Q4ALL: Tell us about the time you got rejected

AlanHalworth · 2017-11-30T14:35:15+00:00

At one point in my life, I had a tendency to do the thing where you are friends with a woman for a long time and afraid to make a move, or don't know when is the right time or how to make a move. In some cases I waited so long that the woman then started to date someone else. Or I would wait for a woman to break up with her boyfriend, only when she did, she was suddenly going out with someone else, not me. Then I told her I was interested, and she said no. However, another time I invited a single female friend on a date and asked if she would liked to go out. From the very serious way I said it, she asked if it was a marriage proposal, laughed, and said no.

Basically, I took these things very seriously and maybe these women were too young for that. I was also very bad at reading signals as to whether someone is interested. One woman said she would like to marry someone who was that serious about a relationship ... but eventually, not now.

I sometimes failed to date women who acted interested in me, even if they were attractive, while pursuing women who were not interested in me. I think this is because I am anxiously attached, with is a whole 'nother discussion about attachment theory. Most men are avoidant not anxious.

My continuing failures led me to read stuff about pickup artists and here I am.

RockinSocksII · 2017-11-30T15:14:44+00:00

I had a crush on a guy in my Vector Calc class in college. At the end of the semester, I gave a note to him with a it's dangerous to go alone, take this where I wrote my number down so it would like a sword.

He never texted / called :(

a_mans_perspective · 2017-11-30T16:17:51+00:00

Saw a 8/10 european woman in a restaurant. Asked if she had a boyfriend. She said no. Asked if she wanted one. She said no.

Fuck it. Worth a shot

Eastuss · 2017-11-30T15:01:02+00:00

I'm a dude

Casually heard a crush yelling that I'm ugly
Got promised by everyone that a crush was into me, got to see my crush, she wasn't into me
Texted for two month with a girl who went on a trip just after I met her and who acted like she was into me and who promised we would get together at her return. At her return she said she wasn't ready. Told me one week later she slept with 2 dudes. (???)
Got very often rejected without even trying or while trying to ask something irrelevant. The "I have a boyfriend" kind, but in much more meaner, like "Nobody cares about you don't talk to me".
Asked out a girl I sympathised with, she never answered and kept talking like nothing happened
Asked another girl out, she ignored it and harassed me to get information or another dude
Flirted with a girl for a kinda long time, she was somehow receptive but things never advanced further, felt like she was waiting for a better opportunity to show itself.
Noticed disgust and contempt on various women's face when I was just trying to be friendly while waiting common friends to come back, wasn't trying, but still hurts.
Girls I have to talk to often who are obviously overly annoyed by my simple existence or who feel very stressed at the sight of me.
One letter answers
Ghosted after I tell them my height

I don't think a girl has ever rejected me properly.

wub1234 · 2017-11-30T14:09:19+00:00

I sent someone an email. They ignored me (* 10,000).

I sent someone an email. They answered me then they ignored me (* 10,000).

I got someone's number. They ignored me when I contacted them (* several hundred).

I got someone's number. They initially answered, but later ignored me (* several hundred).

I went out on a date with someone. After the first date they ignored me (* dozens).

I went out on a date with someone. After the first date they were good enough to tell me they didn't want to see me again (* dozens).

I made some minor pass or attempted to chat someone up in some way or other. It wasn't welcomed (* hundreds).

I slept with someone and we got bored with each other (* a few).

I had a fairly serious relationship with someone, and she ended it (* 2).

I hope this has been enlightening for you.

EchoZeroEleven · 2017-11-30T14:36:06+00:00

Asked out girl in church I knew.

"Oh my GAAAWWD!!! What on EARTH made you think I would EVER date YOU! You're DISGUSTING! GET AWAY FROM ME!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

I am not exaggerating. Half the church saw it.

DarkLord0chinChin · 2017-11-30T14:11:15+00:00

I asked a girl if she wanted to be friends and she acted like I was trying to sell her poison

Butt-Factory · 2017-11-30T15:43:01+00:00

years ago I confessed romantic feelings to a friend. He shot me down (but was very sweet about it). I was a bit surprised considering how much he flirted with me, but I got over it quickly and we remain friends a decade or so later.

I got dumped by a guy I really liked when I was 22. He never gave me a reason. I took that one pretty hard at first, but got over it.

The other time I got dumped didn't really feel like a "rejection". It was just the inevitable end of an obviously failing relationship.

EchoZeroEleven · 2017-11-30T14:07:52+00:00

We should get some lunch together!

Are you...

Yes I'm asking you out.

No thanks.

Ok cool.

