Anticipated a breakup, but not like this. Falling apart.

rgoose18 · 2021-05-27T18:06:41+00:00

Step 1) Gym - lift heavy shit, save cardio for end of workout

Step 2) See Step 1

Step 3) Focus on bettering yourself financially, have a plan in place for the long-term

Step 4) Enjoy your hobbies, whatever they may be, enjoy them , you have extra time now which is amazing. Many men envy your situation right now as they peer through the bars of their cages

Step 5) Don't start dating again until you've worked on yourself. Any woman you date will become the center of your universe. This pain you're experiencing is a good thing, it will teach you to value yourself more.

Step 6) Once 1-4 are complete, and your ex notices, she'll likely come crawling back or give you attention. Ignore her, she gets one shot in life to show her loyalty. She stabbed you in the back and now she gets to watch you soar.

You've got this.

sauceyzaddy · 2021-05-27T19:27:07+00:00

It’s ok to grieve about it but don’t seek closure. Ignore her, ghost her and next her. Keep lifting, keep doing shit you love, keep hanging out with your boys and keep dating other girls. Don’t think or worry about what can be or what should’ve happened. The harsh truth is that any ex we have will get fucked by some other dude but you know what who the fuck cares? Once they’ve become your ex , you don’t not need to worry or think about them, in the end they fucked up by letting you go. We move on and continue for success and world domination.

Best wishes brother and roll with the punches.

themostgianthorse · 2021-05-27T18:01:22+00:00

When I was a kid, my first dog died after being bitten by a snake. I cried for days. I loved that dog more than anything.

Parents got me a new dog. This one passed away of old age. I loved that dog more than anything.

Parents got me a new dog ...... you see where this is going?

Enjoy the time you have, learn the lessons and move on.

AloofusMaximus · 2021-05-27T19:28:12+00:00

everything right

There's a lot more to it than just that stuff.

Things started to open after covid, she started seeing all of her friends, suddenly she doesn't feel right with me anymore, can't even give us a chance, says and does a lot of bullshit so I'm ending this, there was no other choice.

Sounds like her ability to go out was just the thing she needed to break things off. With this being your first LTR , you probably weren't aware of her distancing herself from you.

She was saying she hopes for us to get back someday

Don't hold your breath on that. Actions not words. If she wanted to be in a relationship with you, she wouldn't have broken up with you.

Even though I taught her how to act with me, she was a bit of aoubh psycho, very determined on marrying in our mid 20's, didn't take criticism well ('why are you making me feel bad?') and used to scream a lot.

If I had to venture a guess, that's why you're single now. Between your earlier statement thinking you did it all right, and being controlling and critical... That's really not the key to being someone people enjoy being around.

Enjoy women for what they are, not what you want them to be.

Basically all the rest of that is you having a mini meltdown. Yeah man it sucks, but your life isn't over. Take some time with it. Look into a few forms of meditation, to quiet your mind.

Jeremykla · 2021-05-27T18:04:21+00:00

You've had your time and now it's over. Shit hurts but you'll get over it with time. If you want someone to talk to hit me up, sometimes it's nice to let off some steam.

Make sure your mind is occupied with stuff to do. Go workout, read books you wanted to read. Do anything you've held back from for 2 years. Be you!

-since · 2021-05-27T20:23:36+00:00

You know why oneitis is a real bitch?

Because there will always be badder bitches to bang.

Logically accept that there is a better girl out there who will suck your dick even harder than the last. You just need to stay strong to find it.

CrypticV3nom · 2021-05-27T20:10:05+00:00

Did you lift heavy AF today, read any RP books today?

Do those first

yaboijimbo123 · 2021-05-27T20:07:36+00:00

Work to become 3x who you were

roughback · 2021-05-27T20:11:54+00:00

She'll be back, and in greater numbers.

steadygrowingbonsai · 2021-05-27T20:59:20+00:00

Lots of great advice here, not just for OP but for everyone. I hope you read it and take it to heart OP, good luck and keep on keeping on

InitialArgument1662 · 2021-05-27T21:01:40+00:00

Sounds more like loneliness than actual desire to be in a relationship with her again. You probably just miss the social aspect that came with dating her, and COVID threw a huge wrench in most people’s social lives. Don’t contact her again — she seems like she’s over it and even if she changed her mind and wanted to be with you again, her instability would just cause problems like always. Just focus on yourself and do what you need to do to get through lockdown times whilst staying sane. I wouldn’t even advise dating right now because it’s not really fair to use another woman’s time and potential emotional attachment as a distraction technique from your feelings.

jjj2576 · 2021-05-27T17:44:47+00:00

Oneitis. Scarcity Mentality.

usedtimecapsule · 2021-05-27T19:55:27+00:00

First of all you need to drop the oneitis and man up. Ghost her and never speak to her again. Don’t give her closure.

Next it’s time to hit the iron. You need to lift.

Maybe go fuck another girl to get her off your mind if you can.

T00kTheRedPill · 2021-05-27T20:34:38+00:00

Keep yourself and your mind busy. It’ll help you deal with it as well as become a better version of yourself. You’ll be getting better and gaining value while at the same time, she’ll be getting piped down by many guys and losing value.

