HVM and Hobbies

watchoutwoman · 2020-04-26T04:40:34+00:00

Output vs input is spot on. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and I'm trying to shift towards more output activities myself.

AfraidofFollowers · 2020-04-26T05:23:20+00:00

I like the hobbies where they are achieving something. Training for a long bike ride or half marathon. I like hobbies that are progressive. Fixing up cars and motorcycles. Spending money on unique/new outings instead of on material things or the same ol things.

drslvtr · 2020-04-26T08:24:35+00:00

Very interesting post.

I somehow agree with the consuming/outputting aspect of hobbies. I can't speak for other people, but I'm expected to put out a lot of results at my work. Everything I do is towards a goal, and it's exhausting to continue that mindset in my free time. I like to read books, watch movies, play instruments or dive into a baking challenge. Not necessarily to put out something, but to actually enjoy the process.

I believe we are conditioned to come up with a product at the end of our activities, largely due to capitalism. If you're not achieving something after you put effort in something, you're wasting time. Enjoying something without it resulting in a product (whether it be bettering your skill or making something solid) feels guilty. I don't think it's a healthy state of mind.

But then again, I don't think that mindlessly consuming media is good for us. I don't like certain hobbies because it feeds our reward system with very minimal effort and our expectations from real life are affected by it. I see it in people who excessively play video games, watch too much cartoons or read a lot of fantastic fiction. You get a lot of dopamine rush in exchange of such small effort, and the things you actually have to do, like showing up to work, seeing through a project or catching up with friends start to seem like a lot of work. You stop trying, because, why would you? You can sit in front of your computer, slay monsters and get a lot of XP with just a few clicks, that's enough to make you feel achieved and happy. There's nothing challenging about it and the rewards are instant and huge.

Personally, I find men who play video games excessively or are obsessed with cartoons or anime unattractive. It reminds me of my ex husband who would spend at least 10 hours a day on World of Warcraft, and I get flashbacks to my lonely days. Then again, I know men who obsessively exercise, play golf all weekend or shut themselves in their man cave to make furniture. I don't find that sort of behavior attractive, either.

To me, everything is great in moderation.

UpbeatIncubator · 2020-04-26T06:59:24+00:00

Interesting post!

In my experience video games with a lot of guys has been a means of escape and avoidance. It means they don't have to address difficult things in their life that they should be and they often sink hours and hours of their free time into it -- an hour or two, fine... but your only hobby really and for 6 hours and to the detriment of your relationships and sleep? nah. This is coming from a girl who quite likes gaming!

honeybeeroll · 2020-04-26T06:41:30+00:00

Well put! I'd say the shorthand way of saying it, is how a friend of my put it: "having no adult interests." She and I each dated a guy who turned out to be fucking losers, and something they shared in common was their biggest interests by far were anime and video games. So it's usually a red flag but sometimes not, and the "sometimes not" is if they have other adult interests.

For ex, I have a male friend who's actually developing his own games, so I'd say it is one of his main hobbies, but he also loves cooking, bought a house he's fixing up himself, working on getting in shape, and actually has an FDS aligned philosophy for dating (I told him my shock at a post I saw once abt some fucking loser who said women should pay for half the date if they realize they're not interested in the guy, and he was like "psh, be grateful she gave you her time").

So yes! A mix of interests (with mainly adult interests in that mix), and creative hobbies, rather than just consuming, as you said, are key. If it's the main interest, I'd say 9 times out of 10 do not bother investigating the guy any further lol

Namtara · 2020-04-26T05:55:08+00:00

I don't think there's a reason to objectively gatekeep hobbies. Women put different values on different things. There are generic or objective HV traits, but that's not all there is.

If an "output hobby" like what you describe is a high value to you, then wonderful. You've found a way to narrow down your prospects.

But hobbies are zero-value to me. I've gone through periods of being a workaholic, being an unemployed student, being poor, etc. During all those times, I had different ways of expressing myself, having fun, or creating things. They didn't my life any better or any worse. They were ways to pass the time and have fun.

