How do you deal with your LVM ex treating his new girlfriend much better than you?

2020-07-09T19:12:29+00:00

You might think he’s treating her better than he treated you, but he’s not. He’s probably doing all the same manipulative stuff to her. Planning a surprise party doesn’t mean he treats her better! You should be happy that you got out of a relationship with a manipulative man who was definitely cheating on you, either emotionally or physically. I promise you, men don’t just suddenly change for their new girlfriend. He’ll probably end up cheating on her as well.

sadpourtoujours · 2020-07-09T19:46:31+00:00

Stop getting this info. Who cares what the fuck head is doing. Tell people to stop updating you, block his timeline, whatever you have to do. Know your worth. He didn’t appreciate you? Oh well, his loss, he’s dumb. Someone else will.

comet2004 · 2020-07-09T19:14:25+00:00

Keep in mind you were with him for 5 years. How long has he been dating her? sounds like it's still honeymoon stage. of course he is going to be attentative because unless someone is a lvw they aren't going to get into a relationship with someone who doesnt do the bare minimum and he knows that. and what he is doing for her is the bare minimum. I guarantee you once he starts to feel comfortable he will revert to his LVM ways.

the only way to handle lvm and keep them in line is to constantly keep them on their toes by being halfway out the door anyways which is not even worth the headache because it means you aren't even that into him in the first place (why even bother dating someone in the first place who adds so little to your life you wouldn't even think twice about leaving them since they are easily replaceable).... so let her deal with that crap. if he stays "hvm" with her long term its because she doesnt give a shit about him...what kind of relationship is that anyways... I know I wouldnt find that very fulfilling.

your situation is different he felt comfortable and his lvm ways came out and you rightfully had feelings for a guy you have known for 5 years and you rightfully ended it when he displayed lvm behavior.

willowgrowingroots · 2020-07-09T19:55:35+00:00

These men don’t change. They just hide it better.

My ex learnt from the mistakes he made with his ex before me. So he treated me “”better”” than he did with her. But the longer their mask is on, the harder it is to figure them out. So yes, he treated me better, and therefore I suffered x3 abuse.

43rdaccount · 2020-07-09T19:39:54+00:00

it hurts because all the disrespect and LV behavior he did to you was undeserved, but remember: you didnt do anything wrong! it was 100% arbitrary because he's too selfcentered to give a damn!

so, if you think he might actually be putting effort with someone else, it might make you think it was your fault and that he finds her better than you. but please OP never forget: it doesnt have anything to do with you, his pathetic behavior was never a reflection of your worth, he's just, quite simply, a clown who used you!

will he remain a clown forever? possibly, probably... but if he doesnt, i suppose it's a good thing to have 1 less asshole in the world?

P.S.: i have also dealt with crying manchilds who gaslight you into apologizing when youre actually doing them the service of explaining their LV behavior instead of dropping them on the spot. they are the fucking worst, it's like they force you into a mother role without your consent

DunRuther · 2020-07-09T21:19:35+00:00

Like everyone else said, stop getting updates on him. But also, this reminds me of a post I made the other day, about how some guys will have a Dreamgirl who they’ll do anything for. Even if they’re in a relationship with someone else, that person will never get treated as well as the Dreamgirl.

A lot of the replies to my post said that usually the dreamgirl is only the dreamgirl because she got away. There’s a good chance that he’s doing all this for her because he’s still in the honeymoon phase, and when that wears off, you’ll be the dreamgirl since he no longer has you. Then this girl will be posting about how her boyfriend’s ex got treated so much better than her. Basically it boils down to the fact that he’s an LVM, and LVMs will never be satisfied with what’s in front of them and will always want more/ different/ “better”/ “greener” grass on the other side.

Not that it’ll matter, or that you’ll even know because your goal is to stop paying attention to what he does. Don’t sweat it and don’t worry about analyzing his behaviors. Be glad he’s 🚮

Summerisle7 · 2020-07-09T19:12:39+00:00

Ask your friends to stop providing these updates.

GlitteringContact8 · 2020-07-09T20:25:40+00:00

It's very hard. It can be difficult to resist the urge.

