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Interesting interaction with the feminine imperative while out with a date...

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November 1, 2013
68 upvotes

I'm still formulating my thoughts on the experience, but I wanted to get a chance to spark some discussion here about this, get some input.

I was out with a plate the other night, she's become a regular, been seeing her for a few months. She knows we're not exclusive, but she doesn't go into detail when we bump into people we know, it's just too complicated for most people.

We ran into an old friend of hers who gleaned that we were seeing each other, and she started gushing- "oh don't you love her? She's the best! You have the best lady here!"

She then proceeded to tell me that I should "better show my appreciation for having such a wonderful woman" and that I'm "lucky to have her."

It's an interesting insinuation, and clearly spoken out of turn, since it hinges on premises she couldn't possibly know about having just met me.

But what really interested me about the interaction was that she was very demanding that I should compliment her more because that's what a guy needs to do to hold on to such a beautiful lady and so on and so on.

She continued "my boyfriend used to be like that, but we had a talk and he understands now how important it is to compliment his beautiful girlfriend. He's good at it now.."

He was standing on the other side of the bar looking rather defeated.

This was as blatant of an example of the feminine imperative I've ever seen, no doubt about it.

I thought it was intriguing how thinly veiled it was- it was saying out of the two of you, one of you has value, don't forget it. It was in my face, giving obvious peer pressure to either make amends for not appreciating her enough, or make an excuse for my behavior. It was an attempt at shaming me into submission and conforming to the very beta that women forever demand men become.

She asked, "don't you think she deserves more compliments? She says you never compliment her.. you should compliment her more!"

I responded with a straight, "You know what my take on compliments are?"

"What?"

"I say and do..." pause ".. exactly what I want to say and do," pause "when I say and do it."

She just looked at me dumbfounded for a second and finally responded, "well I don't think that works.. women need affirmation.."

At this point I didn't respond, and instead just kept a straight face and allowed an awkward silence. She eventually broke the silence and changed the subject.

My plate was dumbfounded, almost embarrassed to be called out, because it's true, I don't compliment her at all. She knows she's hot, why the fuck would I inflate that fucking ego? But she was angry because I don't conform to these rules and she likes it and this bitch came over and put a light on it.

I am still trying to figure out the entire strategy here. Surely this chick isn't that calculated, but she was incredibly manipulative with her phrasing and was able to make my plate squirm.

I think she got what she wanted, but I'm not sure what that was. Was she proud that she snagged a provider and wanted to rub it in other people's faces? Was she regretting her boyfriend's betaness and wanted to give her own ego a few extra pumps?

What drives this feminine imperative, what causes this to happen? Is it entirely a selfish drive to help one cope with her own lot in life, inadvertently creating the feminine imperative as it stands?

There are a lot of details here I'm most certainly going to ponder- but I thought I'd throw out this experience and see what you guys thought.

Edit I appreciate everybody's views on how to handle said situation, but what I'm really curious about is why this situation happens, what factors cause this, what details and results drive this behavior.


Post Information
Title Interesting interaction with the feminine imperative while out with a date...
Author redpillschool
Upvotes 68
Comments 81
Date 01 November 2013 02:35 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/7614
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1poslc/interesting_interaction_with_the_feminine/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betaproviderplatethe red pillfeminine imperative
Comments

[–]HeadingRed60 points61 points  (7 children) | Copy

Ran into a similar situation "women need affirmation" a while ago. Told them they have been brainwashed into thinking they are worthless unless everyone around them reminds them often that they have worth. And that I love a woman who has the self-confidence not to need other to constantly remind her she is valuable. Added "children need this, adult shouldn't".

Shut that conversation down, and pointed out how child like those who need this are.

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt52 points53 points  (5 children) | Copy

That's a good sentiment, but the way you describe it sounds like a pretty hamfisted way of qualifying them. Next time give this a try:

"I love women who don't need constant affirmations the way children do to develop their sense of self-worth. I'm soooo relieve you're not one of those."

It's direct and to the point, and will save you a ton of headaches down the road. You're qualifying her for NOT being like that and simultaneously disqualifying those who are like that. It's a damn effective combo when you use those two techniques in tandem.