To me, hobbies aren't competitive. There's no minimum standard for me to be able to say that it is or isn't a hobby, or to say that I'm doing one of them correctly. I've also tried so many different things that I don't expect anyone I meet to actually keep them up for a significant amount of time. Because that's my perspective, there isn't a point in me using hobbies to categorize men.

But recognizing whether you place value on these things is important. It helps you set a standard and identifies things that you are looking for. Just because I don't place value on hobbies does not mean anyone else shouldn't.

pumpernick3l · 2020-04-26T15:42:03+00:00

There’s a difference between an addiction and a hobby. If he plays video games on his downtime and is able to mix that in between going to the gym, cooking, cleaning, spending time with his gf, etc., then I don’t see it as a major issue. If he’s glued to the screen for hours a day and it’s clearly disrupting his productivity then that’s an issue.

kimadoll · 2020-04-26T04:00:21+00:00

Love this.

Delicious-Scholar · 2020-04-26T11:34:12+00:00

Why does this have the flair of sex strategy?

2020-04-26T08:33:23+00:00

As someone who plays too many video games and watches too much Netflix, this makes me feel better. As I also love the gym, I'm learning to knit and I want to start baking!

jayda92 · 2020-04-26T12:28:16+00:00

I can only speak for my HVx's en my HVbf... Their hobbies: playing golf, chess, surfing, strategic games, shooters or RPG's (for a SHORT/normal amount of time when the weather is bad), reading, upgrading their house, having dinner with friends and family, flying planes or helicopters, boating, making their own wine, driving racecars and go-karting. Working towards the future, that was/is a hobby for sure!

I don't need to enjoy their hobbies, but I do need to be present in communities where they are practiced; so I need to at least like them. My bf taught me how to play golf. I learned him how to scuba. I'm not always joining him on the green, and he is not always there to dive.

IMHO: I don't see anything good coming from men who are into; anime, intense online gaming, board game enthusiasts, cooking, crafting with tiny appliances to make 'art' or 'games' with it. Horrible, horrible communities...

ivy176 · 2020-04-26T06:53:51+00:00

My fiance watches the occasional animated show and so do I. He never plays video games. I'd find that annoying. Some games could be fun but staring at a TV with lots of movement makes me feel sick so I'd never participate. If he regularly did it for hours, it'd separate us as a couple. I don't think anyone can say playing a video game means a guy is low value because he might play once a week, or only 30 mins here and there. Personally I find it off putting and I'm glad my partner doesn't play them, but I think it all depends on how much time they spend on an often isolating, potentially unhealthy (inactive, indoors) unproductive hobby. But ultimately, if you both enjoy a hobby like video games and you indulge in it while also maintaining fitness and not sacrificing anything significant in your life for it, not doing it excessively then people can't say it's wrong.

My fiance has hobbies like: wood working, playing musical instruments, building instruments, gardening/landscaping, exercise, building and fixing things around the home, reading. He watches netflix and TV to relax but doesn't get absorbed in it or consider it a hobby.

yngdmbfullofcrmbs · 2020-04-26T17:38:48+00:00

I would extend a hobby to be anything he finds interesting and spends time on outside of work and sleeping. It doesn’t necessarily have to be an output. The guy I’m dating is currently into playing guitar, meditating, working out, cars, going on motorcycle trips with friends etc. he doesn’t produce anything per se but he devotes time to it and it makes him balanced. He also listens to podcasts in his spare time that add knowledge. I find it to be incredibly attractive that he has these and makes sure to balance his time with them.

michelle27519 · 2020-04-27T01:30:53+00:00

For me a guy who plays video games is a huge turn off. I feel like it’s a juvenile pursuit. It’s what my teenage sons do. It seems that the guys who do it get very obsessed with it and spend a lot of time on it.