You really don't need to know how he treats her - it is only going to hurt one way or another. Either you reminisce the times where he would be less of an ass (not helpful for recovery) or you start questioning your worth if you hear he's apparently stepped up.

I personally have yet to see a person change really, really drastically within the span of a year or even two, let alone without serious therapy. And throwing yourself into the next relationship is not therapy or an effective way to self-reflect, do some character-building, or improve as a person. For example, I often think that now my ex has gotten into money he'll treat her to all the nice things and much better than he ever treated me. But the thing is, he didn't care before. You don't need 300$ for a surprise picnic on a warm day at the beach or a sweet little gesture that costs next to nothing. But if he was not thoughtful enough to care back then, what makes you think he'd put the effort now? Maybe some circumstances have changed - but that is superficial. One event, like e.g. suddenly getting a good salary, will not turn an ass into a caring person. For example.

I've put a strict embargo update on our last mutual acquaintance (my friend) but sometimes I'm weak and I break it. though I will never ask for details and there are a few weeks, months in between. Also, I have no intention on never seeing him again and treat the city he lives in as scorched earth. But even a one-sentence enquiry has never once made me feel better. I'm not at the point of indifference where I don't care if he is happy or not quite yet. Maybe that is the same with you. And I think that will just take time.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-07-09T21:13:18+00:00

It’s all a front- he can’t keep it up for long.

throwawayitst · 2020-07-09T22:55:45+00:00

I remember when my ex would say things like .. id never do this or that for my ex but id do it for you.. it was all bs- they pick and chose a couple things to change that they didn’t do with their last ex- but they’re still as bad - pay no mind to it!

Wkndwhorechata · 2020-07-09T19:48:00+00:00

Yes to everyone who has commented! Also, since she has been friends with him for a while... She could be playing games with him and manipulating him into putting more of an effort. Especially if she was the mistress.

VioletRomantic · 2020-07-10T01:56:44+00:00

Your friends need to respect your boundries and stop telling you shit about him. I have a handful of mutual friends with exes, and I make it very clear to them that I want ZERO information on my ex after we break up. If they can't respect that and keep the conversation away from them, we can't be friends. I've found since that the ones who couldn't were purposely trying to feed me information so that they could gage my reaction and help him stroke his ego.

It doesn't matter how he's treating her, because in the context of your life he doesnt matter. He might as well be dead for all he needs to matter to you.

skyerippa · 2020-07-10T02:01:08+00:00

He’s just wooing her early on to keep her hooked

Elegant-Stop · 2020-07-10T14:16:19+00:00

Thank heavens you are no longer with that whiny, insensitive crybaby who couldn’t show up to your damn birthday dinner.

It’s not your fault he treated you poorly. You have so much value but he was never going to be the one to see that. Stop wasting your energy caring about how he treats this girl. You’re going to find someone who treats you even better.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-07-10T15:36:57+00:00

I had one one night stand a year ago an he treated me pretty badly.

I ended it before that escalated, and I'm sure it would have.

I saw him on Twitter showing off his relationship with this new cute girl.

I stalked them a little bit on twitter and I felt bad that he was capable of treating someone so nicely and I didn't even feel respected by him.

One day when stalking, I saw that he called her a fat bitch publicly on twitter during their friendly banter, supposedly in jest. He took it down when she replied that it was rude.

I don't think I was in a good place when I saw that, stalking exes and the like is never healthy.

But I'm glad I saw it. It confirms for me that he was the problem - not my ability to elicit the treatment I wanted. Some people are just broken and it's not our job to fix them. The positive things on their social media didn't get deleted, but the negative stuff gets filtered or removed.

Now I don't worry about it at all. If guys can't treat you the way you want, that's a them-problem.

Title	How do you deal with your LVM ex treating his new girlfriend much better than you?
Author	mru597
Upvotes	52
Comments	26
Date	July 9, 2020 2:49 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ho4dt1/how_do_you_deal_with_your_lvm_ex_treating_his_new/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-deal-with-your-lvm-ex-treating-his-new.713205 https://theredarchive.com/post/713205

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