Help omg help

ciscokid12345 · 2023-04-01T02:27:56+00:00

Yup the old bullshit TRO to change custody trick. Works every time. I spent 4 months without seeing my girls and about $20,000 fighting restraining order.

Don’t ever admit to cussing at her if it’s verbal and don’t ever text her a mean written word. “She’s making it up to win more custody” is your argument. Restraining orders are to protect women from violence not BS bad words. The courts are usually pretty good at sniffing this out but you definitely need some legal help to get the issue on calendar ASAP.

You can and will get through this! I won 50/50 custody after a two year fight with my ex. It has paid back every cent I spent in tax savings alone. There’s a $7000 dollar difference between “single no dependents” and “head of household with one”.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-04-01T03:12:41+00:00

These women are beyond toxic, completely unreasonable and impossible to negotiate with.

You are going to have to dig deep to another level to remain calm. They are just looking for a reaction from you positive or negative. They are just trying to continue to control you.

Don’t engage in any conversations with her unless it is regarding the kids. Only communicate via email so that there is evidence for everything that was said.

These divorces are always going to cost more and drag out forever. They love seeing you get frustrated and tortured.

I suggest the book “Divorcing your narcissist, you can’t make this shit up” by Tracy Malone.

Don’t be surprised by any more crap she tries to pull on you.

You are not alone. And some men have endured worse. Try to keep positive. I don’t have any good advice regarding the money/legal fees, maybe someone else can chime in.

Make sure you take care of yourself. Try to sleep, avoid alcohol and drugs. Eat healthy. Exercise. Go to the gym or boxing class and curse her fucking name out. Meditate. Take up yoga.

CoverDeep3100 · 2023-04-01T02:12:49+00:00

You're definitely being tested. Been there man, sucks so bad, I know.

Stay tough and focused, for you first then your son. Believe it or not, better days are ahead. We just have to get you through this first.

Pray about it if you can and are one to pray about things.

My ex-wife went absolutely ape shit on me so she could get her way. Gaslighting and manipulation all the way.

Try to keep contact with w her minimal if you can right now. Less is more w them and you don't want to say something you'll regret later in an argument and she runs and tells her attorney as something to hold against you later.

I'm praying for you man.

FoxDyedMoses · 2023-04-01T05:49:52+00:00

I divorced a narcissist. I got very lucky because she found a new boyfriend before we broke up and so she was too occupied in the early love bomby phase with him to take the time to make my life miserable. It might be a little selfish, but see if you can encourage her to date someone else. She’ll get less satisfaction tormenting you if she has a brand new toy.

After the dust is settled on the divorce maybe send the dude a heads up privately if you want to try to save him. It’s kind of kicking the can down the road but you gotta look out for you and your son first and foremost.

Beautiful_Hunt5848 · 2023-04-01T12:45:44+00:00

Hang in there...She is merely following the script, weaken and bleed you until you are broke so you'll give in. Demand a trial ASAP, do not let your attorney convince you to put it off, or "it's not time yet". The attorneys are not your friend. They look like they hate each other in court, then eat and drink together at the country club, on your nickel.

It's awful but stay strong. If your attorney can't get you a trial date, fire him. It's time to play hard ball with your representation. Go Pro Se until you get a trial date save your resources. Hopefully, when she sees you either can't afford an attorney, or you're not being bled by one, it'll take that incentive away from her to churn discovery and may reduce the pain somewhat. Bring in a very experienced attorney at the 11th hour before trial to facilitate. Go attorney shopping in the mean time and get a hard number for the trial scope of work only and negotiate it get a proposal in writing. If they won't provide a written estimate - that's not your potential attorney, and work to save for that. Without a trial on calendar the nonsense will continue. Understand she only cares about hurting you, NEVER show her you're bleeding. The more dramatic she becomes the happier you show her you are. I'm five years in and have seen it all. All easy to write and give advice and excruciating to execute. Keep this platform posted there are additional recommendations we can all make too. Be strong you'll get though it! We all will...wishing peace for you soon brother...

Adventurous_Tie_4464 · 2023-04-01T02:35:48+00:00

Listen I’ve been there too and there have been days I have literally had to peel myself out of bed in the morning. It’s nearly impossible, but you just have to cutoff any communication with her outside of very critical issues regarding your child. Don’t engage with her at all and if necessary when your kid is with her get a side gig to earn money to pay your lawyer. Take care of yourself and your son first and foremost. If she is crazy she will run out of money to antagonize you eventually. Filing motions is one thing but getting them heard and ruled upon by a judge is another. Just grey rock her. All communication via My Family Wizard all parenting trade offs done in the police station parking lot. If she is harassing you file a harassment complaint with the police. She can’t gas light you if you never speak with her. They thrive on the drama. If you can just keep your eye on your long term goal of maintain your relationship with your son she eventually will find someone else that is more willing to engage with her antics. If you are cussing her out that is because you are talking with her. If you don’t talk with her you won’t cuss her out. Radio silence and self care for you.

wisstinks4 · 2023-04-01T04:13:32+00:00

Get your lawyer to grow some big balls and fight for you. Educate the Judge on crazy people behavior. They need to know what shitty things happen. Do not let her mind fuck your children and drag them through the pile of goop.

ranger69danger · 2023-04-01T06:18:06+00:00

Formed in this crucible the new self will be better.

