I don’t know what to do…

Alone_Average_3154 · 2024-03-14T15:33:03+00:00

Let her go dude. Tbh she wants to lead you on while playing the field. She has a help wanted sign up.

It's crazy because once a man acts like they don't care they try to come back around. It's all manipulation. Don't be that guy that thinks everything is going well and then you find out she has dudes in the background which I'm sure she does.

Stop telling her how much you love her and need her. That needy behavior is a turn off for all women. Stop all that.

As far as changing goes thats putting her on a pedestal." I'll change for you so you can love me again." See how that sounds? Needy. Pull back and get your life focused on yourself. Use your logic. She filed because she is done with you and wants someone "better".

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-03-14T12:37:02+00:00

She is having her cake and eating it too. She realizes she has all the power and you will do whatever she says. Stop saying yes to her and get your man card back. I lost mine in the beginning when she filed the paperwork and eventually got it back by setting boundaries and realizing that I had to start saying no in order to get through the divorce. She even wanted us to use the same lawyer!! What a crock of sh!t! Once I got my balls back, it was much better setting me up to heal from the devastation of the divorce. You can do this too. Stop the bloodletting! And no sex, that just messes with your head. Too many women out there for casual sex for you to go back to that old well! She sounds toxic and a controller. The sooner you get that out of your life the better.

wisstinks4 · 2024-03-14T12:34:22+00:00

This is very unhealthy. There is a much bigger story going on the background. You’re being played like you’re a small in a Milton Bradley board game. She’s pregnant. Go talk to her friends and family. Put a tracker on her car. You need some answers before you do anything.you’re getting in a bad way. You need to stop and slow down.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-03-14T03:32:44+00:00

DO NOT FUCK HER!

She's trying to control you: "I'm going to blow up your life for no visible reason, but I'll be kind enough to let you hang around if you meet my conditions, which will require submitting to a demeaning and humiliating series of demands (including, undoubtedly, major financial sacrifice), while my behavior goes entirely unexamined because you have no right to question my commitment to this marriage."

Get out, as soon as possible. Married less than a year means annulllment is a real possibility, so go hire a lawyer. If she's already moved out, then change the locks; if she waffles about leaving then I cannot too strongly recommend moving out yourself to save any possibility of being hit with false DV allegations or similar.

I_Touched_Grass · 2024-03-14T00:27:25+00:00

She probably fucked some other dude and is worried she might be pregnant. Don't fall for her shit.

Strict_Magician_2796 · 2024-03-13T18:27:58+00:00

No More Mr Nice Guy, read it...do it now!

rhett342 · 2024-03-13T17:43:57+00:00

What do you do? Show her the door and wish her well. Even if she does stay, you're going to have that threat of divorce hanging over you for the rest of your life. Stop having sex with her and count your blessings that you've only wasted a few years with this woman who obviously either doesn't value you or is too unstable to be in a long term committed relationship with. You've lost enough with her so stop before you lose even more.

denvercaniac · 2024-03-13T17:30:07+00:00

This is done, sorry.

It's very likely she found someone else on the side.

You're gonna want therapy, to distance yourself as much as possible, and get the best lawyer/deal you can and rebuild.

hazalo9 · 2024-03-13T17:29:15+00:00

Listen bro, it's ok to feel it out but DO NOT let her see you like that. Stop writing her or asking for her to come back to you. Women will view you as emotionally weak and lose respect for you. That is because they are the emotional ones and need someone that is strong, which is why they are attracted to guys that don't give a fuck. If you want her back you need to stop having sex with her and grey Rock her. It will be the only way to get her back. You may be able to convince her to come back if you plead but it will be temporary. She cannot love you if she does not respect you. There is no mention of cheating or abuse so there is still hope. Just pull yourself together and give her what she wants. This is a test and she doesn't even know she is testing you. You pass when you value yourself and focus on moving on, if it's meant to be she will follow and things will be good again. Good luck and hope it goes well.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-03-13T16:56:27+00:00

I am going to say the most sexist shit on earth but I believe it in my heart. Women need to be led. Hear me out. When you cry, grovel, sleep on the couch, beg, it’s the biggest turn off in the world. Same with trying to control or dictate. Same with not providing.

The change ultimatum puts her in the driver’s seat. Can’t let that happen. Need to do he following:

Let her know you are going to change. It’s not to save the marriage. It’s because you want to change. Stop there. No more conversation.
Stop the sex. Stop sleeping on the couch. Get a hotel.
180 and grey rock. Read up it. This means be polite, cordial and mature but to not engage in any relationship discussions.

You need to move forward and keep this up until SHE proposes you try again. Need to understand, all this means is she opened the door. She has not walked through it yet. Don’t agree try right then. Simply ask “why now? “. The answer cannot be about you. Remember, you agreed to change, for you. She will have shifted this back to an ultimatum. You need to understand why she wants to try before you agree.

DivorceTA1988 · 2024-03-13T16:54:46+00:00

If you cry and beg and plead they are disgusted and turn away. If you show you’re doing just fine without her she can’t have that and acts accordingly. It’s like clockwork, we’ve all been through it.

