[FR] I hit stage 4. It's the worst stage so far.

TDCRedPill · 2015-07-05T14:59:05+00:00

You're assigning the worst possible motives to what you saw without any possible consideration for alternative ones. Your conclusion that she doesn't have love for you is almost certainly incorrect, and her actions are in line with her actually having it.

Picture things from her point of view. You're leaving, and the panic of losing access to you makes her uncomfortable and wants to make the best of the time left, so goes straight to getting some loving. You may think it's because she doesnt want to talk or whatever, but it's because she'd rather do so wrapped up with you under a blanket all post coital-like. That's a GOOD thing. That's the BEST thing. There is no path to the love you want that doesn't involve keeping that feeling in her to the best of your ability.

From an outsider's point of view, you punished her for doing what she wanted, what you wanted, and what you wanted her to want. That's cold. ~~Even worse is knowing that you up and left in the middle of sex.~~ ~~That is some serious fuck-with-a-person level cold ass rejection.~~ ~~That girl has or is shedding tears, guaranteed.~~

You're putting too much trust into your cynical examinations. Have some cynicism towards your cynicism, and factor in positive possibilities.

It's okay share love that could end in a couple of days. In fact, it allows an honest love that is really something. Even if you thought it meant she wouldn't be yours forever, she wanted to be yours then. You rejected her, after giving her ALL of the signs you were similarly attracted to her. I suppose you could feel justified if you were wanting to save yourself for marriage. If so, we need a different talk. Otherwise, I'm feeling this was a mistake conclusion on your part, that led to your action that was simply mean to her, ~~in a damaging way.~~ ~~Imagine an ex told all your friends you have a small dick, and you actually do.~~ ~~That's pretty close to how she's feeling right now after that.~~ Im not one for catering to women for the sake of women, but this is a simple thing to fix caused by an error on your part, and I'd feel compelled in your place to reach out and ease her pain, because if this was recent, she's in it, and you caused it.

Edit:Strikethroughs used on section that may not apply. I read in that you rejected her in a manner sometime shortly after your 'staring at the ceiling' description, please ignore if it doesnt apply.

CopperFox3c · 2015-07-05T18:13:01+00:00

The hardest part of the Depression and Acceptance stages are feeling like all your dreams are dead. For what is a man without dreams or aspirations? Nothing more than a shell of himself.

No, you can still dream. You must replace your old Blue Pill dreams with new ones. Ones defined by the challenges a man faces in life, the failures he may endure, and the successes he will find by overcoming. That is the TRP way. That is the way of men.

You can still love ... it's just that no woman will ever love you back in the same way. But why would you want her to? A man was not born to be coddled and guided.

HS-Thompson · 2015-07-05T14:51:58+00:00

I struggled at internalizing TRP behavior, so my "Alpha" traits were really me just berating women with insults.

I am glad that you posted this sentence. My impression is that a lot of the posters here, especially the newer and younger ones, fit this description.

Being alpha is much more advanced and subtle. I am glad that you recognize it and are progressing past this stage.

LongElm · 2015-07-05T15:31:05+00:00

Fuck this hit home. Swallowing the pill makes intimacy and love with a girl almost numb. It's human nature the way girls act.

Men are the true romantics. Girls don't know shit. Name me a female Shakespeare or a woman who truly sacrificed in human history. It's always the guy that's the tribute.

AWALT.

Hang in there man. It's really all we can do

some12talk2 · 2015-07-05T15:34:33+00:00

I realize this person I've had such an amazing time with has no true love for me

you are still locked into wanting True Love (tm) Disney while you are missing the love of a woman. Which means you can have the most fun ever, have an amazing time, great sex, enjoy talking, shared experiences, and somebody that cares about you. It doesn't get better than that. Sadly you are leaving, but it will happen for you again.

