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How do things change with a third baby?

by pursuing_the_ideal | October 30, 2019 | askMRP

20 upvotes

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Been thinking of growing the family. Wife wants to. Curious if anyone who has 3+ kids has any insights and tips on how things change and with your kids and wife when your family grows to three kids. Current kids are ages 6 and 3.


Post Information
Title How do things change with a third baby?
Author pursuing_the_ideal
Upvotes 20
Comments 44
Date 30 October 2019 01:50 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/293284
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dp04hp/how_do_things_change_with_a_third_baby/
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[–]Crossed_the_Rubicon 35 points36 points  (1 child) | Copy

Switch from man on man to zone.

[–]i-am-the-prize 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

this

[–]Skiffbug 22 points23 points  (6 children) | Copy

Father of 3 boys. In a very logical sense, it very much increases the logistical challenges. There are two parents, so you can have individual focus with two kids. Once a third comes, it will become much more difficult to have that focused time. Out in the open, each parent can keep an eye on a child with two. When you have a third, either one parent needs to look after two (with the challenges that poses), or both parent look after all three, which inevitably leads to gaps (I thought you were with 2 and 3, no I thought you were with 1 and 2, where did 2 go?). As an example, when in a crowded airport, mine loving going in their own directions. We then need to work out who goes after who, and which kid are we getting second. Or when one parent has all 3. You give two of them your hands when crossing the street, and hope the third one makes it.

With this, I am not saying it is catastrophic, but it gives you a flavour of the additional challenges. Mine are all alive and healthy, ene as we’ve had some scares.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Geez Lol I was worn out just reading your exerpt, let alone living it.

[–]gameoflibidos 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Also a father of 3 boys. Agree with all the above, experienced the same. Will also add a few things.

1) You'll need a giant SUV or a minivan (But fuck that). If just one of the 3 has one friend going anywhere with us and we need a cooler or any amount of stuff with us, you need a Suburban or Yukon XL or something. Most normal SUV's have like 5 inches of trunk space with the 3rd row up.

2) you no longer fit in normal restaurant sized tables/booths. Most are set up for 4. It works fine when they are young, but when they get bigger.. now you gotta wait for the big table. This is just a general theme, like the car, the world is set up for 2.2 kids per family... not 3. Hotel rooms, double rowed airplanes (one parent has to sit alone in another row), amusement park rides, The list goes on.

3) We spend 120$ to go to the movies. Over 100$ for a cheap sports bar type restaurant for lunch. The babysitter is at least 20$ an hour.

4) It's very difficult to determine who did what to be able to parent accountability. Who left the toy on the ground, who broke something, etc. They can now do the triple point at the others. This makes it very hard to discipline for these sorts of things. I tried punishing everyone as a group but that ends up being unfair to the older one who is finally getting generally responsible so it's usually not him. I've tried just about everything and nothing is really a great solution. Mainly I try to not just clean it up myself and make ONE OF THEM do it, cause if I do it, cause that's really easiest, they learn nothing.

5) 3 kids creates a metric fuckload of laundry and trash.

[–]Skiffbug -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great points, especially on accountability and fucking laundry.

[–]FoxShitNasty83 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

As a man with two young boys.... I salute you sir!

Only just last week did I break up a fight in the mini golf centre.... whilst laughing my arse off. Put the club down.. "I dont negotiate with 4yr olds!"

[–]Skiffbug 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The pain is real. How many times have I tried to give them a shellacking and failed to keep from laughing!

[–]Freedomeofchoice 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Or when one parent has all 3. You give two of them your hands when crossing the street, and hope the third one makes it."

Oh man, thanks for the laugh in the morning, that was funny as hell while trying to be serious. I could just see you praying for the 3rd before crossing the street.

[–]Techn1ckS 13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy

Just noticed you said "wife wants to". Who gives a fuck, the question is, do you want to?

[–]z2a1-9 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

exactly

[–]primordialawe 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How is this not the only response in the thread? What a circlejerk.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Disappointed I had to scroll so far down past the whinging about laundry and suv's to get to this post.

Have my upvote

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

It was too obvious.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You just need to have your shit more together. If you don’t, you will always have one running lose since you only have two arms.

Honestly, it isn’t too much different once you’ve had a couple of kids. Your time gets divided up differently and you just need to be a little bit more on top of things. Other than that they are kids. You are the parent and leader. Don’t let the inmates run the asylum and you should be fine.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

In Texas child support goes from 25% to 30%

Good luck.

