[q4m] Men do you think women will regret delaying or not choosing to have kids?

poppy_blu · 2018-05-18T08:38:19+00:00

This isn't 1950. Women who don't have kids aren't childless because they were "concentrating on their careers." GMAB. Most career women have children so that should tell anyone with eyes that's not the reason.

Of the women I know in their 40s and older who don't have kids, the reasons are:

-they never got married

-they never found a man they wanted to have kids with

-had a messed up childhood and were turned off from motherhood

-they just didn't want them

-they physically couldn't have them

I know it makes TRPs sleep better to believe that women who are more successful than them will suffer someday (blah, blah, enjoy your cats, blah, blah). But it's not reality.

says_harsh_things · 2018-05-18T03:25:37+00:00

So I read how the birth rates are declining here in the USA as women are not having kids instead wanting to have careers

Yeah, because people are poor and raising kids is very very expensive.

TheScutFarkisAffair · 2018-05-18T11:46:00+00:00

Maybe relevant, but maybe not. My great aunt is nearing 90 and didn’t have children. At her husbands funeral (six years ago), the topic came up and I asked her if she ever regretted not having children and she said it was the best decision she ever made and smiled.

My uncles funeral had so many people it overflowed. Her’s will be the same.

storffish · 2018-05-18T03:28:20+00:00

I'ma be honest with you for a second... im no expert but my family is mostly women, the men filter in and out but aren't permanent fixtures. my aunts and cousins who had kids, even the ones who's kids are grown, are jealous of the few who didn't and I've never heard an ounce of remorse from them. they get to travel all the time, they spend time with friends, aren't broke from daycare costs and diapers and shit, didn't have to give up their careers, don't have to deal with their exes... they're doing best of all of us. if you've ever dealt with the reality of having an infant in the house, it sounds better on paper than it is. there's a reason even the always-wanted-to-be-a-mom chicks get post-partum depression. having a baby is expensive as shit and sucks ass 90% of the time.

maybe they'll regret it when they're 80, but for now in their 50's/60's being the cool aunt to the other kids in the family is enough to scratch whatever itch they had.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2018-05-18T10:33:52+00:00

Nah. People talk a lot about how you need kids in your old age but it's all bullshit, you die alone either way.

Not having kids means more freedom. So it all depends on what your personal priorities in life are. If you'd rather be successful in your work and make good money then you're better off not having kids. If you don't care about working hard for loads of money and are more inclined towards parenthood, then do that instead.

Follow what it is you wanna do, don't just treat having kids like something to tick off a list even though you're not sure you really want them, that's how you make your life miserable and raise fucked up kids.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2018-05-18T09:04:48+00:00

Certainly some women will regret not having kids. Some will be happy without kids.

Maybe the majority will regret not having kids, but I wouldn't know.

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DareyFathom · 2018-05-18T03:26:46+00:00

Some maybe. There are plenty of immediate gratification alternatives to distract men/women from having children. By the time they regret it, it will be too late anyway.

ElfFey · 2018-05-18T10:11:54+00:00

What about asking men if men will regret not having children? I'm a woman and I wanted to have kids with the partners I was with in my 20s, but when it came down to it they all told me they don't want to have kids so we would break up.

I don't think this is really a decision women are making by themselves.

palescope · 2018-05-18T11:55:17+00:00

Yes, let's keep asking this question ad infinitum and keep the idea of women (and men) regretting having children tabboo.

Cho_Assmilk · 2018-05-18T03:31:06+00:00

I have a few female friends over 40 who don't have kids and openly admit having regrets. I think 9 times out of 10, so called "careers" aren't as fulfilling as many people think they will be.

This especially seems to be a big regret with the ones who still ended up divorced without kids.

PhucCheet · 2018-05-18T07:01:30+00:00

I think much later in life many will regret missing out on the opportunity, lonely without family. People who live for the moment don't think past age 40.

htowntrav · 2018-05-18T04:13:58+00:00

From a biological standpoint I believe so.

DaphneDK42 · 2018-05-18T05:57:42+00:00

Incidentally: Glamourising the ‘Childfree Life’ Ignores Reality for Most Childless Women

Yeah, I think many women regret not having kids, or desperately wished they were in a position where they had a stable relationship, etc. so they could have children. I think a big part of the many mentally ill women are due to women not realising this part of their life. Even bitches (female dogs that is) go a little crazy if they don't fulfil this basic biological destiny.