You can do this. Sack up and take a walk somewhere that makes you feel tiny, somewhere that forces you to see that nature continues indifferent to the struggles of man. Earth abides. Take peace in that and stay the fucking course.

We as a group can help you to minimize damage as you navigate this complex maelstrom

RichardCleveland · 2023-04-04T12:52:33+00:00

I am going through the same thing. Wife (20yrs) wants the word, I already said nope. She is now threatening to drag this out as long as possible until she get what she "deserves". She also manipulates and gas lights me daily. And doing her best to use the kids against me. We already had agreed several times on 50/50 custody, but she took it back last night. There is only one positive to her behavior, it's making me despise her. I already look at her completely different and want her out of my life ASAP. I am really looking forward to starting the next chapter of my life, even at 42.

Girl_Dad42 · 2023-04-01T12:00:02+00:00

Smart move using OFW. Don’t get baited. That’s what narcissists do. They try to bait you into responding harshly. Don’t give up. Your son is worth it. Always remember that.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-04-02T01:51:17+00:00

It's a war of attrition. You need to build stamina to survive. She's counting on you giving up. Stoicism, meditation, preventing her from communicating with you (or you being notified instantly of her communications), preventing yourself from firing back in communications, all of this is what you need to survive this.

The thing with narcissists is that after all the bluster, they are deeply weak, fearful and vulnerable people. They don't have a core self to fall back on, well they do - but that core self is so undeveloped and child-like that it's not capable of sustaining them. Time is actually on your side, despite the feeling that it is not. Take the offensive, not by lashing out but by making yourself invulnerable to her shit. It's purely a state of mind.

silmarp · 2023-04-02T13:06:43+00:00

Look man. Don't let your kid to this woman. I mean, she is horrible and she is gonna destroy the child if you do. You can only fight.

Don't fall for her tricks. Do the grey rock and the 180. Don't talk to her beyond the necessary, ever.

user070581 · 2023-04-01T05:34:04+00:00

Hey guys. It’s starting to get ugly here. One thing I keep hearing from her is that I’m gaslighting her. When I am purposely trying to avoid her and minimize contact. But honestly my question is what are examples of gaslighting that you have experienced with them. I have read what it means. However reading the definition and hearing are two different things. She sent me. Video one time of some person going over gaslighting. And I swear a lot of his examples he was going over are exactly what she does. Mainly deflecting. What else would be considered that that you guys have seen?

JonathanApple · 2023-04-01T12:47:09+00:00

Oh brother , that last line, you are not alone. I and many others been there. We are here for you. Stay strong. Take real good care of yourself.

Data_Fan · 2023-04-01T14:34:14+00:00

You got this. Go no contact, and keep collecting those OFW messages for your court appearances. Do NOT ever give her any material to use. Judge(s) will figure it out. She will dig her own grave.

Narcissists and crazy-makers are surprisingly predictable so you will soon be able to anticipate her actions and reactions, and prepare accordingly for your best outcomes.

The only word of caution is that it takes a really long time. Far longer than you ever expect. Courts are slow, and judges don't always get it right the first time. Learn how to file motions/legal paperwork and you will save yourself alot of money. The lawyers value is really only the final settlement and/or trial

Lukesan- · 2023-04-02T13:42:02+00:00

I am in the same boat my friend. Vent vent vent, that is what I am doing now. Combine that with crying and having bad thoughts I feel very related to what you typed.
My son is the only thing I have left to live for. Next week he'll turn 18 and he is right beside me all the time. He refuses to speak to her and hasn't seen her for a month.

Having a wife whom I've been married to for almost 20 years and who has been playing games with me for over 4 years now really got to me.

Seems that she was telling everyone that I am an narcissist and people, whom I've never met, believed her. I could see it in their eyes when they entered the house here. They immediately kept their distance. After thinking about it for a very long time I now know why. They only heard one side of the story and it's difficult to convince people afterwards. Not that I want to convince these people as most of them I met like 1 or 2 times. She bassically has been keeping me isolated on purpose, that is what I believe, and got the power from people aknowledging her that I am a bad husband and man because of her 1 sided story. I know of 1 person that we met several times that she blocked her because she didn't believe a word that she was saying.
The games being played while you have a moment of what should be mental and physical rest is very known to me.
The moment I and my son left on vacation last year, a father son holiday to show him were I went on holiday as a kid and the first and only holiday in like 3 or 4 years time, she unplugged all smart electronics in the house the very first day causing all kind of alarms on our phones. This caused me and my son having to call her and getting us very angry as she knew this would happen as she didn't want to switch it all on again. She could abuse the fact that we got angry towards her friends. She is one toxic woman while she wasn't like this 10 years ago.

I try to keep myself together for my son and for his future. It's the only thing you and I should focus on at the moment. Give him hugs and tell yourself things will get better. Look up old friends, eat healthy and keep sane as you don't want to keep on going in a negative spiral.

Orator270 · 2023-04-03T13:00:41+00:00

Please read the book called, adult children of emotionally unintelligent parents. I read it, and it helped highlight a lot of things that narcissist do.

I read that book when I was married. And as I read it, I started to realize that everything they were describing is something that my ex used to do. And when she tried to drag out the legal battle, I was already able to come back a lot of her tactics because I know how narcissist work now.

Title	Help omg help
Author	-sweetchuck
Upvotes	20
Comments	26
Date	April 1, 2023 2:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1287rn5/help_omg_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/help-omg-help.1207258 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207258

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