SuchBarracuda · 2020-04-26T07:46:05+00:00

Ouch!! You called our a Male "friend" of mine... gathers knowledge to sound elitist bit never participates in it himself.. huge anime lover ..( we are all mid thirties)

rf-elaine · 2020-04-26T11:28:15+00:00

Great write up, and I agree.

My husband is a HVM and he loves building stuff. Big stuff. He built our shed, garage/workshop, and house. Mostly by himself, except for plumbing & electric.

He also loves mountain biking. Great exercise, and he meets lots of other men like himself. Smart, advanced in their career (it's an expensive hobby lol), slightly competitive, athletic. He progressively gets stronger and faster which he likes.

He also sometimes plays video games, but not for hours every day. Just pops on, plays a couple rounds of car racing, then logs off and does something else.

s-coups · 2020-05-30T21:32:06+00:00

this is very insightful, personally I want a man who gardens

2020-06-03T02:12:43+00:00

I totally agree with this. My experience with men and dating is very limited, but for example since I joined this community I've come to the conclusion that my brother is a HVM. He is into anime and videogames, but is also very goal-oriented with university and his future career, he likes gardening, wood working, sports (he plays football and exercises regularly), music (he plays the guitar), nerdy things like board and card games, he's very sociable and knows a lot of stuff in general cause he's always open to learning. For example, he's recently developed an interest in minerals. He's been in a LTR with his high school sweetheart for like six years now and they're super cute together. I mean, being his sister I know all his flaws as we're like cats and dogs, but he's definitely a good partner.

On a side note, I've just realised that my hobbies are all about consumption (books, films, tv series and eating out haha) and the only creative thing I do is writing. I definitely need to work on this!

woiashenseea · 2020-04-26T04:50:04+00:00

Since you asked, I will tell you my previously-formed and dearly held position on "hobbies" -

I don't fuck with hobbies. I don't have them, and I don't expect any man I let into my life to have them. Why? To pass the time? If you're painting a painting, that's not a hobby; it's a painting you're making. If you have no clue how to paint, so you just try it, that's not a hobby either, it's a learning process. But if a man spends 10 hours of their free time a week painting, not to get particularly good, and not to paint a particular painting either, that's a hobby and it's a gigantic turn off for me. It takes a certain level of complacency within the system - work, get money, survive, entertain yourself within the pockets of freedom you're allowed - to be able to use precious time on dead-end efforts like that.

Also. There is kind of an "essence" of being a woman, the Original Human, the unmarked sex, that is - hear me out! - a passive energy. You can just call this an opinion of mine. My only hobby is... being. Sitting maybe, on the porch. Or in the yard. Or on a hilltop, or near a river, or a bench, just somewhere outside. I look at and take in the birds, the colors, the sky, the many things that make up the world. I also walk, and smell flowers, look at animals if there are any, feel my legs moving. If I'm sitting I might run my hands over my arms or legs or face maybe. Just chillin, being beautiful, deeply beloved by God. Keeping my senses peeled for the next leads in my healing journey.

All of that? Is just from sitting or walking, maybe swimming or lying down. I have a rich and complex understanding of myself and the things around me, and it's always expanding.

So video games, painting, sports, TV, crafty things, they're boring to me. On occasion I like them, if it's a new and exciting situation. And I have my indulgences, little feel-good mood-altering "hits" from maybe a coffee, maybe a bit of devil's lettuce, maybe the internet... but the goal, for me, is to get rid of these habits, not justify them.

All this is just me. So to answer your question.... I dont expect anyone I date to find themselves "bored" enough on a regular basis to have a self-containing time-passing activity to burn energy with. That's a sign of excess feminine energy to me. I like people who are healed enough to enjoy stillness without chasing down entertainment in the quiet moments.

Title	HVM and Hobbies
Author	throwaway64857
Upvotes	120
Comments	32
Date	April 26, 2020 2:47 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g86osx/hvm_and_hobbies/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hvm-and-hobbies.677551 https://theredarchive.com/post/677551

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