Ok Blue Pillers, tell me what you're attracted to?

99_Problem · 2015-07-16T13:03:11+00:00

u/mstpp, u/thatstonerbitch, u/cuponoodlesisback, u/happilysinglewoman, u/thechemist158, u/gridrexx, u/MissPearl, u/MissPound111

I am fascinated by your responses. You all reference the physical appearance of the men you find attractive. You all want a man with some physical attractiveness.

The only woman responding who didn't reference physical attractiveness was u/Raiil.

Surely, internet anonymity explains this.

Because when you ask women point blank, or talk to them about it face to face or in a live conversation, where the woman cannot hide behind anonymity and has to stand behind her responses, a man's looks or physical appearance are almost NEVER mentioned. Or if the man's appearance is mentioned, it is an afterthought or deemed "not really all that important".

Growing up, this is what I heard from nearly every woman about what they find attractive: "Nice guy, treats me right, is nice to me, nice nice NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE." I was told that girls find "nice guys" sexually attractive; that girls want to fuck nice guys, that "nice" wets panties.

Looks were never, ever mentioned.

This, ladies, is why RP is skeptical of what women say. This is why RP instructs men to attach little significance to what you say, and to instead watch what you do.

wuboo · 2015-07-16T04:00:25+00:00

I'm attracted to people's minds. I once dated someone who loved astronomy - she built spectronometers for satellites, and could talk for hrs on end about rocketry, stars, and modeling galaxy formation. She also tinkered with robots in her spare time. I found her intensely interesting.

There are plenty of good looking, fit people in the world but if that's all they are, then I have no interest.

GridReXX · 2015-07-16T11:43:44+00:00

I'm interested in smart people who look good.

Because I'm a smart person who looks good.

ReddishBlack · 2015-07-16T06:21:00+00:00

I'm personally into smart guys , I like having intellectual conversations and all that.

I also want someone with similar interests so that we'd have some fun.

Oh and I like people who know what they want and are comfortable with themselves and are not ugly looking .

And I don't like being "dread gamed" . It's been done to me in the past and it's frustrating as hell . Also , not amused mastery , gtfo with that.

mstpp · 2015-07-16T05:20:55+00:00

What I personally look for.

Someone who is extremely intelligent, has similar interests (so only date engineers), very sweet (not to be confused with "a nice guy"), brutally honest (if I ask a question I'm looking for the truthful answer, even if it's painful to hear). Someone who is intensely driven or passionate about something, someone who has potential to do great things and isn't afraid of taking risks. Someone who is physically attractive to a point and taller than me. Someone who treats me at least as an equal and appreciates the fact that I run a successful business and who doesn't act weird and competitive over it (luckily most guys find this a good trait, but low self esteem guys seem to feel inadequate over it).

Someone who has slept around very little if at all. Someone who puts personal learning and growth far above being cool or partying or what have you.

Someone who will love me completely and without reservation, who can open up and be completely emotionally vulnerable when circumstances require.

...and I'm lucky enough to be with someone who meets most or all of that criteria.

lurfly · 2015-07-16T23:17:15+00:00

I'm a big fan of common interests. It makes spending time together so much more fun if we're both doing something we already love.

On the flip side, I also love an open mind. Someone willing to experiment with the things we don't have in common.

Good conversation is a very attractive. I like someone open to debating and exploring crazy trains of thought. I also need to be able to enjoy silence with my partner... like long quiet car rides that are nice, not awkward (though that normally comes with time).

I like people who hear and try to understand my opinions, thoughts, and feelings. I don't need someone who will agree with them, just someone who respects me enough to consider my point of view.

Lastly, a face that I find attractive. Not much else matters to me physically but I prefer a nice face (though my definition of "nice face" is quite broad).

Oh and its not something I'm really "attracted" to, but I just couldn't be with someone who was mean to others. It would make me too uncomfortable.

Edit: this isn't like my 'ideal husband' list, just the 'what I look for during the first few dates' list.

autoNFA · 2015-07-16T14:15:01+00:00

If the past is any indication, I'm just going to be called a liar, but what the hell.

Physically, I've dated all sorts of guys. Height isn't a big deal to me; my boyfriend is 5'9" and I've only ever dated one tall guy, but his height wasn't a factor in my attraction to him. I prefer a leaner build (not skinny, just lean) but a bigger guy certainly isn't a dealbreaker. I prefer darker features; I don't find the combination of blonde hair/blue eyes attractive (which is ironic, I guess, since I have those myself.) I like full lips on a guy. And glasses, glasses are very important.

Personality: I like people who are kind. (I'm avoiding the word "nice" because of all its implications here.) To me that means people who have a generous spirit and like to volunteer, or just go out of their way to do things for their friends and family. I like creative people, whether it's music, drawing, photography, writing...I don't really hang out with anyone who's not creative in some way, and I've never dated anyone who wasn't. I like funny, positive people. I don't like people who waste time brooding and sulking. I like people who are humble. I like people who DO things and are productive outside of work (this kind of falls under the 'creativity' thing.)

