can't move on

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-05T13:41:11+00:00

Marriage has undergone drastic changes since the early 1970s. What used to be the bedrock of Western culture with life-long commitment and unbreakable barring the most severe circumstances, has been relegislated into something entirely new thanks to the lobbying efforts of radical feminists and the divorce industry. This includes legalized abortion, no-fault divorce, domestic violence laws and the concept of marital rape. The changes themselves were not wrong. However, the principal benefactor of these changes are modern women. And modern women have a sense of entitlement that is not possible to satisfy, thinking they can have it all. Magically they expect to juggle a marriage, career, parenting and social life with no hassle. When it doesn't work, the husband is the first to suffer. We live in a world where arguing with your wife is considered emotional abuse, telling her that she is spending too much is being a control freak, and wanting regular sex is misogyny. These same women cannot cook, clean or handle the kids without stressing out, but men are expected to make it better. In trying to make divorce fail-safe for homemaker or lower-earner spouses, society has made marriage unsafe for virtually everyone else. Marriage used to be a worthy goal for a man but today, not so much.

Marriage is a good idea; it’s how we execute it today that makes it one of the worst prospects imaginable for men. Marriage today has the potential to be the most damaging decision a man can make in his life – it’s a legal extortion scheme. You’re betting a woman half your net worth that you’ll love each other forever. Marriage is handing a woman an axe, then putting your head on a chopping block in the trust that she won’t cut it off. It’s not reciprocal. The modern state of matrimony has become the legal equivalent of gambling. Getting married is like betting half your stuff she won’t cheat on you. No matter what she contributed, or did not contribute to the marriage, half of your stuff is hers. If you are not married, she has no claim on your assets, nor you on hers. That fact alone makes rejecting marriage the smartest financial move a man can make, and lets you avoid career slavery. Marriage used to be a business and social partnership for the accumulation and conservation of wealth and the raising of children. Now marriage is the new retirement pension for modern women, rewarding them for breaking a contract. A woman that won’t take your name in a marriage will gladly take your house in a divorce. You can get the same effect of marriage by selling your house, giving all your money away and have someone castrate you. There is no incentive for men to get married. Society has stacked the deck against men in modern marriage. You are allowing the state to decide what happens to your wealth, your freedom, and your access to your children if a marriage doesn’t work out. Statistically marriage has become the worst decision a man can make in his life at present, yet so many men want to believe they won’t be one of those statistics.

By all measures, contemporary marriage is essentially what’s known as an unconscionable contract. Women are taking advantage of men in every way possible, and the government is enforcing this unscrupulous behavior. To sum the current circumstance: women have choices, men have responsibilities. Marriage only benefits women. Men accept all of the risk. Marriage amounts to a no-win struggle of mutually assured disappointment. In this era there are no appreciable advantages for men to marry even the most ideal of women. You can’t name one thing you get from marriage that you can’t get outside of marriage.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-03-05T12:51:00+00:00

All of those issues with the relationship would not magically disappear once you get married. In fact, they will get much much worse because you would now be legally bound together and that would empower her to push the limits. The fact that she gave you the ultimatum of marriage or nothing means that she really didn’t want you anyway, she just wanted to get married - probably for image or her friend got married and she’s jealous.

truebloodyvalentine · 2023-03-05T14:21:43+00:00

Congrats, you just saved yourself potentially a lifetime worth of trouble. Get yourself a nice meal and thank the Lord for this.

AirSailer · 2023-03-05T14:03:41+00:00

Relationships don't get better with marriage. She is adamant about marriage because there are significant benefits to her if you two are married. The sex will decrease, she gets tax benefits, she gets divorce benefits, she gets access to your income, new debt because a shared obligation.

As for benefits to you? There aren't many. The amount of sex will slowly decrease until it's minimal to non-existent. She will take charge of your lives which you will allow thinking it will make her happy but in reality she will hold it against you that you're not the leader she wants you to be. You'll end up handing control of the money over to her, then if you question her spending in any way she will hold it against you.