Think of it like this, at this moment, she’s got another dudes dick in her ass...and now she’s putting it in her mouth.

She’s a head case too man, and you know that. You dodged a bullet and be grateful you didn’t get baby trapped.

You’ll be fine my man. Just keep yourself busy with RP content and physical activities while focusing on your goals.

One more thing, NO RELATIONSHIPS for a while. Put it on the back burner and make sure any chick you bang knows you’re not into relationships, and stick with that decision no matter how much they beg and cry.

Best of luck bro.

JimmytheredpillGOD · 2021-05-28T02:54:18+00:00

It’s going to sound cookie cutter but this is what most of did to get thru it and began the transition into the RP.

Your time was filled with her for most of your early adult life. You’ll have to find the things that make you happy and that you enjoy doing by yourself.

You’ll need to distract yourself. I used the gym to take out that anger and frustration. I went to the gym 5 days a week and did not skip. Use the anger and frustration and pain as the fuel to your self betterment.

DO NOT PURSUE OTHER WOMEN

This time is very pivotal for you. You need to pull yourself out of the mud without falling into the BP cycle of replacing her immediately just to not be alone. YOU NEED TO BE ALONE. You need to master being content by yourself.

Lastly, get on your purpose. Are you in school? Finishing a degree? Working towards a promotion? About to start a business? Again you need to find that purpose and grind and hustle. Start that process and keep at it.

How does a mouse eat an elephant? One bite at a time. It won’t be easy but you can do it if you want it bad enough.

metalzforbreakfast · 2021-05-27T17:46:20+00:00

Sidebar.

gcaa99 · 2021-05-27T22:23:06+00:00

Buy some AMC shares while you fuckin can.

And lift. Heavy.

Talk to other girls, there's a whole world out there, don't get stuck in bullshi. Get cold

djh860 · 2021-05-28T03:07:56+00:00

It's time to focus on you. Do things you like when you like. Like yourself more. It's not as hard as it sounds. First of all ,you should be your own best friend. Build you for a little while . Read , work out, listen to good music loud, go fishing , hike. Travel. Force you mind to stay away from negative thoughts. The thoughts that upset you. If you worked on them for a month well that's 3 weeks too long. Nothing will change if you ponder them again and doing so fills you with a feel bad chemical. So it's time to stop that. It's a trap, a negative reinforcing cycle. Break out of it. Be open to the possibility that something good is heading your way.

yoitsericc · 2021-05-28T03:20:44+00:00

Women are never going out of business. If you've got value to offer, they will always be there.

TeddyMGTOW · 2021-05-27T18:34:01+00:00

the answer is always TIME....no matter what happens in life you will adapt...now cut yourself some slack....

takingscalps · 2021-05-27T20:44:57+00:00

Sounds like oneitis; talk to other women, use them for the ego boost - same as they use you

makeadolfgreatagain · 2021-05-27T20:53:06+00:00

Others are giving good advice, so I'm not going to beat a dead horse. I will say this though, its easy to lose yourself while in a relationship. I do it myself. I'll have a lot of friends and hobbies and crap going on, then as time goes on with a girlfriend I start to lose myself. It sounds like you did this, at least in terms of social status. Remember to stay on your grind, and not to drop the things that make you who you are once you start your next relationship.

You're gonna feel like shit for a while, and its just part of the process. Realize that everyone goes through this, even she is regardless of what her social media is stating. If you can bag one girl who you had this connection with, then best believe you can bag many more. First focus on you, and when the times right, get a better chick.

Tousen71 · 2021-05-27T21:39:49+00:00

Going through a break up as well my friend. If I were to guess, I would argue COVID lockdowns ending has something to do with it (particularly in your case since you're young). If she's a girl in her mid 20's at this point, I can almost assure you she wanted to end things to "go out and have fun."

Hence the "we can get back together later."

My recommendation is to follow the advice of other posters here. Focus on self-improvement. This time in your life is critical. Men need time without distractions (women) to truly progress. I'm in the same boat but a little older, but I don't plan on entertaining girls for a good while after this (at least 6 months to a year).

Good luck and godspeed.

LibertarianLibertine · 2021-05-27T21:47:45+00:00

It's been a month, get a grip mate.

TheDreadnought1 · 2021-05-27T23:13:09+00:00

She's not yours, it's just your turn

And now it's over. Lift heavy shit, block her on every social media, dive deep in your work/study/hobbies, maybe fuck someone else no strings attached if you can, and that's it. You'll get over it

El0vution · 2021-05-27T23:20:25+00:00

You still have blind spots in your RP knowledge. This is evidenced by your post. One small example is you not noticing her attraction waning. Your time should be spent learning more RP knowledge and applying the principles.

