Potential prospect seems too comfortable letting me pay. Bad sign?

MoosPalang · 2019-07-21T18:25:20+00:00

Here's one way he could have interpreted the situation in the moment. When you offered to pay for the ticket, he could have taken that as a sign that you did not want this to be anything more than friendly. Saying "sure" is a quick response to show he isn't overly investment / disappointed, but he sent the ball back in your court by suggesting you repay by meeting up for food. If you choose to pay for the ticket, you just wanna be friends. If you choose to grab food, you're saying you are interested and want to get to know him more.

My buddy was in a similar situation, and gave a similar answer with that thought process.

Now idk what it says about him if that's the case.

Here's what I do know. It's good to keep tabs on red flags, but you gotta get to know him more before you go deep in to what all the signs amount to, if they're red or green, or even worth considering.

snackysnackeeesnacki · 2019-07-21T16:18:17+00:00

If anything, this would be a yellow flag - not red. I think it’s more likely just you reacting to things from past relationships. If you didn’t feel comfortable paying, you shouldn’t have offered. Honestly sounds like he just used it as a segue to make future plans which isn’t a bad thing if that’s what you want.

Quality guys aren’t necessarily trying to “provide” on a first date anyway.

rosemaryspice · 2019-07-21T16:31:02+00:00

I don't think it's a bad sign. I took it as his way of flirting to say that he wants to go on more dates with you in the future. As the other person said, don't offer if you don't really want to pay. He might accept so he isn't insulting you by refusing all the time. It was nice that you offered and I think the way he responded was appropriate for someone who is interested in you and wants to see you again.

AnarchoNAP · 2019-07-21T18:51:55+00:00

I don't think this is a red flag. I don't think this was a date either, just somewhere where he expressed interest. Technically, it sounds like he did not let you pay, and suggested going out to lunch instead. To me, if 6 other people were there and he did not state that it was a date then it wasn't a date. Anywhere you hit on someone isn't a date. I would reserve judgement until you go on one of those lunches. He may very well pay.

BePrivateGirl · 2019-07-21T16:33:15+00:00

You say you want a man that prides himself in providing for you. What are you going to provide for him?

You are on a first date.

He made a comment that offered further dates. You think that was a red flag. Seriously?

Until you are committed, having sex, making his home pleasant, and making him fresh bread to have with his elaborate packed lunches, then maybe his drive to provide will kick in.

My Captain makes a lot of money, and he laughed at girls with your attitude. Careful not to disqualify yourself with this attitude.

StroopyLoopy · 2019-07-21T17:22:55+00:00

I added an edit at the top because I'm not sure that I conveyed my feelings to you all properly

AnnaAerials · 2019-07-21T22:53:01+00:00

Hey the other ladies covered the bulk of the advise but I just wanted to say good on you for being aware of it, and because you are aware of it you’ll be able to notice it more clearly moving ahead. You’ll know if his behaviour becomes cheap or if you’re being taken advantage of. I wouldn’t call this initial senario a red flag, but it’s given off a little “hey! Notice this just incase” in your head, and that’s fine. :) you’ll also notice if his behaviour becomes more chivalrous when you are a love interest, if that is the case

playful_myth · 2019-07-21T20:22:13+00:00

I'll go against the popular sentiment here and say that it's a red flag if you want a provider/protector type. I think it's perfectly acceptable to have standards, especially as a red pill woman. We want a man, not another woman. If it was just a joke you could take it as a yellow flag, but if he was serious I would stay clear of him. We're here for the traditional aspect of dating, being complementary. Paying for dates would set the tone of the relationship and you don't want that kind of arrangement.

living_well · 2019-07-21T20:11:10+00:00

He suggested you go on additional dates with him instead. Yellow flag in my opinion. Though, I'm not good at spotting red flags according to my history. So... there's that.

LibbyLoo222 · 2019-07-21T17:29:51+00:00

He gave you a really easy opt in for future dates. This doesn’t sound like “too comfortable letting me pay”

