26 and heading towards giving up. It does get better, right?

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August 4, 2019
114 upvotes

I remember being 21 and feeling like I was really starting to figure it all out. Women, career path, hobbies, increasing passion for hobbies, working on frame and building my savings account.

But here I now am at 26 and I still live at home, I have never had a girlfriend, never had a full-time job, haven't had a friend in 3 years, no savings, still mostly in the same routine as I was in years ago. I don't feel good.

I know on paper it is MY fault, but the gradual decline to this point doesn't make it feel that way. I've had depression and anxiety running mad at times, and on top on trying to figure out who I am/want to be & holding down a job.. I've just fucked it all up and now have nothing to show for the last 5 years.

Quarter life crisis, doomer, existentialism, nihilism, whatever it is or a combination of a few of these often referenced things. I don't know what to do or where to go.

I've had fleeting moments of clarity during or after intense cardio where I feel like I am going to take charge and do 'something' big, but it never lasts and I often hunt for that feeling by doing 3k or 5k jogs but it doesn't always happen.

Some good news is that I finished a 12 month course a few weeks ago and have been interviewing for roles since. Just had another interview today and it felt promising. But that's the only thing I can say I am holding onto at the moment.

I've tried forcing myself to wake up at a set time every day and going on a cutting diet yet fail quickly. I feel pathetic and as if I am not living up to my own standards, whatever they are?


Post Information
Title 26 and heading towards giving up. It does get better, right?
Author 321cmecum
Upvotes 114
Comments 100
Date 04 August 2019 02:40 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/248684
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/clrbg2/26_and_heading_towards_giving_up_it_does_get/
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Comments

[–]HurricaneHugues148 points149 points  (13 children) | Copy

"But here I now am at 26 and I still live at home, I have never had a girlfriend, never had a full-time job, haven't had a friend in 3 years, no savings, still mostly in the same routine as I was in years ago. I don't feel good."

Your problem ia that you're doing the same old stuff in the same pattern, while at the same time expecting different results. You can't keep planting pine nuts in the fall and expect to have blossoming orange trees in the spring. You reap what you sow. He who reaps the wind will sow the whirlwind.

Take care of your garden.

[–]Rimefang3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I used to make excuses not to talk, but since I've gotten a new job and made strides being more relaxed and outspoken, I feel worlds better. My outlook in life is much brighter, and even started chatting up someone new.

When I was obese, I never got anywhere with anyone. I heard alot of excuses, but it was the same failure over and over. It wasn't until I got my shit together and shed my weight that you notice a shift in attraction. Women love a man who works hard, and your body is a prime example of that. Ofc there are other factors such as attitude, finances, etc, but you gotta start somewhere.

If you want to keep making excuses instead of results, then be my guest.

[–]ducaati1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Doesn’t sowing come before reaping ?

[–]HurricaneHugues2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not when it comes to wind and bullshit

[–]wanderer7790 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

he who climbs the highest peak, must step on many goat turds

am i doing this right?

[–]321cmecum 1 points [recovered]  (7 children) | Copy

The only way for things to drastically change is if I get a full-time job and move out, yet trying to uphold the 'I have my shit together' frame during interviews is proving to be very difficult and I feel like a god damn fraud when talking myself up and demonstrating my knowledge about the role, which I can do fine btw. Feels more mental from my perspective, as if I need some kind of shift to occur for my life to adjust to what is not what I think it is. Lost my point thanks for reply.

[–]SoulRedemption31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy

Quit making excuses to justify things. Sometimes it is a grind and no way around it.

If you are having problems mentally and feels it is hindering things check out a therapist. Can't afford one? Sign up for free online therapy sessions.

You are describing a behaviour pattern of "everything is outside my scope of control is fucked, so I can't do anything about it and I am also fucked."

Edit: You mentioned you have depression and anxiety. If depression is not diagnosed then it may not be depression but an extended part of anxiety.

You seem to be relying heavily on motivation. It is temporary and fleeting. Forget motivation. Don't do things that you only "feel" like doing. Do them because you know you must. Ofcourse prioritize what is important and the fundamentals.

[–]Variatiion2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who says you need to move out? If I were you I would work on getting a full time job, but stay home and save for a house. Once you have a stable job get another one for the weekends.

Moving out just so you can be "independent" is stupid and a waste of money.

[–]wanderer7791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

who cares? Everyone lies in interviews. Hell everyone lies all the time if there's money on the line.

Why feel bad about lying to them? They don't care about you, you owe them nothing.

My feeling is you're closer than you think. Just keep pushing.

[–]eboyster0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro in this day in age you need two jobs just to get by. Don’t beat yourself up. You need to serve others before you get what you want out of life. It’s time to get to work son.

[–]liberty11270 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't you think getting your life together right now is a little more important than some pussy?

Go get a job, get your affairs together and then worry about getting laid. Getting laid is the last thing you should be thinking about if you've been out of high school for 8 years and never had a full time job.

You have accomplished nothing...that should make you upset. Use that energy and make a step in the right direction or become the creepy cousin that doesnt go to Thanksgiving anymore because he lives in mom's basement at 37 years old.

[–]HurricaneHugues0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know what u mean. Nobody else will save you but you, guy. The easiest job i know u can get is Postmates. The bar of entry is really low. All u have to do is not be a felon.