[–]Cloudy_Pirate 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kids are awesome. The jump from 2 to 3 isn’t a big deal. Yeah, you are always outnumbered, but the oldest will step up a bit. It creates more play opportunities for everyone.

Just make sure you can fit 3 car seats/boosters in your vehicles.

Moving from 3 to 4 is more complicated. You need to have a 6-7 passenger vehicle and getting a hotel room sized for 6 is a challenge.

[–]sigmaintp 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

From one kid to two was a MONUMENTAL change. You think..."oh, I've got the parenting thing down"...but NOOOO...now you have to learn how to "juggle"! Two to three...meh...just more "juggling". At least that was MY experience. (3 boys- 3 year "stairsteps" almost to the month). One finally out of diapers and walking...and here's another one... :-/

[–]damnyoutall 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I thought the jump from 1 to 2 was easy. Real easy. Now 2 to 3 was difficult because of the reasons others already articulated.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have one, wife wants another I don’t. So sick of hearing from her side of the family “shes gonna be an only child” waaaa.

My cousin has 6 under 9, fucking insanity over there.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I always wanted 6. After the first 2 i was done.

A few reasons, which might not affect you ...

1) Money. Childcare here was costing me £1000 a month PER CHILD. Minus a few benefits such as tax free childcare where the government puts in 20% towards the cost if you jump through a bunch of hoops each month. Also the nursery would reduce one child's cost by 10% for sibling bonus.

I'm now literally floating at the bottom of my bank account each month until my second one is out of nursery. Not good. Definitely leaves me in a position of not being able to afford any more.

2) Wife. She is the one who has to look after them on maternity leave. My career is too unforgiving for me to take that kind of time out. She couldn't cope with either child. 2 breakdowns and I almost threw in the towel shit was so bad at home. She wouldn't cope again, no way.

3) Divided time. My time is split between all my hobbies, my two kids and doing things with my friends and wife. Add a third kid and i'm not sure id have time to take a shit.

4) The baby phase. We all know that first year is fucking tough. No sleep. No time. Baby attached to you 24/7. I was fucking pleased when my youngest turned 2 this month. Whenever they become a little less dependant you have a tiny piece of yourself back each time.

I think more money would cover most of these problems... You could hire a nanny to look after the kids, revealing the wife from maternity care and dividing up the baby phase between someone you're paying so they can take the load. So if you have a good income, maybe 3 kids is the way to go!

[–]yeahmaybe2 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

With a family of five, nothing in the world quite fits, cars, restaurant tables, etc, are made for groups of four.

[–]tom-anonymous 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You'll no longer sit at a 4 person booth at restaurants. You'll have to wait for a 5 top.

[–]helaughsinhidden 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Current kids are ages 6 and 3.

Congratulations and good spread! I have 5 kids, 21, 18, 13, 9, and 4 all from same mom. Immediately have those kids conditioned to help and give them a lot of praise when they do, it will pay off for YEARS. The six year old can fetch diapers, blankets, nookie and the three year old can get things too as well as sitting down next to the youngest to keep the baby company and watch cartoons and teach her how to play with baby toys. As the youngest grows, so will the jobs they can help with. This seemed to help a lot in keeping them from becoming jealous of the attention the baby got too.

You won't really notice the food budget change after the formula is done. Everyone's situation is different and you have to keep in mind all the opinions saying it's hard that men will over complicate their lives. I barely noticed much change at all with #3, but in my case, wife is a SAHM who really owns that part quite well. Same goes for #4 and #5. Honestly, for us having just one was the hardest because as the parent, you have to be everything to that kid. With two they can play or fight to keep busy and you get more time where you aren't having to be one on one constantly.

You will need one large vehicle, but I'd bet you already have an SUV because that's what every mom thinks she has to have. In my house, I like sporty sedan's, so I drive and buy whatever I want because 90% of the time it's just me, the other 10% it's me plus part of the tribe. When we are rolling deep, wife's vehicle seats all 7.

We stopped buying new shit on #3 too. Pretty much 80% of his clothes were from second hand thrift stores as we discovered new clothes get stained on the first day they wear them and they grow out of them before the fabric shows any wear and tear. Same with toys and such.

The oddest thing happens too. First two kids seemed 100% like "our kids" that "became" brother and sister later, but #3 seemed like from the very beginning to almost belong to the existing kids as well. Like he was part "theirs" from the beginning and the jealousy that occurred when the second kid arrived just never materialized. It only increased with #4 and #5 actually felt more like out kids got a sister MORE than we got another child.

[–]floatingsidewalk 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Three is hard, but i was told it gets easier after 5, so just buy a minivan and get on with it.