[–]Haraklus5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I love this for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it encourages them to develop their own strength of character.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

encourages them to develop their own strength of character.

And to think just today I got told redpill was "rapey"...

[–]through_a_ways1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"rapey" is one of those words that you know for certain has never been used seriously in context by a man, ever.

I'm trying to think of other examples, but I can't think of any as good as "rapey".

[–]HeadingRed2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was paraphrasing; I spent more time, made it a little flowery. Unfortunately my current SO is one who needs it in public. And we with two other couples- each of which the male is a quasi-orbiter my my SO so they were more than happy to jump on the bandwagon (more than the women who are both close to hamplanets and don't like to see my size 4/6 SO get too much attention next to their 2x/3x figures.

I have changed from telling her "you are awesome" to you don't need to hear you are good, you know this. It has helped. Last couple of months I can get "I know I should feel good about this" rather than "Why didn't you tell me I did a good job".

[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Brilliant response.

HEADSHOT.

Back of the net.

Hole in one.

JACKPOT.

Game, set and match.

[–]5 Endorsed ContributorStayinghereforreal49 points50 points  (1 child) | Copy

good work.

I am still trying to figure out the entire strategy here

None, really, Interloper Fat Mouth friend was just trying to assert the customary social dominance she is used to wielding over most clueless males. She has likely very rarely encountered guys who just don't give a shit what her opinion is. She will get used to it when she has decades of post-wall invisibility. But for now, Interloper Fat Mouth is used to saying inane things like that and then having guys give her high-fives. You didn't. It caused her an awkward moment as she realized you might even consider her beneath you, not above.

I think she got what she wanted

Nope, she got nothing close to it. She failed.

Was she regretting her boyfriend's betaness and wanted to give her own ego a few extra pumps?

More likely the scenario is she had heard from your gal that you didn't do the normal beta routine. So Interloper Fat Mouth wanted to assure herself that you are not a dominant male after all, and that the real issue was your gal was simply not Rioooot Guuuurl enough to put you in your place.

Why does IFM woman care? The idea that your gal might have snagged some bad boy aloof Ram McStudfuck dark triad bothered her, even if she could not put it into words that way. Women are competitive about such things. So she shit-tested you to see if your gal had been talking you up too much, which IFM firmly believed...right up until you started talking.

[–]ButterMyBiscuit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was trying to figure out the motivations from the OP and coming up totally blank. I read your response and knew for a fact that you were right as soon as I read it. Man, that's some great insight.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (4 children) | Copy

Chick: "Women need affirmation"

Patrice O'Neal: "When a woman is being an irrational bitch it only takes one word to end her: "Why?"

[–]ItsYourHandInMine8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

RIP Black Philip.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points | Copy

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Only if they've been fed feminist gravel. Don't think a normal woman would flip her shit real hard when called weak, as opposed to feminists. Good luck finding such one though.

[–]frequentlywrong32 points33 points  (6 children) | Copy

Was she regretting her boyfriend's betaness and wanted to give her own ego a few extra pumps?

Maybe she pushed her boyfriend into beta, now she is regretting it and can't face the truth. So she does what women do and double down on a dumb idea by convincing everybody else it's a good idea.

[–]Satchmo848 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm leaning towards this being the answer, people that forcefully put on and flash such a satisfied front to everyone typically aren't, and as we all know, misery loves company, so she's looking to grind some other man down into subservient beta status. You probably moistened her a little with your total indifference to her hamster babble.

[–]McMurphyCrazy9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

So she does what women do and double down on a dumb idea by convincing everybody else it's a good idea.

God damn, this is the best thing I've read all day. So fucking true.

[–]Haraklus8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Men do this, too, of course -- but this is a great example of where women do it. Women are generally less attracted to servile men, and so for them it is often a mixed bag. When men brag about a submissive mate...it's generally all positive, provided she isn't downright sychophantic.

At the same time, there IS an ego boost that comes with having a man wrapped around your thumb. It is a sign of social power -- 'Look, man who was once fierce and powerful is now my pawn'.

[–]SirBootyLove0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't doubt you, but what's an example of a man doing the same?

Saying something like they don't care about looks when their wife gets old and fat?