[–]bigdudecfc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's his problem,he's a gardener in a war not a warrior in a garden

[–]failingtheturingtest74 points75 points  (4 children) | Copy

No. It gets harder.

Life is fucking hard. Get fucking harder.

[–]DreamsAwaken15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also; If life is currently hard and you're not actively putting serious effort in, the difficulty will increase exponentially.

It's easy to get discouraged because "life is hard" and enter a rut that makes things infinitely worse.

The problem is we only see the present. We see the present difficulty and make decisions based on that. Instead we need to look toward the future, and make decisions based on the difficulties that will inevitably arise.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Life is hard but when you internalize good habits (diet, exercise, social hobbies, doing your job well, saving money, respecting yourself, etc) those don’t become hard and life becomes easy and enjoyable

Now as you age you will deal with hard losses. Death, sickness, loss of friends, things not being what you expect them to, etc but in general I would say life gets better as you age as long as you do it right

[–]failingtheturingtest0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's not life getting easier. That's you getting better at dealing with life. If you still behaved like you did as a teenager, would things be easier or harder?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True, but if I took the same approach then as I did now Im sure life as a teenager would be MUCH easier.

[–]haughtyhay30 points31 points  (10 children) | Copy

Wanna start out by saying I’ve never been depressed, so take this with a grain of salt.

You wrote in the post why you’re depressed. It’s clear you know why you’re depressed.

Depression sucks because it’s paradoxical. It’s self-fulfilling.

Try to understand my words here: people with depression are depressed because they’re depressed.

Therefore, the only way to get out of depression is to become not depressed.

This is hard because, 1, quite frankly it doesn’t make any god damn sense, and 2, depressed people lack motivation.

The only causational characteristic of depression is a lack of motivation. To do anything, be it work or play. No hobbies, no passions, no social life because you just don’t feel like it.

Sadness, boredom, the nihilistic paradigms, these are all side effects of the one cause: a lack of motivation.

So, what I’m saying is, if I’m saying anything at all: gain some motivation, and you’ll find your depression cease.

Tips: - lots of exercise (like you said, the mental clarity and surges of dopamine) - refraining from masturbation. Set a schedule. Only five-to-one on sundays. No porn - fix your diet, and start waking up early. If you want confidence, it starts with self-integrity: actually doing what you say you’re going to do

If you want to keep being depressed, keep doing what you’re doing. It’s by far the easier way

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been depressed. So I can personally relate on whatever he seems like he's going through. The problem with depression is, no amount of external advice will ever help you. That why it's so hard to deal with. Everything must come first from you. Because if he doesn't forcefully adjust his mindset, nothing will. Motivation is fickle as it is. What he needs is develop as sense of discipline.

Treat the world as if it is your oyster and everything else is just there to entertain you. Be selfish. Love yourself, to the point of solipsism. And from there, adjust. Because depression stays with you forever. A misstep, a stumble, anything can trigger your depression again. That's what sucks about it. You don't stay depressed because it's easier. You stay depressed because nothing else matters, including yourself.

[–]uptimex31 points32 points  (4 children) | Copy

I am 31, at my 29 and 30, I was literally dead because of depressive toughts about not achieving anything etc. Then it happened to me I found a pretty girl, clothes model, 9/10, been with her a month and then broke up with her. Why did I break up? I just understood my power. And understood two important things: First, nothing is ever like you think. We never objectively see reality, reality is full of opportunities and the past or your age don't matter. You are not what you think you are and will never be. And the second, every day something changes, maybe you can't notice it, but you will have opportunities all the time, even if you turn all of them down now. You will have money opportunities, girls etc. It is the reality you believe in it or not. Abundance is real, scarcity mindframe is how we punish ourselves, trying to ignore and turning down opportunities.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Needed this comment right now bro. Thank you

[–]uptimex1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Happy to help.

[–]Walkerstain1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I still don't get why you broke up with a 9/10 after only 1 month of dating. You thought you'll find a better a opportunity than her? Like a 10/10 ?

[–]uptimex5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not neccessarily better. Before that happened, I used to think I am not able to do it, or maybe I don't deserve it. The moment it happened, I felt that I can. So I stopped being clingy and needy, broke up with her as I didn't want anything serious, and started to live my full of experiments life, enjoying abundance. Before that, I spent 7 years on different "serious" LTRs. Right now I have 4 plates and I change them from time to time and I like this setting more than when I was in LTR (it is a matter of preference, I don't mean everyone must do it, but every guy must know that he has options).

[–]HurricaneHugues9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

When you're going through he'll, it's always best to just keep on walking. You don't want to be in hell. You're just passing through

[–]kayfab17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

You are so young and have so many things to learn brother, at your age i was wind full sails, but we all have different paths.

I finish IT college at 25 after going from 18 to 25 in dead end jobs. My main stupid focus was always women, finding a women etc.

I learn about the red pill at 41... i am now 47 and it took a long time to sink in.

What as work for me is passion, investing in things i love, i stop chasing women, going online dating etc... and a huge part of stress went away.

I have friends and we go out sometimes, but they have families and obligations i have none. So 90% of the time i am in true forced loneliness, but i occupy my time playing video games, listening to music, i have a home gym so i train at home, i take care of my pets, i also work 3 times per week so have a lot of free time, i go on walks go see movies etc..... and am almost always alone i don't mind.