unlikelyred · 2019-07-21T18:01:46+00:00

I typically tell women that a man with a lot of resources to provide for a family doesn't get them and keep them by showering free food and gifts on random women. Expecting a man who is not committed to you to always pay is not reasonable, it is entitled. I read his response as a light hearted way of communicating that he wanted to see you more. The red flags I see here are coming more from you: 1. You offered to pay him but were covertly hoping he would say no and are now holding it against him that he accepted your offer. 2. You are the kind of girl who will immediately discount any man who isn't throwing money at you from the outset. Those two things should be concerning behaviors to a well adjusted man and you should reflect more on what drives you to have those red flags. My husband paid for our first date because he asked me out (it was for coffee and cake at a diner and the bill was like $15 with tip). However, almost every other date from there on out we each paid for ourselves. He earned many times more money than me but he was also sensitive to the reality that many women would have interest in him for his financial position more than his personality. He didn't want to attract women who just wanted a meal ticket (his words). He makes good money and is an amazing provider. I could tell that by how he talked about his career trajectory and goals. But, he was not interested in helping provide for a woman he didn't intend on staying with. And, he was okay remaining single if he couldn't find a woman willing to hold her own financially during the dating stage. We moved in together after we got engaged and he prefers that I keep my paid work outside of the home to minimal levels. He is content to be the provider and to have an old fashioned financial dynamic. But, he was not interested in advertising himself as a guy who would just pay for everything. He was only willing to share his resources like that for a woman he was marrying.

randomuserIam · 2019-07-21T22:21:17+00:00

I don't think it's a red flag, but as someone said, don't offer to pay if you don't intend to to avoid these issues in the future. I used to be the one paying or at least sharing 90% of the time with my ex. My now boyfriend will pay for stuff pretty much 90% of the time and I have learnt to accept it, but the other 10% where I offer to pay he has learnt that I actually wanna do it and he should allow me to. Or course I only offer when I want and if it's not too much, he won't argue.

In this case, I think he actually wanted to flirt you into more dates by suggesting the lunches ;)

Lab_Brat_13 · 2019-07-21T23:09:15+00:00

I dont see this as a red flag because in my mind he used it as a way to secure a few lunch dates with you. Also you offered to pay, he didnt ask.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-07-22T14:19:24+00:00

blink blink

Um...

right as we entered the venue I offered to pay him for the spare ticket and his response was "Sure, or you could buy me lunch a couple times!".

He didn't ask you to pay him $$ for the ticket. He asked you to buy him lunch. That's a way of asking for another two dates. IF - and I stress IF - he actually wants you to pay on those dates, then this could indicate a less than strong provider/leader. But until that happens, a guy who is dating you (and who doesn't ACTUALLY intend for you to pay) could easily have made this remark.

Go on the next lunch date and see if he meant it.

EDIT: If he's not a skilled dater, this may be his somewhat socially awkward way of asking you out a couple more times, while giving himself cover if you should reject him. Is it possible that he IS interested in you but shy/unsure of your interest, or he's feeling unworthy?

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2019-07-23T02:26:19+00:00

So let me get this straight... a guy in your friend group asks you out to a concert where it’s just you two. You go to the concert with him, then offer to pay. He says sure but only if you see him again (instead of outright asking for the money back), and you think it is a bad sign?

If you don’t want to do something, you shouldn’t offer to do things you don’t intend to do. This isn’t a red flag, this is just a mistake on your part.

ImTheCaptainNow24 · 2019-07-24T02:34:07+00:00

I think because there were 6 other people going to the concert, it wasn't quite a date. Yes, he expressed obvious interest by holding your hand, but it's a different situation than the two of you going out for a romantic evening together.

Another way to look at it is that it was a date, and he offered to pay for your ticket (as expected for a first date) and then hinted at future dates when he would let you pay. Personally, I know that several guys I dated and my husband all tried to pay for first dates but let me take turns paying for subsequent dates. This is especially normal for younger guys since they don't have a ton of money yet.

dian_slay26 · 2019-07-26T17:48:26+00:00

In my experience, men don't usually spend a lot of one-on-one time with women they find unattractive, and also they tend to go the attraction route first and then the friend route. You keep paying for stuff because you keep OFFERING to pay for stuff in your relationships. I think he thought you rejected him by offering to pay, or he's taking advantage of spending time with a cute girl and not having to break the bank for it!

sofis91 · 2019-07-21T16:45:41+00:00

None of my exes split the bill or costs of first dates. In fact, only guy I briefly dated spilt the bill on the first date and that went on.

That’s not something I wanted. It made it harder to get to know him and to get around the other small things he did. I ended things after a few months.

it_was_just_here · 2019-07-21T17:15:29+00:00

Stop offering to pay. Do not even take out your wallet. You are the prize here and he should be paying for all your meals and all your dates.

Title	Potential prospect seems too comfortable letting me pay. Bad sign?
Author	StroopyLoopy
Upvotes	19
Comments	59
Date	July 21, 2019 4:14 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/cg0pk8/potential_prospect_seems_too_comfortable_letting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/potential-prospect-seems-too-comfortable-letting.246155 https://theredarchive.com/post/246155

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