What are some unique, less-common ways that have helped your healing?

probebeta · 2024-02-28T03:00:56+00:00

Find a way to make money. Having the potential to make money if not making it right away gives you hope and can make things better. If it wasn't for money battles with ex my healing would have been so much easier.

deathanddebauchery · 2024-02-26T08:40:39+00:00

This goes in the vein of working out, so I apologize… walking at night.

Things change after the sun goes down. Helped me to shift my perspective of the world a little bit. Less people to deal with. Different people are out than who you would see during the day. There is an element of danger there, not a big one of course, but it still forces you into a different view point.

Early morning is an entirely different thing too if you aren’t a night person like me.

egomaniacpancakes · 2024-02-25T01:55:38+00:00

First step I did was move cross-country literally as far away from my old life as possible. I am fortunate that I could take my job remote and now I work from home all the time and I love that my commute is from bed to desk. I went from Boston to LA. I work east coast hours and so I work 5:30 am - 1:30 PM and I literally have my afternoons free now. I live a simple life here. I have a roommate and I don't spend a lot of money on things I do need and it has really given me a peace of mind to enjoy life more.

That being said, it gives me time to be a tourist in my city. I find places I can get to easy enough in the afternoons and home before its too late since I have early mornings. I find cheap and interesting places to eat. Places like the Labrea Tar Pits and Griffith Observatry (amazing views). I went to Trejo tacos cause I wanted to see if Machete did good food and they lived up to the hype.

On the weekends, if it's nice, like a couple weeks ago on a Saturday, I went to Santa Monica. Visited the pier and got a Japanese hot dog. Different, but probably the best hot dog I have had. Which says a lot since I am a Chicago boy and all things are measured against Chicago style hot dogs. I walked the beach almost all the way to Venice and back. Waited for sunset and watched the most amazing sunset over the Pacific ocean.

I got a season pass to Universal Studios Hollywood. It's cheap at $300 bucks when a single day ticket is 125. I have gotten my money's worth already. On a Tuesday afternoon, I can get off work and be at the park by 3 PM. I can go ride a bunch of rides. I find it very therapeutic for me to just go do something silly and fun like that. Single rider, I can get on most rides almost immediately, even with a little wait time. I can do that and the park closes by 6/7 depending on the day and I am usually home by 7/8. It was always big family trips to go to amusement parks, and the ex loved them. So it's kinda my middle finger to her knowing I can go to one whenever I want, basically.

I got an iPad and an apple pencil. I do digital art on it using procreate. I always enjoyed drawing when I was growing up and got away from it as an adult. So now I do my art and share it with people. Friends and coworkers always talk about how good I am. I still don't see it, but I appreciate the positive feedback. It is very therapeutic to me to just create a pretty picture. I joke that it's me in my Bob Ross phase.

Lastly, I have been doing therapy for 2 years. Pretty much since the start f the breakdown of my life and marriage. My therapist is amazing, and she has really helped me realize a lot of things I didn't even see. For one my ex was definitely doing a lot of financial abuse. Spending money like it was nothing and not paying her share of the bills. Only coming to me when it was a dire situation and I would have to bail us out. I really got so scared about spending money or doing anything because I was afraid of what might happen that we would need money to fix. She helped me realize I was so scared and became a shell of myself not leaving home or doing anything because of it. So now I don't get worried cause now I know the bills are paid and there is nothing lurking in the shadows that could undo us. So I don't have to feel guilty if I want to buy something for myself. Like I waited 6 months before buying a $200 TV for my bedroom cause I didn't think I needed to spend that money and i could just watch shows on my iPad. So therapy helped me realize I was literally so beaten down my ex's reckless spending habits I could relax knowing I had all my bills paid and there was nothing coming that I wasn't prepared for.

