it will become.
Eventually she’ll start reciprocating. If she doesn’t, I'll often grab her hand and examine it. Maybe comment on her nails with a backhanded compliment - "your nails look nice, do you ever get them done at a salon?" Meanwhile, she obviously went to a salon, but it's a nice way of simultaneously complimenting her while making her feel self-conscious. She'll think "wait do my nails really not look like I got them done at a salon?" But don't give her time to analyze. Take her hand and put it on your leg. Eventually remove your hand from on top of hers. If she holds her hand on your leg (she probably will) then you know she’s down, or if she immediately takes it away, then you know you still have some work to do.
The other thing I try to do is work in three phases. Step 1: attract - so tease her and display higher value. Step 2: transition to building comfort - so find common interests and talk about them intelligently. Step 3: finally seduce - so find a way to get to a location where sex is possible and escalate from there.
One note about the first two phases is the importance of eye contact. Eye contact is excellent for building sexual tension. Multiple times during the date I’ll try to make direct eye contact while thinking to myself “damn I want to fuck you so badly right now.” I think those thoughts basically get transferred into her brain telepathically or some shit. I don’t know if there’s any science supporting telepathy, but I think it’s definitely real. You can communicate your desires without saying anything. And that's the best way to do it.
Also body language is key. So when she’s blabbing on about some boring work drama, I’ll turn my body away from her and pay more attention to the bartender or other patrons. Kinda zoning out and not paying close attention to her. This makes her chase your validation. At this point, I'll either change the subject or she will, and once that happens I’ll turn back towards her and become engaged once again. This helps set the frame that she’s chasing your validation, not the other way around.
Another trick I'll employ when things are going well is what I'd call the silence game. At some point, while she's talking or when there's a lull in the conversation, I'll decide to just stop talking entirely. I'll make eye contact with her and smirk without saying anything. Girls can't stand silence like that, so odds are she'll reflexively start blabbing about something. Keep smirking and keep making eye contact. Just let her go. This gets funnier and funnier the more she squirms. Eventually she'll be like, "whatttt? what are you thinking aboutttt?" Then you can start laughing and say something like "I have a feeling you'd keep talking forever if I didn't say anything."
At this point she'll laugh and say "omg you're such an asshole," and then you can go right back to building rapport. I think this works because it once again sets the frame that you're not trying to impress her. You've already built attraction. And you can just sit there comfortably in silence like an autistic monkey while she does all the work of trying to impress you. She'll wonder if all the shit she was just babbling about was stupid, so maybe that's why you did that. But you never said anything to make her feel self-conscious, so she won't put the blame on you.
Anyway, now you've been there for a couple hours. At some point before we’re getting ready to leave, I’ll go to the bathroom, and when I get back, I’ll put my arm around her before I sit down again. This takes the kino up another notch. Then you’ll get the check. I don't know about you guys, but I usually just take my time getting my wallet out, and 90% of the time they get their card out too, without me having to say anything. I always split first dates (unless it's just one drink each, then I'll pay). But splitting first dates sets the tone that you're not the guy she's going to get free dinners out of. You're the guy she's going to fuck, and she'll need to find another chump for the free dinners.
The other important thing I’d suggest is going for the kiss when you walk out of the bar and you're heading towards your cars/Uber. Just walk in front of her, stop and face her, and she'll know exactly what you're doing. Kiss her but make sure you pull back first. This isn’t supposed to be hot and heavy. This is just a quick primer. It shows her you’re not all talk, it confirms you're sexual, and now she wants to experience more of what you’re offering. I think this quick kiss before heading to the sex location primes her for sex as a possibility once you get there.
Once you get to the sex location, take your time. Let her adjust and start to feel comfortable. Make a drink. Ask for a tour of her place or give her a tour of yours. Put something stupid on tv that you don’t have to pay attention to. Start making out. Disengage on your own. Start talking again. Do this song and dance a couple times where you start and stop again. A lot of times she’ll do the stopping. No worries. Laugh, pull back and start talking again. Go through this cycle enough times, each time progressing a little further and getting a little more into it. Eventually she’ll be ready to get down.
My move to transition to the end goal is usually to just pick her up and start walking towards the bed. She might say something like “where are we going” to which you can reply “it’s a surprise.” But you both know. Give her a solid dicking. Harder and faster than you might normally because you want to differentiate yourself from just any old dick. Cuddle a little bit after, but don't spend too much time cuddling. You do this all the time so you're not desperate for a woman's touch. Eventually say "it's getting late, I'm sure you have a bunch of stuff to do tomorrow," and then start gathering your clothes and getting ready to say goodbye.
Before you leave, kiss her one more time and say "I had a great time tonight, text me if you want to hang out again." If you did it right, they always do. And now they're chasing you.