Question for those of you who didn't need to work very hard to get into your relationships -

Littleknownfacts · 2017-04-09T14:16:10+00:00

Were things always that easy? If not, what happened the first time things got difficult between you?

Getting into relationships has always been easy, guy is into me - accept or reject.

Keeping it going is the hard part.

SeemedGood · 2017-04-09T14:28:28+00:00

Once I got the joke it was very easy. The joke being don't look for one.

Things will get difficult at some point and if you love the woman it probably won't be that much of an issue from your end as long as you keep being useful to her. Lose your utility to her, though and it's only a matter of time before you are discarded for the new-new. Understand that she'll love you like you love your 15" MacBook Pro, or if you're particularly useful to her, like you love your IWC Aquatimer. She will not, however, actually love you.

If you're a man and you're working hard to get into a relationship, then you're going about it the wrong way. Stop looking for it, women can't stand that. They say that's what they want, but if you actually want that they'll think you're weak and unwanted and lose interest.

If you're a woman and you're working hard to get into a relationship it's because you're objectifying men and can't see them for who they are as people.

philomexa · 2017-04-09T15:00:47+00:00

I've never had to work to get into a relationship, they were thrust upon me by virtue of being an attractive female. However I've had to work to maintain my relationships, and the level plus sincerity of work depended on how much I cared about the dude and the relationship.

IamTheWalkingMenu · 2017-04-09T15:34:27+00:00

Always easy to get cuz looks, easy to maintain cuz personality. My biggest problem when I was younger was that I tend to always think the best of the guy and sometimes would forget that people always act in their own self interest. I thought too highly of them and would be disappointed when they turned out to be human lol. I guess I'm prone to being worshipful.

I'm much more mature now and therefore more realistic but still cheerful and optimistic. Def don't expect perfection either.

breakfasttopiates · 2017-04-09T14:17:25+00:00

teenage years - fumbled into a few relationships and fumbled out of them almost without knowing what was going on
18 - 21 - university years - was drunk for 3 years and met different women. Can't remember half of what happened , I fell in love a few times when I should have been having FWBs.
21 - 24 - post University darker days. Lots of drugs and women started drying up. Didn't have any money or direction just wanted to get fucked up
25 - 30 started improving but had just a series of ill-fated serious things. Thought each one was the one, played myself several times.

30 - 33 got fucked over once too often and went single. Had a cooler head and more worldly knowledge, mostly fucked around

33 + now at the age where if I say hello to a woman the same age in a cafe she thinks she is in a serious relationship.

Lyanina · 2017-04-09T14:52:15+00:00

I didn't work at all. Can't think of anything I'd label "work" that I had to do to get into this relationship.

It's not easy for us every day, but I still don't think I "work" for it. We talk, we take each other into consideration, we compromise. We have had difficulties, disagreements, problems, and we got past them that way.

CoffersWorthington · 2017-04-09T15:05:33+00:00

All my relationships have formed without any real effort on my part.

In the beginning: Erectile dysfunction as I get a feel for her and come to terms with her sexual past.

In the end: Maybe some pettiness and meanness, coming from the fact that I want to fuck other people. I've always been the one to end it.

Doom_and-Gloom · 2017-04-09T18:17:50+00:00

This is a Q4Women, for all intents and purposes.

cxj · 2017-04-09T14:10:13+00:00

Most of my relationships required work to get into.

But my best relationship didn't take work to get into and less work to maintain than any other LTRs I had.

Difficult stuff that came up was easier to solve, too.

littyagain11111 · 2017-04-09T15:42:34+00:00

I started dating through just hanging out for what I had thought initially were casual encounters but soon developed feelings. So yeah, it was easy.

The only time I would expect to have a real serious episode would be if I hypothetically broke up with my girlfriend.

Otherwise, we always try to settle things before they ever arise as issues.

Part of our relationship covenant is always making your needs clear when you need them.

This keeps small issues from piling up to cause resentment or being ammo to shoot back when someone is feeling hangry (hungry angry).

reepbot · 2017-04-09T14:14:34+00:00

Nah used to be mostly impossible during most of my teenage years. But as I developed better social skills and lost weight it became much easier. I was a late bloomer like a lot of people here, I just decided to sort my shit out instead of throw myself a pity party.

[deleted] · 2017-04-09T16:25:53+00:00

getting into it was easy, but once things settled we had to learn how to be around another person again (since we'd both been long out of relationships and the last ones were bad). there was a lot of avoiding issues and just trying to get used to a relationship again, as much as we could. we also had fairly different approaches and outlooks on relationships, so a lot didn't mesh at first. but thankfully, we're both people willing to compromise and change and our main goals were the same, so in the end (well, in a process of some months), we found a way to make it work for us, and we're really close now.

edit: i interpreted the OP in regard to my current relationship, not relationships in general (which i now see might be what the question was actually asking about). i didn't date much before meeting my husband, so that's a tougher question to answer...

OfSpock · 2017-04-09T21:04:10+00:00

It was very easy. Our problems came from external forces, not each other.

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alreadyredschool · 2017-04-09T14:16:51+00:00

Nah, but once I got sexy it became easy as fuck.

When things got difficult I start fantasying about the other girls who made their intentions clear. Once the bond gets stronger it's easier to ignore that when problems arise.

breakfasttopiates · 2017-04-09T15:27:15+00:00

First reason for a breakup is always a girl getting jealous over something. If you maintain your frame its easy as pie. Hardest thing to do is control your male thirst to cheat which requires some advanced philosophy/psychoanalysis on your own part.

damaskrose · 2017-04-09T19:06:58+00:00

So far it's been easy, 6 years and counting.

In the past I've had relationships I would consider difficult, turns out we just weren't compatible. Honestly I think 95% of having a successful relationship is just picking the right person for you.

Some people aren't really compatible with anyone, though.

sunkindonut149 · 2017-04-10T01:39:55+00:00

Shit, you mean it's going to be even harder for me to maintain one than to meet someone in the first place? Fuck. Glad I'm nonsexual. It's much better to just hang out with my friends and shit. Yup

[deleted] · 2017-04-10T07:07:34+00:00

I worked very hard to become someone for whom women are easy.

[deleted] · 2017-04-10T20:53:40+00:00

In retrospective, I always made the women work, I am somewhat of an unwitting tyrant on that regard... And keeping my current relationship going has been scarily easy. Well, I am one lucky idiot.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-04-11T01:52:49+00:00

No, it's been very smooth sailing 99% of the time. In a decade of dating, we've only had 2 fights and the last one was 4 years ago. Both times I went for a walk to clear my head so I wouldn't be tempted to shout, he watched TV to wind down. Less than 3 hours later, we had makeup sex to reconnect, and talked things out rationally.

Title	Question for those of you who didn't need to work very hard to get into your relationships -
Author	ProbablyBelievesIt
Upvotes	9
Comments	99
Date	April 9, 2017 2:01 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/64d6yn/question_for_those_of_you_who_didnt_need_to_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-those-of-you-who-didnt-need-to-work.268996 https://theredarchive.com/post/268996

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