It takes time to get used to all this, but most people i met tried to fuck me over, so i am far better off alone then with useless idiots with me.

To be honest i have not been bored in a long time. I always seem to have something to do to occupy my time.

.

[–]Achgaz2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Can you explain more on how most people you meet try to fuck you over? and how to identify this type

[–]kayfab2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You go some place where there are women and they try to make you look like an idiot (compete among men), they bring you down, discourage you in your goals, always have some way of making you look stupid things like that.

[–]FearGarbhArMait26 points27 points  (4 children) | Copy

Grow the fuck up.

You can't hold a job? Your fault. Don't have a girl? Your fault. Still at home? Yup you guessed it your fault.

Fucking take control of your life.

"To live is to suffer, to thrive is to find meaning in that suffering." - X

[–]E9er4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

that quote is surreal... smart person

[–]InterestingBreath1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Love the quote man

[–]GoyInTheStripedPJs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think the question of fault is essentially irrelevant. He is likely already poignantly aware of what you are saying, and I suspect that he beats himself up about it as it is. Ultimately that doesn't accomplish anything, but it is part of the unhealthy attitude that accompanies depression.

If we are talking about clinical depression rather than what I would call situational depression (aka just being sad because your life sucks), then being told to get his shit together is unlikely to help much. Rather, it is far more likely that he would respond to some form of therapy, whether it is CBT + meds or just CBT if you prefer to avoid SSRIs. No one likes to hear that they should consider therapy, but I view it no differently than seeing a doctor for a physical ailment.

To the OP - many in our generation experience what you're describing, though it appears in many different incarnations. I suspect you have an idea of what you could do to improve yourself, but you currently lack the motivation you feel is necessary to implement those changes. It is likely that this realization that you are (seemingly) incapable of doing what you know you need to do serves only to feed the whirlwind of nihilism and negativity spinning around inside your mind. I wish I could offer you some silver bullet that could shift your mindset, but unfortunately no such magic solution exists. If you feel you have clinical depression (or even if you don't) I believe you should consider counselling. Barring that, you can try the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" type approach that many here are suggesting, which means changing your habits. Worry less about motivation, just force yourself to do the right things until it becomes habitual. Our physical and mental well-being is the sum of many factors, including our sleep, eating habits, how you spend your recreational time, exercise, our relationships with family/friends, etc. If you can improve in just one area at a time that would be a start.

I feel like this is pretty poor advice, but I guess I'm just not entirely sure what to say. I've experienced similar feelings in the past, so I do feel for you. I really wish there was more I could say to help. Feel free to send me a PM sometime if you want to talk man. Good luck

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Or as Camus said, “You must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

[–]acp_rdit23 points24 points  (9 children) | Copy

I've had depression and anxiety

It must be nice having excuses for all of your failures that nobody is allowed to criticize without sounding like an asshole.

But since I'm an asshole I don't mind.

People who succeed do so in spite of their weaknesses and shortcomings, people who fail do so because of them. Decide which kind of person you want to be.

[–]Hardwire66 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

preach

[–]dannybsurf 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Easy for you to say. Tell that to the thousands of people who die each year due to depression you prick.

Having dealt with severe depression my entire life and have had multiple successful online businesses doing multiple millions of dollars, I’ve had both and depression always wins. I worked 20 hour days. I rose from the bottom and taught myself everything I know and create my own dream. I did what everyone thought I couldn’t. I had shortcomings and overcame them.

In the end, my mental illness took over. For people like you to say shit without knowing what’s going on inside someone’s head is why we have this stigma in the first place. Close minded people will always see the world the way they want.

How could we blame you? You don’t know what it’s like to feel what we feel every fuckin second of every day. To feel everything so deeply and to want it all to end. You will never know and as sometimes I wish I didn’t know what this felt like, I feel like it might be you who deep down wishes he could feel more because obviously you can’t feel shit.

[–]acp_rdit4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell that to the thousands of people who die each year due to depression you prick.

Ok I will. Attention people with depression: life sucks then you die. Get busy living or get busy dying.

[–]DreamsAwaken10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

People are just so fucking coddled. I have a hard time believing you have or had serious depression and react this way. Because if you did have a serious chemical imbalance you would understand that about 90% of other depressed people don't. Most of them just don't want to put in effort.

I can't even imagine how you people would have fared even just a hundred years ago. You've literally won a jackpot by being born on the 10% of earth that has true freedom at the best point in human history. You could have been born in Africa a thousand years ago.

Anyways, even if I did believe your story, it's not relevant to OP. He's never been successful. He's never done much of anything from how he describes it. That in and of itself is a reason to be depressed. To live in this day and age and just do... nothing? Yeah, that is depressing.

Anyways he's asking for help here. After five years. If he hasn't pursued medical treatments he is an idiot, so the only thing left beyond that is people telling him what he needs to do for change-- and it's surely not listening to your sob story which could only serve to further increase his apathy and nihilism.

The best part is your comment doesn't help him or anyone else. It was a strictly selfish comment. Now you feel better because you can lash out at someone. And for what crime? Saying that people who succeed do so despite their shortcomings? That is factual. We all have struggles to overcome in life. Grow up, kid.

[–]321cmecum 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy

Have you seen brain scans of people with vs without depression?

