The reason why we fail so hard.

ElZorroKazador · 2023-12-22T19:47:16+00:00

"We want to show the world how hurt we are." I completely agree; there is a big victimhood mentality on both sides of the fence. This one is HUGE!!
"we know we can build Everything again easily." Sometimes, yes, but most definitely is not the rule.
"bounce back better than ever." Most definitely not the rule. I agree that many guys bounce back better, but many stay angry for a very long time after.

IllustriousCry672 · 2023-12-22T02:47:16+00:00

I don't know if that's true for me, but the outcome certainly has been, haha. Hopefully get that rebuilding sometime.

xadmin1 · 2023-12-22T02:43:55+00:00

I disagree. I saw many failed marriages. The reason it failed is because you were sold the fantasy that people can be happy with another person for life. The reality is that human are inherently selfish and human are novelty seekers. You get tired of one partner and being with someone else stimulates that dopamine rush. Marriages may not be for everybody and the high divorce rates back this up.

Theedon · 2023-12-21T23:27:19+00:00

Nope. I was crushed. Mentally taken out of the game and placed on the pine. I second guessed if I should go at a green light or stop at the red ones. Colors turned Grey. Food tasted like bland oatmeal. I hid from my friends due to feelings of failure.

How am I now 8 years later?

I have recovered, I own my home, I have 2 kick ass dogs and only in debt because I want to be. No new girlfriend but have dated some. Now I am just sad about the holidays but that will pass. I think I want a girlfriend next year.

vreo · 2023-12-21T23:11:20+00:00

I am like Germany after WW2. Defeated and without assets, but building everything from scratch, brand-new and awesome.

probebeta · 2023-12-21T22:45:50+00:00

There is a lot of truth to this. Another thing that I found is very counterproductive is dwelling too much in misery. I've been in this sub for some time, I already went through the painful process of accepting it. Now I just got back from the gym, new haircut, making bank, motivated, I'm travelling for about 3 weeks with a single buddy of mine. Yes with a kid it can be tough but I'm a lot happier now, much happier than my miserable old self. So while I understand a lot of sadness that people here are experiencing, my main reason for continuing to be here is to share that things can get better, much much better! Keep your head up and keep moving forward.

My ex? Well she's taking me to the cleaners. Can she do more? No she can't... Bye

TheBoyBand · 2023-12-21T21:53:42+00:00

THIS! Is exactly what happened to me, it was like a surrender, and not to show the world the hurt, for me it was more so to drive the point to the x how fucked up it could really get and the consequences of reckless choices and stubborness to refuse to agree just because, like ok! fuck it! lets Go!! let it all burnnn to the fkn ground because I know i’ll rise from there and faster 😅

Deusbob · 2023-12-21T20:17:16+00:00

The game isn't over when the pawn takes the queen, it's over when the king falls.

Not my quote, but as a chess player this struck a note for me.

Mangrove43 · 2023-12-21T20:11:20+00:00

It’s not over. It’s never over. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

BlackFire68 · 2023-12-21T19:06:25+00:00

Element of truth here. For me, my previous marriage i trusted her to tell me about my emotions (note to you: don’t do that) and, as such, when she told me that i was the reason for our marriage failing (temper, yelling, harsh, narcissist, etc), I trusted her… it was my fault. Now, that only lasted until I found that she had been cheating for months.. and never mind that I am not a narcissist and am incredibly even-tempered and poised… i believed it all. I’m not that stupid anymore.

It DID mean that i wanted to be miserable for a while. Thank God i found out about the cheating before anything was signed. It hurt, but it was enough to help me see the reality that she had monkey-branched and there was nothing I could have done to stop it. She had painted me one way in her mind (negative) and thats the way it was going to be. Won’t ever happen this way again to me.

MidniteOG · 2023-12-21T18:48:16+00:00

Idk if we want to “let” it fail, but what else can we do? They walk out, take the kids, 1/2 or more of everything, and then legally rob us ontop of that…

pk2at · 2023-12-21T18:44:09+00:00

Its a combination of ignorance (of what you are up against), overconfidence (in your abilities) and a belief it 'it won't happen to me'.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-12-21T17:55:14+00:00

The disparity between sympathy and support for men vs women is pretty large. Some of that is our fault because most of us are too proud to ask for help. Thats pretty true in most aspects of life though. Women typically always have a safety net of some sort, their father, another man, friends etc. When a man falls down our dad might catch us if he can and if we can stomach telling him we need help - many of us can’t even do that.

It’s important to not fall into a depression and downward spiral.. If you succeeded before there is nothing stopping you from figuring out a solution and succeeding again.

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-12-21T17:37:02+00:00

I agree the best time of my life is when I finally told myself it was time to quit trying with my cheating ex wife and move on . The ironic part of it was I spent almost 2 years trying to fix something that I couldn't but as soon as I moved forward she wanted me back which was obviously to late I was done .

And since that time I started my business that I always wanted to even while married and it's even better than I Imagined, Not only that I gave me time to focus on being the dad I never had spending time with my daughter which I would have anyways but I also took more time. To make even more memories with her now she is a successful doctor with children of her own.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-12-21T16:55:33+00:00

She can tear me down. But she can never defeat me.

Title	The reason why we fail so hard.
Author	TheHumbleFarmer
Upvotes	42
Comments	31
Date	December 21, 2023 4:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18nrdvn/the_reason_why_we_fail_so_hard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-reason-why-we-fail-so-hard.1241316 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241316

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