What is your opinion on male/female friendships (if both are straight, not related)?

Arobin08 · 2019-04-27T10:48:25+00:00

They are entirely possible and easy as long as the woman isnt physically attractive

welcometothejl · 2019-04-27T12:24:08+00:00

I'd give up my male friends before I'd give up my female friends. Our conversations are usually deeper. I love those girls!

blackedoutfast · 2019-04-27T19:03:16+00:00

usually only works if both of them have plenty of other options for sex/romance and are sexually/romantically content outside of the friendship. otherwise, someone is eventually going to catch feels for their "friend."

a lot of people are saying it's possible if the girl is unattractive. but if the guy has zero real interaction with women other than her, he will probably catch feelings for even an ugly girl who is nice to him and does things with him.

flamingoinghome · 2019-04-27T15:00:33+00:00

They're...fine? They're friendships, and friendships are good?
I have guy friends, and I like them. Sometimes there is attraction and/or flirtation on one or both sides, but I don't see how that invalidates the friendship--I've had similar issues with female friends and it's not the end of the world.
If anything, I consider it a "green flag" for my partner to have women friends--to me it's a sign that he can relate to women outside the bedroom.

drawinglizards · 2019-04-27T15:34:05+00:00

Most of the time, the guy secretly wants to bone her.

Even if she's ugly, but has a fit body.

robslawbox · 2019-04-27T11:30:20+00:00

I treat and am treated differently by my opposite sex friends; with guys there are more boundaries, things we don't discuss, less likely to hang out one on one, less likely to be physically affectionate etc. whereas with girls it's all chill, there's no background stress about one of us potentially making a move or misreading a situation, so boundaries aren't necessary. It may be possible to be friends with either sex in exactly the same way, but I've never managed it.
I have lots of them and I really value them. Friendships with the opposite sex are different, potentially messy, but not worse when it's working well. HOWEVER, of the six that guys that I hang out with regularly, two showed romantic interest in me in the past, I'm dating another one and one is my brother. I regularly worry that my friendship with the two that have showed interest is being experienced by them in a vastly different way to how I perceive it, so, boundaries. I don't hang out with them one on one, I don't text them for anything other than making group plans, I keep intense discussions about feelings to a minimum and at arms length (sounds cruel, but in the past it's made friendships real messy, it's not worth it) and I never, ever shit talk my boyfriend to them.
I definitely have a jealous streak, but make sure I always have it under control. Lots of flirty, touchy-feely female friendships would be a ol' red flag if not a deal breaker for me; I don't want to be constantly on edge wondering what's the deal with all these women. I'd rather just date someone less stressful. My male friends have never ruined a relationship for me, but I am horrifically inexperienced, so maybe I have that to look forward to.

EDIT: Formatting on mobile is a pain.

diffdedbed · 2019-04-27T14:35:11+00:00

If you are female, and attractive, I can be your friend, I will never make a move on you if its immoral in some way, but I've already thought about fucking you a dozen times over.

[deleted] · 2019-04-27T16:50:14+00:00

Not a good idea.

I have male friends in two categories: They are in a group context, or they aren't super close; we text each other once a month or so, see each other from time to time. Both guys in those categories are people I would invited to my wedding, for example. But close friendships, the type of friendships I have with my closest female friends and my sisters, in which they know what's going on in my life all the time, they know what's going on in my day-to-day, they know about my problems and my thoughts etc.. I don't think those types of friendships are healthy between men and women. In my experience 9/10 times one of the two will develop feelings or desire for the other person. And even if nothing comes out of it, to me that's not a good situation to be in, in a friendship. And by that I don't mean you will necessarily lead to a broken heart, or tho an affair, or whatever.

This is where it comes down to your personal opinion of whether maintaining friendships that aren't 100% platonic is a good or not, because I have male friends that agree with me on what I said so far, but disagree with my conclusion that because of that it's better to not have close friendships with the opposite sex. In contrast, I only know one other woman (one of my sisters) who agrees with me. Most women really do believe men and women can be friends just in the same way women are friends with other women (and then they proceed to be baffled by men being upset about the friendzone). With feminism and our "current societal understanding" of things, we have been losing the understanding of not only the big differences between the sexes, but of the subtle ones too, like how men form friendships and how men relate to the women in their lives. I'm not claiming to be a big guru of male psychology by any means, but when most men I know have told me they don't believe in 100% sentiment/desire free close friendships with women, I believe in them. Most women don't.