[–]DreamsAwaken5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Honestly I think depression is partially a lack of perspective. You have it better off than 90% of the globe. You won the jackpot, you were born in a civilized country, at the nest point in human history. You don't have a single ancestor that had it better than you do, and you have many ancestors.

So if you didn't have electricity and running water...

Have you actually had a brainscan done? Is your depression diagnosed? Are you taking medication?

Many people who are depressed are depressed because of their choices, not a stubborn chemical imbalance. It's like how all fat people apatently have thyroid problems. It's a crock. A few do and the rest self diagnose.

Anyway I struggle with happiness from time to time but what you're describing just sounds like masochism. You're continously making decisions that will not make you happy, then you use not being happy as an excuse for making the decisions that make you not happy.

[–]GoyInTheStripedPJs0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The fact that there are people starving in third world countries has no bearing on a person's experience of suffering here.. This is too often used as a cudgel with which to berate people who are experiencing legitimate psychiatric conditions. Clinical depression is not some psychosomatic delusion, it is the fact that many people who are not depressed use the term loosely that gives this false impression.

Aside from that though I tend to agree with some what you said. The danger is when the excuse of a diagnosis -- even a legitimate diagnosis -- is used to justify inaction.

[–]DreamsAwaken1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It matters because you could be that person in Africa.

I'm at the point where I feel we should just send people who have "crippling" depression to Africa for a few months. Make those survival instincts kick in.

You have it better than anyone in human history and all you can do is moan about how everything isn't a perfect utopia? You people don't deserve to live in this society, frankly.

Most people have situational depression and self diagnose it as clinical depression.

Even then, clinical or otherwise. It's arrogance to think that others don't also suffer. We just deal with our suffering. You people choose to wallow in yours. It isn't fair to those who help you to be honest. You need to man up. If no amount of medication can help or change it than what does it matter of someone on the Internet tells you to toughen up; isn't it worth a shot?

Like OP had never even held down a job.... He said he wasn't always depressed. He is describing situational depression 100%. If he couldn't manage a job when he wasnt depressed his lack of a job has nothing to do with depression and his "depression" is likely self pity because he knows he is being a useless sack. People need purpose in life. He doesn't have any. That is a great situation to create depression.

I just don't like how every time depression comes up there's a brigade of people going on about the worst possible cases of depression; of which I sympathize with. It makes the conversation practically impossible and it serves no purpose. It's basically a "don't even bother trying to help I'm broken and don't want to be fixed". It's just kind of pathetic...

[–]acp_rdit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep clinging to those excuses, see how far that gets you

[–]Warren_Bateman4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

It might get better.

But only if you buckle down and try to make it better.

Make a choice. if it’s to aim for something better, be prepared to make sacrifices.

[–]DreamsAwaken1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Another thought, either way he's making a choice. Either the choice to continue making bad choices or the choice to make good choices. It really is that simple.

[–]thatguywhatshisface5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I used to suffer from depression

. 1: get a job you somewhat enjoy, or don’t despise

2: exercise, yes it’s cliche, but it does help!

3: get off the pills, you can’t become happy on them, only neutral

4: change your diet

5: approach (this helps with social skills all round)

I still sometimes get depressed, but now I can manage it a lot better

[–]adamxchris2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do Bold shit,You are young,You have no familly to work for,just leave job,And go traveling,find yourself first

[–]daffy_duck2331 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you think you really have depression/anxiety, seek professional help. Celebrate every action that you take, beat yourself up with every action that you don't take. The only way forward is taking action consistently. Then remember that because of that consistency, the man you are today is better than the man you are yesterday.

[–]ThedragonCarnage1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hi. I may not have anything new to add, but when i was 26 i was suicidal, and i posted on this very subreddit asking for help.

I am not even close to where my goals are now, but i am infinitely better. it DOES get better. there is always hope.

[–]DreamsAwaken1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Regarding living up to standards. Set your own. Define them. Write them down. Set goals. Not too big, because you need successes not failures. Start small and work your way up. I realize how this sounds but it's effective.

It's pretty common for people nowadays to be inundated with high standards. From watching friends over represent their successes and under represent their failures or the effort that went into their success over social media, to the standards that legacy media places on us. You might not even know what your standards are so to speak, so define them.

[–]Bilderbergerwcheese 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

It is time.... You sound like you potentially have a chemical imbalance.

Have someone trustworthy evaluate you, a psychiatrist. Pay for 2 or 3 sessions, have them pick you apart inch by inch, tackling the root cause(s) of your depression/anxiety.

Solution: Prozac (Fluoxetine)- 20mg...

Take every morning for 60 days straight... Then, at 30-days and 60-days, get another meeting with the psychiatrist, have him evaluate your mentality, emotions, motives.

I've seen men in 20's and 30's completely lost with no hope, on the verge of seriously killing themselves, start taking prozac and the pleasure they start getting out life is remarkable.... Getting high paying jobs, building businesses, losing their virginity, making new friends, facing their fears....

Just 60 days. Then back to no prozac, but you will have much more memorable times.

[–]yoursislovesme1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I used prozac for a month and i did feel little better on it but not that significant difference

It killed my erections and my libido so i had to stop it coz i didn't like the sexual sides

Also i think you need to use it for at least 6 months before noticing much difference and once you quit it you are back to baseline

[–]Bilderbergerwcheese 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

What dose were you taking?

