STBX wives gone wild?

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-04-28T09:05:10+00:00

This is the modern woman mid-life crisis in full swing. They sleep about with anything just to prove to themselves they are still desirable, not realising the guys are just after a piece of ass and don't really care who they get it from. She'll equate her ability to bed guys with guys wanting to have a relationship with her, and then be crushed when the realisation hits that all she is to these guys is a hole and no-one wants to date or commit to her.

When that realisation hits, they either double down and get far worse, retreat and become angry feminist types or try and crawl back to what's safe and familiar...ie you. DO NOT allow her to come back under any circumstances.

Once a cheater....always a cheater.
Never be a woman's fall back option.

Darkfire66 · 2022-04-28T03:46:40+00:00

It doesn't matter. Do the right thing, stop stalking your ex and work on leveling up.

One-Wait-8383 · 2022-04-28T07:15:00+00:00

Are you sure she was not already having an affair with the guy? BTW, as long as she is riding the cock carousel, get the divorce done asap. It gets surprisingly easier while other side is in the fog. If her boyfriend dumps her, then she is going to make the divorce difficult.

Gattsama · 2022-04-28T06:40:33+00:00

She's not turning into a new person. This is who she is, this is who she has always been. You just didn't get to see it. To answer your question, not all women are like that but a lot are. My STBX if fucking with the money in the joint accounts, claiming she can not work, asking for $13k per month of temporary support, dragging her feet on selling the house (bubble won't last forever), and stating I've been controlling / emotionally/ verbally abusive.

Before all this is over she might put a DV or sexual assault charge on me. Bottom line, if they think it helps them they will do it, ask for it or try it

Masypha · 2022-04-28T10:38:41+00:00

Don't be surprised. Women give zero fucks. It's how they're programmed in society, that men are expendable and women are not.

Read the rational male by rollo tomassi and unplugged alpha by richard cooper

GoofBallz913 · 2022-04-28T03:59:46+00:00

It's good to hear (at least sounds like) you've moved on and are ready for your next phase. Can't tell if you are separated or not, but once you are, your entire mission should be to provide your kids with the very opposite example: stability, rational, and putting them above all else (not getting laid ).

She'll probably come running back to you, too. Once current guy rejects her. Seeing you move on and being strong will absolutely boggle her mind.

pegleg_legal · 2022-04-28T06:28:29+00:00

Just do right by your kids. NEVER force responsibility on her, give her her freedom. In the end you'll have the kids and that will be the best.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2022-04-28T04:49:09+00:00

It is common. Very very common.

I don’t understand why you are talking to her though, listening to her tell about her sexcapdes. You need to focus on your kids and yourself.

How to protect your kids? Be the best dad you can be. Be there for them. They may not talk to you about everything but let them know you are available and love them. Also work on yourself. Let them see how someone can go through divorce, come out better and not turn into a slut w multiple STDs.

Take some time off before dating again and work on yourself. Don’t introduce any girls to the kids until you know you are serious. My minimum would be one year. That’s just me. You figure out your timeline.

CaliDude75 · 2022-04-28T05:14:50+00:00

Honestly, I could care less what my STBXW is doing right now. My case is a little different since there are no kids involved, but I could care less if she’s banging another guy right now.

I’m laser-focused on the settlement, and getting it resolved ASAP. I think she’s being pretty greedy with her ask, and I’m going to counter, but my goal is to have it wrapped and resolved by the 6-month statutory minimum in my state.

BuddhistChrist · 2022-04-28T06:25:37+00:00

Repeat this to yourself as needed: “She is no longer my problem”

Gunslinger1925 · 2022-04-28T12:20:33+00:00

It’s normal, but you need to focus on yourself and your kids. Only thing I’d be concerned with is whether whatever guy she’s banging is going to hurt the kids. Because it has happened in the past with national cases and is a valid concern.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2022-04-28T13:26:17+00:00

It is the way it goes. Mine was a SAHM also and had multiple affairs and moved in with last AP.

dudefromyork · 2022-04-28T17:03:08+00:00

This likely is not recent/overnight change. It’s probable that this behaviour has been going on for a while now. You are better away from her and you will be just fine....although it might not feel like that for a few months.

I’d advise reading a book called “Now What” by Dad Starting Over. Probably the best money I ever spent. It’s advice, real advice, for men in exactly your position...

playerknowmore · 2022-04-29T12:58:33+00:00

Prepare yourself the fog will lift from her, and affair relationships never last. The first stop she make after he dumps her will be to you. She will try to prove to him that she is worth something; by getting you to take her back after all she's done. Do whatever is best for you and your children.

crypto_keeper88 · 2022-04-28T12:19:25+00:00

No, but you can definitely make her life a living hell. Reach out to the dude's wife she is fucking and grab some popcorn for that show! You can use her poor decisions against her in court and it will look favorable to you.

cgsur · 2022-04-28T20:55:20+00:00

I have always spoken very openly to my kids about family issues.