Malfador · 2015-07-06T01:08:20+00:00

The love you are looking for does exist. It's you.

fongiskul · 2015-07-05T20:39:57+00:00

Your self doubt and low belief is the biggest thing that's raping you right now. I thought people on here were just gonna rip you for having legitimate self doubt/depression as a beta mechanism but they're smarter then that: they see that you've given up on REAL love.

Here's the thing I don't get. You fell for her. You realized the end result wouldn't amount to anything cause you're leaving. You're looking for pure legitimate love and self sacrifice on the other end and you know you won't get it from her. You're looking for wife material. Why did you suddenly lay down and die? Yeah she's not gonna be the one to give you wifey material. But you've gotten so cuddled up into your little world of self doubt and depression and AWALT that you aren't even willing to milk the experience for what its worth and learn from it. You've already given up on the kind of love you want before your first battle is over. Drop her and accept her for what she is. Move on. Find a different girl. Abundance mentality.

Point being- Man up dude. Stop living in a world of "woe is me i'll never find the right girl to marry". You improved. You got in touch with your Alpha. You know how the game is played. Hell you're better off than me right now. Just because your unicorn does not exist, does not mean you'll never find a woman of a particular caliber to wife. Women love sex, they love being dominated, they're fickle, they pull all kinds of sht. True love however (in a moral context because RP is AMORAL) does exist. I've seen wife material. They still want all of that sex and the shit tests and the hamstering but they only want it with 1 man. Again this is from personal experience. I've read about the hypergamic nature of women on here and experienced it first hand. That being said I also know 3-4 women who, I have without a doubt, are solid wife material: self sacrificing, fiercely loyal, and although they want sex (what woman doesn't?) the benefits of having a lot of sex with one life partner outweighs multiple sexual partners to them. Again I saw this coming from women who have morals so this advice is completely incompatible with guys who play the RP game fully (amorally). I know I'm gonna catch flak for expressing these views and I don't mind. I've learned a shtload here even when people are constructively criticizing or disagreeing with me.

Whisper · 2015-07-06T03:55:48+00:00

As you climb the mountain, there will be switchbacks in the road, and the fourth is the most painful; it shortest climb, but the hardest. It tears the breath from your lungs.

Here is where your illusions have died, but not your dream.

But like the hero of some folk tale, you must sacrifice everything to reach the peak. It is the dream you carry that holds you back, that slows you down, that burdens you. Set it down. It is a stupid dream.

The love you imagine does not exist, and it never did. You don't need it and you don't even want it. There are no soulmates. No one is perfect for you. You will never just fit with anyone, like puzzle pieces made at birth in corresponding shapes.

The love of a man for a woman is the love a sculptor puts into the marble he shapes, it is the love of a man for the dog he raised from a pup. Yes, the marble, or the dog, could have been shaped by the hands of any man. But he is the one who did. Your dream is stupid. It is the dream of being so special that she could never have loved anyone else. That there could be only you, or no one. No one is that special. No one needs to be.

It is not the nature of women, but the stupidity of your dream, that burdens you.

Kill your dream, and be free.

tatebequert · 2015-07-05T14:50:29+00:00

It's a marathon, not a sprint. I feel you.

HAMMURABl · 2015-07-05T15:03:19+00:00

For a woman, this is true love.

reddiforlove · 2015-07-05T17:24:11+00:00

But most importantly, I realize that the love I'm looking for doesn't exist.

Better to realize that it doesn't exist with her naked and on top of you than to realize the same thing three weeks later after you've failed a shit test and she stops returning your calls, because here's the thing: the fun never lasts with these girls.

They are better in brief bursts of enjoyment when you are still the shiny new object to them and they are on their best behavior.

All of these stories where some guy thinks he's found true love eventually end with some sort of painful revelation. Yours is better than most.