That is the major issue with prozac everyone tends to have, that is why I recommend he takes 20mg and no higher. Although it will slightly effect his libido at 20mg, It may get home out of the house and into the social scene.. I think there more reward than risk with it.

He's a 26 year old adult, no job, money, a virgin, living with parents, "heading towards giving up", asking if "it gets better"....

He's past the stage of development and in his prime, when he gets to 29 and he's in the same position, he will be 10x more fucked.

He should take the chance and try a low dose of prozac for 60 days. If the sex drive fully diminishes, he should move to 10mg. Doubt he will have libido at 10mg but everyones different. - P.S. OP Please see your general practitioner and what he thinks. - I'm just a random guy on reddit giving my 2 cents.

[–]yoursislovesme0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree that any step he takes towards getting better now is a positive move

Also does prozac positive effects stay after quitting it in 2 months?

[–]321cmecum 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

60 days and then cold turkey? I thought you take it forever of you are suicidal when 'coming off meds'?

Also I gotta be honest, I have never considered meds and the thought of it terrifies me for some reason.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

26 and heading towards giving up. It does get better, right?

So long as girls don't manipulate your life to the benefit of their beta orbiters and you don't meet someone like /u/observationalhumor who's convinced the solution to all of lifes problems is committing multiple felonies, yes.

[–]Distractingyou1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No savings show you are all talk and no action, if you actually had savings and had some self control over yourself you wouldn't complain about this part, you have no control and you waste your money on stupid hedonistic shit that at the end wont fix you and only feeds your nihilism making it worse, save money idk for what but it's going to help you in your mission, you are actually weak and you pretend you have learned shit but you haven't, have some self control man girls can't do it cause it's on their nature but you as a man you have more agency so do it dude not for me or girls but for yourself be better girls can't but you actually can.

Basically you don't have what it takes to be the man you want to be, to be that person you actually need to start saving your money and don't waste it on hedonistic bs, if you say it's cause a Lot of other bs then maybe you don't know how to spent your money, in that case improve your nutrition and sleep better so you improve your inteligence and mental health in general.

[–]Lambdal70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You just need to approach 300 attractive girls, get rejected by 200, have a nice conversation with 100, get 50 numbers, 20 dates, 5 times sex and have 3 gfs to choose from.

[–]bluepillcarl0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I have an uncle who is 50 years old and still lives with his parents. Never worked a day in his life. But guess what? He bangs bitches. Hot ones too. He goes to the nightclubs almost every other night and works out 5 days a week. He is in great shape because he works out and eats well.. still lives in the basement of his parents house and has never left.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lmao hilarious. What do your grandparents think?

[–]bluepillcarl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's not really a good thing. I said he still lives with his parents but actually my grandmother passed away last year so now my grandpa is still flipping the bills in his retirement. When he passes away in the next couple years we arent sure how my uncle will be able to support himself. No job experience ever at 50 years old.. he's going to want to be supported by someone else and really nobody else in the family wants to do that. We dont want to see him homeless either. He's probably going to end up on disability, which is stupid. Keep in mind this guy does martial arts at a dojo 4 times a week and eats healthier than most people.

[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I want you to make a small change in your life by simply accounting for your time, which is the most important resource you have, since, for now, it's the only thing that cannot be bought.

Start keeping a diary. In that diary, note down how much time you allot to different activities during the day, e.g., "surfing reddit"; 4 hours. Note that down, and include a brief summary of what you did that day, including how you felt, what time you woke up, and when you slept, etc.

At the end of the week, going across each day, add up the hours to get a picture of where your time went during the week. Also, add a few notes about how the week went, and things you'd like to do next week.

Make it a habit. After a few months, come back, and share with us how it's going.

[–]kraken99110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was very similar to you when I was 24. Realized nothing was going to fucking change magically so I joined the military and did a six year contract. Travelled across the country and went on a lot of adventures. I now live in Asia post-military continuing on with my unorthodox life.

[–]creamymoe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It gets better, when YOU get better.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm 26 and feeling the same pretty much mane, I'm tired of this superficial world.

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get out of that victim mentality and make a change. A change means doing things different than you have done before. Else it's a half hearted attempt.

Stop making excuses and do it.

[–]nidham210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start slow , don't push yourself in the start or u will get bored, find an exercise that you enjoy, and don't stop trying to make ne friends. Hope this can help a little.

[–]LeEbinConchShell0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

hey dude 28 here. i know all those feels. you have to do something called manufacture a crisis in your life so you HAVE to deal with the deficits. It can be as simple as deliberately moving out with savings and suffering on your own, just to endure the baseline of a shitty existence, it can be moving to a different country, etc etc. You have to position yourself in such a way that you have no choice. its either stack or starve, sink or swim. that will give you the exigence, the urgency to do something. You're in an environment where you aren't absolutely required to evolve, to take accountability, you get what im saying. Another basic example would be joining the military. you gotta learn to suffer. from the suffering you will be compelled to get better or continue to suffer.

Life has no inherent purpose or meaning, no matter what anyone says. If you're intelligent, you'll come to this conclusion yourself. Every man needs vice and some kind of """religion"". You need to viscerally understand life as suffering and then you can build from there, in whatever direction you decide. It is entirely up to you. You can just "get by," or you can pull a jeff bezos. Its totally up to you, but as long as you have a safety net there is obviously no compulsion for you to do anything different. Why would there be?