Only one has complained, and yet I know it has been good for her to know where we are all standing.

I explain my side, they are open to form their own opinions, I know my explanations are not impartial, I encourage them to have a good relationship with my spouse.

They are encouraged to pick and choose their battles, if mom asks who the favourite parent is, I don’t care what they answer, because that’s a dumb question.

At this moment, they drop clues about their mom’s behaviour, probably so it doesn’t catch me unguarded. My kids are trying to protect me lol.

I miss my wife, but there are things I rather not know, and move on.

When I grew up, I hated not knowing, my kids are more aware. There are things I don’t explain, if they wanted to know they could ask, but we are all tired of this divorce.

playerknowmore · 2022-04-28T22:26:32+00:00

She is not being mental; she is being herself. She has successfully hid who she really is for twelve years. No one can keep up the facade forever. Finding out at twelve is better than twenty. Focus on being a good dad and trust me the craziness will calm down on your part, and stop paying her attention. She is feeding on your dispair. Try getting your emotional state to apathy. You are in the save the family mode. You need to be on save myself, to save my children mode.

SpacemanLost · 2022-04-28T14:23:03+00:00

Your kids are high school aged - that's usually enough to have a rudimentary understanding of dating & betrayals, even if they don't have any first hand experience. They are going to "realize they know this is not usual behavior." one way or another.

So the tack I'd recommend is to make it clear to your kids that you are going to always be there for them, unquestionably and without fail. Repeat and reinforce that message and be an open ear for them to voice their concerns and fears to.

Don't slag your STBX to them, but don't fall on the side of the line of hiding the truth of what she's doing either. I.e. if she ghosted the family Easter dinner to boink some dude, you don't need to say she's busy doing one-handed triple monkey back-flips on a sleep-number 7 bed, but also don't make up a lie and tell them she had to go help out a dying friend. If you do, your kids will likely come to resent being treated like a 'little kid' who is still being told Santa Claus is real. Trust your judgement with them, especially with your son, and take every opportunity to reinforce that you will be their rock through all this and not do the kinds of things (to them) that their mother is doing.

On that note, at that age the courts usually take into consideration their wishes as to which parent they want to stay with / and be primary. That means almost EVERYTHING when it comes to determining who pays child support and how much. At some point soon, your STBX is going to realize.. or be made aware of that.. and come at you with guns blazing asking for primary custody and expecting it just because she's a woman. And courts are historically inclined to go along with that. She won't say it out loud, but it's so often about the money first and getting it and actually being a parent to the kids is a distant second.

Gear up and brace for her to realize that her suitors may not actually want to take care of her in the lifestyle she believes she should become accustom to, much less even stick around once's she single and starts asking when are they going to divorce their wives. Don't be shocked if she comes up with and gets fixated on a number that she believes you should pay her that's larger than what you make (no joke, this happened to me).

Given her bad judgement, I'd be concerned about her being super impulsive and trying to get a restraining order (all it often takes is for her to say to law enforcement that she "is afraid" of you, without any actual proof that you hurt her) to get the house and the upper hand in the divorce. Sadly, this is often discussed or suggested 'in the shadows' as a tactic a SAHM can take.

I always recommend checking out http://realworlddivorce.com/ and this part in particular: http://www.realworlddivorce.com/DomesticViolence to learn all you can about the process, the system, and how things are likely to go down and lawyer up like yesterday.

Then_Rooster_9213 · 2022-05-02T14:12:28+00:00

just curious how old you wife is. mine did this at 35 when she met someone and left me for him. their relationship failed spectacularly 3 months in though. the same will likely happen with your wife. she's exploring, and especially with a married man that is going to be an emotional shitshow for all of them. stay the fuck away from that! especially being a SAHM (mine wasn't--complete opposite, we both worked a lot), she's definitely going through some mid life crisis or (pre)menopause. mine got fake boobs, dyed her hair a new color, started doing botox, bought a new car, wanted to be called by others by her full name instead of her nickname (to name a few), ignored her children to go on dates with her toy, etc.. only now that she found out he cheated on her does she want to be a good mom again and be nice to me. to answer you question, you can't protect your kids from her actions. i tried to convince her not to introduce her partner of 3 weeks to our kids but she kept doing it anyway. i have no legal right to stop her from doing that, though it DOES look back in court so I just let her do it eventually. it ended up harming my kids, but again, i can't control that, i can only do what's best for them when i'm with them. and my kids are young, oldest is 8, at least yours have a better understanding of things. you don't toss her, you don't contact the wife of the person she's with, you literally stay out of it and do nothing except DOCUMENT it all for when the time is right. good luck friend, you got this

Title	STBX wives gone wild?
Author	Then_Rooster_9213
Upvotes	14
Comments	50
Date	April 28, 2022 3:33 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/udlr23/stbx_wives_gone_wild/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/stbx-wives-gone-wild.1113110 https://theredarchive.com/post/1113110

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