How do things change with a third baby?

Crossed_the_Rubicon · 2019-10-30T10:10:21+00:00

Switch from man on man to zone.

Skiffbug · 2019-10-30T02:46:13+00:00

Father of 3 boys. In a very logical sense, it very much increases the logistical challenges. There are two parents, so you can have individual focus with two kids. Once a third comes, it will become much more difficult to have that focused time. Out in the open, each parent can keep an eye on a child with two. When you have a third, either one parent needs to look after two (with the challenges that poses), or both parent look after all three, which inevitably leads to gaps (I thought you were with 2 and 3, no I thought you were with 1 and 2, where did 2 go?). As an example, when in a crowded airport, mine loving going in their own directions. We then need to work out who goes after who, and which kid are we getting second. Or when one parent has all 3. You give two of them your hands when crossing the street, and hope the third one makes it.

With this, I am not saying it is catastrophic, but it gives you a flavour of the additional challenges. Mine are all alive and healthy, ene as we’ve had some scares.

Techn1ckS · 2019-10-30T04:13:42+00:00

Just noticed you said "wife wants to". Who gives a fuck, the question is, do you want to?

justpickanyusername · 2019-10-30T02:24:41+00:00

You just need to have your shit more together. If you don’t, you will always have one running lose since you only have two arms.

Honestly, it isn’t too much different once you’ve had a couple of kids. Your time gets divided up differently and you just need to be a little bit more on top of things. Other than that they are kids. You are the parent and leader. Don’t let the inmates run the asylum and you should be fine.

red-sfpplus · 2019-10-30T02:13:31+00:00

In Texas child support goes from 25% to 30%

Good luck.

Cloudy_Pirate · 2019-10-30T12:13:25+00:00

Kids are awesome. The jump from 2 to 3 isn’t a big deal. Yeah, you are always outnumbered, but the oldest will step up a bit. It creates more play opportunities for everyone.

Just make sure you can fit 3 car seats/boosters in your vehicles.

Moving from 3 to 4 is more complicated. You need to have a 6-7 passenger vehicle and getting a hotel room sized for 6 is a challenge.

sigmaintp · 2019-10-30T02:30:00+00:00

From one kid to two was a MONUMENTAL change. You think..."oh, I've got the parenting thing down"...but NOOOO...now you have to learn how to "juggle"! Two to three...meh...just more "juggling". At least that was MY experience. (3 boys- 3 year "stairsteps" almost to the month). One finally out of diapers and walking...and here's another one... :-/

WolfofAllStreetz · 2019-10-30T11:57:16+00:00

I have one, wife wants another I don’t. So sick of hearing from her side of the family “shes gonna be an only child” waaaa.

My cousin has 6 under 9, fucking insanity over there.

mrbadassmotherfucker · 2019-10-30T08:39:04+00:00

I always wanted 6. After the first 2 i was done.

A few reasons, which might not affect you ...

1) Money. Childcare here was costing me £1000 a month PER CHILD. Minus a few benefits such as tax free childcare where the government puts in 20% towards the cost if you jump through a bunch of hoops each month. Also the nursery would reduce one child's cost by 10% for sibling bonus.

I'm now literally floating at the bottom of my bank account each month until my second one is out of nursery. Not good. Definitely leaves me in a position of not being able to afford any more.

2) Wife. She is the one who has to look after them on maternity leave. My career is too unforgiving for me to take that kind of time out. She couldn't cope with either child. 2 breakdowns and I almost threw in the towel shit was so bad at home. She wouldn't cope again, no way.

3) Divided time. My time is split between all my hobbies, my two kids and doing things with my friends and wife. Add a third kid and i'm not sure id have time to take a shit.

4) The baby phase. We all know that first year is fucking tough. No sleep. No time. Baby attached to you 24/7. I was fucking pleased when my youngest turned 2 this month. Whenever they become a little less dependant you have a tiny piece of yourself back each time.

I think more money would cover most of these problems... You could hire a nanny to look after the kids, revealing the wife from maternity care and dividing up the baby phase between someone you're paying so they can take the load. So if you have a good income, maybe 3 kids is the way to go!

yeahmaybe2 · 2019-10-30T03:41:22+00:00

With a family of five, nothing in the world quite fits, cars, restaurant tables, etc, are made for groups of four.

tom-anonymous · 2019-10-30T13:48:43+00:00

You'll no longer sit at a 4 person booth at restaurants. You'll have to wait for a 5 top.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-10-31T14:34:45+00:00

Current kids are ages 6 and 3.