[–]PurpleTurtle12 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Does your wife work? Yes or no to that question makes a big difference on how easy your life is. I grew up as one of six kids but our mother was stay-at-home. Life would get busy, but was manageable. If both parents were working full-time it would have been a lot more difficult for them to manage.

[–]HeckleandChide 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a lot of kids. More than 4.

You need to be very, very careful. The more kids you have, the more likely your wife will replace you with them in terms of her priorities. Kids create hormones that can - but not always - generate hormonal responses that bypass normal tingle-generating processes.

In other words, if you are an extremely high value man, that doesn’t really matter (as much) if she has been cleaning up shit and stopping toddler fights all day.

What do you want? If you don’t want a third, then don’t or else there is a strong chance you will resent the child and your wife.

[–]RicoDunne 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Having three increases the chance of your lineage surviving. I always joke with my wife, that if we lose one, well we have the others.

[–]jfbravoc 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ours are 8 and 6, and our baby is 13 months old.

It´s great. Yeah, there´s logistics and expenses... but bottom end: we are loving it.

And it´s been really helpful with some difficult issues we were having with the older ones. Relax and go on. :)

[–]test_acct_DELETE 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ah let me tell you my duder... I'll keep it simple. I have a 19, 14 and 8 year old so a lot of parenting years here.

Adding children isn't linear; it's compounding.

You two, as parents, are now outnumbered

Nothing will be unanimous ever again. There's always one A-hole who holds out or HAS to be different.

You go from having your shit together and being proactive to a shitstorm of responsibilities you will never get caught up on and constantly in reactive mode.

Every woman I've talked to about this has a 'number'. They already know how many kids they want. Better find out if it's more than 3.

[–]Techn1ckS -2 points-1 points  (12 children) | Copy

I wouldn't know, got a vasectomy after 2.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

How did you have it done? Clamping or snipping? Also what was the recovery like? Any complications?

[–]hack3geRed Beret 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

They cut that shit and then burn it to sear it off. I have been awake while having my body cut open and things removed (long story - can’t have anesthesia) and it didn’t even compare to feeling them pull my shit out, cut it and then smell my own flesh burning.

Enjoy!

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm into this.

[–]z2a1-9 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

lmao

[–]vplatt 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah, that along with the "kicked in the nuts" feeling you get for at least 2 days are just super-fun. And healing goes pretty fast really, but your boys don't quite feel the same for a long time. You gotta handle them a certain way to prevent twinges because something about how they sit inside changes.

[–]hack3geRed Beret 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Funny thing is now when I actually get kicked in the nuts I don’t even feel it.

[–]Techn1ckS 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Snipping. The guy that did he was very experienced, made a tiny round incision 1/2" below my shaft's base, around 2-3mm diameter and took care if everything through there. It's local anesthesia so you are awake through it, however there's no pain at all during the procedure. They have you take a couple pills one hour before and do a Novocain shot. This pinches a bit. After he was done he told me to hold this bandage over it for 5 minutes. Bleeding stopped, he put a smaller bandage and then you put the cup on. Yes, you need to buy a cup and wear it a couple days. That was it.

24 hour bed rest, resume normal activity including lifting whatever the fuck you want after 48 hours. No sex or cumming for a week.

Incision takes about a month to fully heal. I had some minor discomfort in my balls for a few days, discomfort went away in my right nut first, while left one it's taking a bit longer but the discomfort is almost gone. It's been about 4 weeks now for me.

Semen sample test is in 8-10 weeks after surgery or after 20-30 daily ejaculations. You still have to use a condom until this test comes back as your swimmers have to clear out and you have to make sure there hasn't been a rejoining of the tubes.

In terms of behavior or hormonal changes I can't say I feel any different other than the eagerness to bust a nut in my wife without those pesky condoms. Those test results should be back around Christmas, so it will be a great gift, thanks Santa!

[–]vox_veritas 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Apparently one of the complications is mentioning that he had a vasectomy for no reason.

[–]Skiffbug 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hah. I got one after 3. I was about to snip as soon as I heard the news of #3, but waited until he was born!

[–]Techn1ckS 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah after two I've had enough, I thought since 1 was manageable, two shouldn't be much harder and boy was I wrong. Then after going MRP and doing a lot of reading I understood the importance of being in control of conception (i.e. never trust a woman with your semen - flush condoms down the toilet) - so I said fuck it and went for it after doing a lot of research on side effects to make sure I don't get any problems with hormone imbalances, i.e. testosterone.

[–]themerovingian01 -5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you have three one is always left out.



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