[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tea party men (and women) as am example

[–]jakethesnake760 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Actually only high value praise (which rarely comes) will convince them they are getting legitimate praise. If you praise them when your arm is being twisted you just turned Beta and your words are of little value, just doesn't really hit the spot. If you give little praise then your praise or even acknowledgement is of much more value to them anyway.

[–]pirateundies16 points17 points  (6 children) | Copy

I think putting intent into it is giving her too much credit. To me, it sounds like good old fashioned ego centrism. Her boyfriend complimenting her makes her feel good so she can't fathom how there might be negative repercussions to that, or that others might prefer something else.

Even in the case of her boyfriend. Maybe she's noticed he's different now and a little defeated but it doesn't occur to her why. She probably thinks something like, "He started complimenting me and it feels great! But what's up with him? Why is he acting so weird lately?" Without any recognition of the emotional abuse she probably engaged in to get him to do that.

I can't read minds but it is entirely possible that nothing passed through her mind other than spreading the "good word". If it were me, I might just refocus the conversation back to her emotions whenever it came to us.

"You should compliment her more!"

"It sounds like your boyfriend makes you pretty happy."

"Yeah blah blah-"

[Edit: added a paragraph]

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

No doubt, this is not a conscious strategy. But it's prevalent enough that the effect should be studied.

[–]pirateundies2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. I wasn't trying to just say that it wasn't a conscious strategy, but that the egocentrism could be what drives her to pass on what she considers a de facto necessity for lasting relationships.

[–][deleted] 7 points7 points | Copy

[permanently deleted]

[–]pirateundies3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Similar to this, I prefer complimenting things that they do/are in their control.

"I like what you did with your hair" over "You so pretteh!"

Personal experience suggests it's a good general strategy.

[–]un-affiliated1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't mind giving a compliment on appearance as long as it's genuinely what I'm thinking and a result of her efforts. Invite her somewhere nice and she put in over an hour to look perfect? I'll definitely show that I'm impressed.

[–]alt303134 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

"oh don't you love her? She's the best! You have the best lady here!"

"She then proceeded to tell me that I.. "better show my appreciation for having such a wonderful woman" and that I'm "lucky to have her."

"it was saying out of the two of you, one of you has value"

"It's an interesting insinuation, .., since ...she ... just met me."

I've experienced this crap before. I smiled rolled my eyes and turned it into a joke. I made some facetious compliments and established that I believed I had value and couldn't give a fuck what the gaggle of women thought. When it happened to me I felt like it was a relationship cockblock from a bitch that was unhappy with her beta bf (Found out later she did in fact cheat on him and resent that he let her use him). Ultimately, I decided my girlfriends two best friends were poison and cut her lose.

Thank god we have Team Wymn reminding us that they're better than us at everything and we're lucky they let us hang around and pay tribute to them. If they didn't you boys might forget your place. Don't wan't yall to start getting uppity and put on airs.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My plates rarely last more than a few months anyway. I'm just very intrigued by this behavior since I see it so often.

[–]alt303131 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've encountered it a lot too. Thanks for posting on the topic. I think it's important that we remember we have value and we need to hold our frame. I've seen more than a few guys settle for women that display subpar behavior and often times have terrible attitudes. Men need to focus on self-actualization and not buy into this BS narrative that all women have to do is show up.

[–]cockayass4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

My response to her: "Need" is an interesting choice of words. Is she going to wilt like an unwatered flower without my compliments? In my opinion that is the worst insult you can give a woman. This woman here has an inner beauty and confidence that doesn't depend on my showering her with compliments. That's part of what makes her so beautiful to me. I say what I say because it comes from my heart. I am of the opinion that saying something for any other reason is a lie or a manipulation.

Invite the same confidence in your woman that you have a a red piller by leading the way.

[–]gg_s2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the kind of shit a man says to a woman whom he believes thinks as he does. This is trying to reason with an unreasonable woman. This will be received as one lump compliment (completely ignoring the message within) validating the friend's rude insistence and pedestalizing the plate all in one run of the mouth. This is romance novel material wrapped in blue pill delivery, to be dissected by selective listening and reassembled in her favor.

