Hey guys, I think I went Rambo without realizing it.
I thought I was doing good in our marriage applying red pill (gym, focusing on my own growth, not being overly attached to her, teasing, etc.)
A few days ago she was in the bathtub around bedtime. I walked in and heard her crying. Got her out, started talking, she says “I don’t know if I can take you and I don’t want this baby.”
She is pregnant with our second child, about halfway through the pregnancy. We talk and she says through tears “other than our (1 year old son) I don’t have any reason to live.”
She is sobbing and I remain calm, but instead of applying what I think is “red pill” I decide to just switch back to how I used to treat her before I found the red pill (sweet, caring, showing obvious interest in her, comforting her, probably “placating” for all I know.)
I have been very “short” with her occasionally through this red pill journey. And I haven’t been complying with any of her simple requests like “can you tend to the baby while I xyz.” Probably just trying too hard to go the other direction against “blue pill tendencies of being a nice guy.” Probably the very definition of “going Rambo.” I’m the most caring guy in the world and that’s why I’ve been doing to the exact opposite. Rambo, I guess.
So this conversation... I just decided to try being nice to her again and quit treating her like a silly little girl. Actually show some investment. Some concern for her well being. I thought I was still showing that during her conversations/sobfests the past few months but I guess she didn’t see it as “caring” cause I was being too stoic. she has said multiple times in the past few months since going red pill that “I wish you treated me like you did when we were boyfriend/girlfriend.” Saying things like “I want ‘boyfriend’ LabelOtherSide back.”
So I asked her “do you want me to treat you like that again?” She, through tears: “yes” Me: “do you want this marriage to work?” She, emphatically: “yes” Me: “do you want to be married to me?” She, emphatically: “yes” Me: “do you like us together and are you willing to put on the work for us to be happily married again?” She, emphatically: “oh yes, oh yes yes yes definitely” Me: “ok, we are in this together. You are the only girl I love, I will do what I need to do.”
She was crying and smiling through all of this once I started showing some investment/started “emoting” with her.
Since then we have been right as rain. She and I have had the best sex in our marriage so far, and did it ~5 times in one night (we had to plan this about a week out, and get some coffee and catch up on sleep the day before the “all-nighter” to make sure we could do it. And no, I didn’t orgasm 5 times, we just “did it” throughout listening to music and watching a movie, taking breaks occasionally.)
She has been much more responsive to me sexually, and we are treating eachother much better. I am letting go of this bitterness I have had, enjoying the sex and passion, and I think she is having the “loving husband” she wants.
I’ll add this: she has invested a lot in me over the years, and I have invested a lot in her. She has NO other friends other than me. She has had no other lovers other than me. She stays at home, I work, so she doesn’t get to “make friends” much. She is submissive to me and I am pretty much her world.
This red pill business has been putting a huge strain on our friendship/marriage/everything. Not in my eyes, but in hers.
What is up? Did I just get too heavy, too fast? The whole thing blows my mind, I thought being an asshole turns girls on? She said that my teasing “just hurt her feelings and made her want to die, ‘like you don’t care about me’ or something like that.”
Why is my blue pill method of treating her so effective? Obviously it’s what she’s used to... but I guess I’m just asking, why have all of my red pill tactics fallen flat?
I don’t want to go back to blue pill but dang... she said she wanted to die. (She since retracted her statement and said that she knows she is hormonal from the pregnancy and actually DOES want our baby... her actions the past week or so have shown that she is “alright” and in fact is the loving mother that I’ve always seen her be. Can’t take what they say at face value, right? Ha.
It’s just that her actions show my blue pill treatment of her to be effective. And I thought the opposite would be true.
Anybody have some advice of what I should do going forward? Maybe I was using dread and not realizing it? (Fatal during pregnancy, I know.)
Anybody have any ideas what could be going on here? Has this ever happened to any of you?