Q4All: How would you describe the 'spark' you felt when/if you met the 'right' person?

DemonConsulting · 2017-06-11T10:29:30+00:00

I didn't feel any magical "spark", at least not instantly. I looked at the person after spending time with them, saw that we were compatible and decided to give them a chance. Then after dating for a bit the compatibility kept increasing, no red flags showed up and he was a big net-positive on my life in general so I decided to make him my "one" and he came to the same conclusion regarding me. What sealed the deal was that we are very similar in our personality, careers, our interests, general world view and future plans while also being very attracted to eachother. Now during the whole time we have been together, there are continuing "sparks" of me realizing how geat we are together or how hot he is but that's just an added bonus, not what the relationship is based on - deciding that he is the "one" for me is a continuing choice which tbh just gets easier the stronger your bond is since the value as a partner increases. If I had made a different choice back then, someone else could have been my "one". Today our relationship has grown so much that finding another person who I can trust to this point and who I have a similar bond with would be practically impossible since those have to be built over time.

buartha · 2017-06-11T10:41:42+00:00

What were you two talking about when you felt 'the spark'?

We just spent the whole time drunkenly shit-talking. I made him make future dates with me on his blackberry calendar as some kind of assurance that he'd see me again. I was so head over heels after the first time we slept together that if he'd told me he loved me and asked me to move in that night that I would have responded in kind and said yes.

Did you feel it when you realised you just met someone who is very similar to you, or dissimilar in a way that is highly compatible? Was the bond about shared values, political views, hopes for the future, or general worldview?

We're very different in terms of politics and world views. If you know anything about UK politics, he's a Tory and I'm very much a Corbynista (Conservative and Lefty respectively if you don't.) We can both take a good argument though so it's fine.

And how much did sexual attraction come into play?

A lot. The initial 'chemistry' thing was largely a physical response, I loved the way he looked and smelled and just wanted to rub my face against him to take it all in. Though I would say that long term romantic compatibility (i.e. wanting complementary things) came into it too.

TheGreasyPole · 2017-06-11T14:13:46+00:00

There is no "the one".

And people who think there is are going to cause themselves untold misery over the course of their lifetime in a half-dozen different ways

GeekyFeministDork · 2017-06-11T19:29:05+00:00

I have complete and total oneitis. It was love at first sight for both of us and we immediately started making out when we met. Years later, it's still happening and I've found that we're like-minded politically and intellectually with our only difference being that she has super anxiety and I have aggressive manic rage. I've learned to care about stuff from her and she's learned how to not fear things from me, so it's been as close to "soulmates" as I could imagine.

You'll know it if it happens to you. 3 months in I was planning a courthouse wedding and an immigration and she was talking to her parents about leaving her entire life behind. When you're with someone you can't imagine going one day without, that's when you know it could be a lifelong relationship. After that you just need to take care not to get soft or boring.

louplop · 2017-06-11T11:03:58+00:00

When you feel that everything you can say / do is normal and will be taken amazingly well.

No game, no trick. To quote one famous PPD sentence, you meet one of the right (and I insist on it since I have stoped believing in The One when I was 16) person when you can "just be yourself".

IamTheWalkingMenu · 2017-06-11T14:15:34+00:00

Since I would say I been madly in love twice already, it seems to me that there can't really be a "one." I'd say I know that feeling of love is creeping up on me when I start thinking about all the things I can do for him and also that the feeling of being with him is so intense that it's right up to the edge of being too much to bear. Weird huh?

philomexa · 2017-06-11T16:16:51+00:00

The first time I met my husband I crushed on him hard. I thought he was completely out of my league (popular frat guy with bitches hanging off him). For a year I pined while we became acquaintances and then good friends. Within that year everything felt so natural with him. We developed inside jokes, we got to know each other's histories, we'd pick each other up from class, etc.

The closest thing to a spark was the morning after we slept together. I realized he's the only guy that got me to break my rule, no sex before a relationship. Not only was it good sex, it was personal rule breaking sex. The fact that he agreed to a relationship ASAP sealed the deal in terms of 'the one'.

There was no big Aha! moment, just a realization that this is what I wanted, and I'd be a fool to fuck it up.

wub1234 · 2017-06-11T13:07:54+00:00

It is a bit early for me to say that I've met the one, I feel that I should take a more pragmatic view of the matter and take things steady. But I have met someone recently who I have a very strong connection with, and she feels the same way.

How did you know you had met the right person?

The first time I spoke to her on the phone, we chatted for over an hour, and we could have gone on all night. I knew before I met her that we could be good together.

I've also been on enough mediocre dates where neither of us were feeling anything to know when I've met someone special.

What were you two talking about when you felt 'the spark'?