OP handled it just fine, using as few words as possible to convey that his actions are discretionary and that she doesn't get to tell him what to do.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

You, and a lot of the people here, are really over-thinking this.

Your plate's friend was just talking her mouth off because, like many women with inflated senses of self-worth, she likes the sound of her own voice, can't fathom that others wouldn't, and withers in silence.

She has a certain kind of relationship she runs a certain way, and can't fathom how anybody else could like anything different, live differently, act differently, or think differently. She doesn't even think you and your plate are "wrong" -- her mind can't get there. She just plain can't understand how anybody could be different than she is. It doesn't compute. In her mind, anybody who's not like her is just in the process of trying to get there.

She rides her boyfriend (and everyone else) that way, so she just assumes you're a chump who should complement his girl more (because that's what she's been told and what she tells everybody), assumes your plate agrees, assumes you're a loser who agrees, and assumes the whole world is like her and thinks what she thinks. Because she can't possibly fathom that a different point of view or preference could exist.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You, and a lot of the people here, are really over-thinking this.

I disagree. If this were an isolated incident, then it's just a single egotistical woman. But this is a trend, and in no way is it isolated. I think there is a component here that drives this behavior that isn't necessarily conscious but suggests a fundamental aspect of female behavior.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think the "fundamental aspect" is that self-centered women with inflated egos like to hear themselves talk and genuinely believe the entire world is, or is trying to be, just like them. And if not, they should be.

She wasn't trying to win you over, win your friend over, ruin your relationship/arrangement, help your relationship/arrangement, help or hurt you, help or hurt your friend. She was just yapping because anybody who's not trying to be like her just hasn't realized how awesome she is yet, so she's doing the world a public service by constantly demonstrating how awesome she is by never shutting up.

Everybody knows or has stories about the loud-mouthed fat friend who annoys the fuck out of them and keeps interjecting about their relationship. I don't think the fat friend actually has an objective other than the fact that if she doesn't have constant attention, she'll just die.

[–]Senior Contributorwhiskey_bearfist1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she doesnt feel at all ashamed to make demands of a person she doesnt know. she is used to weak men caving to her boldness. she has been brought up in a culture that reveres the female at all costs, and cant see why a person wouldnt hold those views.

[–]16 MGaiusScaevolus12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

In reading this, I am reminded of this scene from Family Guy.

My guess from reading this (and personal experience) is that your plate is a solid 1-2 points above her "friend" in terms of SMV. Maybe younger, maybe aged better, or maybe hits the gym while her friend hits the double mocha frappuccinos. In any case, the important characteristic here is this woman was, at one point, either equal to or hotter than your plate. Maybe they were both 19 y.o 8s, but as time has gone by, one of them has kept her 8, while the other traded it in for a shiny new 7, or maybe a compact 6.

The SMV plummet of this woman has effects that surprise no one who has been here a day. She freaks, because no alpha will pay the price of admission, so she scrambles and locks in the first acceptable beta.

Enter your plate and you. In essence, a reminder of what was lost. Seeing her once equal with a better man (by SMV metrics) sends the hamster spinning. She comes up to you guys and intends to prove to your plate that 'hers is better' because he 'gives her lots of compliments.'

The main point of this was to make your plate as jealous of her as she is vice versa. Ideally, even cause strife between you two, that way, she wins the relationship game. Secondarily, she pushed you to surrender your value by supplicating your plate, thus becoming the same devalued beta male as her pet beta, albeit with better hair.

Post-script: Your plate's friend

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This would be my interpretation as well.

A woman's "friends" are better described as "sexual competitors that she knows personally". In the realm of relationships, when one woman gets something that the others don't, all those women will try to pull her off the top of the crab basket so they can be Queen For A Minute. And the struggle never ends.

I've slept around a lot thanks to this principle. It begins with an open-relationship with a new plate. She introduces me to her friends during a night out or house party. I make a strong show of social dominance, and all of the women giggle and huddle close, each trying to get the lion's share of my attention. Meanwhile, they're chipping away at my plate's confidence in herself and our relationship, just so they can have a shot.

You've seen a group of beta males fawning over and fighting amongst each other for a single, bored female, right? This is the same principle in reverse.