[deleted] · 2019-04-28T03:33:20+00:00

Generally sketchy. My last two exes got with the "best friend/more like a brother" guy, but it's not like a hard no for me. I don't care if you have a backup as long as you aren't cheating. I'm not gonna think you're marriage material if you have a backup though, so you're just shooting yourself in the foot long run.

And I don't have any straight female friends I spend significant time around. I have female friends where I work and that go to the same places I do and I therefore see a lot. The only female friend I go out of my way to spend time with is a lesbian, and after the initial attraction I had when I met her/before I found out she's gay, I basically think of her as a guy with a vagina. Zero sexual attraction whatsoever.

[deleted] · 2019-04-27T12:41:45+00:00

The key to heterofriendships is to keep romantic gestures out of it.

If I had a female friend no matter how hot she is I wouldn't want to sleep with her unless she makes romantic gestures.

Essentially they work fine if they are jogging buddy style of friendships.

Thotamus_Prime · 2019-04-28T01:23:22+00:00

Despite being as RP as they come I do have a few female friends. It works because I don't find them attractive, they're far below enough my SMV I wouldn't consider them because I'm already getting better from somewhere else.

Where as I did have a female friend more closely matched in SMV and that caused issues so I decided not to continue the friendship.

MGTOWKapow2 · 2019-04-27T11:23:22+00:00

An opposite-gendered friendship absolutely can happen and should happen. Men and women aren't the same thing with different wet bits - they have different experiences and worldviews and there really is something to this whole yin-yang thing.

I've met women who are really great people, why would I not want their company and friendship? We have a lot to offer each other, let's enjoy what we have in common and how we complement each other.

Yes I have them. I want them. No, I never see them as relationship/sex access.

I'm not in a romantic relationship so I don't care who has what with who.

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rus9384 · 2019-04-27T11:30:51+00:00

Yeah, they are possible, but many people disagree with me that sex is just an act of pleasure that is totally acceptable with friends.

azngirl7689 · 2019-04-27T15:06:40+00:00

I mean I have male friends. And they’re very aware that it’s platonic only. They seem to be cool with that so we are friends. I appreciate my male friends. They provide a perspective I don’t have on situations.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-04-27T15:52:55+00:00

They are definitely possible. I have several, including 5 men I used to play D&D with in junior high and high school. Just met up with one of them at Thanksgiving for drinks.

GrandpaDallas · 2019-04-27T16:21:25+00:00

They are definitely possible and, IMO, fulfilling. It’s when there is unrequited attraction from one party that makes things complicated. But if you have two mature people that recognize boundaries and can be comfortable around each other then I don’t see what the big deal is.

crystal_wb · 2019-04-27T18:45:27+00:00

They are totally possible, but I don't think it's the same as same-gender friendships. Of course it always depends on the people that are actually involved because everyone's different, but usually you just act different around the other gender, maybe you don't feel comfortable talking about stuff, not comfortable making specific jokes, etc.
Basically all my real friendships are with the opposite gender. Idk why but I just don't feel as comfortable around girls. I'm not actively avoiding same-sex friendships and I don't actively seek opposite-sex friendships. I don't use and see friendships as a jumpstarter for romantic or sexual relationships. I think my friends can somehow "sense" this and they "accept me as one of their own", if that makes any sense. The most sexual thing that's happened is making out drunkenly, but in my friend circle that's not a big deal. You laugh about it and live on.
Again, relationships are all different and it always depends on the people in them. In the relationships I've had we could always fully trust each other, know what we were up to. I'm totally fine with my partner having opposite-sex friends. I've always been rather "chill" about that and and I wouldn't be mad if he kissed someone, because as I already mentioned for me it's not a big deal. If he were to develop feelings though I'd want him to tell me to talk through it and work it out. The other way around, I've never had one of my friendships break my relationship either. My past partners were also pretty chill about that.

esiemualB · 2019-04-27T19:45:09+00:00

Yes, they're possible. I have male friends that I don't see as potential partners. They are currently all in relationships and didn't hit on me when they or I was single, so I assume they don't see me as a potential partner either. I am okay with my bf having female friends. My bf is also okay with me having male friends. My male friends' girlfriends are also okay with them having female friends.

