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Walking out on red flags

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Chicagolax
November 5, 2019
118 upvotes
askTRP

Met this girl and immediately hit off, massive chemistry. Noticing some red flags though early on: has never had a real relationship at age 29, lives for the weekend and drinking, not a club girl but always has a beer or wine around on the weekend, not great with finances, Warned me that she has a habit of sabotaging anything that starts to get serious because of insecurity, scared, etc. and finally always traveling with her “girlfriends” everywhere very frequently.

After a great couple weeks of her essentially treating me like prime brad pitt, I can already feel her starting to pull back. Feel like I already know the answer but time to pull the plug on this right? Like this girl a lot and love the chemistry and affection but just don’t want to get burned here.


Post Information
Title Walking out on red flags
Author Chicagolax
Upvotes 118
Comments 111
Date 05 November 2019 07:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/294141
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ds40g8/walking_out_on_red_flags/
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Comments

[–]KillaJewels 193 points194 points  (13 children) | Copy

Excellent job at recognizing red flags.

Pull the plug. She ain't it. You have oneitis, so I would say don't even bother trying to plate. Hard next.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 66 points67 points  (9 children) | Copy

Yup you’re right. I’ve been dating/fucking other girls but definitely have caught feelings here which sucks man. Time to abandon ship though for calmer waters

[–]KillaJewels 51 points52 points  (5 children) | Copy

The more you experience shit like this, the more it doesn’t faze you. You’re on the right track.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 30 points31 points  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks - usually I’m the one who pulls back so just feeling a little rattled. Time for more gym and hobbies.

[–]Ill_mumble_that[🍰] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

It is odd..age 29. Shes headed for the wall.

My guess is she is looking for comittment from some sucker. So she gives the royal treatment in an attempt to lock you down.

Since you are still seeing other girls, she realizes you ain't it. She needs to find some other sucker before her ovaries dry up.

Let some other dude pay for her rent while she travels with her friends to get strange foreign dick. I'm sure the suckers will line up.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She didn’t know I was seeing other girls the whole time but yeah guess she was just looking for someone to put up with her shit.

[–]Ill_mumble_that[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's always the same story. Girl treats you like a king at first. Then sex frequency and quality from her goes down over time.

Best thing to do is not get oneitis.

My current ltr started as a plate but I upgraded her while still openly banging other women. She never tried to stop me, even when I brought some bi girls home. After a while I married her, in a church, not legally registered with the state.

I'm still banging other women but lately I've been met with some resistance on stuff we used to always do with my LTR, like anal and some other kinks. I'm pretty sure it has to do with me being at work more and not having time to game her.

Last few months has me at work at 6 am to 6pm and then I come home, any energy I got left is spent lifting and then I crash and restart the next day. Weekends are the the only time I have to play, despite getting called in on sat/sun sometimes. And I still get some but not like I'm accustomed to.

I'm probably just acting less charismatic and more tired all the time. I used to bang other girls at least 1 every week but lately its 1 a month.

Women dont care if you are tired because you are making money. They really dont have any sexual empathy for a man, even one that provides for them, because attraction can't be reasoned or negotiated.

Work is killing me but the money is good. Right now I feel like I'd be better off just paying escorts for the kinky shit I want but I've never gone that route before

[–]Thezanatosh 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Epiphany phase

[–]btrpb 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, best do it now before the feels get too strong. I had similar recently. Lots of chemistry, but lots of flags. Didn't want to let go but I walked quick and found some fresh pussy and I know I made the right decision despite that chemistry.

[–]Warren_Bateman 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good on you for being strong when it’s easier to be complacent. It’s the kind of inspiration this sub could use more of.

[–]Bored 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like she treats relationships she'll sabotage anyway as an escape or high - you just got some 2nd had dosage

[–]big_ass_package 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man it totally fucking sucks. I've been there more than once, and we will never truly understand why a woman would ditch a man that gives her what she needs. THEY WILL NEVER LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU LOVE THEM...

[–]ablong946 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Probably a dumb question but is there a quick definition to hard/soft next?

[–]KillaJewels 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Soft next is basically putting a girl on the back burner. Going cold, not initiating contact, responding later than you would normally, placing her as a backup in case more deserving girls are tied up.

Hard next is completely losing contact never to speak to a bitch again. Especially done with exes as a rule.