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

Treat it as a shit-test, handle it as we will, and move along. She gave a few chances to get logical and fight it out, but who wants that? She'd just clam up and get indignant and hamster it as you being an dick to her for blowing up her faulty logic. As for her statements:

  • her bf is henpecked and defeated

  • she's guilty of solipsism and projection

  • her self-worth is fragile and dominated by her ego, hence the need for a constant stream of compliments

All three of these points disqualify her as relationship material as far as I'm concerned.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Of course this is true. But I'd still like to understand why this trait is so common, and to what benefit it exists.

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh that's easy:

Entitlement/Princess Mentality

She's been raised in a culture that exemplifies the female being. What's surprising it's when you encounter women who don't have this mentality, usually because they grew up in a different culture.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

It's just women competing with each other for a mate.

In this case, your plate was hot enough (and lucky enough) to be the one to first meet you. Now that you're lured in, the other females will close distance and try to snatch you away from her.

They'll do this by employing a number of strategies, all of which are designed to either disqualify you from the circle, or disqualify your plate from you.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

That's interesting. I almost feel as though they're more than willing for there to be casualties, like, if they can't have me, then kill them all!

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's the Crab Basket principle at work.

Of course, not every girl is going to fully understand what her goal is, or even do it efficiently. But the motivation for stirring the pot is the same: if she's not at the top of every man's list, she'll make damn sure no other woman is, either.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ah, yes, the crab basket. Good insight. thanks!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's exactly what they do though. Think about the mother hen on a night out and how she acts. She tries to scorch the earth for everyone else regardless of whether her friend wants you or not because she's not wanted.

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

She wishes her boyfriend wasn't beta, but he is. Since she can't have you, the next best thing is to change you into something she doesn't want. Thus she can resolve her jealousy.

Classic female, making her emotions your problem.

[–]slurmssmckenzie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ahh in a nutshell. Nailed it

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points | Copy

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[–]Modredpillschool[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

First of all, I don't see any error in my thinking, I posted this to start a discussion about the behavior and get input.

Secondly, her comments were not merely woman-winging, and my analysis is certainly not asking for special treatment.

Lurk a bit, son.

[–][deleted] -1 points-1 points | Copy

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[–]Modredpillschool[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I mentioned that I believe there to be an unconscious strategy. The feminine imperative, as you will learn on the side bar, is not one in which women gather together and have secret meetings to conspire against men. But it, in itself, is a viable component to sexual strategy for the species and specifically women.

Obviously she's domineering. Obviously she put her nose where it doesn't belong. These are incredibly superficial observations. I was hoping for a deeper analysis on the implications of such behavior. This is a subtlety apparently lost on you.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points | Copy

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[–]slcjosh-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Biological is an intersting thought...My take would be evolutionary. Only the strong are worthy of procreation would be my bet.

[–]dbabbitt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I belong to a close-knit religious community where the men seem to play this verbal version of the game of spoons. If one man compliments his wife, all the rest, one by one, will say something complimentary about their wives also. I ended up being the guy without the "spoon" once of twice - with everybody at the table looking expectantly at me while tried to figure out what just happened. Anyway, the wives love it, and its clear that these are not beta males.

This is obviously a group effort on the part of the whole community - maybe this women is just trying to spread the dynamics across her extended community. This is not a game for rogues or incels to play, so that probably explains her assuming you two were exclusively seeing each other.

[–]FatHat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think this is about trying to one-up her friend. She was showing that she had dominance in her relationship, while illustrating that her friend didn't. Basically she was using you as a pawn to say to her friend "see how I can put a guy in his place, but you can't?" (I guess in her estimation, she thinks that having dominance over her guy demonstrates her own social value)

[–]jacobman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cheating destroys trust which is fundamental in a relationship, but the fact that she realized she was in the wrong, stopped it from escalating, and called immediately, makes me think it would leave just enough trust for me to stay.

Stopped it from escalating? Is that what we call stopping it from escalating nowadays?

[–]RedSunBlue0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Since this would just be a run of the mill shit test if it came from your plate, I am tempted to think that this is just some kind of tag team version. Women helping each other to beta-filter doesn't sound too far fetched.

