I was married to a LVM for 17 years, and because we have two kids together I have the unfortunate reality of having to coparent with him (breeding with LVM means you’re stuck with them forever).

Yesterday I spent some time with him because our oldest was visiting a college. Here’s the ways he showed me he’s LV just in a few hours. A HVM, even if we were divorced, would still treat me with respect simply because I’m the mother of his children.

~ He told me less than three hours before the appointment that our kid had this appointment. A HVM would have respected my time enough to give me plenty of notice.

~ I asked if I could join them. A HVM would have invited me as our kid’s mother.

~ I asked if we could drive together because he had to pass my house to go there anyway. A HVM would have offered to pick me up.

~ He gave me three options for attending: drive myself, drive to his house (15 minutes in the opposite direction of where we were going), or meet him at a midway point between our houses (I opted to meet halfway). A HVM would have simply picked me up.

~ He was late and when I called they had just left and I had to wait for 10 minutes. A HVM would respect my time, and if he was running late would have contacted me to let me know instead of making me sit there wondering where he is.

~ He made me sit in the back seat. This is also how he’s teaching our kid the way a woman should be treated. A HVM would have made our kid move to the backseat and had me sit up front (and would have opened the door for me).

~ He opened I think 2 doors for me after touring the school for over an hour. A HVM would have opened doors and made me feel valued.

I dealt with this kind of behavior for more than 20 years (my parents modeled this and validated it as well). It created so much resentment inside of me and I never felt like a priority to him, I felt like his maid.

The good news is every time I spend time with him I feel so much better about myself for filing for divorce when he cheated on me and not playing the Pick Me Dance. He was shocked when I was like BYE, bought a house, filed for child and spousal support, and never looked back.