I really don't understand why this is such a big deal to many people on reddit, because mixed gender friend groups are just so normal for me.

[deleted] · 2019-04-27T20:33:17+00:00

They're completely normal and possible. I'm still friends with my ex and have a couple of close online female friends. I think every friendship is different and gender doesn't have to influence it. It's obviously easier to stay close platonic friends over the internet but I'm absolutely sure nothing would change about those friendships if they were irl. I've been friends with women irl before too and that went fine. I wouldn't care about my partner's opposite sex friends and how they hung out as long as they weren't being sexual or seriously flirting. Anything else, including emotional closeness or hanging out one on one is fine.

NockerJoe · 2019-04-28T00:11:57+00:00

I think the difference is men and women can be friends if most are realistic and rational. I have one female friend right now and that bitch is fucking crazy. We can talk about shit and vibe but there's a level of crazy where you need to be way higher on the scale than 90% of women to even get there.

ohheyhi99 · 2019-04-28T01:41:36+00:00

I’m a straight guy and I really enjoy having female friends. It’s easier to maintain those relationships if...

1) I’m not physically attracted to them

2) They have major baggage, personal issues, or lifestyle differences that make us very incompatible as anything more than friends

3) They have a SO, and especially if the SO’s really cool

4) We were raised to think of each other like family during childhood

5) I might lose a network of friendships by hitting on them

decoy88 · 2019-04-28T07:57:41+00:00

Mainly:

General opinion on whether they are the same as same sex friendships, what are the differences, are they even possible etc...

They can be. This all depends on how comfortable everyone is with each other. Which varies from friendship to friendship. People who can’t ignore gender will have a difficult time treating both sexes the same. For example. I have one friend that refuses to sit on any man’s bed and one that doesn’t give a shit because it’s a piece of furniture.

Personal attitude and experiences - do you have them, want them, avoid them, see them as potential sex/relationship access...

I have lusted my friends before but rarely wanted a sexual relationship because I value the friendship more.

In a romantic relationship - are you ok being with someone with close opposite sex friends (seems to be a common issue for people), do you have any conditions, is it a deal breaker... and the opposite, did your friendships ever ruin a romantic relationship with you?

Nah. I’m not a hypocrite. Plus worrying about that stuff is more stress than it’s worth. I hate having to control people.

If both parties can be mature and have good impulse control.
Maintenance of this gets easier the further away from “horny teenager” you are.
They don’t have to be unattractive
being desperate with no sex options makes it difficult.

Willow-girl · 2019-04-28T13:04:54+00:00

Somebody wants to fuck somebody ... unless they are simply thrust together by circumstance, as in the case of co-workers.

Bntt89 · 2019-04-28T20:04:54+00:00

You can be very good friends with girls and guys without physical attraction. If you have a sister or brother, it is like that, very good friendship with no physical attraction at all.

Mattcwu · 2019-04-29T02:08:39+00:00

You just have to divide your behaviors from you thoughts and feelings. Sure, you may be attracted to attractive women, that's normal. But, don't act on it.

BiggerDthanYou · 2019-04-27T11:43:55+00:00

As someone that hangs out mostly with hippies, artists, stoners and queer folk (which seems to be a common theme) mixed groups of friends were always the norm and I think that people without opposite sex friends are weird.

We are all high n-count people with high sociosexuality, but we all know that we can trust each other.

For example while my girlfriend was on a vacation alone an ex of mine slept on our couch for a weekend. She didn't had to worry though, because that ex was a good friend of both of us before she moved away.

Cheating wouldn't just ruin the trust between me and my girlfriend, but also between a whole net of connections. No one couldn't trust me or her anymore.

Trust is the most important aspect. It wouldn't work if one had to be worried or jealous.

Which is why we practice healthy communication. I tell her if I feel like a female colleague or friend of mine is developing feelings for me or even if I start to develop feelings.

We know that it's natural so we are also not mad at each other. Last time I told her that I felt in love with a cute girl at work that always hugs me very tightly and is a bit too flirry, but she was only like "D'aww. Yeah she's very cute" and started teasing me a bit.