When we had our first date we were supposed to take her dogs for a walk, but she forgot their collars and leads. So I ended up making her tea at my place instead. And I was just talking about something I'd been writing about and washing her mug, and I looked up and she was just looking at me transfixed. And also her dogs were really comfortable around me from the start and I think that was like a cherry on the cake for her.

Did you feel it when you realised you just met someone who is very similar to you, or dissimilar in a way that is highly compatible?

We have extremely overlapping beliefs and interests. She described it as being not in the same library, not in the same book, but on the same page.

Having said that, we are different people with differing qualities. I don't know her Myers-Briggs type, but I would definitely have her down as an ENFP. So I found this article which suggests she would make a good match for me.

Another thing is that she's a really fun, energetic and active person and will have a go at anything.

Was the bond about shared values, political views, hopes for the future, or general worldview?

Emphatically, yes.

And how much did sexual attraction come into play?

She is simply beautiful, so it was a big factor from my side.

wtknight · 2017-06-11T13:32:27+00:00

I feel it when the person is someone who I feel sexually attracted to feels like a best friend at the same time.

despisedlove2 · 2017-06-11T14:31:00+00:00

What you feel is out of the world. It feels like you were wandering in the cold and you suddenly, through sheer luck, opened the door and walked into the warm familiar fireplace of your home.

Love is the most fulfilling of emotions. It has proven health benefits and provides a richness to life that those have never experienced it, will never know.

It is a different matter that for a man, it is a lie, and that the cold outside and the state of dreary unfulfillable want is the reality.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-06-11T14:47:36+00:00

I don't believe in "love at first sight", since you have to know someone to love them in the first place.

I'd already had fond feelings for my guy prior to us having sex, as we were friends for 2 years before that. We just naturally became close over our numerous shared geek hobbies and political/social views, and our friendship just blossomed into the LTR it is today.

When you willingly and happily spend 4+ days every week with someone and they call you every night you didn't hang out just to talk, you really get to know them as a whole person. I'd think it would actually be difficult to not get a spark going in this scenario.

disposable_pants · 2017-06-11T16:01:04+00:00

"'She won't get married because she's never been in love.' I think I wrote that to sell nylons."

"For a lot of people love isn't just a slogan."

"When you mean love you mean a big lightning bolt to the heart, where you can't eat and you can't work, and you just run off and get married and make babies. The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons."

Source. I don't doubt that people can feel a great deal of affection and a deep desire for others, but "the one" and "sparks" are just fairy tales.

It's just silly to think that so many people claim to be in love, and so many of them claim that their love is unique and special, yet "the one" just so happened to go to the same college they did and enroll in the same section of the same Spanish class the same semester. Just like "the one" for their mom just so happened to live in the same city she did right out of college, and just like "the one" for their grandma just so happened to grow up in the same town she did. There's nothing special or unique about a great relationship; if you had enough opportunity you could find the same quality of relationship or better if you looked.

[deleted] · 2017-06-11T16:26:07+00:00

I don't think there's such a thing as "the one" or soulmates. With so many people in the world, it's likely that there are many people that each person can fall in love with.

But I will say that I remember meeting my fiance because he was (and remains) the most attractive man I've ever seen in real life. My first thought was, "There's no way he's going to be interested in me." But he was!

The initial spark was pure physical attraction, but it also turned out that we are well-matched in a lot of ways. We have similar values, both artists, both in related fields of work. And probably the most relevant: we were both head over heels crazy for each other.

blackedoutfast · 2017-06-11T16:33:21+00:00

It's just chemistry, baby. When your immune systems are so compatible your body basically screams "this one! Make babies with this one!"

It feels like an instant connection, like you found someone on the same wavelength and frequency that you've always vibed at. You feel like you've "known" this person for a long time, even though you just met. You "get" each other, there's no need to put on a mask or pretend to be someone else, because your weirdly shaped puzzle piece fits just perfectly with theirs.

I don't remember the exact conversation where I realized my guy could be "the one", I just remember feeling like I could completely be myself with him. He got my sense of humor, I got his, and I could talk about whatever weird thought popped into my head. And of course I'm very attracted to him physically, that helps :p

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throwaway4554013 · 2017-06-11T09:53:55+00:00

We were sitting at a table, all strangers to each other. She cracks an offensive joke and nobody laughs, so she gets embarrassed. Instantly wanted her. Something about her cute/embarrassed look gave me the tingles. Besides good looks, she has this dark humor and doesn't care that other people are offended.

purpleppp · 2017-06-11T13:15:22+00:00

Felt like there was a magnetic force between us! It was mostly physical though and didn't last long.

GeekyFeministDork · 2017-06-11T16:27:16+00:00

Alright, I'm about to be the corniest person on planet Earth but fuck it, it's Sunday morning, I'm in a good mood so I'll share.