[–]i-am-the-prize 39 points40 points  (9 children) | Copy

not sure but sounds like you were love bomb'd, and now she doesn't want you to know the real her because she feels the real her is disgusting/not-good/etc (we all know all our own worst sides/secrets, it's normal but abnormal people let it define them).

but yeah, if she's 29 and still has these issues, it is NOT your job to fix her. if you have feelings, fully Next her. If you do not, and you're sure you don't, then keep on sex-dial, but have abundance. You have no mention of that in your post, can you call another woman and be knee deep shortly thereafter?

[–]Chicagolax[S] 9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah def, have tons of plates who are dtf whenever, just really just liked the chemistry and way she made me feel when I was around her. Recently-ish off a break up w ex LTR so it was nice feeling genuinely liked wanted again, and not sure I ever fully processed that so feel like I’m just catching it double here. In too deep to plate, so gonna just gonna have to call up the bench.

[–]i-am-the-prize 8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

good self awareness. let the sting of the ex-LTR remind you to stay true to yourself - might as well harness the hurt/anger in the gym and in self improvement.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

Love bombed is exactly right. She couldn’t get enough of me. Just sucks seeing this light switch seemingly flip. Time to hit the gym.

[–]i-am-the-prize 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good Man. Not sure if you like old school rap, but check out this one, it's on my spotify and fun to listen to when at the gym when old GF's pop into my brain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwSXfocnt48

"... 'cause I'm on with the next girl... NEXT."

[–]Chicagolax[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Love it - gonna blast this hard

[–]deathbya1000cocks 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey man I know how you feel, I had to do the same and had the exact same experience the last few weeks and I know the chemistry feels amazing.

Unfortunately girls like this are damaged which is such a shame because there is nothing you can do to fix them. As soon as she started to pull back you knew it was over, good on you for following your gut.

[–]mcl116 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

What is up with girls that do this? They act crazy about you, super sweet, super affectionate, can't get enough of you, always happy when around you, always wanting to see you, all things of this nature, then all of a sudden they're done with you. Something you do gets under their skin, or all of a sudden they're not in love with you, or whatever it is, it's like a light switch was flipped off and whatever was going on between the two of you is over.

Is there any way to have your shit together enough or anything you can do to prevent the switch from flipping?

Anything to flip the switch back on?

[–]i-am-the-prize 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you were consistent in your actions and emotions then it wasn’t you who flipped it.

The dopamine and emotional rush they enjoy just like you do.

I’m stretching here as I don’t know your situation or woman - but I have personally seen it more than once about a girl who has a lot of self loathing and goes from the crazy fast emotional love bomb to a complete push away shortly there after.

It’s a defense mechanism where they dump you before you dump them because they’re sure you would dump them once you realize what they’re really like (in their mind). It ends up being a self fulilling prophecy.

Just know if they come on too hard and too fast and too needy and too clingy your ego may feel good for short term but red flags and sirens should be going off.

[–]Herdsengineers 23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy

pullback to match her. don't have to pull the plug totally, though.

you should be living a life that is making steady progress towards fulfilling a mission for yourself. the invite for a woman is to join you pursuing that mission. if she backs off, go chase your mission. if she comes back, can be good. if not, no biggie. wait for the next woman to check out if she wants to join with you or not.

[–]SupremeBBC 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the perfect response tbh

[–]Red_Pill_Brotherhood 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

When a woman pulls back, its a game(or that insecurity of getting serious on her part) of theirs. You pull back harder in response.

I would next this chick. Those are some BIG red flags. She's a CC rider, reliant on alcohol and has little control over finances. Next.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah you’re right. Can’t reconcile the no serious relationships and saying that she sabotages anything that starts to look like potential. She told me her playbook in advance and looks like she’s running it

[–]Bear-With-Bit 24 points25 points  (5 children) | Copy

Doesn't sound too bad to me. If she's pulling back, you pull back as well. Don't overthink it.

[–]Black_Jesup 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

Seriously. This dude's about to end a relationship because of some internet strangers' opinions and a perception of being soft nexted. Are people capable of independent thought anymore?

[–]redditor67tny 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

naw, his problem is the feelz

[–]Chicagolax[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

👌🏻

[–]CasaDeFranco 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He's probably not just going off strangers advice. But values some random insight to add to counsel from friends, advisors when it comes to relationships.