Guapscotch · 2021-05-28T00:05:55+00:00

Embrace abundance mentality. There will always be another woman. She never truly belongs to you, enjoy the time you spend together and then let her go. Know this and absorb this and it can never be used to hurt you. Your greatest power in the dating world as a man is commitment. Next time make sure you give it to the right person, or actually just don’t ever give it to any woman at all. Why does it matter if she will never truly be yours? Focus on you, get your grind up, don’t commit, know your place in this world.

borncarnivore · 2021-05-28T00:10:49+00:00

She’s screwing others and moved on. Do the same. No chick is worth getting bent out of shape for brother

champagnepadre · 2021-05-28T01:31:11+00:00

More time brother. In time this will all go away and any perceived negatives of this breakup will go away too. When my 2.5 year LTR ended I didn’t get over it for probably a year (oneitis too) but I learned and was more prepared for the next one. Meanwhile, you can always get bigger.

BuhrZap · 2021-05-28T02:20:55+00:00

Sounds like you let covid control your life way to much man. Can't change the past though. It's just gonna take time honestly. Give it a few more months and you'll be back to normal.

Beefster20 · 2021-05-28T10:09:19+00:00

She’s already banging other dudes. Remember - beta bucks (you) and Alpha fucks.

i-am-the-prize · 2021-05-28T12:03:19+00:00

she was your first 'everything' etc. as an older guy, trust me, it gets easier when you realize: what you wanted from her you can get from any number of willing women.

And many without low self esteem issues, like she had.

you miss the role and you miss the affection and the comfort and the feelz. these are not actually tied to her. but for now, focus on yourself: you are your longest LTR, so act like it.

when you're flowing and enjoying life and making progress, others will attract you when you're ready - maybe soon, maybe not. just focus on yourself and ghost/block and do not take her back.

your plans post covid for you were a way of planning LTR type stuff, she devalued it and you (ie: your time and attention) so set your ego aside and know that she's not worthy of you. move on.

BusterVadge · 2021-05-28T12:51:24+00:00

My thoughts are.... You LTR a crazy girl, and you get crazy girl behavior. Simple male logic there, my friend.

Herdsengineers · 2021-05-28T14:12:01+00:00

You and her are both young. She wants to ride the CC and expend her youthful SMV that way. She will hit the wall, splatter, then want to get back with some guy in her past, maybe you. By then, you should have built your SMV more, and be able to have better than her.

It's just how it is. Younger women have higher SMV than younger men most of the time. Once you both hit 30, it will change. Men age gracefully and get more distinguished. Women just age and get worn out.

Don't take her back, it ended for a reason. Stay single until you find someone new and better.

MattyAnon · 2021-05-28T14:23:32+00:00

She was saying she hopes for us to get back someday (I told her its not gonna work that way).

Good, you don't want to be her fallback option.

One of the best plans while you're dating a woman is to, when asked, always express confidence in finding another girl. "Yeah, it would be a shame if we ended, but on the other hand it would be interesting to see where things went with....... look, nevermind".

Or, if you have the cockiness to do it.... "I could get another girl in a heartbeat....... might take a while to find one as good as you, but it would be great fun looking".

She has to realise that you have options, and that if she ends things that you will not be waiting around. It doesn't take much, but fundamentally you have to believe this in your soul so that it comes out right when asked. She WILL test for this (your SO probably did). If you say "you're the only girl for me / I'll never find as good / I'll wait for you", then you'll be a fallback option faster than you can blink.

she was a bit of a psycho, very determined on marrying in our mid 20's, didn't take criticism well ('why are you making me feel bad?') and used to scream a lot.

More flags than a communist parade, got it.

I've lost so much social status and social circles during covid, I'm basically naked while she has everyone around her because she's the female. For the first time I feel like I have to cold approach because I don't have people to hand out with, I'm so weak mentally I can't even convince myself I can do better than her, while I had an insane social status 2 years ago with a lot of options.

Oh god shut up and stop whining already. You need to rebuild. Stop whining and start doing it.

My mind always takes me to think "what if she'll want you back?" , and while I've wanted things to go a bit longer it's probably a mistake, especially with me knowing we probably are not compatible to run forever.

You stuck your dick in crazy. You lived to tell the tail. Don't stick it back in.

If she comes back would it definitely be a mistake to accept her?

Yes. You are her financial plan. She plans to retire at age 26 with children, with you on the hook to pay for it, for life. Also, did you read the bit you wrote about her being a bit of a psycho?

Build your life. Make new friends, meet new girls, improve yourself, work on this every day. You'll be fine, but you have to do it. No more cruising on the easy mode of a girlfriend, which is easy because it's a fast downhill track to married ruin.

DWS33_ · 2021-05-28T15:03:13+00:00

i’m 22. the best advice is to go to the gym and meet new women when you’re ready. you’ll literally forget about her.

DatRiggz · 2021-05-30T19:26:07+00:00

Accept it's done, and move on appropriately. It stings, you took.an L. We all have, but it's put us in a place to grow as an individual. She will still pop up in your head 6 months later, when you can appreciate the good times had and not miss or feel the need to contact her you'll be in the right place.

Title	Anticipated a breakup, but not like this. Falling apart.
Author	sobrage
Upvotes	77
Comments	58
Date	May 27, 2021 5:38 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/nmcvsc/anticipated_a_breakup_but_not_like_this_falling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anticipated-a-breakup-but-not-like-this-falling.775207 https://theredarchive.com/post/775207

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