Looks like divorce is coming

organicwilly · 2023-12-03T19:46:17+00:00

Lawyer up and quit giving her so much ammunition my man.

Chama-HUH · 2023-12-03T18:34:18+00:00

Record her as well, speak to a lawyer, understand what you risk losing and how minimize your losses, get a proper plan in place for child custody. I don’t know the term these guys use but stop reacting to what she does and be nonchalant. Drop the broad (not literally).

daniel22mckee · 2023-12-03T19:10:15+00:00

I would seriously put it out to you to get a mutual restraining order before she kicks you out of the house. Ask me how I know. I can’t stress it enough that if she’s serious with the divorce you need to get your head around that and start acting like she is an adversary in court.

Big_Marsupial_8142 · 2023-12-03T18:35:34+00:00

Sit down and talk through the issues with your wife. If you decide it is best to end the marriage - get an attorney and file. If you can agree on asset / debt split WITHOUT it being controlled by a judge, the better you'll be. Divorce is a woefully painful process - sorry that you're going through this stuff... If she is recording everything - my guess is she wants out too. Talk to her - hopefully you can make decisions that do not bring the kids into the middle of it all. This is about mommy and daddy only... Good luck to you.

For future reference - as much as you feel the need to - DO NOT BLOW UP at your wife through this process. She will only use it for her benefit and will use it against you.

HyperionAlpha · 2023-12-03T19:49:26+00:00

A lot has been said here already that is sound. Don't blow up about it.

However I have some disagreement with at least one point of the advice here. Some say "talk with her about this if you can." We are getting very little from you but it seems to me as if this may be well past the "let's talk about this" phase. If this is so, then you should file before she does. If you're unsure if you want to divorce, ask yourself: do you want someone who will record you because you had a disagreement about something? Do you feel safe being around someone who is assembling evidence to use against you? If the answer to any of this is "yes" then by all means continue as you have. If anything about you feels uncomfortable about being recorded after, during, or before an argument then you should divorce this woman. If you are not the first to file you will be at a significant disadvantage when she files against you. Don't let that happen. Consult with an attorney as soon as you possibly can.

adventure_junkie67 · 2023-12-03T20:48:33+00:00

Don't worry about recording her. Record yourself whenever you are together. This will be your best defense if she tries something legal, like a restraining order, etc. It sounds like she has passed the reasonable stage and so my best advice is to only respond with bare minimum words, do not engage in lengthy discussions, do NOT ever lose you temper or react meanly with words or action. If you feel you are reaching a boiling point, simply walk away. She is the only one that will gain if you guys argue. Good luck and know that you are not alone.

MadamBaelfyre · 2023-12-04T00:18:50+00:00

So, she basically said it or actually said it? Perspective and interpretation can be skewed when tempers are up. If you're worried about what's being recorded, I'd take time to reflect on why that is and what your reactions are.

Brashtard · 2023-12-03T22:36:15+00:00

Sorry for your predicament.

Don’t talk to or argue with your wife on tape. Know that t’s illegal to record someone surreptitiously or without their consent in some states.

Lawyer up.

Good luck!

Opening_Pizza · 2023-12-03T18:21:17+00:00

Find a younger, hotter wife.

em0tionaltadpole · 2023-12-04T00:09:33+00:00

maybe if you were emotionally intelligent and you could speak to her about your problems like a normal person in a normal way instead of “blowing up at her” this wouldn’t be an issue - hope this helps

tragicaddiction · 2023-12-03T22:01:01+00:00

some people are really good at finding just the right button to push over and over again until they get the reaction they were hoping for.

your "wife" just did that to you and you.. so yeah, it's a trap and you fell into it, i think we all have at one point.

but yeah you can't blow up, got to keep your calm and gather yourself. if you want to be part of the kids life you have to make sure she can't do some shitty false allegation against you.

she may not have an attorney yet but she is obviously trying to gather evidence to use against you later.

so be smart.. make sure she doesn't have any chance. As of now you are talking to her like you have a judge standing next to her. you need to find that inner "lawyer" voice that tells you to shut up and dont' admit to anything.

also start gathering finances, if you have been married for less than 7 years you can get your bank records pretty easily from when you got married.. you will need them and hers too.

you are probably going to have to sell the house unfortunately and probably a good idea to do now, because in terms of kids she will have to prove you are unfit to be a father and or a danger, the easiest way to do that is to go to the police with videos of you blowing up on her and say she feels she is in danger and WHAM you are out of your house for a minimum of 6-8 months if you are lucky while that shit grinds through the system so unless you have a place to go you wont have access to the money from your house and you will need that.