Usually he will follow his gut, and if we agree; it's validation. I've done the same thing.

Nose ring girl, ton a red flags, I ask, "is this a dumpster fire?" others agree. Often just writing out the question gives you the answer.

[–]agjrpsl 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's what girls like her do. They have short attention spans. They have a different guy every couple of weeks. May be a month if that. Move on.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Preach

[–]Greaterbird 15 points16 points  (5 children) | Copy

Know what sucks? When they're super fucking hot and also super fucking crazy.

On the one hand it's like wow, I had a 11/10 in my hands for a bit and the sex was amazing and I don't know how others could compare, but they're also nuts and that's why no one else wants them for long in the first place.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah that’s the thing man. Just makes it frustrating when they’re the ones bailing on you. She wasn’t even that great in bed! Not even sure why I caught feels here tbh but just really liked the companionship.

[–]wkndatbernardus 13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

She probably made you think she could heal some deep seated wound of yours from childhood. Those are the type of chicks that can cause oneitis real quick. It's good to reflect on why you felt so strongly about her when your logic is alerting you to the red flags.

This happens to me when I meet women that remind me of my mom. She was always distant and we never had much of a relationship. Now, when I meet a woman who is attractive, smart, and distant, I catch feels quickly because my subconscious believes this woman can retroactively heal the neglect of my mother, if I can only convince her to fall in love with me. Anyway, that's just my attempt at armchair psychology so, take it with a grain of salt.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

She had a pretty face, always wanted to be holding onto me/touching me and told me how great I was. Feel like she just caught me at a time when I needed that attention. Just feel stupid for getting attached to it and thinking it was real

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

if it makes you feel better, it was real, just not permanent

[–]Chicagolax[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks bro

[–]hibloodstevia 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Dude, you don't see this many red flags in downtown china.

Most of them are show stoppers individually. Stop rooting through the trash, don't you deserve better?

Maybe you don't deserve better, so improve yourself until you do.

[–]i-am-the-prize 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

nah, he has plates and other options. i think he knows he deserves better.

But OP buried the leade - he' still getting over an ex-LTR and this (crazy) one's desire for him filled a need he hadn't felt since his ex-LTR (being wanted, not just fucking).

It feels good to be wanted, that's a very human trait. But he's recognized that, which is a huge step. Ego is the enemy. Recognize the rush/feels, then set them aside, just like negative emotions/feelings. Once you can Identify and meta-think about feelings and emotions, things change. hard to explain. but it's like a superpower...

[–]Chicagolax[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nailed it

[–]northernhubbub 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think you hit the nail on the head here: thinking you don’t deserve better. The result is being drawn to the type of woman that scratches that itch for you

[–]PhaedrusHunt 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had a similar situation once. Retarded fast and had like a 3 to 4 week mini relationship. Smart girl good looking great in bed blah blah blah.

Did I mention insane? That was the problem.

This one sounds similar.

I would say the plate her but here's the reason why. You managed to pull it off it will give you so much discipline in the future and control over your emotions.

Maybe a year after this one and I had our thing I plated her again-- or more accurately I was plating her for the first time. Only this time it was different because I was not going to catch feels again and she could sense that so it ended right away because she knew she didn't have any power. The thing is it was a big moral victory for me because I managed to treat her just like I would anyone else.

[–]FilipDimko 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hard next dude, you will probably get too attached if you don't do so early enough.

I know it sucks especially if she is hot, but yeah things can become a lot worse if you don't act.

[–]cglehosit 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

The insecurity line is used so she can justify in her mind leaving you in the future. “I warned him, he should have seen it coming.” Next.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I got some paranoia still about these things, but she sounds to me like a classic borderline (BPD) chick or one with some of those traits, with the self-sabotage, substance abuse, lack of LTRs, fear being abandoned so they'll abandon you first (even if you are high value, stable).

I got tangled up with more than one borderline/narcissist when young. Made it out alive (barely). Immediate heavy duty feels should be a red flag in and of themselved. Listen to your gut.

They can give you the best sex of your life, then cut your heart out, even if you think you're not getting feels. Not plate material at all. She's damaged dude. Not her fault (almost always abused as kids), but certainly don't keep sticking your d*ck in crazy. Some will threaten suicide as a manipulation tactic.