M1s4n7hr0p3 · 2015-07-05T15:22:45+00:00

You had positive effect on target and you walked away. Because you are still holding onto expectations of Disney-style romance. If I could, I would slap you, for your own goddamn good. You just ruined a perfectly good opportunity that you had been pining for for no other reason than she was acting on her nature in response to you showing her yours. What the actual fuck? You have a long way to go, but I don't think it's in the direction you think it's in. You need to get over this idea of women as anything other than sexual creatures. Women aren't wonderful. Women are animals. So are you. Act on it.

cover20 · 2015-07-06T05:06:33+00:00

You got love from your mother. Don't expect that feeling from any of the other 3.5 billion females on the planet.

You'll get lust from girlfriends. You may or may not give them love, it doesn't particularly matter to the outcome. (Though oneitis is risky unless things are very settled between you two.)

You won't get love from your wife. Her love is for the children you will have together.

ChairBorneMGTOW · 2015-07-05T15:43:10+00:00

I'm dealing with stage 4, depression, by becoming MGTOW. I come to back to TRP because I realized that eventually I'll come to the final stage of acceptance, and I want to maximize my success when I do.

But for now, I'm in a 2 year long (thus far) Monk Mode, working on myself, earning money by working in an extreme job away from civilization, etc. I have moved my retirement date ten years earlier by working the last two like this.

Just saying you might want to take a break from women. Maybe not two years, but until it's less depressing. Just focus on improving in the mean time.

UrsusG · 2015-07-05T15:01:17+00:00

I realize this person I've had such an amazing time with has no true love for me.

So, you're about to get laid by a hot and fun girl and yet you philosophize and complain how 'this isn't true love'?

Inflated expectations much?

326695RS · 2015-07-05T14:53:18+00:00

Err... I think you are thinking too much over here.

You can't expect her to love you after one date. She had a great time with you and she wanted to keep that until you were with her.

There is nothing wrong with that. You should enjoy whatever time you have with her and end it on a good note. Who knows you might end up bumping into each other again in the future.

Relax. Take it easy.

researchinprogress · 2015-07-05T16:35:54+00:00

Why is that I discovered this sub last week and already feel like This sub is filled with a bunch of fagites in a never-ending cycle of self-deprecation?

Bros, when have you ever chased an abstraction(such as love or empathy) and recieved it in true form? Abstractions are not objects. Each abstraction exists in a spectrum and each person displays them differently... OP wants to find true love in a few weeks. That's really dumb... If you want fuck a woman for a few weeks and have good time, do it and be fucking present bro, life is too short...

ShitfacedBatman · 2015-07-06T07:03:48+00:00

I mix stage 4 and stage 5 with a little MGTOW. Because really, in the end we all die alone.

You need a guitar, or a hackey sack, or local bar to go to.

Here's the other thing too, I think stage 4 and stage 5 is where we get in touch with our feelings more. And as we learn we're not our thoughts, we also have to learn we're not our feelings. Both thoughts and feelings come and go - best you can do is "let them."

Wilhelm_Stark · 2015-07-05T16:08:19+00:00

You might be jumping to conclusions. You've known this chick for what, maybe a week? First time you saw her, had a great time, second time, your fucking. Alright. If your just fucking every single time, then it might be cause for concern.

Mudane · 2015-07-06T02:45:18+00:00

Damn can someone help me I accepted red pill but I never went through these stage and never did I hit rock bottom like this.

user6580 · 2015-07-06T03:48:59+00:00

I was the same as you but now I actually feel quite free. When I was younger I was chasing "that love" but now it's almost impossible for me to love someone in that "true love" way.

I love my girlfriend, but is she my everything? no.

polu85 · 2015-07-06T04:30:56+00:00

Dude that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. But she definitely feels something for you. And it sounds like she loves spending time with you. That's what it's about. Spending time with someone is the greatest gift you can give, that's irreplaceable time, gone forever, and she chose to spend it with you, and you with her. It's beautiful man, enjoy your life, it doesn't last forever.

cariboo_j · 2015-07-06T22:02:23+00:00

That's called the honey moon phase. Your brain gives you a chemical high by releasing bonding and reward chemicals.