[getting rejected is not traumatic guy, stop making it out to be some big deal]

says_harsh_things · 2017-11-30T14:25:25+00:00

Asked my wife which of her hot friends she'd be down to have a 3 way with.

[deleted] · 2017-11-30T15:03:31+00:00

Me: Is it okay if I call or text you whenever I want to talk?
Him: Will your feelings be hurt if I don't respond?
Me: How often will you respond?
Him: I don't know. Maybe I'll send you an email every few months.
Me: Yeah, my feelings will probably be hurt then.
Him: Then you'd better not contact me.

RadaNotaTaakaDaPills · 2017-11-30T17:58:51+00:00

I was and still am quite shy with girls.

It's been so far in the past I don't quite remember why girls would visibly wince in my presence. One girl is particular would come straight up to me, on several occasions, to tell me I "I sucked" and walked off.

There was a underclass guy who looked like a girl in high school. Long straight hair and really feminine. I think I felt he was less intimidating than an actual girl, became a "friend", and started chasing him. He wasn't gay but I still kept chasing and ended up making a fool of myself and made his life miserable. Creepily bought him roses for Valentine's Day. Eventually, he refused to talk to me. Was quite depressed afterwards and took me a while to dig myself out and a lot of soul searching.

Tried again in college. Met about two girls who seemed to at least be comfortable in my presence. Knocked on their doors or when their rooms were open in the dorms to ask them to get dinner. One of the girls even happened to be a elementary school classmate who was also in the same honor society as I was and I thought we had good rapport. Would refuse each time. Eventually stopped trying.

One one occasion, had a girl who seemed to be really into me because I was Asian. Would actively come up to me talking about her previous Asian boyfriend and her female Asian bisexual roommate who wanted to sleep with her. She had this weird impression of what an Asian man was supposed to be that I could never fulfill, some sort of hyper-masculine dragon. Almost like I was a fetish. I tried to hang out with her so that we could learn about each other but I think she eventually stopped meeting when she learned that I wasn't who she imagined I was.

At a the senior commencement ball, was dancing alone and met a graduating classmate. She was nice and we worked a lot on various projects together throughout the years. I knew he didn't have a boyfriend and asked her to dance. Said no outright. Didn't see her again ever.

Over the summer, was living over at a sublet frat house. Got truly drunk for the first time and had enough courage to ask a girl out. Had a boyfriend and said I wasn't her type anyways. Tried to flirt with this homeless girl. Just kind of slinked back from me to hang out with some other guys.

After graduating and visiting Reddit, tried the online dating thing. Tried OkCupid. After two years of trying to get matches, messaging every single girl within 50 miles, a few thousand match questions, several profile rewrites, all that led to nothing. Tried just deleting my profile, got one date. Another girl who seemed to have an Asian fetish. Since I basically cleared my profile, she only knew my skin color. When we met for the date, she'd always talk about her Asian family members and her supposedly attractive younger sister who she seemed jealous of. Additionally, seemed disinterested, always checking and texting on her phone. Same as last time, I think she had some preconceived notion of what I should have been that I could never fulfill. After the date, no more contact.

Tried using craigslist for dating. Even if they seemed sketchy, I'd sent a message with a pic of me. Never got too far. I remember an instance where a girl wanted a movie date. Messaged her and reserved tickets for Iron Man 2 when she said she was receptive. Bought the tickets for two and sent her a pic of me. No further contact. I went to the theater and gave away the ticket. Stupid of me, I know, but I was getting quite desperate.

There was even a point were I was taking a picture of my dick and wondering what the hell I was even doing.

Messaged a prostitute on craigslist. She then sent a picture of herself. Thought she looked attractive enough. Sent a message back looking for time, price, place, and a picture of myself. No contact afterwards. I can only assume that she didn't want anything to do with me since I must have been hideous. Only hope seems to be those with a fetish for Asians. Gave up until now.

Trainer I'm working with heard my history, suicidal thoughts, and said that I wasn't hideous, just average, and that I should reenter the game on Tinder. Two weeks ago, opened a Tinder account. Swiping right now every day until I don't have anymore likes. Only swiping left on advertisements or profiles that are clearly fake to keep my Elo up. I have one match that doesn't seem like a real person, more like an endorsement for an actress. Messaged her anyways to keep Elo stable. No response.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-11-30T14:19:01+00:00

A guy I had a crush on said he couldn't date me because "it would be like Natural Born Killers" if we were a couple

[deleted] · 2017-11-30T14:41:40+00:00

I think the only direct rejection I've received was from a guy I liked in college. We were in a book club together and had been flirty friends for a while, and I finally got the courage to tell him I had feelings for him. He said he liked me too but couldn't date me because I wasn't religious (I went to a Christian university; he was very devout and is a minister now.) Good call on his part tbh. Also we had the same last name, so that would have been weird.