I'm a big Taylor Swift fan. She has a song on her third album called "Enchanted," it's basically about meeting someone for the first time and you barely know them but you become infatuated with them, you think about them all the way home and stay up all night imagining what you'd say to them if they showed up at your door. Toward the end of the song she repeats over and over "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you."

As luck would have it I met my now-fiance a couple weeks after this album came out so I was listening to it all the time. It was in my car CD player and this is the song that came on as I started driving home after meeting him that night. And I laughed to myself because these lyrics were exactly how I felt about this dude I'd just met. I didn't even know if he had a girlfriend (turns out he did) and I found myself driving home hoping he was single and trying to figure out how I could see him again.

There was no deep conversation or anything like that. But there was instant physical attraction and banter. He was witty and charming and passionate. Then I learned he was a good dancer too and I was putty in his hands.

I don't really believe in "love at first sight" or soulmates etc., but I had chemistry with him upon first meeting him that I've never felt with anyone else. It was the old cliche where you meet someone and feel like you've known them your whole life. And then as a got to know him more deeply, I found that we were compatible on the things that mattered -- family, life plans, priorities, philosophies. We actually didn't start dating until almost two years after that night, but I always kind of knew we'd end up together eventually. And we did.

RockinSocksII · 2017-06-11T17:02:40+00:00

Wouldn't happen. There's no magical love detector that tells if you've found the one. You need to decide that for yourself.

cxj · 2017-06-11T20:44:52+00:00

I have felt this spark before but sadly it's never been mutual. It makes me feel shitty when I can tell it's happening with someone else towards me or someone tells me it happened.

Relax_ItsJustAPhase · 2017-06-11T21:24:57+00:00

We had met before and spoken online for a while, then decided to go on a date. I was dreadfully anxious and woozy but when I saw him and he saw me it was all gone. I felt like I had missed him and finally got to see him again, like I knew him from a place I never even really was at. He felt the same way and now, a year and a half later, we're engaged.

Now I know that when people talk about love at first sight and meeting the person of your dreams it's not just poetic speech, it's just the best way to describe the feeling. Like you've known someone from before you've ever met them. It's a beautiful & mysterious thing that has made me less skeptical, despite myself.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-06-12T01:04:35+00:00

From the very first moments, I was attracted to him. His looks and personality drew me in, and he was sweet as hell. His taste in music, his intellect. It was like I found someone who matched me and was interested in me which was a change. I didn't end up dating him right away as I was still in love with my ex hard core, but I never took my bipolar seriously, acted too entitled in the relationship, and after a year my ex demoted me to a plate. I said fuck that (being a plate) so I turned back to him, and we hung out every day for a few days and I knew I had to make a move (he wasn't making one - he was nervous, I guess ? Definitely wanted to though and was into me, I could go into the details of exactly how I knew he was into me) so I kissed him and then the first week we weren't dating yet but the next day broke it off with my ex for good. I wasn't about to disrespect this new guy from the start. After summer finals and a few days of fun activities like an evening beach trip , six flags with friends, etc we were cuddling in his bed (I never liked sleeping alone and his dorm was a good 10 minutes walk from my sorority) when he asked me to be his girlfriend. A week or two later I instigated sex - I had waited 4 months or more in my last relationship to instigate sex - and my sex appeal is NOT the problem, many men had no trouble instigating sex with me - just so happens my current and last boyfriends were waiters. I wasn't having it. I wanted to have that connection with him right away. 2 months in, I already knew my love for him exceeded the love for my ex. Which was weird since I really loved my ex, despite all the things I didn't love about him, but my ex was emotionally closed off INTJ type of guy and my current bf is an ISFJ so much better suited for me, an ENFP. Basically my last boyfriend was a robot who only became extro and socially adept on drugs and was the drug kingpin at his frat with all types of hard drugs we did together. With my current guy, it wasn't drugs that gave us a connection. It was just us, lol. And I knew that the feelings I had for him were different than my first ever "falling in love" feelings. they weren't as STRONG , but different. I can't explain it really. Sometime in the first year I started learning about red pill women, girl game, etc, and decided this man was the one for me and I would keep him. Over the next 3,4,5 years he's proven himself to be incredible in just about every possible regard all the time. I don't know when I said, wow, he's the real deal the first time, but I say it over and over , I just can't believe it. Now the feelings I have for him have only ever grown and never tapered, stronger than ever. I realize he's the one every time I look at him.

damaskrose · 2017-06-12T07:28:33+00:00

After I had already known him for about 5 years.

Title	Q4All: How would you describe the 'spark' you felt when/if you met the 'right' person?
Author	GeekyFeministDork
Upvotes	2
Comments	57
Date	June 11, 2017 9:37 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6gkkye/q4all_how_would_you_describe_the_spark_you_felt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-how-would-you-describe-the-spark-you-felt.267644 https://theredarchive.com/post/267644

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