should I ask 1 more time

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2023-02-24T02:57:04+00:00

Marriage is supposed to be a positive experience, if you are just enduring it, better to move on. Life is short.

Gattsama · 2023-02-24T05:49:59+00:00

How about this, you file first, then ask her if this is what she really wants. You already admit you are codependent and I suspect needy. You want to take back control of your life, even if this is what she wants and you don't, you _NEED_ to file first. You need to start to exercise control over your own life and destiny. Leaving it to her is you continuing to surrender your power, autonomy and choice.

Also understand that if you want this marriage to continue, she has to respect you. And putting her in the drivers seat, asking / begging her to stay, 'being weak', etc.. is the worst thing you can do. It sucks, but the world is what it is. Please consider taking care of yourself first. And work on being physically fit, mentally fit, emotionally fit and financially fit.

Be safe out there...

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-02-24T06:15:52+00:00

Women do not bring up divorce usually unless they have been thinking about it for sometime, sometimes for even years.

I have read your prior post. Your marriage is over. I would without discussing it anymore with your wife just instruct your attorney to file the petition. Let service be her first notice that you have filed for divorce.

She is out of control. I don’t know what will shake her out of her fog but it will not be you acting in a weak manner. Once served she will have to deal with the new reality created by the divorce.

Be strong, especially mentally strong. If she sees that change in you that may even help her.

Take steps to protect yourself. As soon as you can ask for the earliest trial date that you can get.

These_Row6066 · 2023-02-24T02:28:58+00:00

I'd ask.... 24 years is a long time.... And you've both been through the ringer apparently.

playerknowmore · 2023-02-24T03:34:53+00:00

No woman wants the soft weak version of you. Seems like you already tried begging, and what did that bring you maybe more disrespect? How are you going to protect a woman if you can't stand up to your woman? I doubt she wants to start over in her forties, but she needs a challenge and you are too heartbroken to give her that.

What I'm about to tell you will sound crazy, but if it fails at least you walk away with some dignity. Here's the crazy part; lean into divorce. If possible have the papers drawn, sign them, and give them to her at the next counseling session.

Tell her that you love her but you don't need her. Ask her when she plans on moving out because you are living there until the house sells. Tell her that you hope she can end this respectfully for all the good years you gave her, but the amount of respect she gives will be returned. Finally, tell her she doesn't have to choose you; you will choose yourself from now on.

Only you know your wife, but this tactic had my wife take divorce off the table. She even stopped trying to manipulate me.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-02-24T03:16:54+00:00

No, you listen to what she is clearly asking for and proceed with divorce. The more you pressure/ask, the faster she will run.

I_got_BAnaNaS · 2023-02-24T03:27:36+00:00

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss of a child. There are no words to describe how awful that is.

Asking her again to make sure divorce is what she wants is different from pleading with her to stay. I would ask again (in person) and file if she says yes. If she says no, give her a chance to meet you half way but divorce her if she isn’t wholeheartedly trying to fix things.

streetsmartwallaby · 2023-02-24T13:10:30+00:00

I read your previous posts.

Your wife is seriously mentally ill. Until she wants to get help she is not going to get better. You cannot make her want to get better; she has to choose.

You should file for divorce and proceed with it. Expect her behavior to escalate but stick to your guns and stay the course. She may well get clean and sober at some point but the road to sobriety, for most addicts, involves multiple relapses. You do NOT want to be involved in that journey. As you have already found out it is heartbreaking.

Strongly suggest counseling for you; if you cannot afford it look into something like al-anon. Most of them (at least the ones I've been to) are non-religious.

Boomer70770 · 2023-02-24T02:17:07+00:00

Every time you ask, you give up so much.

Be assertive.

"No problem."

And move on with the best life you could possibly live without her.

Take no prisoners.

AlmostThere22 · 2023-02-24T02:51:33+00:00

Some good answers and all are solid whether yes or no.

I have everything ready to file as well.

I'm going to ask her one last time if this is what she really wants. If she says yes. I'll just wait for her to get served.

fireight · 2023-02-24T07:00:09+00:00

Just a little story, 20 years, divorce in progress. Also codependent feelings, like you.

I do not regret asking one more time, I had hopes until she filed.

You know why? Now I have this rationalization - or maybe it is the truth - that whenever there is regret of ending this, it is on her. I could not do anything more. Whenever life brings her down, she will have doubts and regrets.

It is sort of a vengeance. It hurt me a lot. Still in therapy, but the only vengeance I can hope for to get her.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-02-24T09:38:13+00:00

> marriage counseling session

Marriage counseling is a WOMBAT: Waste of money, brains and time. Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Negotiated desire only leads to obligated compliance, which results in resentment by both parties.

Marriage requires two committed people to make it work. Divorce only takes one dissatisfied spouse. You need to get your head out of the sand and accept the reality you are getting divorced. You need to retain a family law attorney. Today. Here's how: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13377

TheBoyBand · 2023-02-24T02:09:28+00:00

“Codependent hope” is your answer—— NO, file

Theedon · 2023-02-24T03:31:59+00:00

Hmmm, she is over it. Let her be over it and move on. The best thing you could do for each other is divorce as quickly as possible. It is ok to let a marriage end.

tellmemorelies · 2023-02-24T16:52:42+00:00

Start the divorce proceedings, have her served.

If She is not serious about divorce, this will force her hand, if she is serious, you will know very quickly.

Divorce takes a long time, and at any point you can slow down the process, or push it harder, depending on the circumstances.

Personally I wouldn't waste any more time.

fishingforthought · 2023-02-24T17:35:46+00:00

Not all marriages survive. Time to move on.

onthisthing_ · 2023-02-25T01:00:08+00:00

“You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served.”

Nina Simone

Title	should I ask 1 more time
Author	sparky1976
Upvotes	3
Comments	21
Date	February 24, 2023 1:59 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11afhjo/should_i_ask_1_more_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/should-i-ask-1-more-time.1153552 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153552

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