The evolutionary purpose - get you to inseminate this girl then stick around for a few months / years while she is pregnant / breastfeeding.

It's a pretty standard script that is hardwired into our brains. And it feels good. It's like a drug. In fact it IS a drug. An endogenous drug, but a drug nonetheless.

That's why short to medium term relationships are so easy and fun, while life long commitment often ends up in divorce or unhappy marriages. Life long monogamy is not necessary to pass on our genes, therefore it is not a standard script in our brains.

"True love" in the form of life long commitment only occurs when both parties agree to act against their own biological urges, and create a new script in their minds.

Most people lack the introspection and self discipline to do this...

Couple that with perverse incentives for divorce and socially approved "you-go-girl" mentality of women trading up... well I think you'd benefit from cynicism.

But yeah, it sounds like you were just in the honey moon phase. Try doing some coke or MDMA, it produces uncannily similar feelings.

ChivaVonChiva · 2015-07-07T21:43:43+00:00

"Every relationship with a girl during this time was a game and it was noticeable on both sides that we were just playing who could be the bigger tease."

I'm right here now. How the fuck do I get out of that?

tractorferret · 2015-07-05T18:37:38+00:00

you're fucking bitching about getting laid? extend the fuck toy as far as you can extend it.

colinKaepernicksHat · 2015-07-05T17:03:53+00:00

I realize I'm having the equivalent of a one-night stand. I realize this can't go anywhere. I realize that she's already adjusted to the dynamic change and is ready to just be a fuck toy. I realize this person I've had such an amazing time with has no true love for me.

The realest shit I've read all day.

vys1 · 2015-07-05T23:51:07+00:00

New-age post incoming so bear with me Love in our minds is possessive: we want to 'have' the girl, we want her to 'be ours'; but what I have found is that true love is about accepting a girl; I mean really, half the time I ask girls why they did something and they have no idea; they are just following their evolutionary instincts. Af/bb, it's all the same; they are doing what they are programmed to do. That's why I never call any girl a 'girlfriend'. That implies monogamy, that 'you are hers and she is yours'. Instead I just call it an open relationship, because I know that hamsters will hamster and eventually cheat; so I make it such that they are free to have relationships with other guys and I'm free to have relationships with other girls. I feel much happier this way: no longer is it about 'you have to do this because I'm your bf' or 'I have to do that because she's my gf'. I learned to stop trying to own people. When you are going to die you realise that you never really owned anything in this life: your money, your possessions, even your girlfriend/wife. Learn to let go and have multiple relationships with women. Just be open with them and tell them from the start that this is not an 'exclusive relationship'.

trplurker · 2015-07-06T02:51:40+00:00

Yep welcome to depression stage, the place when you realize the real life long term implications of your new world view. You used many of those pretty lies to fill holes inside yourself and now that you've truly come to terms with how false they were you start to see all those holes and realize your missing something.

Good and bad news. The bad is that you'll never be able to go back in, you'll never accept the fantasy "she loves me" storybook ideal, even though you hear everyone else talk about it and go around pretending it exists, you will know for certain that it doesn't. Your going to miss the nice comfortable world view you had before, deal with it. The good news is that you can now accurately start building yourself up to be the man you want to be, you can replace that feeling of loss with various experiences and understandings that will make you a more robust man.

Doctor_Mayhem · 2015-07-05T17:11:02+00:00

Hold on, lemme paraphrase some fucking retard who said something on one of my threads...

"You just gotta swallow that pill bro! You sound like a bitch! C'mon! Meditate and finish that pill!" By the way, you're gonna see a lot of this in the near future.

Welcome to Stage 4. You're gonna feel some of that anger again. It's gonna sting. You may even just say "fuck it" and not want anything to do with women for a while.

The good news: you don't have a long way to go. Just one more hurdle. However, you'll be kicking and screaming the whole way as you try to get past it. Trust me. It only gets worse from here.