Congratulations and good spread! I have 5 kids, 21, 18, 13, 9, and 4 all from same mom. Immediately have those kids conditioned to help and give them a lot of praise when they do, it will pay off for YEARS. The six year old can fetch diapers, blankets, nookie and the three year old can get things too as well as sitting down next to the youngest to keep the baby company and watch cartoons and teach her how to play with baby toys. As the youngest grows, so will the jobs they can help with. This seemed to help a lot in keeping them from becoming jealous of the attention the baby got too.

You won't really notice the food budget change after the formula is done. Everyone's situation is different and you have to keep in mind all the opinions saying it's hard that men will over complicate their lives. I barely noticed much change at all with #3, but in my case, wife is a SAHM who really owns that part quite well. Same goes for #4 and #5. Honestly, for us having just one was the hardest because as the parent, you have to be everything to that kid. With two they can play or fight to keep busy and you get more time where you aren't having to be one on one constantly.

You will need one large vehicle, but I'd bet you already have an SUV because that's what every mom thinks she has to have. In my house, I like sporty sedan's, so I drive and buy whatever I want because 90% of the time it's just me, the other 10% it's me plus part of the tribe. When we are rolling deep, wife's vehicle seats all 7.

We stopped buying new shit on #3 too. Pretty much 80% of his clothes were from second hand thrift stores as we discovered new clothes get stained on the first day they wear them and they grow out of them before the fabric shows any wear and tear. Same with toys and such.

The oddest thing happens too. First two kids seemed 100% like "our kids" that "became" brother and sister later, but #3 seemed like from the very beginning to almost belong to the existing kids as well. Like he was part "theirs" from the beginning and the jealousy that occurred when the second kid arrived just never materialized. It only increased with #4 and #5 actually felt more like out kids got a sister MORE than we got another child.

floatingsidewalk · 2019-10-31T19:30:48+00:00

Three is hard, but i was told it gets easier after 5, so just buy a minivan and get on with it.

PurpleTurtle12 · 2019-10-30T16:12:23+00:00

Does your wife work? Yes or no to that question makes a big difference on how easy your life is. I grew up as one of six kids but our mother was stay-at-home. Life would get busy, but was manageable. If both parents were working full-time it would have been a lot more difficult for them to manage.

HeckleandChide · 2019-10-30T18:26:43+00:00

I have a lot of kids. More than 4.

You need to be very, very careful. The more kids you have, the more likely your wife will replace you with them in terms of her priorities. Kids create hormones that can - but not always - generate hormonal responses that bypass normal tingle-generating processes.

In other words, if you are an extremely high value man, that doesn’t really matter (as much) if she has been cleaning up shit and stopping toddler fights all day.

What do you want? If you don’t want a third, then don’t or else there is a strong chance you will resent the child and your wife.

RicoDunne · 2019-10-30T14:13:58+00:00

Having three increases the chance of your lineage surviving. I always joke with my wife, that if we lose one, well we have the others.

jfbravoc · 2019-10-30T20:21:48+00:00

Ours are 8 and 6, and our baby is 13 months old.

It´s great. Yeah, there´s logistics and expenses... but bottom end: we are loving it.

And it´s been really helpful with some difficult issues we were having with the older ones. Relax and go on. :)

test_acct_DELETE · 2019-10-31T19:03:02+00:00

Ah let me tell you my duder... I'll keep it simple. I have a 19, 14 and 8 year old so a lot of parenting years here.

Adding children isn't linear; it's compounding.

You two, as parents, are now outnumbered

Nothing will be unanimous ever again. There's always one A-hole who holds out or HAS to be different.

You go from having your shit together and being proactive to a shitstorm of responsibilities you will never get caught up on and constantly in reactive mode.

Every woman I've talked to about this has a 'number'. They already know how many kids they want. Better find out if it's more than 3.

Techn1ckS · 2019-10-30T04:09:11+00:00

I wouldn't know, got a vasectomy after 2.

themerovingian01 · 2019-10-30T03:37:40+00:00

When you have three one is always left out.

Title	How do things change with a third baby?
Author	pursuing_the_ideal
Upvotes	20
Comments	44
Date	30 October 2019 01:50 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/293284
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dp04hp/how_do_things_change_with_a_third_baby/