Been with my wife for 12 years, met when we were 18. She’s the only serious relationship I’ve ever had and the only woman I’ve ever been with. She was perfect and checked every box I had.

TLDR - she came to me last month saying she’s unhappy and thinks she might be gay. We start therapy to figure this out and take some space and she goes to stay with her mom in a different state. The couples therapy left me feeling hopeful. We agreed to give it 6-ish months to work on our fundamental issues and see if she was just unhappy or if she is in fact not attracted to men anymore.

While out of town, she downloaded tinder and cheated on me “to find out if she’s gay”. Turns out she is. She completely destroyed me. She wants a divorce and is being toxic AF after I lashed out against her with a handful of shitty angry text messages. She called me to tell me she was cheating on me mid-cheating over the weekend and that she was going to continue cheating and stay the night with this other person. It killed me on a level I didn’t think possible.

Struggling to exist.

Can’t eat without throwing the food up, can’t sleep at night AND can’t keep my eyes open at work during the day, I can’t be alone without spiraling to dark dark places. I feel like a toddler that needs constant supervision.

The beautiful home we worked so hard to build together and furnish with $30k worth of shit 6 months ago is sitting empty. I can’t stand being in it. It feels haunted. Memories of her and us everywhere.

I’m seeing an individual therapist later today and hoping she can help give me a tool to cope. When does it start getting better?