Retrospection post divorce

MaximumIll7812 · 2026-02-14T02:46:44+00:00

Gym and banging as many women as possible.

ng_rddt · 2026-02-13T14:51:21+00:00

I should’ve realized that the moment she said she wanted a divorce, we were now entering into an adversarial relationship where her primary goal was to extract as much from me as legally allowable. I dithered for nearly two years, paying more support and legal expenses than I needed to.

My second mistake was not using generative AI (ChatGPT) more to guide me through the process (as a supplement to my lawyer) as that would’ve saved me 30-50% in legal fees (I could’ve used ChatGPT to limit the time I needed to spend talking to my lawyer by making the conversations more efficient and focused), but in my defense, the AI stuff was new to everyone back then

FirelineJake · 2026-02-13T12:50:24+00:00

The divorce ended the marriage but the real work was realizing I had to divorce the version of myself that helped create it and that second one was harder, took longer, and mattered more.

ProSeGaia · 2026-02-13T03:05:20+00:00

Represent my self in court.. saved me thousands of dollars and more control over the outcome

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-02-12T22:56:02+00:00

Filed sooner.

Ok_Builder_3285 · 2026-02-12T14:30:17+00:00

Nothing I have done has made has made any difference. I have been completely powerless and lost the entire time and I'm 4+ years out. Nothing makes a difference.
I don't know what I could have done. Faked my own death and moved to the other side of the planet I guess.

Then-Alps8928 · 2026-02-12T13:14:31+00:00

One thing I was proud of was not returning to drinking. No matter how hard or difficult it got. I'm proud of myself for that.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-02-12T05:35:16+00:00

Helping her move out of the house after she said there is no hope and she wants divorce. I could finally have peace and could start to sleep again. Reading books on relationships helped me learn more about myself and how I can do better in future and what my part of the relationship breakup was.
Wish I did not do the pick me dance to try to reconciliate after she had feelings for another man. Should have shown her the door as soon as she said she wanted out.

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-02-11T18:17:52+00:00

Initially started drinking heavily. Crying, counseling, friends.

Still she is the one for me, I think about so many memories we made together.

When I proposed I sent her on scavenger hunt where I paid for things upfront, left instructions on where to go next and the second to last stop was for her to get a dress and meet me at the place we had our first date. That's where I got down on a knee and proposed.

Now she tells me I did that for me. Like WTF?

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2026-02-11T18:16:58+00:00

Gym without a doubt.
I would not have kept the marital home. I would have moved to a new space. Residing in the marital home was a prison and kept me from letting go much sooner. Easily cost me 2 years.

Tvelt17 · 2026-02-11T17:07:12+00:00

3.5 years out now.

I reached out to my best friends immediately and they circled the wagons and supported me in ways I didn't expect. I went from feeling depressed and unloved, to immensely loved. I distinctly remember thinking "I can't let my friends down, I have to get over this and get back on my feet. They're counting on me and rooting for me." I can never repay them for the love and support they gave me, especially right at the beginning, but it made all the difference in the world.

I'm also glad I got back out there and started dating when I did. Ex wife had been moved out about 6 months at that point and getting interest from other women really helped me move on.

I wouldn't have done anything differently. I did my best to try to keep it together for as long as I could.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-11T17:01:40+00:00

I'm eight years post-divorce. I've done my share of rumination.

I spent a year reconstructing my life. From retrospective analysis about the red flags I ignored, identifying my habits that negatively impacted my relationship, and diving head first into intersexual dynamics. Then there were practical things like figuring out a new budget, navigating "firsts" with my kids like birthdays and holidays, strategizing how I was not gonna end up in the poor house in my 60s, and forging new friendships. Adopting Stoic principles has helped me tremendously live my best life.
There's nothing I would do differently. I tried marriage counseling which was a waste of money because genuine desire cannot be negotiated. She'll never apologize or take ownership for her actions because in her mind she did nothing wrong. She will always be completely oblivious to her own hypocrisy. I was lucky compared to most men here. I found the Men's Divorce Forum where I got excellent peer advice about how to navigate divorce successfully. Without them, I would have fallen on my sword, and seen my kids every-other-weekend assuming I didn't suck-start a shotgun.

UrAristotle · 2026-02-11T16:58:12+00:00

I’ve committed to my children, my work, and my health. I’ve recommitted to my faith. My kids’ events take priority in my life. I have a set time to work out every day that works around that, and I build my work schedule through it all. I take time throughout the day to pray and reflect.
Part of me wishes I would have ended it when she told me about her affair. I would be interested to see how things went differently. For the sake of my kids and the life I thought we built, I tried to hang on. That cost me some measure of pride. I should have kicked her out when she confessed.

Title	Retrospection post divorce
Author	DistinctTiger8231
Upvotes	6
Comments	24
Date	February 11, 2026 4:42 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1r22cka/retrospection_post_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/retrospection-post-divorce.1573252 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573252

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