What are the typical true motivations of LV exes who contact you to "apologize"?

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-04-27T14:00:38+00:00

they are horny and want sex, or at least sexts/pics, and they figure your shared history makes you an easy in
they want the ego boost of feeling like you are still all hung up on them. These are usually the ones who message you, and then when you message right back they ghost. They got confirmation in their twisted mind.
they want to feel like the good guy. When you respond, they figure they can’t have been that shitty, look, she still talks to me

Meccha_me_2 · 2020-04-27T13:57:55+00:00

They want to keep you as an option

jimmbie · 2020-04-27T13:30:41+00:00

T H I R S T

lilitha134 · 2020-04-27T14:12:32+00:00

1 of 2 reasons...normally a mix of both:

-they don't want to hold onto the guilt anymore and are looking to you so they can let go of the guilt.

-they want you back in their life... For whatever reason

Notice how a lot of them don't REALLY apologise? They say sorry but they care more about the "I forgive you" from you than actually being sorry

They may even say "oh I feel really bad about what happened" which they see it as something that happened, not something they did and its making it about them "I FEEEEL BAADD"

RUN

anyone that is TRULY sorry won't ever expect forgiveness and anyone worth your time will know they not to bother you with past bs

babybellenotcheese · 2020-04-27T13:31:43+00:00

They can’t function day to day without a woman.

sashimi_girl · 2020-04-27T15:39:44+00:00

They don’t want to invest time into your happiness but FUCK it really tears them up seeing you happy and looking good with somebody else! How dare you!

vp2407 · 2020-04-27T16:21:10+00:00

Deep down in their lizard brains they know they did you wrong and hurt you. Maybe he feels somewhat guilty for it and reaches out to scope out how you’re doing, not because he cares about you, but to check out of ego and curiosity whether you’re happy or depressed without him. When you respond to him all cheery and full of life again, it’s a confirmation to him that all that guilt was for nothing, and he will act like a POS again and ghost once he gets that housekeeping done in his conscience. That is why you never respond or agree to start up a friendship again under any circumstance, not with a sad attitude to let them know they broke you, nor with a cheery one to let them know they didn’t. It’s a lose-lose. Block and delete.

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-04-27T16:48:44+00:00

One (or all) of their female attention suppliers ran out and they need one back on the roster.

DoodleJack · 2020-04-27T18:56:28+00:00

It's NEVER for YOUR benefit. It's ONLY for them. Especially now, they can't run anymore, run from the shitty things they've done that continue to eat at what's left of their conscience. There's no parties. No gym highs. No Pickmes keeping them distracted and numb to their poor behavior. Their weed guy is running low and they just have no other choice but to be alone with their thoughts without any filter or buffer and it HURTS because they have no emotional maturity or facilities.

So they think if they bring out this sincerity, the, "but I didn't mean to," that you'll forgive, and it'll help the Bad Thoughts go away for a while.

Don't give them anything. Not your time, not your energy, and CERTAINLY not your forgiveness.

shiwanginaithani · 2020-04-27T16:22:37+00:00

He like May be he'll get some emotional or pussy support.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-04-27T17:56:59+00:00

Sometimes they just want the ego boost of knowing you'll respond. That's why a lot of them won't respond again even if they reached out.

throwahweigh3521 · 2020-04-27T20:53:40+00:00

My ex husband who singularly made the divorce brutal- lying about everything to ruin and destroy me (using every means available) sent a substantial sum a few years after the final decree.

His motivation according to the lawyer was “I realized I wasn’t fair”.

Which in his case translates, “I realized water was wet”.

Apologies are grooming to entrap you into to forgiveness. Forgiving is a declaration about who’s the victim and perpetrator that usually doesn’t address the wrong and makes space for nothing but more of the same shit relationship. Forgiving works for imperfections, inadvertent thoughtlessness and other things common to humans. There are many things unforgivable.

Sorry fixes nothing.

So since apologizing has nothing to do with justice the typical motive is restarting the relationship to work out his anger and disappointment that his life wasn’t better after he hurt you on purpose and you went no contact.

The purposeful shitty things done to hurt you no longer make him feel superior and manly. And perhaps he’s unable to groom and entrap new victims for his life project of dominance for masculinity. So he goes through his victim Rolodex and sends an apology or two or twenty.

Realizing that nearly all of the shitty things done to you that are common to women have nothing to do with you personally is liberty from repetition.

It’s never what you wore, triple texting, pms, venting or actually making a mistake etc -that’s not what contributed to his offense against you. You’re not a human with agency to him. You’re a widget in his sociopathic drama factory that he’s wedded because he’s emotionally bereft.

He hates what he must fuck and therefore does shitty shit like a rattlesnake - it’s automatic.

And humans have an immense destructive capacity towards magical thinking. That’s why victims wonder and perpetrators apologize after years apart.

His motivation is to hurt you.

TriSarahFlops · 2020-04-27T19:08:02+00:00

Success. An ex from long, long ago messaged me to let me know he’s really sorry for “pulling me into his life” when he was “going through” some things and he hopes I’m doing well. I told him if he actually cared about me, he’d leave me alone. He blocked me after that. 😆

endorphins_ · 2020-04-27T17:53:56+00:00

It's an ego thing to tell his dates that he's on "good terms" with his exes

duckfeatherduvet · 2020-04-27T16:22:41+00:00

You need to ask yourself why you're asking that! His motivations, feelings and journey is nothing to do with you any more

bernieorbust2k4ever · 2020-04-27T22:34:20+00:00

My ex reached out to me because his (now ex) gf and him were having "issues" (i.e. he was emotionally and sexually abusing her like he did with me and she told him off).

My guess is that he was suffering from cognitive dissonance since he's always viewed himself as a victim. So he sent me an email and stated that I was right when I called him abusive. Then in the next half of the email, he started saying shit like "but you were wrong, I don't leech off of women". The he wrote me a sob story about how "hard" his life was and how much he has struggled. Blah blah blah.

He did that because he was finally beginning to realize he IS the problem in all his relationships after multiple failed relationships in a row. But he wasn't ready to accept it, so he started making excuses for his behavior. He believed if I accepted his apology, then he wasn't in the wrong for treating his then gf poorly. Unfortunately I fell for it and accepted his apology, and he continued abusing her until she finally dumped him.

Tl;dr he's doing that because he feels guilty and needs validation or some sort of closure. He is beginning to see he IS the problem but isn't ready to acknowledge it just yet.

circescircus · 2020-04-27T13:37:50+00:00

They are baiting you.

2020-04-27T18:54:22+00:00

They literally just want validation and pussy because they aren't getting it elsewhere

Amy3e13 · 2020-04-27T16:36:46+00:00

detectivejuicee · 2020-04-27T22:30:55+00:00

Just want to see you’re still hang up on them. Try making a conversation and you’ll see how quick they start replying with one word sentences.

queendorkus · 2020-04-27T20:49:36+00:00

[deleted]

Title	What are the typical true motivations of LV exes who contact you to "apologize"?
Author	TriSarahFlops
Upvotes	56
Comments	40
Date	April 27, 2020 1:21 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g90kpv/what_are_the_typical_true_motivations_of_lv_exes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-are-the-typical-true-motivations-of-lv-exes.677461 https://theredarchive.com/post/677461

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