She knew that I would turn her down and that those feelings would be gone in like two weeks. And she would be more worried if I wouldn't tell her about it, because everyone falls in love from time to time.

And even if I'm tripping on MDMA and cuddle half the night with various people of various genders she doesn't have to feel betrayed, because I send her selfies to show what a good time we are having.

Mixed friends are totally possible as long as you aren't desperate, disloyal or disingenuous.

rus9384 · 2019-04-27T11:09:33+00:00

General opinion on whether they are the same as same sex friendships, what are the differences, are they even possible etc...

They're like same-sex friendships (in that you can both do stuff together or with other people and have fun), but the boundaries are a lot less flexible (e.g. dark humor is not so tolerated). Anecdotally, I find that the more tomboyish a lady is, the nicer and more pleasant she is to have as a friend.

Personal attitude and experiences - do you have them, want them, avoid them, see them as potential sex/relationship access...

I have one fairly close female friend, and a few more distant ones. The closer one talks to me about nearly everything. She's potential relationship access for sure, but that's a risk I'm not going to take.

are you ok being with someone with close opposite sex friends

Eeehhh, no. I have trust issues courtesy of me being in "foster care" since age 9.

do you have any conditions / did your friendships ever ruin a romantic relationship with you?

No, because I'm a MGTOW.

Suck-Less · 2019-04-27T12:22:07+00:00

No, just no.

Why? Because I’m a caveman. I like being a caveman. My friends are cavemen. We have completely screwed up nicknames for each other. We slap each other around, burn off stress, talk crap, have fun. I can’t have that type of relationship (friendship) with a woman because... well, no dam fun.

If she were to hang around with my guy friends we would give her a screwed up nickname like “loppy tits” or “dick guzzler”

No because I always end up censoring my self around women, and what kind of friendship does that make?

fuckdr11 · 2019-04-27T11:33:07+00:00

If I’m “friends” with a woman, 95% of the time, I’d fuck her if the opportunity presented.

If she’s not someone I’d be interested in fucking, a friendship tends not to develop between us.

It’s just hard for me to relate with women when I’m not sexually interested in them. They have different interests, different viewpoints, and it’s just much easier to find comaraderie with other men.

eet_mijnen_schijt · 2019-04-27T15:33:53+00:00

My opinion is that "straight" individuals or anything with so-called "sexual orientation" is a fool putting itself into a made up social box and that whatever is friends with them stomachs fools.

[deleted] · 2019-04-27T23:17:47+00:00

They're definitely not the same because the intergender dynamics while maybe not explicitly sexual are still working. This also makes these friendships almost impossible because one person may be attracted to another and the other doesn't reflect that attraction which causes friction.
They've never worked for me. My bestfriend from ages 8-15 was a woman and we didn't work out. I had attraction to her when she didn't. Had really bizarre on and off romantic relationships then back to friendship. Eventually, it came to a head when she moved and turned to a crazy feminist. She tried to accuse me of sexually harassing her for stupid stuff and I had to cut her out of my life when I was 16. I also considered asking this girl out until I stopped and realized she was using men for her own advantage. She had about 12 orbiters who she called "friends". She used them for free meal tickets and would never give affection in return. When one guy didn't like this, she moved on to another guy. I personally don't see many benefits from them. It's good because it gives you the validation of being with another woman and feeling that presence but it usually will lead either to the both of you having friction concerning attraction or one partner leading the other in the wrong direction. Also, not useful if both the man or the woman is in a heterosexual relationship with another person.
Never would I allow it, even if the guy friend(s) were strictly gay. I've seen some sketchy ways men gain the trust of women and then use her trust to their advantage. They can be brilliant liars and get away with a lot of things around the woman's back if she trusts him as a friend. If I ever have a female friend and get in a committed relationship with a woman, she's out.

Title	What is your opinion on male/female friendships (if both are straight, not related)?
Author	87AudreyHorne
Upvotes	13
Comments	93
Date	April 27, 2019 10:27 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/bhxs62/what_is_your_opinion_on_malefemale_friendships_if/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-your-opinion-on-malefemale-friendships-if.256038 https://theredarchive.com/post/256038

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