The following things are more about compatibility than attraction. I need someone who doesn't want kids, because I don't. Someone who loves animals. Someone non-religious, or at least who doesn't care that I'm not. Someone who likes the outdoors and live music. I'm a minimalist, so I need someone who isn't materialistic and can live frugally. Someone who doesn't care that I don't wear makeup. Someone whose politics align with my own. Oh, and I can't date a foodie. An ex and I broke up because we were so incompatible when it came to food (we're still very good friends.)

Things that I DON'T find attractive: large muscles, vanity, drugs (that's absolutely 100% an immediate dealbreaker), an obsession with status/wealth/appearances, arrogance, pretension, and people who take themselves (or pretty much anything) too seriously.

wazzup987 · 2015-07-16T04:47:14+00:00

I want a tall strong curvy woman with a quick mind and funny, ideally a switch or dominant. preferably nerdy kinky and poly. Oh must like like long walks down country roads in the dead of night to star gaze & picnic.

TheChemist158 · 2015-07-16T05:19:31+00:00

I'll be focusing on things that TRP advises to not do. But amused mastery is a big no in my book. I don't want to feel inferior. If I have an equal grasp of the situation, treat me as your equal. If I am inferior to you in some situation, don't act amused because of it. I also don't want to be lead. I want a guy who respects my views and input, and won't claim authority. Joint responsibility for joint decisions. He doesn't get to be the head or the leader. I get just as much authority over the situation as him. Those are the big ones. I might expand later but I don't have the time atm.

Raiil · 2015-07-16T11:05:26+00:00

Reasonably intelligent, and if we don't share a particular interest, then at least don't be an arse about it.

In general people who can do things that I can't interest me, romantically or platonically. Patience is a must; paternalism is not. Racism can't be tolerated (I'm mixed race, so you can see why it might be a problem Lol). Passion for what he cares about. Guys with active hobbies are awesome. Guys who can entertain themselves are too.

Value sharing, to a point, is important. I don't require a person in any circumstance to agree with me on everything but if our fundamental values vary too wildly it's a recipe for disaster.

A guy who knows how to navigate socially is cool too.

goatismycopilot · 2015-07-16T13:15:45+00:00

My ideal partner is somebody who likes the same boring shit I do, going to the gym, hiking, indie movies, hanging out at not chain restaurants, and who tolerates my love of hockey, walking the dog, blah, blah who has good communication skills and who is not an asshole and has a similar world view, not exactly the same, just similar. I am an average looking woman so I expect that is who (average looking men ) would be attracted to me. Or not. Of course I am attracted to what my definition of a good looking dude is just as men are attracted to their version of appealing. I think looks do matter, they can help grab the initial attention but for a long term relationship that is just one factor.

[deleted] · 2015-07-16T13:56:57+00:00

What can I do to attract you?

Short answer: be sexy.

I mean, we're obviously doing something wrong.

All you should do is ask yourself whether creating elaborate philosophies on how-to-pull-[gender] is something a sexy person would do.

[deleted] · 2015-07-16T14:29:05+00:00

there's probably more and i'll edit them in if they come to mind later, but i'd say for me these are the most important things that come to mind:

emotionally supportive
similar sense of humour/interests/hobbies/taste in entertainment/personal values
interest in learning new things
laid back personality
kind to me/others
intelligent
independent
trustworthy

i prioritize the things above over appearance since those things make someone more attractive to me overall (as someone who only dated with the intention of finding someone to eventually be in a relationship with, no ONS). i do tend to prefer men who possess some of the same physical traits i do: dark hair, light eyes, glasses are a plus, pale, on the slimmer side/not necessarily muscular, dresses... normal. exceptions to this can be easily made, though.

thereddespair · 2015-07-16T15:46:56+00:00

I still dont know where i lean really so i will answer:

I want a fighter. A man who perseveres, and gives his all to achieve what he wants. I do not want a loser, i do not want a pushover.

I am not looking any specific interest, it is irrelevant. It is his approach to his interest, his drive.

A man that can make you feel like you wanna to do better, to be better. You see a man waste away, and it doesnt make you feel motivated in life - its like rust, and it gets to you.

I like diversity. A man that does not limit himself to just what he is comfortable in. You are a dancer for ex, and you would only get involved and refuse anything else thats not dancing related activity wise, that is a wall you put on yourself.

I like men who have the lets do it attitude.

Intelligence, strength, charisma... all of that is irrelevant to me. I would rather put more stock on a man's adaptability. Not all problems can be solved by just one or two of those, and life being so diverse... you cant always just pick your battles based on what youre good at.

And balance. All work, no play makes jack a dull boy.

If even, im not looking for a coworker, training partner or research partner im looking for a life partner to have life experiences with?

itsalreadybeenthrown · 2015-07-17T04:47:42+00:00

Funny guys.

MissPearl · 2015-07-16T10:31:12+00:00

Sensitive, nerdy, needy. Strong verbal communication skills and extremely playful. I seem to have a huge maternal streak tied into my romantic leanings- you better be down for endless backrubs, being brought $beverage, and using me as your safe place.