[–]1mrust4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It sounds like the plate was the one who was squirming so I think the intent wasn't so altruistic.

My own take is that the woman was playing a sort of beta game. She was insinuating that because the man wasn't giving the plate compliments, she hadn't locked him down yet.

[–]fragglemook0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Case A:

Your "plate" (or woman for the non douche knuckles) has been bitching to her friend as an emotional dump and is not as emotionally secure and cool as how she presents herself to you.

Case B:

This other bitch is just one of these annoying cunts who assume the mother-duck role between friends because the only way she knows how to bond with her peers is to open herself up to everyone else's emotional baggage and act as a dumping ground for bad mood swings.

Case C:

The crazy bitch was displaying a deference to your woman's perceived alpha female status to an embarrassing level of sycophancy.

I kind of liked how you handled it, however I would probably have just looked at this retarded socially inept object and asked her "What the fuck are you talking about? Is any of this your business?"

The beta might have piped up initially until he realises his wailing banshee of a fuck hole has just opened her fat mouth one too many times and dragged him into it too, before dragging her stage left for a dressing down.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women don't NEED affirmation; women CRAVE affirmation.

And I crave my grandmother's chocolate chip cookies. But if you give me unrestricted 24/7 access to them, shit ain't gonna end well.

[–]Petrarch16030 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hopefully you can avoid ever having to see her friend again.

[–]alt303132 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd make a game of it; some teasing and mild backhanded compliments. Then I'd take my girlfriend/plate home at the end of the night and give her a good/domineering fuck. I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid her bitch friend.

[–]Kurnath0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've been confronted with situation countless times as well. I usually respond with the following. It's kind of a catchphrase of mine.

"I speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. If people do something worth complimenting, I will compliment them. I will not compliment simply to give someone validation."

Generally, it works pretty well. It gives me power over the situation and gives me a chance to show my eloquence.

[–]McMurphyCrazy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Reading this reminded me of Patrice's words from TBPS - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3y6bOXPm6JE

How bitches just take and take and take if you give them an inch, never happy. So don't inflate their egos.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her the opportunity to spend time with you is all the affirmation she needs.

[–]1mrust0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting, I've had a similar experience where I met up with my gf's friend and the three of us had dinner. She wanted us to stay and meet some new guy she was seeing. Keep in mind I was just meeting her for the first time as well.

So we decide to go for one drink and my gf asks me to carry her bag. As a rule, I don't do this -- though it's been an endless source of shit tests and I still haven't found the perfect solution. But what caught me off guard was her friend chiming in with her opinion indicating that I should carry the bag.

I just gave her the look that says "who the fuck are you to be giving me advice on what to do" and she shut up about it.

Anyway, I don't like this kind of behavior from women, so when they act up I know it's time to undermine their egos.

Instead of reaffirming your own position (defence), have you thought about going on the offense?

Something along the lines of: "Oh, yeah I can see how some women are needy like that and need affirmations to keep them happy. You don't look like that kind of girl, but I can tell your man is going to be complimenting you for a long time to come."

[–]Heuristics0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good first comeback. For the second (missed one) I would recommend: "Thank you for your suggestion but I like my way better."

[–]darklogic4200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Actually after reading this I realized that I ran into this years ago. I'm a married man, happily so. My wife understands that I don't say something unless I mean it, and doesn't dig into me for false accolades.

Interestingly, when I'm out buying a piece of jewelry or something nice for her, and she isn't around, women tell me that she is lucky to have me, and that they wish their man spoiled them like I do my wife. They're reinforcing my behavior.

By sheer contrast, I work out and my hands have gotten much bigger since our wedding day. I cannot wear my wedding band. I've even had it stretched three times, still not going to fit anymore. One of my friends has a wife who is up in arms over the fact that I do not wear my wedding ring. She, not my wife, tells me to put it on. She, not my wife, doesn't accept the size changes my body and hands have undergone as a viable excuse.

Only now after all these years and reading this post can I put a label on what this behavior is. It's all starting to make sense now.

[–]phaseonx110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This shit makes me feel like vomiting.

[–]Senior Contributordeepthrill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

To me, this is the difference between an internal and external locust of control. In fact, her friend is in fact insulting your plate, because her friend is implying that your plate needs external validation to fuel her self esteem. Healthy self esteem should come from within, and from our own accomplishments.

