In the early stages of divorce and my (41M) STBXW (41F) is desperately trying to convince me to stay. Hysterical bonding, love bombing, the works. Haven't filed yet, and she's convinced she can get me to change my mind and salvage the marriage. I think she's mostly scared of separating as I've basically been a slave who has supported her unsustainable lifestyle and tolerated her terrible temper, mood swings, emotional abuse, for the duration of our marriage. I've been trying to make it clear I'm done. That I don't believe her bizarre switch into actually being "nice" to me these past two weeks is permanent.

I've started going to the gym every day to get back in shape and blow off steam. Doing lawn work and working long hours to avoid her awkward love bombing/hysterical bonding advances.

Yesterday she goes on a tirade, questioning everything.

"Are you trying to get in shape to impress other women? Is there another woman at the gym you meet with? Someone there you like to see? Why weren't you working out like this before?"

"You're trying to make the lawn look nice so we can sell the house, aren't you?"

"You're working longer to pay for an apartment/divorce lawyer, aren't you?"

Then she gets to the root of it, saying: "I think you've been doing these things for yourself lately. I WANT YOU TO DO THINGS FOR ME. WHY WON'T YOU CHOOSE ME?!" ...with a flash of anger in her eyes.

I think my jaw might have actually dropped a little. Because then it hit me: Actually yes, I HAVE been doing things for myself for once. After two decades of catering to her every selfish want and need, putting up with her temper tantrums whenever she didn't get her way or if I didn't immediately drop what I was doing to fulfill her requests, I'm FINALLY CHOOSING MYSELF. Choosing to prioritize my own happiness and no longer be a slave to her whims. It's wild to me that it's apparently so massively frustrating for her that I would have the audacity to finally put my wants and needs first.

I'm trying to be tactful. But I think I might need to abandon tact and tell her in no uncertain terms that we're done. That we need to stop this charade and begin truly moving on.