He actually ended up marrying a different girl from our book club.

[deleted] · 2017-11-30T14:55:25+00:00

He never called back

HigHog · 2017-11-30T16:56:30+00:00

I don't think I've ever been rejected (in a romantic context). But then I don't cold approach strangers.

ivegotsomequestions0 · 2017-11-30T17:22:05+00:00

1) Went on an OkCupid date when I was 24. As soon as he saw me, I could sense his interest die. He was somewhat detached all through dinner. Next day, he sent me a text saying something like, "It was nice to meet you, but I don't think we're a good romantic fit." It was odd as I thought my pictures were representative and I was quite slender, the whole bit.

2) Once my now-husband and I were at a sex club. There was a guy nearby cuddling and playing with two women, and I went to ask if I could join them. He said no.

3) If ignoring counts, I've sent some first messages in online dating and mostly had those ignored. Yes, they were personalized messages.

4) If we want to go non-sexual, I've been rejected from various potential employers, gotten fired, had friends drop me.

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shoup88 · 2017-11-30T16:03:10+00:00

Sent a boy a valentine in high school and he ignored it.

Told a guy I had a big crush on him and he didn't feel the same way (turned out he was gay, but he did date women in high school).

InformalCriticism · 2017-11-30T16:40:20+00:00

This question was kind of an ego boost. I had to think a while back to find a time when I was turned down, believe it or not. That being said, I wasn't rolling around tapping every shoulder I passed.

There was a lesbian (yeah, I know) who was pretty attractive, and we were hanging out after a night out on her bed, and she brought up how she would be cool with guys doing stuff to her, and I was kinda like, okay, that sounds like an invitation. So, I put words to it, basically saying "I know you said you would be cool with that, and I would be into that", but it made her visibly uncomfortable, she sat up in the bed and pretended to look for something better on the TV. And I politely excused myself, leaving for the night with an apology for making her feel weird. That was about 3-4 years ago.

I mean, I thought it was a green light if I ever saw one. She brought it up, being lesbian and all, but I've heard from (many) lesbian friends of mine that they bat both sides, just depending on their mood.

Temperfuelmma · 2017-11-30T16:44:56+00:00

A chick pushed and pushed and finally made me ask her if she wanted to go out just so she could say no. Meh, didn't even like her anyway.

[deleted] · 2017-11-30T16:48:25+00:00

rejected for what? a job? a man? a school?

I'll guess you mean sex or relationships. Really, only once, my husband did it when I first met him. He made me chase him down and beg. First and last time I ever played the game that way. It ended up totally worth it since we married and are happy with our joint life.

prodigy2throw · 2017-11-30T19:10:02+00:00

Most rejections aren’t “hi will you go out with me?” “No fuck off you dirty piece of SHIT”

It’s usually more like you start talking to a girl and she immediately turns her head to ignore you, or just smiles and looks at her friends and laughs, walks away, etc.

Most rejections are literally women in social settings just completely turning that social skill off around you in hopes you’ll get the hint.

Once in a while I’ve gotten that “go away leave me alone bye” shut down but majority of the time it’s women not wanting to talk or be seen talking to you and hoping you’ll get the hint.

[deleted] · 2017-11-30T20:16:53+00:00

Told a girl I was in love with someone. She thought I was talking about someone else. I clarified and she rejected me. I was 14. Only time I actually expressed interest directly to someone. I've probably been curved more indirectly a few times since then.

damaskrose · 2017-11-30T21:02:51+00:00

I asked out this guy from one of my classes, he said "yes" but he's giving me this panicked, deer-in-the-headlights look. I can tell he's going to bail.

As predicted, about an hour before we're supposed to meet up, he texts me with some lame excuse. Never heard from him again.

This is how male rejection usually works. They don't know how to turn a woman down because they've never done it before.

Entropy-7 · 2017-11-30T22:31:25+00:00

I reverse chronological order:

In the last few years, there is no mystery to it: you meet someone, you like them but they are not into you. If they are a flake, then they flake. The more mature women will tell you flat out that they don't want to see you again and that is that.

Going back 25 years to my first LTR, I actually rejected her in that she wanted to get married but I thought we were too young. We were together for 3-1/2 years but then she dumped me. I came around but she had already moved on and ghosted me. I took that rather hard.

Going back 35+ years, I was an awkward, teenage incel. In junior high the top 5 students were me and 5 hot chicks. I thought they were beautiful and smart but they would not give the time of day because they all fawned over the dumb jock.