[–]WahmynsLoveGlobohomo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can help you a bit.

Go lurk for a couple of days in the MGTOW subreddit, then you will solve your worry about not having a girlfriend.

[–]theislander8490 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But here I now am at 26 and I still live at home

I lived at home until 24. Not the end of the world, dude.

I have never had a girlfriend

Why do you want a girlfriend? ... or do you want the ability to choose wether you actually want one or not? That's a different thing. I don't have a girlfriend right now. I don't want one, either. Why would I commit to a girlfriend if I can hook up with a different girl every 2-3 weeks or so?

Having a girlfriend is the most overrated thing society pushes on men. It's basically marriage lite.

never had a full-time job

Now, this one is a straight up choice. Go fucking get one, goddammit.

haven't had a friend in 3 years

This one is also on you. Just go out and talk to people, man. Everyone wants to talk. I honestly can't recall the last time I couldn't actually start a conversation with a random person I've never met.

still mostly in the same routine as I was in years ago

It seems you came here to bitch about your problems... you just told us the answer. Why are you here, exactly? Are you looking for validation? If that's the case, you came to the wrong place, bud.

and have been interviewing for roles since.

Send out 3 resumés per day until you get a job in your desired field.

3 per day, every day, until you get the job.

Don't forget to come back here and tell us you got it.

Then let us know which gym you decided to join, and how many new people you decided to meet that week.

[–]NorsemanLewis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, I can't add too much to differ from all these good comments. However, I'll drop this short one here; I guess it's time to pick up "Cant hurt me" by David goggins, read it like 4 times, one after the other, and learn this dude's life. From all the things I've been through, his book was definitely my best investment in myself. My mindset shifted drastically, and even today, half a year after reading it, I still find new things within myself.

Mind you, I've been on the same boat. "Got the game at 20, 5 years later, did anything change much?"

[–]Max_Wing0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a thing of discipline.

My recommendation go to the gym. Have a FIX gym plan. If you do miss one day, punish yourself by not doing what you would love to do. If you play video games, then only be allowed to play if you achieve certain things on a day.

If you regulary hit the gym, you will notice that it is not worth the time investment, if you do not get the right amount of nutrients. This will automatically lead to more discipline in your diet.

Also stop running too much. It‘ll lower your testosterone, which seems like to be too low at this point already. Also stop fapping everyday, if you do it. Have anxiety problem, but fap every day? Yeah.

Go out of your comfort zone. If you have no money to travel to another country then go camping with a backpack and bike.

When nothing makes sense, you gotta escape. Your thoughts and habits wont change if you dont change your environment.

Delete social media, stop playing video games, stop watching Tv and start reading books instead.

It all lays in your hands brother. You‘re asking for help, but you gotta be the change. Identify your problems and change your habits accordingly.

EDIT: Btw the worst thing you do to yourself is saying that you are depressed and that you have anxiety. Because that‘s basically the reason why it will not disappear. It‘s a death cycle. Telling yourself that you are depressed makes you even more depressed.

[–]TexAs_sWag0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My life didn’t start becoming fun until 30+. You’re in for a wild ride. You better spend these next 3+ years preparing for a world you’ve never dreamed of.

[–]Senior Contributoradam-l0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Depression is almost impossible to overcome by yourself. Get help.

[–]korben_manzarek0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you have some clear goals and motivations but have a hard time setting up the habits to make the progress in your life that you want happen. Read James Clear's 'Habits' blog, maybe it will help you.

[–]jm510 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Try this:

First thing every morning, write down 3 things for you to accomplish that day. Keep it easy to start with. Three 5 to 15 minute tasks to get you in the habit of achieving 3 goals per day.

[–]optimase_prime0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’d recommend reading 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson. It helped me when I was in a very low place in my life.

[–]phoenix_md0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Alright man, here is the key to being successful. Ready?

1. Be responsible

2. Show initiative

That’s it man. That’s all it takes. As a physician who makes over a half million a year, I can tell you far to many people fail to do #1 and even fewer do #2.

So find a job, preferably one in a field you like. Show up to work early. Don’t take sick days for BS issues. Listen to your boss and make him happy. If you see something that could be improved, do it. Then let your boss get the credit. Find joy in the work you’re doing (it’s there; just create a positive narrative in your head). Build a network of like minded friends. Very soon you’ll be promoted. Keep being responsible. Keep showing initiative.

This formula works whether your flipping burgers or in a profession.

[–]menial_optimist0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're experiencing something called "reality" a.k.a. "adult life". It's the sudden realization the party is over, and that now's the time to make sacrifices career wise in order to grow up. There's a reason why partying in your early 20s is a phase. It's not sustainable, and after a few years of it you realize the 2 day hangovers are just not worth it. You realize there's a lot more to life to explore than just drinking shitty booze, and suddenly you and your friends drunken antics seem immature and yesterdays news. You realize no one really gives a fuck about you except your family (if your lucky) and maybe a handful of actual close friends in a sea of acquaintances.

[–]BajaGhia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get the fuck out of the nest. You need to risk the fall before you'll stretch your wings and fly.

Get a piece of shit cheap rental and a basic job that will cover the rent and utilities and food. Ride a bike to work. No socializing type stuff. No booze or other entertainment. Suffer and get resilient and able to solve problems.