Get out while you still can. You think it hurts now, wait even another month or two.

I bet a lot of the RP dudes out there have gotten tangled up with girls like this. I'm in my late 30s now, done messing with them, even for a little while. Learn what draws you into relationships with these damaged girls (probably some codependent traits), work through the issues, or you'll get burned again.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah man. I know her dad had an affair on her mom and there was some divorce and other stuff that I think maybe has played into this but in either way, this definitely isn’t a fuck yes on moving forward. Wouldn’t even say she’s narcissist think she’s more insecure than anything. Time to bail.

[–]Zero-Milk 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sage advice. Like I said in my own post ITT, she's almost guaranteed to be hiding a massive narcissistic/borderline personality disorder. I've been through this very same thing, and it ultimately led to me having to get a restraining order against her (which she still violated thrice). Women who ignite instant and intense emotional/sexual responses from you are to be avoided at all costs. So fast it will leave your head spinning, they can force you to rip yourself apart and sacrifice all of things that make you who you are.

In most dangerous situations, my advice is to "tread lightly." But when it comes to women who trip the alarms, I say "run for your life." To do anything less will imperil everything you've worked to achieve in yourself and leave you asking what it was that made you allow yourself to be so stupid.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amen. There is no sex in the world worth the destruction these women can wreak on your life. Pay attention to patterns of behavior. These NPD/BPD are classic for "splitting" people around them with black and white thinking.

One day you're her Prince Charming, the next you're mentally ill, abusive and need to be either committed or arrested (they project like crazy, too).

[–]prostaddict 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like your classic BPD girl - switching between idealizing and demonizing you. Better off without man

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Delete block ghost.

After 2-3 weeks of no contact, shit in a basic brown bag (the kind you may have eaten lunch out of as a kid), put the bag on her porch, light the top of the bag on fire, ring the doorbell (or knock) and run to a pre-set hiding/viewing location. If all went as planned the victim will see the flaming bag and be all like "ahh fire!" followed by a quick stomping of the bag.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

lol my man

you're hilarious, dude. you copy n paste this bit about the flaming turd sack in so many threads. I just hope someone actually does this to one of these hoes (and without getting arrested).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

me too bro

[–]Truedemocracy5 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s not a couple of red flags that’s a walking game of minesweeper

That shot is tolerable from hot tight 22 year old club rats. By your late 20s you should have that stuff figured out

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You fucking dumbass.

Those red flags should be enough to kill your oneitis.

Just kidding you aren't a dumbass, if you were a dumbass you would never notice the red flags.

Good job OP. Like I always say...fuck her then leave her or just leave her. ( I wouldn't fuck her if I were you).

[–]JoeBuckYourslf 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Seems like you already have the answer to your question.

You don’t need validation from strangers on the internet.

... but hey - plate her. And DO NOT commit and catch some oneitis bullshit.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks - Too many feels to plate. Gotta cut the chord.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good for you young man.

[–]smartfunction30 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Every post that mentions BPD is correct.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You think so? Feel bad for her, but also a little less rattled that I somehow blew it and have no idea what I did here

[–]smartfunction30 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. You didn't do anything wrong. BPDs make you feel like it was your fault. There are subreddits here that deal with that but I get deleted when I link to them.

[–]Lateralanouncer 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Enjoy your turn

[–]Protocol_Apollo 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Good job seeing the red flags. The first one probably would be enough for most men to disqualify her but it’s good to see how much a shitshow she could be.

29 and has never had a relationship? That’s unheard of CC-riding.

Did she freely admit this or did you bring up the topic of relationships?

[–]Chicagolax[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

She asked me if there was anything she should worry about with me and I gave some answer not taking it seriously, then proceeded to tell me “she hasn’t really had any real LTRs and ends up sabotaging good things as soon as they start to progress somewhere”

I feel like if someone is showing you their true self, believe them

[–]Protocol_Apollo 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeh if she’s alright with telling you this, imagine the kind of stuff she’s trying to hide.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit

[–]Zero-Milk 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah bro, I think once the honeymoon period is over you're going to find this woman has a massive narcissistic personality disorder

[–]Chicagolax[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah you’re right. Just one of those taste of honey worse than none at all situations

