Am I wrong for rejecting a request for ex to have breakfast with our daughter and her boyfriend without me for child’s birthday during sports trip.

Shitpostradamus · 2022-10-23T01:37:11+00:00

Is she cool with you getting the same alone time with your kiddo? If so, then let her take the kid with her bf and you do the same

BeneficialAbalone578 · 2022-10-23T01:43:47+00:00

1) you are likely breaking the decree. Decrees are pretty gray in a lot of areas but this one could be seen as fairly vindictive. Not that one incident matters but continual patterns can work against you in a bad way.

2) i think it’s tough really to offer a good opinion on something like this with just a few paragraphs from you, without the whole relationship context. I totally get where you’re coming from but overall I’d just let it go. Personally even though I get along fine with my X, I don’t really care to be around her with or without kiddo. Sometimes I wish that wasn’t the case but she continually does/says things that remind me why. You’re divorced, that’s obvious to kid, pretending you’re normal for a meal isn’t going to make a difference in the how to treat “family” aspect.

JuneCleaversMudFlaps · 2022-10-23T02:06:58+00:00

You’re wrong here man. You’re not a part of your exes life, other than the kid, therefore you’re not entitled to feel left out. Just let your kid have breakfast with them, it’s not your place to intrude.

AirSailer · 2022-10-23T01:50:02+00:00

My divorce agreement is kind of worded the same way. In my experience, usually a special occasion such as this supercedes the normal visitation schedule, so it being your weekend doesn't/shouldn't really matter. It is also irrelevant that you're 5 hours away from your home (at least I don't see a reason in your post for why it should) since your ex is right there.

I'm going to assume, because again your post didn't specify, that your issue is that they want to take her to breakfast, you won't see her throughout the day before she will be busy playing some kind of sport so it's not like you're getting quality time with her, especially with the ex wanting to take her to breakfast without you.

Also, as an aside, only knowing what you posted, it's not out of line for your ex to want time with her daughter without you around.

AllBlackAllWhite · 2022-10-23T03:10:00+00:00

You're being petty as hell and the person that's going to suffer the most for that is your kid.

azwildcat74 · 2022-10-23T14:27:42+00:00

My decree is worded the same, I’ll invite my ex when I get time for a dinner because o know my girls would like to celebrate with their mom, she has never reciprocated that. It would be easy for me to tell her to duck off but I do what I do because it’s what’s best for my kids, can’t makes someone else do the same.

WellThisSix · 2022-10-23T15:17:34+00:00

Bro kids first, don't involve them in your beef with her. Let her have some time with the kiddo.

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-23T15:30:10+00:00

This really should have been planned out in advance. What happened that this is last minute?

Also, if you ex has been a douche and screwed you over many times (like mine has) in a manner where you don’t get to see your kid…. Then I would say okay, but I would told her you have known about this weekend how long and last minutes you pull this shit.

Patriot0811 · 2022-10-23T01:17:44+00:00

It’s petty

rmorlock · 2022-10-23T03:18:11+00:00

yep it was petty.

Live and learn.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-23T10:42:50+00:00

> our divorce agreement says that our child will be available to the other parent on the child’s birthday.

Your attorney set you up for conflict with this stipulation.

Tiger_27 · 2022-10-23T16:37:42+00:00

You are not wrong and totally within the custody agreement. Looks to me as if your ex is trying to shove you out and insert POS bf in your place. Stay strong, stay steady, and stay the course.

Tell your wife if she wants to have breakfast then it's without the POS bf. Just the three of you only.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2022-10-23T15:48:05+00:00

Petty for sure. I get it, but this is not the time to get salty.

Ex made the effort to be close by, so agree on a few hours and keep to that. If the ex demanded you return home, then I’d side with you.

dogsrule2019 · 2022-10-23T16:22:27+00:00

I don’t think you’re being petty at all. However I’d ask kiddo what she wants. And if they do breakfast alone do you get dinner alone? If so then that’s a good solution. If the kid wants both meals with all 3 of you then that’s what should happen. I agree that it being your weekend doesn’t matter but first, what does the daughter want and next divvy it up 50 50 so u get dinner.

derelictherds · 2022-10-23T17:25:45+00:00

I feel I am being intentionally left out and this is a bad example to send to our kiddo on how to treat people

There's a lot of context missing here, but based on what you've shared, yes, you are wrong. Sounds like you're upset because you can't have birthday cake with your ex wife and her boyfriend and you're using "what's best for the kids" as an excuse to be an asshole to your ex. I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that you haven't been divorced for very long? If that's the case, then learn from this experience and do better going forward.

palikapalikapalika · 2022-10-23T18:09:21+00:00

Why would you want to be in the company of the new boyfriend at all ? it would spoil my day.

Ok_Distribution5873 · 2022-10-24T03:10:03+00:00

Sometimes two things can be true at the same time. You may be right and petty.

I've got about a year out now of the loss of my marriage (me the respondent) -and being continually exiled from my kiddo (due to ex, therapists, judges, attorney). Great volumes of nuance could be written. Healthy boundaries are a 'thing'. You may be a control person, and this is a way to still someway 'control', and/or also validate your choices this early on, or- you'd interpret the agreement as . ..

For you, for the child in the middle of the storm, and the ex. Often kindness is viewed by the 'initiator' as weakness. Being a present parent, and primary provider is not enough here in the great state of indiana.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conscious_uncoupling

Stalkmoney · 2022-10-25T22:39:09+00:00

I completely understand your feelings about the situation, I also think it would be appropriate to allow your daughter to spend time with her mother alone on her birthday. The boyfriend is a non-factor really, there may be more boyfriends or no boyfriends. Letting your daughter share breakfast with her mom on her birthday would have been the right thing to do. Stop thinking about it in terms of whether or not you're there or the boyfriend is there. Take yourself and others out of the equation and make it about your daughter and her mom.

Comments