Then either school at night or part time job at night that furthers yourself somehow. Don't be the guy working night shift at 7-11, but working at Home Depot let's you learn a shit ton about tools and home improvement. Apply yourself. It's harder to apply yourself when there aren't consequences.

If you don't think you can do this, just join the military while you still can. Maybe they can turn mommies boy into a man.

[–]nobody_thinks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

what do you do with your time?

[–]Casanova-Quinn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Focus on one thing at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself.

  1. Get a full time job
  2. Move into you own place
  3. Improve your health and exercise
  4. Explore hobbies and social activities

This won't happen quickly, but over time your life will get better. Nothing worth having is easily acquired.

[–]_vedantt1_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't give up yet dude. You sure need some Clarity to get few things done and also to resist few things but Will and mindset is the key. Keep trying bro you'll get results. Keep working towards light whether you feel the light or not rn, keep head high, hopes high, standards high. Now Plan what you ought to do and darn stick to it! Slowly follow the new Plan step by step, your old thinking patterns, thoughts n reactions will start erasing itself. When erase the old ones, new ones with new objectives and plan will grow there. Have a great life :) Stay grateful and smiling.

[–]_vedantt1_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ever saw Tokyo Ghoul? There's this 'Rize Kamishiro' and hers is the best advice I've ever heard.,

"All of the disadvantages in the world stems from a person's lack of ability"

And I couldn't Agree more.

[–]BombasticBobby0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm have some things in common with you although I'm 19 years old. I have had very few friends throughout my entire life. I didn't hang out with anybody for the duration of the summer (until yesterday) and how I experienced depression was an inescable boredom. Socializing is absolutely vital for mental health and is useful to keep your wits sharp. At the start of this year I was in a bad situation that ended up giving me PTSD. I was extremely anxious and was afraid of twitching, both combined made a negative feedback loop and I ended up dropping almost all of my classes.

Something that has helped me is getting an app tracker (which might not be applicable to your situation) that locks individual apps after I use it certain amount of time. It was also important for me to set a time limit on productive apps so I didn't burn myself out. I started to read daily and up to 80 minutes once or twice a week. If this aligns with your interests then, I would recommend "YourHour" on android.

You sound very boring and write yourself as very pathetic creature; you complain and blame and in doing so prevent yourself from making any real progress (depression, anxiety, indentity issues (which is related to not doing anything), holding down a job). Have you seen that anti-drug ad that has a blob of a girl sitting on a couch and that's all she does anymore? That's what your identity issues remind me of. Get a full-time job somewhere so you can hone your conversation skills. "85 percent of one’s success in life is directly due to communications skills."

"Quarter life crisis", did it take the whole five years to come up with that phrase or did you steal it? First time hearing of "doomer" and am inexperienced with "exisitentialism". I am not sure how you view nihilism but it is in my experience that cursing (or in your case, saying it's too hard because of ______ and _________ and on paper it's my fault but I really didn't let years of my life slip through my fingers, it was _______ and _______) existence will get you nowhere and will teach you how to hate deeper. If you're looking for meaning, crawl yourself out of your cozy little hole and create your own life, then, express yourself from the heart to rid it from any thievery. You will find meaning in the challenge.

It sounds like your essentually just getting high during your runs but at least your working out and hopefully you didn't make it sound like you do regularly

How many interviews have you done and how long ago did you start? (This is rhetorical question. I don't give a fuck about your very minor accomplisment. The point I'm making is get of your ass if you are ashamed to share)

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It sounds like you know exactly what to fix. All that stuff making you feel bad is your brain telling you to fix it. It's ok to fail, it's not ok to give up.

[–]Bigboyleggos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are you one of those guys doing it "the right way"?

People are generally conflicted by my situation. I check all the "failure" boxes on the "doing it the right way" checklist yet...

-I have a nice house that I remodeled with my bare fucking hands. -I have a nice truck to tow my jeep -I can build anything with wood and my steel/aluminum fabricating skills are solid. -Im great with kids -my retirement fund is killin it and my house is almost paid off.

Heres how I got here the wrong way.

I left the nest a few weeks before my 18th birthday, I never questioned it or considered how my parents felt about it. I was working 2 jobs when i graduated highschool in 04, i had money, I hated the idea of college and my parents wouldnt stop talking about. 2 weeks after graduating I show up at mom and dads to pack my stuff, they sat me down and asked if i was excited to start my classes in the fall and made it clear that i could stay with them rent free till i graduated. I packed my shit and left. I spent 2 years avoiding my parents, i stuggled financially but refused all offers for help. Ive taken classes on & off but have no degree, the last 3 years ive taken a few business & phsyc classes for my own reasons.

My brother & sister went to college, did it the "right way". They graduated & spent a year or 3 fucking off, both are doing well now but struggle with drive and purpose.

A couple personal examples, Parents will:

*Tell you college is absolutely necessary to succeed.

Imo, college is great if your passion requires a degree, it will also teach you a lot about life and the world but if your not confident in your path it can hinder growth and authenticity. Do you know what you want to do? If your not certain go do somthing, frame houses, bartend, live in a camper & sell hugs... anything but sitting on your ass dwelling in uncertainty and following a vision thats not yours.

Take risks.

