God’s will

keephopealive4you · 2024-07-03T17:24:50+00:00

The only person you can control is yourself. Let it go and let God work. Sometimes the reason why something happened the way it did isn’t apparent for many years. Just worry about the things you can control and not the people you can’t.

stupididiot78 · 2024-07-03T06:13:19+00:00

You don't have to understand it. You don't even have to accept it. It's going to happen whatever you do and whatever you think. Just like the death that's coming for all of us, it's coming for your marriage now. But that's OK. You've got faith in God so you know that what comes after death is something that he wants for you after death of your marriage.

Routine-Background54 · 2024-07-03T06:10:22+00:00

Let me address your question more directly. My last comment was about God's will. But after reading your situation I would like to share my thoughts. Disclaimer, this is just my opinion and thoughts on the matter. I don't know the cause of the divorce but I gathered you don't want it and she does.

I don't know if cheating was involved or not, I haven't read up on your previous statements. But let's say there was no cheating and it is a no fault divorce of sorts. If that is the case, I think it's important to remember that she is the one going against God's will and not you. All you can really do is continue to advise against it and give her the biblical reasoning for it. Now she isn't returning your calls I wouldn't harass her and spend a bunch of messages. But of course you can continue to make your case and be firm in it. I would just make sure it's not coming off in an angry or depressing way but out of perfect peace.

So I would take a deep breath knowing that you are in the clear on a personal level. Probably the most loving thing you can do for her is be strong and live life as close as Jesus would. Be strong! Don't fall into a depression over it! Continue to make your case when the time is right. But sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let people be. You can't force love, it just happens. One thing I would say for sure is if she sees your wreck that might be a turn off for her. It would be much more beneficial for her to see you in a strong light and not a depressing one. She needs to know that you could handle the difficulties of life and not crumble when things get tough.

I pray and hope that she would come back to you. But once again if she doesn't, it's not on you and you are in the clear with God. Just continue to be strong and continue to make your case on why you shouldn't divorce, but do so in a calm and practical way. If not, don't let it affect your relationship with God. Obviously that is a personal thing and only you could enter the gates on your own not with someone else.

I don't know if you have children with your wife or not. Obviously that is a big factor in a lot of things. I would highly suggest taking care of yourself and getting excited about something in life. Try to figure out what it is that you want to do and as long as it's not ungodly go for it. If you do have children with this woman, it's probably good that they see you in a strong light as well. If you don't have children, I'd really recommend trying to get excited about something else in life.

Abstain from depression, abstain from drunkenness, abstain from sexual immoralities, try to glorify God and continue your faith in Him. And on a practical side, get busy doing things that you like in life. It's unfortunate it turned out this way, but what a great opportunity it is to come closer to God. Without knowing your entire story I can only give generic thoughts on the matter. And once again, these are just my thoughts. Be strong, be patient, be at peace. Regardless what happens, be at that level of perfect peace.

God bless, and I will keep you in my prayers!

PS I was using speech to text because I'm on the move right now so apologies if there's any misspellings.

voncichlid · 2024-07-03T05:35:45+00:00

How many people do you know that have thrown away something that could be amazing? I am a high school teacher and I see it all the time. It starts at a young age for most all of us.

What you have to accept and make sense of is that not every occurrence on this planet is God's will. I would surmise the vast majority of it is not.

All of us have free will, and our fallen nature dictates that much of what we choose is not in accordance with what could have been had correct choices been made.

In my own case, I made a bunch of smaller bad choices, but she made the one that was nuclear.

Terrible things happen, and it is possible to grow from it.

What you cannot do is change someone else's mind, or even your own really. You have to look at reality dead on, embrace it, and use the rest of your life to sow better.

A real bright side is that if you make it through this test, you will get a resilience that you never knew possible. You will develop the ability to walk straight amidst terrible adversity. It will allow you to see people as they really are a lot more clearly, and you will also not take for granted a single person that is in your life.

This is probably the most difficult thing you will ever go through, but on the other side there is some next level wisdom that awaits.

I am 15 months out, and I still got a long way to go, but I'm telling you that you (not it necessarily) get better if you eat right and take care of yourself. This forum is great too. One thing I can assure you is that you are nowhere near as alone as you feel.

Business-Hope-5414 · 2024-07-03T05:25:32+00:00

Sounds like you are trying to get your wife to believe in “god” when she doesn’t want to…

NewDay0110 · 2024-07-03T01:02:55+00:00

I'm not sure about the God's plan part of your writing, but the divorce aftermath you describe is very common. I've heard from other men and experienced in my own case that the man usually uses the divorce as an opportunity to better himself. The woman, free from household responsibilities, focuses on her enjoyment and succumbs to vices, living recklessly. Maybe it's not God you are seeing play out but human nature.

Routine-Background54 · 2024-07-02T23:04:01+00:00

First off I'm very sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine what it feels like and I pray I never have to in life. I'm going to give my thoughts on God's will, but I'll admit this isn't really directed at you because I don't know your full situation and your desires going forward.

I wouldn't worry about God's overall will so much. His overall will means what he wants to happen or what ends up happening. But we can live and do God's will. A couple of things that come to mind are the following. Have a genuine faith in Him. He wants us to come to Him. Abstain from sexual immorality and drunkenness. I think glorifying Him would be another great example of his Will for us. His will for us is to be saved and to live a life that glorifies Him.

No I don't know all the particulars of your situation. But just from a more general perspective, I think whatever you wanna do as long as it glorifies God is okay. We definitely don't need to stress ourselves out about the overall destination of our lives. Only he knows that anyways. I don't think we can expect anything to work properly outside of His ways. I see a lot of people stress over what God's plans are for them, yet they don't follow his commandments and his instructions. I struggled with that question for a while, but once it was explained to me it took a huge weight off my chest.