And if you choose to sacrifice your children for a career, many women will wake up later in life and realise how barren a life that has been. Most people just don't have that important or interesting a work life. Being HR manager for Ajax Ltd. producing widgets and thingmabobs, or creative editor for some magazine pumping out articles nobody remembers next month, just isn't all that.

Feanorfanclub · 2018-05-18T09:44:39+00:00

So my family used to be large once upon a time. But for a solid generation most of the family decided to not have children I guess, and now the only people that could reasonably have children are myself, my brother, and my cousin. They're constantly pushing me to settle down and think about having kids since my brother has zero interest in all of that and my cousin is too young. This push almost entirely comes from the women, and I know they definitely regret deciding to focus on other things at the expense of ever having a family of their own.

So basically yeah, I do think a lot of women are going to regret their decision to not have a family. Men to a lesser degree too I think. But ultimately, what can you do about it? Maybe women will watch a generation of older women who are unhappy with their decisions and think differently, but it's not like I'm going to advocate we force women into anything.

says_harsh_things · 2018-05-18T11:48:17+00:00

Its hard to understand the appeal of kids until you have your own. Other peoples kids suck.

So its hard to understand the real cost/benefit until after you have them, making regret a difficult thing to measure accurately.

abaxeron · 2018-05-18T11:48:21+00:00

I hate to be this bastard, but women will regret their choices no matter what. Amish girls who hop the marriage train as soon as they're legal enough for that and pop a football team of kids - will regret not being an urban career ladyboss, as much as urban career ladyboss will regret not being an Amish housewife. For as long as women ping-pong themselves between imitating men as much as possible or going the opposite direction from male imperative as far as possible, rather than honestly, sincerely and wholeheartedly putting their own pursuit of happiness into the focal point, women will regret EVERYTHING.

WolfgangBreitweit · 2018-05-18T12:12:04+00:00

Women will suffer from it before they hit the menopause (some 15 years, some one year before) and then suffer the entire time after it.

concacanca · 2018-05-18T12:25:54+00:00

1) Reddit is really heavy on the child free crowd relative to the normal population. I've never met a person who consciously chose to be child free vs made the most after it happened.

2) no one is going to blame their career directly. It will be 'oh I didn't meet the right guy' etc. Which may well have come about as a result of working the hours they did.

3) yes I think most women who don't have kids do regret it but it's not a crippling regret. They just transferred that love and attention to nieces and nephews instead.

wtknight · 2018-05-18T13:08:34+00:00

I don’t think most people who don’t want children will regret not having them. As for women putting off having them in order to advance their career, I think that this is the unfortunate effect of western capitalist economies demanding two incomes to properly raise a family and that it’s not really women’s fault to want to advance their careers to make enough money to even be able to live comfortably.

[deleted] · 2018-05-18T13:24:35+00:00

Women are ALREADY regretting delaying having kids or choosing not to have kids.

[deleted] · 2018-05-18T15:00:31+00:00

i think people will eventually regret not doing what their most basic instincts tell them to do yes

female assertion of independence and strength and the bucking of biological and societal norms is a cry for help. women want to be men because there aren't enough men to go around. not the kind that really qualify in their minds. so as a survival response/tick they take steps to ensure their survival. until a woman's survival is ensured she won't feel as comfortable about procreating as she would otherwise.

also ugly women.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-05-18T21:54:48+00:00

No. People aren’t having as many kids because the economy is so fucked up that no one can afford it. According to a recent study:

“According to a 2016 GOBankingRates survey, 35 percent of all adults in the U.S. have only several hundred dollars in their savings accounts and 34 percent have zero. Only 15 percent have over $10,000 stashed away.” source

So no, I’d guess many of those women didn’t have children intentionally because it would have financially ruined them. So not having children kept them (AND the children they didn’t have) out of a life of poverty.

Changing trends aren’t always negative, even if different people benefit individually from different things as they change.

couldbemage · 2018-05-19T01:12:20+00:00

Delaying yes, choosing not to, no.

Changing diapers in your forties means dealing with teen issues when you're looking at retirement.

I'm really glad I had my kids in my early twenties. My kids are teens and I'm not an old man.

RockinSocksII · 2018-05-18T10:49:09+00:00

Yes.

Selfish women won't.

Title	[q4m] Men do you think women will regret delaying or not choosing to have kids?
Author	Jokengonzo
Upvotes	5
Comments	151
Date	May 18, 2018 3:21 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8ka536/q4m_men_do_you_think_women_will_regret_delaying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-men-do-you-think-women-will-regret-delaying-or.262384 https://theredarchive.com/post/262384

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