I have flown two states away to buy a 1975 1/2 ton pickup for $1000 and drive it home. I spent 5 days, $750 on parts, hours wrenching in parking lots to get it 1000 miles home.... fucking epic summer vacation! Did most turn their nose up at my "wasting of time & money" yes. Fuck all, i had a great time!

Dangerous shit aka living life. "Motorcycles and jeeps are dangerous and a poor investment" the crabs say.

Fuck the chances of me crashing my bike

Fuck the chances of me being eaten by a bear while camping remotly.

Fuck the chances of getting t-boned as I slam second gear, engine screaming & tires blazing as making that left turn in my topless, doorless jeep. If it happens ill die with a shit eating grin.

I know without a doubt that a quiet life with a safe job, safe car, safe hobbies will lead to a long physically healthy life of misery.

The guy that waits 10 min at an intersection for the safest opurtunity to make a left in his honda odyssey IS already DEAD, dead inside. Ive had a dark peroid or two, Ive been there, its awful.

When its time to make a left turn at a buisy intersection... be the guy that revs the jeep up to 3k rpm, dumps the cluch, throttle to the floor, slam second and takes that tiny gap tires blazing.

When my sister in law asks if the jeep is safe for my 8 year old nephew I smile & nod. Then let him run the steering wheel on back roads. Last time they visited I did a couple burnouts with the kid, 2nd gear brake stand, engine on the rev limiter, kid laughing in the passenger seat. Were both giggling as we wipe the melted rubber boogers off the inside of the windshield. I showed him how to mske the 🤘. Then we did a second burnie. when his mom asked why he smelled like smoke the kid whips out a shit eating grin, the 🤘 and says "BURRRRNNNOOOOOUTS MA!". His dads is a fantasy football kind of guy, i do what i can for the kid.

How does this apply to you, OP? People will go out of their way to give you a brow beating Because your ENJOYING things they wish they had the balls to do.

🤘, the horns, YOUR HORNS, show them off! Rock that devilish side, the side that goes against the vision mom has, the vision your old man has and whatever the fuck our society says is right. Once you get there, the drive and motivation to do anything you want will be there. It wont be hard to succeed, it will be necissary to continue living an awesome life.

Your idea of sucessfull sounds like a canned statement, from a comercial, for an online college. Go find your 🤘.

Best of luck.

[–]winjaturta0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Theres a certain insanity in asking random strangers if your life will get better. No one on the face of the planet can answer that except you.

[–]Son0fMan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

(I'm realizing this could be it's own post but...whatever...

tl;dr - accept responsibility for your life, take action, build competence, and that competence will turn into mastery which will in turn develop your inner confidence. confidence = respect and admiration from your peers and hope. stay disciplined.)

hey brother I'm glad that you posted this here. you needed to see the assholish responses of a lot of the douchebags here, not because their 'tough love' angle is actually effective but rather to open your eyes to one reality...for the most part no one cares. (and I emphasize 'for the most part' because the world is truly not as cynical as most here would have you believe.) at the end of the day you are the one who has to live with your choices and you are going to have to take responsibility for your own life.

I found myself in your exact shoes some time ago. as someone (who's never been depressed) so expertly told you, depression is about a lack of motivation. but not really. what comes before the lack of motivation? a lack of hope. in my experience that is the core of depression - and it's going to take a bit of self work to manage but it's completely doable.

first - meditate, my friend. bring a nonjudgemental awareness to your thoughts and feelings for just twenty minutes a day. focus on your breathing, perhaps even repeat an inspirational mantra every now and then. next comes the hard part.

if anyone comes to me for advice on life it is almost always the same : it starts with taking responsibility for your life. this can be difficult to truly internalize because it means you are to blame for you life. it hurts to recognize that you had the agency to change your life for the better - but here's the kicker - once you do this you open a new door. hey! I have agency over my own life, anything's possible! tell yourself that. internalize it. the power of attraction is real, my friend.

once you decide to take responsibility next you can take a hard look at your life and decide on what you want and what you enjoy and/or are proficient at. how important is money to you? how important is status? friendship? begin taking the steps - even if baby steps - in the right direction to achieve these things. maybe your goal is financial stability? maybe to achieve this you want to go back to school? here you can start by applying for financial aid and looking up programs. at this point you dont need a concrete longterm goal, just a general idea that you can begin working towards and developing as you move on. maybe you've decided the people in your life are most important to you. send a text or make a call even if you dont feel like it. eventually these baby steps you are taking will begin to add up and culminate in a feeling of you know what? I'm at least on the right path here and I can be proud of myself for that.

stay focused. stay diligent. stay DISCIPLINED.

all the while continue meditating. continue bringing an awareness to those negative thoughts and patterns. those self defeating feelings of boredom, hopelessness, the void or whatever have you. recognize them for what they are. just thoughts and feelings. this is excellent work for when you fall off the horse.

finally, everythings gonna be alright buddy. the fact that you posted here shows an initiative to want to change your life.

you can do it.

EDIT: One more thing - stop comparing yourself. period. comparison is the thief of joy. delete instagram, facebook, take a break from reddit if you have to. just focus on being the best you that you can be.

[–]zboo1h0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Life gets better if you make it better. You get better at what you do, so if you sit around jacking off playing video games you will get great at it, and nothing else.

Focus on your health, your physique, your social circle, your career - grow all of these. My life at 26 was great, I loved it, but it is so much better now a few years later, and I have nothing but hope for the next decade and beyond.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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