Lt_Muffintoes · 2015-07-05T18:36:34+00:00

It seems very apparent to me that you have not had any real relationships, because it doesn't seem to have even occurred to you to talk about how you feel with her and find out what her feelings are.

Edit: this is not meant as an attack

SpyderMaybe · 2015-07-05T17:45:49+00:00

It is what it is. In the stages of death and dying I wouldn't ever tell someone not to go through depression or any other stage just to set them right or hurry the process along. OP is where he is.

Happy travels. Sorry it sucks right now. Live it for the moment. Be open to the next stage when it comes your way.

Kid_Crimson · 2015-07-05T19:59:19+00:00

But most importantly, I realize that the love I'm looking for doesn't exist. And it's painful... I have a long way to go.

Depression, you say? That'll do it every time! Reality can be a harsh mistress.

It's kinda lame, but I often come back to a quote by Dr. Seuss in situations like this... “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” To me it's about being in the moment and being content and not living with regret.

cover20 · 2015-07-05T21:55:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Killigraphy · 2015-07-06T00:24:17+00:00

Looks like you still need to let go of the notion that "love" is quantifiable. Love is merely a word, what matters is the connection it implies. The "love" you're used to, is one created by Disney movies and the media. Find what you can connect to, and fuck everything else...take that as you will.

monzzter221 · 2015-07-06T06:19:41+00:00

I think youre looking at it from the wrong angle.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Also, chicks like to fuck too. I think all this talk about awalt and don't put them on a pedestal is great, but people forget that this equally applies. Chicks like to fuck. So what? Maybe she likes you and since you are leaving she figures she wants to fuck. So fuck her. I don't understand why this is so hard for men to accept.

LeeryLucifer · 2015-07-06T09:54:55+00:00

Eh, still blue pill all the way from what you wrote there.

Jeez, talk about putting vaginas on a pedestal.

80smadmaxonly · 2015-07-05T18:21:26+00:00

You sound like someone who would do well with a bible thumper. It doesn't fix everything but it would better the odds in dating... But... They insist on marriage. Don't have kids if you go this route.

BallisticTherapy · 2015-07-05T21:26:11+00:00

People say that it doesn't exist, but people also claim to have felt it. How can you feel a feeling that doesn't even exist? You can't.

So either everyone that has claimed to have experienced it is lying, mistaken, or that feeling really exists.

I would go so far as to say that it could possibly exist. I haven't experienced it myself, but then again, there's a lot of things I haven't yet experienced. Being introverted will do that to you.

Now the questions you have to ask yourself is that if it does exist, do you want to experience it, is it worth the risk, & is it sustainable?

In most cases, I would say that it's not sustainable due to the way women are, and thus should be avoided unless you're willing to gamble on a "This one could be a unicorn" gambit.

But that does go against the whole plate-spinning, outcome-independent, abundance mentality that TRP dictates one have.

It could exist, but the odds of being able to capture it and have it last without getting crushed somewhere along the line are extremely low and the cost of pursuing it and it failing are high, and its more than likely going to end in failure. TRP protocols make it impossible to pursue if they're followed consistently, and TRP protocol gets consistent results. So one's best bet is probably to just go full Red Pill for the best possible realistic outcome.

The ones able to hold on to that kind of love over their lives are the 1%. Do you wanna bet on those odds?

AdonisHera · 2015-07-05T22:21:09+00:00

I don't see the problem man. The world is a matrix anyways. You accepted TRP, so you deal with what comes with taking TRP. It is what it is man. You'll break through, hell even I still struggle with TRP

Title	[FR] I hit stage 4. It's the worst stage so far.
Author	smajorp
Upvotes	404
Comments	153
Date	July 5, 2015 2:30 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3c752r/fr_i_hit_stage_4_its_the_worst_stage_so_far/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/fr-i-hit-stage-4-its-the-worst-stage-so-far.34369 https://theredarchive.com/post/34369

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