Bluetoes1 · 2023-12-04T01:29:09+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this.

Find a lawyer. Obviously the divorce is not going to be pretty. Recording you will do nothing for her. Just learn to stay cool. Talk to a lawyer without her knowing and go for as much as you can, because it sounds like that’s what she is going to be doing.

This will be a difficult time for you, but go into it strong and be prepared.

silmarp · 2023-12-04T02:00:37+00:00

You are not acting strategically and you have only yourself to blame really.

As for strategies they are widely known. You need to read and implement the GREY ROCK METHOD. Also you need to record every interaction you have with her and if possible you should have cameras in the house.

Have a recording device always working. If she want to talk to you tell her you are not comfortable talking and proceed to ignore her.

Only talk to her when it's impossible to avoid. Act uninterested. Study the Grey Rock and the 180. Don't get baited. Once you start the grey rock method she will try and bait you harder than ever so you yell at her. Don't fall for it.

RedFridged · 2023-12-04T06:19:38+00:00

All that matters…the State you were married in and the marital laws of that State. Get an attorney and get educated. You can file a restraining order without it being served. A restraining order (temporary or final) is legal as soon as the court grants it. However, it cannot be enforced against the abuser until the abuser has been served with it. The sheriff's deputy or a private party can serve the abuser (respondent) with the order and court paperwork.

Best of luck friend. Get it done and get to living. Sorry for your troubles.

No-Exit6560 · 2023-12-04T11:23:59+00:00

Google grey rock and follow that method while obtaining legal advice.

Do not raise your voice, do not swear etc…

Professional_Owl5763 · 2023-12-04T16:10:09+00:00

Sounds like there’s no trust in this relationship. Everyone is in defensive posturing.

There’s no “winning” for you from this point on. See a lawyer and find out what you can do to mitigate your financial and custody damages.

If this were my situation, I’d shut my mouth around her except for essential communications regarding kids, eating, and basic survival. This will bide you some time while you figure out what you want to do. If she won’t have sex with you, she’s a roommate and nothing more. Go to the gym, focus on your kids and your hobbies, and see if she wants to be a part of your life or not

Electronic-Movie6479 · 2023-12-05T00:03:41+00:00

Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer!!!

captainchippsixx · 2023-12-07T01:04:39+00:00

Stash some cash for emergencies. Move 50% of the money into a new account and change your direct deposit. Change passwords. Make sure you only have keys to your car.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-12-03T20:35:02+00:00

This is called reactive behaviour. You need to start recording her 24/7, like a body cam or something, and you need to file first.

I know this is extremely difficult, because they tend to start things when you are least expecting it.

It sounds like she has a cluster B personality disorder.

Flesh_Pillow5 · 2023-12-04T00:08:38+00:00

Play her at her game. Get your own evidence. Put the kids passports in a safety deposit box, get the names of their teachers. Start recording

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-12-04T10:53:30+00:00

You need to get a BodyCam. A) it formalises your behaviour - as you’re also filming yourself. Unless you have a death wish that should normalise your behaviour B) it will normalise her behaviour as assuming she’s near normal that’s the sensible thing to do. C) if she’s NOT normal - she’ll behave for a while then run out of “oxygen” and surface (“do psychotic things on cam”) film that. D) all this will do little in court unless you’re going at it with shotgun & chainsaw in which case .. “court” probably isn’t so pressing an issue any more, a “safe room” (door jamb) and saving the pet bunny from 🐰 the pot 🥕 suddenly will be.

When the Pigs 🐽 👮🏻 show - be polite and calm. NOT too calm and definitely don’t smile 😊 excessively thinking you’re now “rescued” a) you’re not they’re on her side and b) they’ll think you’re on drugs … don’t do it look “upset”. (I learned that for next life … honesty isn’t appreciated in onlyfans society).

Depending on your personality (.. I blow up…) you may also practise a few basic lines with a mirror 🪞 so you a) don’t look like Angry Axe murderer from Shining and b) don’t look unnaturally calm and happy to be rescued -

Neither look plays well with what now passes as “your friend and helper” whom you’ll potentially meet shortly.

gisdude · 2023-12-04T20:57:28+00:00

You guys made me look at our main bank account. I din't think she has been putting her paycheck into it. The savings has gone down quite a bit in the last 3-4 months. We each have a separate account but it was more for "play money". Hmmm...

Title	Looks like divorce is coming
Author	gisdude
Upvotes	16
Comments	46
Date	December 3, 2023 6:18 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/189zhd8/looks_like_divorce_is_coming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/looks-like-divorce-is-coming.1239946 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239946

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