It took several years of that shit before I finally said "fuck it" and made some changes.

[deleted] · 2017-11-30T23:15:59+00:00

I told my ex-best friend that I liked him, and he responded positively at first, although he didn't affirm whether or not he actually wanted to date me. He gave me a long hug and we made plans to hang out the beach near my house the following day. The next day he flaked, didn't call me or respond to my phone call/text asking if we still had plans. A couple of hours later, I got a friend request on Myspace from a girl I didn't know personally, but who I knew of because my ex-best friend had told me stories about how he thought she liked him. Curious, I accepted her request and looked at her profile. My ex-best friend had left a comment on her page that same day saying something along the lines of, "remember that girl I told you about? She asked me out and I've been hiding from her all day."

I was heartbroken and mortified. I sent him a long message saying that it was fine if he didn't like me back, but he should have just told me plainly instead of talking about me like that, and that I didn't want to be friends anymore. He sent back a "o__o" face and that's it...no joke. We haven't been friends since, and a couple of months later I started dating the guy that I am now married to, so I'm really glad it didn't work out with him. It destroyed any self-esteem I had at the time, though. But ex-best friend has sent me many messages and continues to try to reach out to me and my family, and constantly expresses that he "made a huge mistake" and was following the advice of a friend in order to make me jealous/like him more (by seeing that he was talking to another girl).

passepar2t · 2017-12-01T05:31:03+00:00

You mean like the hundred times I got rejected? You got a publishing deal for me?

SpaceWhiskey · 2017-12-01T05:46:20+00:00

Which time? I got rejected a bunch when I was younger. Now looking back I realize that most of the time I was oblivious to the social cues that could have spared me some humiliation, but young people have a tendency to do that.

No one ever asked me out in high school, so I went on the offensive and got rejected every time. My first boyfriend I found out was talking shit about me behind my back and eventually told people we weren’t together anymore even though he never broke up with me officially. Fun times.

rpwthrowaway2016 · 2017-12-01T09:38:48+00:00

Was friends with guy, asked him out over text, he said he wasn't interested. Was crushed for a while then went back to being friends. Drifted apart years later for other reasons.
Was distant friends with another guy, went 'fuck it' and asked him out over text because he was going to graduate, turns out he already had a gf. But we were both chill so it wasn't awkward. He moved overseas for work so we lost contact.
There were a couple of other times when I think the guy knew I was interested in them but I never made a move, so they didn't say anything. Eventually lost interest naturally or started dating someone else.
A couple of guys I messaged first on dating sites, no response. But my current bf did, so all good.

kkohl98 · 2017-12-01T13:06:15+00:00

Long story short, I was a senior in high school, prom was fast approaching. I thought this girl in one of my classses was giving me the signals that she was interested, so I waited probably too long to ask. Plus I asked her in some akward way. She had 2 classes with me, first period I was with my friend, and some people he knew. I walked up to her when she was entering the classroom from outside in the hall. She said she was going with someone, or something. Politely said no, it was embarrassing to be rejected in front of my friend, and some people, I barely know. I tired to brush it off when I sat back down with them. At least I asked...plus I didn't know she had a boyfriend, she could've just told me that...that happened about 7 or 8 months ago.

CuddleLumpkin · 2017-12-01T21:20:46+00:00

First guy I ever had a massive, post-pubescent crush on, who told me he thought I was beautiful, wanted nothing to do with me after our first date because “you’re fucking weird.” My weirdness, by the way, was fiddling with my purse during our date because I was nervous.

[deleted] · 2017-12-04T11:11:25+00:00

Once in my younger years I tried this crazy thing, called cold-approaching women on the street / store, etc.

I had to mentally prepare for a lot of time out there to even try it once, and once I did.. I made the approach, looked at her in the eyes, introduced myself, put my best salesman-esque smile and asked what's her name. She gave me a blank stare and after 2 seconds without saying a word just walked away. It felt much worse than I imagined it would.

cholomite · 2017-11-30T14:43:27+00:00

Went on a date with a girl, ended up making out with her at the end of the night. I made the mistake of calling her the next day and being too nice. She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship and that she needed space from me. Proceeded to fuck my best friend a month later and try to date him, when he rejected her she accused him of rape. So I guess I got lucky.

Title	Q4ALL: Tell us about the time you got rejected
Author	Mr_Smoogs
Upvotes	1
Comments	138
Date	November 30, 2017 2:01 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7gmigz/q4all_tell_us_about_the_time_you_got_rejected/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-tell-us-about-the-time-you-got-rejected.264657 https://theredarchive.com/post/264657

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