First weeks of dating activities with Gentleman included nursing him through serious life shit that left him a wreck, and unglamorous day surgery.

Physically I prefer lean, lanky and even emaciated. I'll sacrifice the physical, but only for someone who provides the right sort of fantasy/fun. I demonstrably always make the first move and prefer guys why aren't overly aggressive about courtship. Tend to my imagination and I will have my interest piqued.

Flaw wise, "look, I have other women!" will demonstrably fail, the closest to dread that works is "help, help I sprained my ankle! I need you to care for me!"

CursedLemon · 2015-07-16T17:45:19+00:00

As a man:

I want a girl who embodies all the things that I am lacking in life - namely, I want her to inspire me, as I am definitely a little short of inspiration these days. Very few people have the confidence and optimistic convictions to pull me out of a kind of existential lethargy (lalalalalala word soup) that I've always found myself mired in. I'm cynical, and instead of having a bunch of people tell me that's not okay, I want someone to show me that it's not okay.

I want a girl who takes care of herself, not out of reasons for physical attractiveness, but because I personally hold the belief that the bodies we have are our greatest blessing and to not use them to the fullest extent possible in order to experience life is, to me, a kind of heresy against nature.

I want a girl with no ideological baggage. Any prejudices will send me out the door at the speed of light.

I want a girl who enjoys being feminine, but does not let her femininity constrain her intellectual prowess and her drive to explore and achieve, just as my enjoyment of being masculine does not put expectations on her.

I want a girl who wants me because I complete her, not because I can pamper her; my girl can provide for herself, what she wants is a kindred spirit.

I do not want a girl to "defer" to me, and likewise I do not want a girl who expects me to "defer" to her.

I want a strong girl to make me feel like the strongest man in the world for having her.

cravenravens · 2015-07-16T13:15:04+00:00

Intelligence, kindness and a healthy sense of self preservation are the only real requirements for me. I REALLY like highly intelligent guys, at least top 5%. I know this is excludes the vast majority, but I'm a member of Mensa, so yeah...I don't mind guys who are a little dumber than me, but the difference shouldn't be too big. As for kindness, I don't just mean kindness towards me - everybody is kind to someone, their mother or friends or whatever, that doesn't count. I mean kindness to the world, to strangers. A Good Samaritan kind of kindness. Self-preservation to me means living reasonably healthy, for example staying clear of illegal drugs, not smoking, drinking moderately and not participating in stupidly dangerous sports. I don't really feel safe around people who don't give a damn about their health/well-being, and I think it's pretty stupid as well. I couldn't respect my partner if he behaved like that.

There are lots of other attractive qualities, but they aren't really required: I've fallen in love with guys who don't exhibit them. These are: being not fat, having a full head of hair and brown eyes. A certain sense of humor, good introspective qualities, curiosity, a feel for language (these are all related to intelligence, of course). Also sensitivity, knowing how to cook, etc.

toofacedheaven · 2015-07-16T19:02:42+00:00

Intelligence, stability, passion, confidence, ability, sass, openness to new experiences, interest in things beyond media and friends, originality, knowledge, playfulness.

Physically? Tall, not fat and not thin, dresses well, styled hair. A skincare routine seems so rare in men.

Since "nice guys" can have a lot of these traits, let me list unattractive "nice guy" traits as well: complacency, neediness that eventually shifts to a mommy dynamic, fear of upsetting anyone ever, concealing large parts of yourself because you're scared of what people think, not proactive, shitty decision maker which leads to girls making 100% of the decisions including ones that don't affect her, passive aggressiveness because they're too scared of confrontation, rigid expectations without considering other people's expectations

Twa-Corbies · 2015-07-17T21:22:48+00:00

I don't think you can do anything to attract someone if you are not attractive to them to begin with. I just look for a fundamental sense of connection with someone. Just being on the same wavelength. It's not really quantifiable. I have also tried to make it work with people it just didn't work with. The only thing to do is move on.

[deleted] · 2015-07-16T14:09:03+00:00

BPers ITT: definitely not status or wealth

Women IRL: status and wealth

[deleted] · 2015-07-16T11:20:08+00:00

Nice face, tall, nonfat (preferably lean with some muscle), intelligent, loyal, sweet. Also needs to have a pretty good career.

[deleted] · 2015-07-16T13:46:28+00:00

It's because TRP doesn't trust women's opinions on what is attractive. I think it has to do with "nice guys" being nice and white knighty and being rejected. So it makes them reactionary.

AmericanHistoryAFBB · 2015-07-16T15:42:28+00:00

I am pretty turned on by this strong woman right here: http://i.imgur.com/E7Ycvgt.jpg

Title	Ok Blue Pillers, tell me what you're attracted to?
Author	AmericanHistoryAFBB
Upvotes	10
Comments	164
Date	July 16, 2015 3:32 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3dgqnn/ok_blue_pillers_tell_me_what_youre_attracted_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/ok-blue-pillers-tell-me-what-youre-attracted-to.280992 https://theredarchive.com/post/280992