Hi

Bit of a long post but here it goes...

My wife initiated the seperation in April, main reasons being she needed to find her independence (as one of my faults was to be over controlling of chores, finances etc) and because she didn't love me anymore etc. I also started to lack empathy and sex drive in the later stages of marriage - perhaps due to her increasing depression, repeated mental breakdowns and lack of ambition

Whilst I initially tried to chase her, I realised within 2 months that I was better off moving on.

We talked on and off until September - keeping it really friendly and stuff, checking on each other making sure we're doing sort of okay. I've had a few very low moments but in general made huge improvements to my health and confidence.

Anyway in August she started telling me she regrets everything and asked me if there's any hope we could go back to 'normal'. I told her that the door is very slightly open and I am willing to work on us, if she is willing to put in the effort too. We had 2-3 times hanging out together but apart from that I often felt ghosted by her. She also kept prioritising getting wasted with her friends and then being too ill physically and mentally to meet me on the Sunday. I felt offended by that and just stopped contacting her.

Anyway last Sunday I sent her a text message saying that it looks like I'll be getting a promotion and moving out 4h away, in about 2 months time and that I felt obliged to tell her I'm moving on (our divorce is set to be finalised in December).

We talked a lot this week and again she said she misses me etc. I told her I'm willing to open my heart for one last time if she wants to meet face to face this weekend, to see if we can perhaps salvage this relationship over the next 2 months. Same story - she got wasted on Friday and I only heard from her today. I told her that's it and we're done. She agrees there's no hope and that she needs to work on herself.

Here's the problem - she is chronically depressed and always has been since I've known her (13 years). In the 8 years we've been together she's had some pretty bad mental breakdowns and in the 2 years we were married, she's said at least a dozen times she's going to kill herself because she hates her self (appearance) and she hates her life.

I know what I did was needed for myself - I have a clear path ahead of me with job and hobbies etc and I gave her lots of oppurtunities to prove she wanted to change. I can't sacrifice my future and stay in this place physically and mentally forever. On the other hand I feel like the worst person ever, leaving someone that is very very ill. But I suppose no matter how hard I could try, I'd never be able to truly help her. She needs to navigate through her issues herself and find some kind of internal strength to continue.

If anyone else has been in this situation, how did you navigate through it?