She's moved on so quickly because she probably already had other men lined up. You have to realize, she was never "yours", it was just your turn. Most women settle anyways (ie she settled for you, no offense) because the type of man they want, the top 5-10% of men, are not interested in relationships or marriage with 90% of women.

clarkr10 · 2023-03-05T17:11:36+00:00

After a 10 year marriage and going through divorce currently, trust me when I say what you’re going through now isn’t as bad as it would be in a few years.

My brother is currently in a great relationship. I told him and his gf to just live together happily and don’t let the govt get involved in their relationship. The risks to marriage are not worth any “rewards”.

metalmaniak68 · 2023-03-05T22:51:06+00:00

You’re in the same place I was before I got married. I honestly don’t really believe that a ring and piece of paper change anything, the tax break was nice lol but that was really it. The problems didn’t go away, everything was exactly the same. I was given an ultimatum, gave in and got married, same as you I didn’t want to lose her. 5 years later we got divorced because of the same issues, some me and some her. I mourned the relationship, she didn’t. 4 years later, now that the love blinders are off, I can 100% say we shouldn’t of lasted dating more than 6 months. Moral of the story is do what you gotta do to grieve the relationship, but trust me everything you’re feeling right now will go away. I was told by my buddy that women want to get married, but don’t want a marriage. Know the difference buddy!

morrowrd · 2023-03-05T12:51:33+00:00

She did you a favor. You might not see it now because you're clouded with grief. Your foresight however, is better than mine. I was in love, romance...all that, in a relationship I never thought would end and now I'm in a divorce, paying her money she demands for not damaging me. This girl of yours is blackmailing you by dating others....is a manipulation to get you jealous enough to ignore those red flags. Don't do it.

playerknowmore · 2023-03-05T17:32:16+00:00

She has proven she's in the streets as soon as she doesn't get her way. All the things that were giving you anxiety she has proven you had a right to be concerned.

georeddit2018 · 2023-03-05T13:21:45+00:00

Marriage is a means to an end for her. She benefit if the marriage last forever or if it ends. And human behavior can be unpredictable. The same woman who is smiling you today may be the one who will file false restraining order on you when divorcing.

Time will heal you pain.

vector5633 · 2023-03-05T19:18:14+00:00

You did the right thing. Don't get married! As a man, it's the worst decision you can make in your life. Given you two already had issues, shit is just going to get a lot worse. When the kids come it makes things much harder.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-03-05T14:33:26+00:00

Love is reserved for Puppies Babies and Music. You’re a young Fir tree 🌲 the workers left behind in the forrest when the other trees were “chosen” for Christmas. You’ll miss out on being lit up and loved for a month- but Come Spring and in a hundred years you’ll thank Fate you were
…Not Worthy. 🪓 🪵

Kingcyprus1 · 2023-03-05T19:30:06+00:00

If she really loved you and wanted to be with you marriage would not be an issue. Another thing is how can you say you love a person when you don’t trust her. I can see why you wouldn’t want to get married from all the laws.

StoneyRocksInMySocks · 2023-03-05T20:07:30+00:00

I think you dodged a bullet with her breaking up with you because you weren't ready for marriage. I know you may be hurt now, but you will get over it.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-03-05T20:58:04+00:00

Get a prenup bro

Ruggiard · 2023-03-06T07:55:50+00:00

Mate, posting on divorce_men about cold feet before marriage is a foregone conclusion. That said, with the issues you reported and her reaction, you dodged a bullet. Relationships ending is always devastating and I feel your pain. It's especially hard when the relationship shatters at the next big step. Hang in there and find the person, with whom these questions don't come up or aren't breaking the relationship. Or stay alone and be happy that way. I have a dog.

Title	can't move on
Author	MrLondon87
Upvotes	14
Comments	37
Date	March 5, 2023 12:40 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11iw7ou/cant_move_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/cant-move-on.1218326 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218326

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