I remember being 21 and feeling like I was really starting to figure it all out. Women, career path, hobbies, increasing passion for hobbies, working on frame and building my savings account.
But here I now am at 26 and I still live at home, I have never had a girlfriend, never had a full-time job, haven't had a friend in 3 years, no savings, still mostly in the same routine as I was in years ago. I don't feel good.
I know on paper it is MY fault, but the gradual decline to this point doesn't make it feel that way. I've had depression and anxiety running mad at times, and on top on trying to figure out who I am/want to be & holding down a job.. I've just fucked it all up and now have nothing to show for the last 5 years.
Quarter life crisis, doomer, existentialism, nihilism, whatever it is or a combination of a few of these often referenced things. I don't know what to do or where to go.
I've had fleeting moments of clarity during or after intense cardio where I feel like I am going to take charge and do 'something' big, but it never lasts and I often hunt for that feeling by doing 3k or 5k jogs but it doesn't always happen.
Some good news is that I finished a 12 month course a few weeks ago and have been interviewing for roles since. Just had another interview today and it felt promising. But that's the only thing I can say I am holding onto at the moment.
I've tried forcing myself to wake up at a set time every day and going on a cutting diet yet fail quickly. I feel pathetic and as if I am not living up to my own standards, whatever they are?