[–]CarbonCommandant 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the type of content this sub was made for. Good on you for asking OP. As someone else put it, you were love bombed. In all sincerity, it is your decision how much effort you want to put in this relationship. Sometimes its better to get burned than to never know.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man. Already feeling some burn and confusion so if it’s not a fuck yes it’s a no

[–]cat_magnet 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Sounds like she has had more men go down on her than the titanic. Treating you like a king and then pulling back is manipulative behavior typical of people with personality disorders. I get the feeling you won't listen but you have to run while you still can.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Nah you’re right. Otherwise I’ll just be scratching my head two weeks from now wondering how I blew it and way more devastated

[–]cat_magnet 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

two weeks would be getting off easy. These kind of personalities can really draw you in if you are not careful. In twelve months time you could be a shell of your former self.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Woof

[–]mcl116 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I've experienced this twice with the same girl (I know, I'm an idiot). We were on and off in some capacity for a year and a half. Dating at certain points, just hooking up at other points.

Let me tell you, get the fuck out now. If your girl is anything like mine, their soft, bubbly, outgoing, affectionate, sweet personality will draw you in, make you feel like the luckiest move loved and adored guy in the world. And she's hot! it's the jackpot! But what will happen is out of nowhere, she will dump you. She will tell you a bunch of shit that doesn't make any sense but it will all place the blame on you.

Depending on your confidence and what not, you could spiral into depression. Questioning everything you did, the way you acted, etc. Having the rugged pulled out from under you in this way, going from such a high to such a low so suddenly can really fuck with you mentally and emotionally for a while.

Before you feel any more invested (which if she's like the girl I described above, you will not be able to help yourself, a lot of it is chemical also) just get out. MAYBE circle back when you've completely gotten her out of your system and keep her at a distance and just fuck her when you want if you can handle that later down the road.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I’m already wondering what I did to fuck this up so quickly bc ive never experienced pull back suddenly like this before and it’s already rattling me.

Sorry buddy, that sounds like pure torture and sorry you had to go through that. Sounds like you’re a better man coming out on the other side though.

Don’t think I could ever plate - it’s all those qualities above that I like that I don’t necessarily need in plates. Those things are my Achilles heel. Appreciate the anecdote and hope you’re doing well

[–]mcl116 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I know all about it man. The sudden loss is a complete and utter mindfuck.

I scoured the internet looking for answers, for similar situations to mine, to see where I fucked up, how it affects women.

The only thing i found was my girls actions were in line with innumerable articles, reddit posts, blogs, whatever, about people that are emotionally unavailable, emotionally immature, avoidant attachment, traits of personality disorders.

Unless you were a complete and utter push over, completely codependent, needy, clingy, way too emotional, ridiculously boring, I mean really think extremes here, then it likely wasn't you.

There are so many posts on reddit about girls bitching about their boyfriends. You'll see what I'm talking about.

I know it sucks and is beyond confusing. If you wanna talk hit me up.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah I was like micro analyzing texts I might have sent I was so shocked. Definitely didn’t do any of the above (at least hope not - 5 year+ lurker here so would be pathetic if so).

Think you’re right - emotional unavailability, immaturity, wants this on 100% her terms or not at all. Deserve better than that and not taking her shit.

Appreciate the offer to talk through this. This has been super helpful in processing things while going through the motions of detaching

[–]cat_magnet 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mate when you leave her she is going to lay the charm on thick and make every promise about how great she is going to be. You wil be very tempted to give her another chance. This is how they draw you in. They stay unpredictable. It spikes your dopamine in the same way a poker machine does.

[–]1MrTheFalcon 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're ready to settle down, is this what you want in a relationship?

If you're not ready to settle down, is this what you want in a non-relationship?

The reality is difficult. Do you want to cloud your experience with other women through thoughts of this one distant woman that eludes you. Or do you want to move forward, and see what else the world has for you?

[–]SeasonedRP 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She isn't LTR material with those red flags. And if she's pulling back, there's a good chance another guy is in the picture. You know what to do.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup, sucks but gut agree

[–]SoloDoloFE 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Nice job nipping this in the bud man. I'm younger than you, but had something similar earlier this year. Let it go on for too long (3-4 months) and it took a lot for me to walk away even after knowing she was a walking red flag.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not sure about you but feel like the neediness attracts me. Wanting to be wanted I guess. Hope you’re doing well after walking away from that. Sounds like you made the right play

[–]northernhubbub 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. It’s exactly the neediness that’s attractive, gives you something to focus on and something to “fix”. It’s hard to let go of the dream of a perfect relationship, especially when you have your own insecurities to battle

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What's your end goal with her?