If you try and stay together you will later deeply regret it. Get out while you don’t have kids

bond2kill · 2024-03-13T14:35:41+00:00

Dude you are young. Fk that learn live better you. Don't try to make her stay when someone wants to leave. Don't fall fall for puss toss

aceraptor9111 · 2024-03-13T14:07:07+00:00

Yeah dude class 1 manipulation and narcissist. Best way to win this style of game with a woman is to not play. She wants a divorce? Bet, help her pack her shit and get it out. Trust us bro, it's all down her from here. She just wants control.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-03-13T13:34:59+00:00

OP, annulment stat! Do not continue with her, or pay her any attention. She seems nothing but trouble with a capital T. Change after 4 months? Is she a crack addict or something? She was probably cheating on you as well, or she is certifiable. Good Lord, be done with her.

Prestigious-Pin9935 · 2024-03-13T13:25:29+00:00

Admiral ackbar it's a trap.gif

Bud you need to fuck her off immediately. She's messing with your head. Chances are she's already banging a new dude.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2024-03-13T12:51:36+00:00

Get rid of her.

JimSevere0271 · 2024-03-13T12:30:56+00:00

You are likely upset because you are a loyal person with normal human emotions.

Take solace in fact that you are not a psycho like her.

The thing that sucks in this world is you can't expect other people to be like you.

and sometimes even when you thought you knew them it's likely that you really didn't.

I'm just getting out of an 18-year marriage where my wife never gave a shit about me.

I stayed because I took marriage seriously and for the kids.

She only cares about herself.

Most people are incredibly self-centered and sometimes even evil towards those they are supposed to love.

You cannot control how another person behaves or feels.

Their perception is reality and many times their perception is completely f*cked.

All you can do is live each day the best that you can.

I understand how lonely it can be.

Also, this subreddit exists to help with this.

YOU ARE RESILIENT ENOUGH to handle this bullsh*t (even if you don't feel like it) and she doesn't deserve a person like you.

captainchippsixx · 2024-03-13T12:03:20+00:00

Dude. Just walk. She is not who you thought she was. She was probably screwing around for a short time and then got dumped so sex was back on. You being a simp, letting her walk all over you will keep her doing this.

Be a man and kick her to the curb. Her actions show you she doesn’t love you. Don’t listen to her words. She saw a lawyer. Come on!

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-03-13T11:18:35+00:00

With 4 months you can get the marriage annulled and walk away clean, stop crying man up and start your life over you are still young, no matter how much crying or letter writing won’t get her back, she is prob sleeping with someone else

pieperson5571 · 2024-03-13T10:43:12+00:00

If your our friend we'd call you dense. As in which part of get lost did you not get? Get up. Stretch that spine and start walking away. Time distance silence should have started yesterday. Courage is action in the face of fear.

RHOPKINS13 · 2024-03-13T06:55:51+00:00

Consider yourself very lucky. At less than a year married, you'll likely not have any alimony payments. Sounds like it should be a quick and easy divorce. Hopefully there's no kids involved.

It sucks but if things aren't going to work out you're much better off breaking it off now than years later when you're going to have to give her half of everything you've accumulated during a crummy marriage.

the-indigo-king · 2024-03-13T06:50:56+00:00

told me that she wants to continue the divorce process while also moving out BUT if I show her during that time that I’ve changed she would consider staying even after filing for a divorce

Fuck all that. Changed what? You've been married four months. Unless you've picked up a crippling heroin addiction, gambling problem or something similarly catastrophic there isn't much changing to do between the altar and here. She was probably having second thoughts about marrying you in the first place, and went through with it because her family expected her to.

And what happens next time she wants you to change something, or decides she doesn't like what color the sky is that day? Will she threaten to walk out then?

Imagine raising a family. "Yeah guys, mom threatens to leave us forever when she gets upset, but it's okay, she feels better after I crawl back and beg her forgiveness for a couple months."

Imagine raising your son. Imagine if you were your son and he were married to your wife. You'd tell him to leave her on the street where she belongs.

Almost lost my job over it.

Do not do this. Keep your job. Bring your A game, become a star performer. You will need the money, for the divorce and for after. It also makes a fine distraction from your home life.

Read the sidebar: [quietly] start liquidating accounts, collecting documentation, paperwork, any scrap of paper about your financial lives and distribution of assets. This is the same advice women get, for good reason.

Hit the gym. It'll keep you from under-eating from stress, and counter the effects of over-eating from stress. (Different people react differently.)

I know you imagined a life with this person, raising a family and growing old together. You were ready to move on to the next chapter of your life. That person is gone, if she ever existed. And that chapter will happen but not with this person and not right now. Count your blessings: imagine doing this if you had already been married a decade or more, already had a family, etc. You are young. Your best days are ahead.

The sooner you get this over with the cheaper/faster/easier it will be. Lawyer up.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-03-13T05:48:19+00:00

Do not have sex with her. Last thing you want now is for her to get pregnant.

Learn grey rock. Don’t show emotion. Stop doing the pick me dance. Stop showing her attention.

She is no longer wife material.

If you have no children and no joint assets or debts then the divorce should be pretty simple but she has a lawyer you should get a good experienced divorce lawyer too.

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-03-13T05:26:45+00:00

Hi, Automoderator removed your post but we have approved it.

Title	I don’t know what to do…
Author	Butternutbiscuit003
Upvotes	12
Comments	29
Date	March 13, 2024 4:29 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bdiok8/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-dont-know-what-to-do.1426067 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426067

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