Hi, I’m a recovered pick me. Nice to meet you.

I want to write about something that I wish somebody would have told me when I was younger. I grew up chubby and eventually it escalated into me being a shy, obese, virgin sweetheart in my early 20s. I really had internalized the fact that I was actually a virgin because I was fat and no guy found me hot.

Fast forward a little, I make the mistake of trying OLD. All of a sudden, men are writing me, and the validation is exciting. “Am I hot? Did I make it??” I remember thinking. Subpar men are interested in dates, and my sweet pickme obese virgin self responds politely to everyone, goes on dates, and even manages to lose the V card and settle into two subpar short term relationships in the span of two years.

I remember thinking “I made it!” Men found me hot enough to have sex with, even though I was obese. If they had sex with me, that means I was hot, right? I didn’t need to lose weight. These men that I “pickme-d” for were low value, needy men themselves that I could never introduce to my friends or family. But my favorite sport at the time was mental gymnastics and I didn’t know better then 🤡

Ladies, I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade, but I want to share my lesson learned with everyone: if you dislike yourself, don’t chase validation by men as a remedy. Chase yourself. Sex won’t make you empowered.

I’ve lost the weight since and it’s allowed me to raise my standards. Could I have raised them back then too? Absolutely. I was just too confused by the sex-positive & body-positive messages on women’s magazines. I thought, if I as a fat woman could get a man to have sex with me, it would undo everyone in the past who had called me fat.

Ladies, if you feel you’re on the heavier side, and you think you are prone to the thought pattern I experienced, ignore men and invest in yourself. Personally, I did keto, and it worked wonders on me.

I wish I didn’t fall prey to the libfem propaganda and still had my virginity to share with my boyfriend now. But lesson learned.

Stay safe ladies! And stay woke.