Her friend is, in fact, perpetuating an unhealthy view of self esteem by women since her friend is implying that external validation is necessary for your plate to feel good about herself. If I was your plate, I'd feel insulted at my "friend".

[–]1PaulRivers100 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had a number of thoughts, but there's a few that haven't been shared yet that I find likely -

  1. I've women behave like this when the other women isn't secure in her relationship with you. Obviously if she's a plate - she's not. And she might not even like being in a secure relationship. But it might be that she told or her friend, or that her friend can sense it and is thinking she's helping her out.

I've seen this when a couple isn't stable - her friends are always trying to "help" her.

  1. She's negging you. Seriously. Women have the same ability as douche sales guys to look at you, make you feel like she's being nice, and be totally undermining you or trying to sell you a line of b.s.

She's trying to demonstrate to the other woman that you're not valuable like a boyfriend would be. (I mean she honestly believes she's happier when she gets more compliments, whether it's true or not). She's pointing out what she thinks your flaws are and why she thinks the other girl is wasting her time with you.

  1. Women operate as a Cartel when it comes to sex. They try to fix "prices" to men getting laid, and reduce "availability" to make men pay a higher and higher price in order to have sex with a woman.

This works when they all demand the same things, so women believe they need to require those gives and men believe they need to give those things before he can have sex with her. If all women required frequent compliments from men in order to feel special and have sex, all men would start giving them.

If this woman can get all other women to require compliments, then she'll always get complimented by guys.

This can also relate to #2 - on some level she knows that you won't actually date this girl, and so her idea that you're not "spending" enough on her by committing to a relationship leads to her negging you.

(By negging I don't mean she's trying to sleep with you, but that she's trying to pass an insult as a compliment. It's aimed at making someone feel bad about your value - whether it's you, or the girl you're with).

[–]FortunateBum0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What drives this feminine imperative, what causes this to happen?

It's pure biological instinct and completely subconscious.

[–]General_Fear0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A woman needs a firm hand and shot leash. Thru reward and punishment and Machiavellian dating techniques, you train your dog, I mean woman. What has she down to deserve praise?

Based on the example above, seems to me that she was trying to train you. Had you given in, you become less than a man. She demands you respond. That the beginning of the end. Don't fall for that game. Hot chicks like to see how far they can take it and what they can get away with.

[–]MahlerNinth0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her friend clearly wanted to fuck you.

[–]ugdr6424-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

What a bunch of over-dramatic bullshit. Did this even happen? Are you trying to give a Blue Pill example? Why didn't you just laugh at her and continue on? Did someone hack your account?

This post smells fishy as shit.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Maybe I'm trolling. I bet I am. Where are the mods when you need them?

[–]ugdr6424-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Really? Get off it.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, I'm not actually trolling. That wouldn't make much sense.

But anyway, while you're here, go ahead and tell me why my experience never happened.

[–]ugdr6424-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

"I say and do..." pause ".. exactly what I want to say and do," pause "when I say and do it."

Seems try-hard. Why not go with the amused mastery? Your response reads as though the girl punched you in your ego.

Another thing that doesn't sit right is that you are the mod, right? You should lead by example.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I didn't like her and I demonstrated my displeasure.

Just like I told her, I'll tell you. I do say and do exactly what I want to when I say and do it.

It's not rocket science.

Not everything is a reason to game.

Seems try-hard.

Go back to seddit.

[–]1 Endorsed Contributormordanus-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

A really interesting post. To me it sounds like you were being talked about by your plate to the other girl and it was mentioned that you don't act like the other boys. Her friend took it upon herself to be the fixer of the situation and attempt to confront you on the subject. I think that you plate doesn't know where she stands with you and that bled off into the conversation with her plate. I don't think anything malicious is coming from your plate personally, but her friend is a really manipulative one, although it is coming from a desire to see her friend more happy.

I wasn't there so my observation is just a stab in the dark. Also just wanted to say a thank you for starting this subreddit. You guys changed my life. Things are so much better now that I realized that im not the bad guy in life for thinking the same things you guys teach.



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