Once again, I know this doesn't really address your personal concerns. I don't know your situation in full, but hopefully this makes sense to others who are stressing about God's will.

i_am_buzz_lightyear · 2024-07-02T22:23:40+00:00

I think everyone is missing the point that God gave us free will. You can't say it was God's plan to control another to create an undesirable effect on you. You can believe in an ultimate plan or end point but not that He chose a person to act against you. Please consider this.

Then read "Benefit of the Doubt: Breaking the Idol of Certainty" by Greg Boyd

Sam_N_Emmy · 2024-07-02T21:41:43+00:00

I come from a house where we believe in God but understand he is not a single parent. God’s will becomes clear when we are ready to see. Maybe it just not that time yet. Divorce is messy and rarely makes sense until we can view it from a distance. Keep focusing on the things that make you a better person. Let her work out her issues as well. Eventually you’ll find your peace and clearly see the path you are on.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-07-02T20:49:23+00:00

OP, spirit of Jezebel.

Dwro1234 · 2024-07-02T20:42:39+00:00

Seems like a cop out to avoid dealing with the root issues at hand. Your situation is the sum of your decisions up to this point.

MartyMcFly7 · 2024-07-02T20:36:11+00:00

Women don't just leave, she's divorcing you for a reason. What's her reason?

With all due respect (and I say this as a man), you talk a lot about how much you're suffering, but don't even touch on why she's suffering (enough to "abandon" the family). It may not be a GOOD reason, but that's where you need to start, because that's what's triggering the desire to divorce.

If it's something about YOU, you can either agree to change, work out some other arrangement, or agree to divorce.

If it's something about HER, you have to let her go to persue whatever it is she thinks will make her happier. I know it sucks, but you don't really have a choice, and if you TRULY love someone, you want them to happy. And you can't TELL her what she needs to be happy, she has to figure that out on her own (even if she's wrong).

Trust me, what you DON'T want is for her to stick around and be unhappy, because you'll be stuck with someone who doesn't love you, is always second-guessing herself, and doesn't appreciate you or anything you do. She'll be bitter AF and you'll want to shoot yourself.

I've been there and it SUCKS. But then I met someone who had lots of life experience and knew exactly what she was looking for, and it's a much better life.

Reflog1791 · 2024-07-02T20:20:03+00:00

Pray for strength, wisdom, patience, understanding, compassion, and acceptance. Thank God for all the blessings in your life. All of these prayers will be answered and it will be wonderful.

If you pray for your wife to change her mind and love you again you will be disappointed. God gave us free will and she is exercising hers.

Ironically the only chance you have to get her back is to let her go, detach, get buff, improve your appearance, and change for the better. By that time you will not want her back.

This_Train340i · 2024-07-02T20:08:50+00:00

You married by applying for a license from the wicked, corrupt State, willingly subjecting yourself to its de facto prenuptial agreement as more particularly set forth in the unjust laws that put women in the driver's seat in a divorce. Your marriage wasn't of God even if you had a ceremony in a church because it defaulted to the terms and conditions of a marriage as defined by the State. The State is the god of your marriage.

4th_times_a_charm_ · 2024-07-02T20:02:26+00:00

I struggled for a year, and I still struggle. I'm not even religious, per say. I got to talk to a Muslim at work about his beliefs and came to the conclusion that while they hold value, the holy books have been rewritten so many times, contain so many contradictions, and we're ultimately written by humans... it's simply not possible to hold ourselves to that standard. You can't make the other person loyal.

CaliDude75 · 2024-07-02T19:56:20+00:00

Before I petitioned, I struggled with the decision a lot. But I don’t think it’s God’s will for us to be stuck in a situation with no prospect of improvement, which is where I felt I was. I remain in periodic communication with my ex, and she told me the divorce “Isn’t what she wanted” but neither did I see her particularly wanting to fight to save it.

I basically feel in the last few years, I was relegated to the role of house servant. It seemed that any expression of gratitude was forced. She had just come to expect me to do nice and thoughtful things for her. She kind of had tunnel-vision with her job, and she would keep working until 9 pm some nights.

There was very little intimacy. I take partial responsibility for that, because I didn’t initiate much, but she didn’t really know how to flirt or seduce. When she was “in the mood” she would literally just grind on me, which was a big turn-off for some reason.

I strove for many years to be a “good” Christian and husband. For a lot of years, I kind of had a Pharisaical, judgmental, “holier-than-thou” attitude toward others.

I’ve gotten to the point where I think the most important things to me is to have an attitude of humility and forgiveness, both as giver and receiver. Pride and entitlement are poison for relationships.

If you’re stuck in a relationship where that characterizes the mood most of the time, get out, and especially if the expectation of change is very lopsided. If it’s her nit-picking you and all the things you’re doing wrong, and she doesn’t feel she needs to change or do anything, that should be your answer right there.

AdForward5729 · 2024-07-02T19:40:26+00:00

Trust in God. I still think about salvation even after my divorce but I still have to stay on my own journey and purpose. We share 2 children and a step son I’ve known since he was 3 (now 10).

Stay strong and keep tending to your garden. 🙏🏽

Machinegunrafy · 2024-07-02T19:21:37+00:00

The lord doesn’t make mistakes. You are exactly where he wants you to be. It’s the reality of our world today. Adapt and grow.

joopde · 2024-07-02T19:13:56+00:00

Maybe this is what your God is telling you brother. Time to let go and let her find her own path. Its your sign to explore yours.

Title	God’s will
Author	Equivalent_Rabbit_62
Upvotes	3
Comments	23
Date	July 2, 2024 7:02 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dttsy7/gods_will/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/gods-will.1522984 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522984

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