What is the secondary dating market like? As in, divorced men and women in their 40s.

trueorfalsedmitry · 2020-12-10T02:44:29+00:00

Direct experience here. Late 40's male. Divorced for quite a while.

Not much different than what it was like in my 20's. Fewer women who want to get married the older you go (say, up to 50-52 or so). But, 36-40 year olds are out there trying to get themselves a beta bux with a vengeance. I always say I could get married within 2 months to an attractive divorcee if I wanted. But, these women just want to be married and have somebody to help support their kids.

45 year olds and up are often looking for fuckbuddies. Since a lot of decent men are married by this age, all you have to be is somewhat attractive and not gross or psychotic. I still have to work very hard to get them feeling like they want to feel about me (i.e. I have to be an asshole), but I only have to do it once. If they fuck you and find out you're not a nutball or a lousy lay, you can get it whenever you want from then on.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-12-10T01:22:02+00:00

The will/drive to cohabitate takes the back burner. People just enjoy going to restaurants and maybe a hobby on the weekends. It’s just serial monogamy.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-12-10T03:14:16+00:00

Shit-show dumpter fire circus.

Or so I've heard.

I tapped out 5 years ago.

SmurfESmurferson · 2020-12-10T02:18:32+00:00

The biggest difference is lifestyle - kids and divorce stuff (CS and alimony), as well as just a general change in priorities. You want to go to happy hour and be home after a couple glasses of wine, not go clubbing and do shots until last call

Outside of that, it’s fairly similar - men and women looking for relationships, with some gross swinger couples being inappropriate to any single women in their vicinity

LittyKitsune · 2020-12-10T03:32:11+00:00

My grandma has like 13 siblings with ages all over the place so I've seen a lot of case studies over the years.

The women in my family who fall in that category divorced like way back in their 20s and never had kids (as far as we know anyway). Both the marriage and children ships have sailed in their eyes and they're not interested. They usually end up in relationships with fellow divorcees who don't want marriage or any more kids either, sometimes cohabitating and sometimes not. A lot of interracial dating (one of my aunts has been on and off with the same Asian guy for like a decade) since my great-grandfather warned against it in the past but they now have zero fucks left to give.

The men in this category get pestered about kids and marriage and stuff more so they move on more quickly. One of them has a strict policy of nexting if a woman keeps asks him to meet her kids more than once.

KirthWGersen · 2020-12-10T17:26:38+00:00

It is incredibly good if you want companionship, love, affection, great sex and multiple partners.

It is pretty difficult if you are looking for marriage, kids or a life partner, unless you have low standards.

John_Oakman · 2020-12-10T01:49:36+00:00

Higher standards because most of them tend to have employment and their own place, hence being financially stable/responsible is in fact even less of a leverage (and more of a expected prerequisite).

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-12-10T05:16:18+00:00

Just go to /r/datingoverforty

It's a shit show

Willow-girl · 2020-12-10T14:16:06+00:00

When older people become single, they're less likely to date strangers than to pair up with someone already in their social circle.

SteveSan82 · 2020-12-10T03:00:45+00:00

Great for men. Awful for women

lemme_tell_you · 2020-12-10T15:57:13+00:00

I hope to be assassinated by the time im 40 years old. Hopefully it will be quick and painless.

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goatismycopilot · 2020-12-10T15:03:06+00:00

I do not think dating has changed that much but I have evolved in my perspective on dating and relationships. I have friends who still believe in the same ideals and myths that they did when they were younger.

Hoopy223 · 2020-12-10T04:35:48+00:00

I’m in my 30s. The same people except everyone is older. Cannot imagine 40s being different.

thedeadpill · 2020-12-10T15:14:23+00:00

Super bad.

Honestly, I'm thankful I'm a man in this instance, and I often date younger just because the women are less cagey and awful on average.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-12-10T02:32:47+00:00

Go on r/datingoverforty.

I've heard it's a pretty desolate place for the most part. Lots of vocal, leftover women who complain that men near or close to their age are all going for younger women in their 30's and nobody wants them.

A lot of them are apparently doing FWB situations to avoid the headache of relationships (and possibly to cope with not being able to find commitment very easily).

taapy234 · 2020-12-10T05:14:37+00:00

For guys who look forward to marry again or to have a serious commitment or have casual relationships from a woman like they used to before, its definitely tough. But unlike the men in their 20's and 30's, they still have options to "settle down" easily if he wants to. (as long as he makes more than $70k)

Similar scenario for women. Except the difference is women in their 40's can still fuck around if they want to, but they won't find men on their level easily to "settle down" with.

SUEDE2BLACK · 2020-12-10T10:20:09+00:00

I still sleep with 20 something year olds.

Title	What is the secondary dating market like? As in, divorced men and women in their 40s.
Author	NewWayNow
Upvotes	13
Comments	100
Date	December 10, 2020 12:56 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ka4yvg/what_is_the_secondary_dating_market_like_as_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-secondary-dating-market-like-as-in.607176 https://theredarchive.com/post/607176

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