[–]Dennasidaupp86 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is not uncommon. She has love bombed you, a strategy that apparently has worked well for her with you.

I think you know the answer on this one. Maybe have her as a plate, but nothing more.

[–]Chicagolax[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man I didn’t even know this was a thing until this thread and I’ve been reading this forum for years. Just did some research on it and holy shit reading other people’s posts it’s identical

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She's been riding the carousel and she's going to hit the wall. Get out fast.

[–]jm51 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There is no more charming and lovable woman than a woman with baby rabies.

[–]Anasthaesium 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Walk out. Plate if you can handle it.

Long story short - I was in a similar situation. LTR flirted and ran off into the club drunk w some other dude. I eventually found her and took her home but this was a massive red flag. Forgave her in spite of it.

Two months later, texts her pictures to some tinder Chad and deletes the chat. ( another red flag)

Next month - wanted to get married and became controlling. I bailed. Hurt so bad.

Now granted I was an asshole too and was fucking other girls all along. But it hurt nevertheless.

Now, I don't do ltrs. If I ever did, it will be with a non smoker non drinker non partying homebody 7 or 8.

[–]niceguyputin 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Wait why is not having a real relationship a red flag? I seriously don’t know.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She's 30 years old. Really?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Feel like I already know the answer but time to pull the plug on this right?

What's the problem? Oneitis? Get more options. Girl pulling back? Awesome, take some space.

Can't see the harm in keeping on fucking her. Def not LTR obv.

[–]dontbeanasshole777 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This can be salvaged.

The idea is to pull moves which show her you could walk away first.

Analyze at which part of your relationship she places the most value. Do/say things which imply she could lose that value. These will be personalized high risk moves, examples: if she places value at your intimacy, make up another girl you're intimate with/want to be intimate with If she places value at sex, say you're getting bored. You're other girl/ex had tighter vag. Deepthroated better. Moaned louder. Make something up. ...

It's a chasing game, either she's slipping and you're chasing, or vice versa. You can play that game. It's a game after all.

[–]kendallb183 -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Follow standard plate rules. She has earned the position of plate, enjoy it, help let it build your abundance mentality. If she breaks rules downgrade her to ghost.

[–]Myagooshki4004 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Where can I find a chart/description of these positions you're talking about?

[–]kendallb183 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go to the main Redpill sidebar and read the link managing your bitches. Near the bottom explains levels of plates and upgrading or downgrading and when why to do it

[–]boy_named_su -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just keep plating her and meet some new plates

[–]asorals -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'd plate her, but that's it would ever be.

Have you fucked her?

[–]Chicagolax[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes a bunch of times, can’t plate, too emotionally invested

[–]asorals 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ohhh. Yeah if you can't control yourself run.

[–]ToraChan23 -5 points-4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Like this girl a lot

Why? Especially with how you described her.

love the chemistry and affection

What chemistry and affection? Treating you like "prime Brad Pitt"? What does this mean?

don’t want to get burned here

Get burned how? What do you ultimately want from a woman like this?

[–]SoloDoloFE 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

What is the purpose of such condescending, interrogation-like comments?

[–]ToraChan23 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

“Condescending”? Seriously? I’m asking the guy simple questions. If you’re THAT sensitive, maybe the internet isn’t for you.

And I’m not “interrogating” him, I’m trying to figure out why he has seriously feelings for a woman that’s the type of person he described.

[–]SoloDoloFE 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP knows he fucked up. It's pretty obvious he just has oneitis, but at least he's able to recognize that some action needs to be taken.

The point I am making is that your questions aren't guiding him to a solution.

[–]ToraChan23 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It sounded to me that he is still holding on the idea of this girl. If he knew he fucked up, what would be the point of this post? He would’ve known that he needs to drop her, and he wouldn’t need us to tell him.

[–]Foolishoe -4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a great plate.

[–]dontbeanasshole777 -4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Try playing her game on her first. The whole "this is getting too serious, I'm scared, idk what to do" shit.

See how she reacts.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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