List of Boundaries

I was recently asked to share my list of boundaries as an example. As someone who struggles with setting and maintaining firm boundaries, I realized that writing down mine could be helpful. For the sake of convenience, I also group my boundaries into different categories: emotional, intellectual, mental, physical, sexual, etc.

I am still in the process of finishing my personal list of boundaries, but I hope that this post encourages you to write down your own lists.

PHYSICAL

• I refuse to tolerate or be with anyone who enjoys any form of manipulation, violence, dominance, and degradation in and outside of bed.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of physical abuse, be it just lifting a hand with an “intent” to hit me or actually hitting.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of shit-testing, be it physical, verbal, sexual, mental, or emotional.

• I refuse to tolerate the damage of any property in a “fit of anger”, whether said property is mine or not. It’s intentional and manipulative.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of pressure to do anything physical that puts me in a harm’s way or does not benefit my health/pleasure.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of physical touch/affection from people (especially men) that I do not know well or am not in a close, trusting relationship with.

SEXUAL

• I refuse to have sex with a partner who has not checked for STDs/STIs before we become sexually intimate. They have to permit the clinic to disclose their test results to me.

• I refuse to date anyone who watches pornography, videotaped or in photos. by u/AutomaticNopeMachine

• I refuse to tolerate or be with anyone who enjoys any form of manipulation, violence, dominance, and degradation in and outside of bed.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of “role play” or “experimentation” that involves pain or any physical/emotional harm. Even with no pain involved, I refuse to engage in any form of fetish or kink. I want to be myself and myself only when making love to my partner.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of shit-testing, be it physical, verbal, sexual, mental, or emotional.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of anal, BDSM, and other rough/dangerous sexual activities.

• I refuse to tolerate any suggestions that we “try something new” and involve a third party (i.e. threesome). It’s disrespectful and will warrant an instant block.

• I refuse to tolerate anything but a monogamous relationship (physically, mentally, and emotionally).

• I refuse to tolerate my partner using his hand to cover my mouth, pull my hair, etc. Breaking this boundary warrants an instant breakup/block.

• I refuse to tolerate my partner using me for their pleasure only (“quickies”).

• I refuse to tolerate my partner not making sure (constantly checking in) that I am feeling pleasure, with no pain involved.

EMOTIONAL

• I refuse to tolerate any form of negging and verbal abuse.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of shit-testing, be it physical, verbal, sexual, mental, or emotional.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of “jokes” that are told with a clear intent to inflict emotional pain, manipulation, or be said to “humble” me.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of silent treatment. If my partner needs space, this should be clearly communicated and I should be given a timeline of when they’ll be back.

• I refuse to coddle an individual’s inability to effectively communicate, resolve, and repair issues within a relationship.

• I refuse to do any emotional labor for someone else if the other party has no intentions of reciprocating equitable amount of effort.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of cussing towards myself, my family, or friends.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of mysogynistic and disrespectful comments about my looks, intelligence, accomplishments, etc.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of comparing my beauty/looks to the looks of other people. Be it a complement or not, it’s unacceptable. I do not need to be compared to anyone. This also applies to achievements or personality traits. Even subtle forms of “my [insert woman] was x or had y”.

• I refuse to date or engage with potential dating prospects who exhibit signs of dismissive avoidant attachment style or any form of NPD/avoidant personality disorder. They have to be predominantly secure and/or in therapy. — this is a huge one! After reflecting on my former relationship with a man who (among other things) was extremely avoidant, any indication of avoidance/dismissive attitude will result in an instant drop & block from me. In fact, this relates to friendships as well. I don’t give a fuck if it’s all trauma-induced behaviors. If they’re aware, they should be in therapy or working towards getting some form of self-help. If they’re not aware, not my problem, I’m sick and tired of having DAs/FAs hurt me.

MENTAL

• I refuse to tolerate or be with anyone who plays the devil’s advocate when it comes to political, economic, sexual, professional, and other freedoms/rights of women, children and people in general.

• I refuse to tolerate any form of mental manipulation to get me to submit/accept to malicious behaviors.

VERBAL

• I refuse to have a partner ever raise his voice at me.

• I refuse to have a partner ever use slur or cuss words towards me.

• I refuse to be with anyone who is capable of justifying physical or emotional violence towards myself, other women, elderly, men, children, and animals.

to be continued

As you may see, some boundaries tend to fall under all or most categories. I am still adding more to the list and tailoring it to my experiences. Please share some of your boundaries, too! If you feel comfortable of course.

Love ❤️

Edit: added more information! Thank you for all the awards ❤️