Sea-Satisfaction4656 · 2024-02-24T21:34:35+00:00

Introspection and understanding what my part in the failure of the marriage was. Looking in the mirror and not being happy with the person you are is so draining. You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it, make peace with it, and prepare yourself for a better future. Don’t make excuses, dig in, hold yourself accountable, and gain understanding about why you made the decisions you did. You’ll also learn more about what your needs are, what your values are, and what are things you won’t compromise on.

Change things up - make commitments to things you’ve either wanted to engage with or enjoyed in the past. Find local groups based around your hobbies. Personally I joined a few leagues with weekly events. Sign up for classes around your creative interests. Want to get out in nature? Look up some hiking groups, etc. Participating in these things helps build out your network and form new connections.

Checkout meetup, you might be surprised what all is out there and how many people share similar interests.

Ok-Barracuda-8970 · 2024-02-24T19:53:02+00:00

Playing hockey 4 times a week. I was the best goalie in my league a season ago.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-02-24T16:49:53+00:00

I left a spare room with all of her stuff that she didn’t want whenever I feel down I go in there get pissed off that she left me all this crap, then one day I wasn’t mad anymore that’s when I started throwing all her crap out and began to heal

Lumpy-Mammoth-3115 · 2024-02-24T12:30:18+00:00

Fostering dogs

AllowingMeToBe · 2024-02-24T12:13:28+00:00

Use your free time to learn about yourself and find out if you are traveling in the direction in your life that fits the person you are

Beats sulking :)

Borntadoodishes · 2024-02-24T11:12:14+00:00

I played guitar for years, but picked up a Bass guitar and it’s revitalized my love for music. I’m rediscovering old music by listening for the bass lines which I often ignored, and finding lots of new music to love. It’s challenging and a lot of fun. Can definitely lead to social opportunities as well, as I like making music with people.

Also, I’ve been watching a lot of movies. Especially movies I watched as a teenager (old horror, sci fi, foreign films, etc). It takes me back to a better time and also I see them with new eyes. Very healing for me.

jgjg9999 · 2024-02-24T08:23:24+00:00

I got into cigars. It's a hobby and lifestyle all wrapped in one. It's super relaxing to actually sit down and smoke a good cigar, plus you have the research and collection aspect.

Also it's a great way to meet new friends down at a cigar lounge or even just get out of the house and have a good conversation.

rhett342 · 2024-02-24T06:24:13+00:00

Got a new job that lets me get tons of overtime. Keeps me out of the house, gets me around other people, makes it so I don't have time to sit around and be sad, and all the OT is letting me dig out of the divorce financial hole.

SuperConfused40 · 2024-02-24T05:02:15+00:00

My cat. Playing and spending time with him. He is the best.

Baking. Mostly cookies of every variety. My family and friends love it.

Justindastardly · 2024-02-24T03:18:52+00:00

I don’t know how this will be received here, but I started a microdosing regiment of psilocybin for a few months and it 1000% pulled my away from the ledge. I went from being generally closed off and distant with friends and family to being open and began repairing a lot of the relationships that I pushed away from while miserably married. Definitely not for everyone but it really helped me. Did it for about two months, and haven’t done it since, about 8 months now, and still feel good.

fives_gw · 2024-02-24T03:14:23+00:00

Even with just a few comments, this thread is fantastic for some random, quirky (or even just totally ordinary) sorts of things that would never have occurred to me to try but now that I read them I'm thinking, "Yeah, that sounds pretty sick." Good idea.

Haunting_Profession3 · 2024-02-24T02:24:57+00:00

I’ve found a ton of pleasure in re organizing and deep cleaning the house. It never occurred to me until the ex moved how filthy women really are. Deep cleaning every room has been very rewarding as well.

It feels great to slowly put together a place that is to my liking, and my liking only.

I’ve also found getting out of the house, even if it’s just a run to a random store for no reason, is helpful.

Lastly, I’ve really enjoyed grocery shopping and meal planning with zero regard for another adult. I have kids, so I like to get them healthy and new foods (ex was a fan of frozen nuggets and pizza for the kids) to help them explore what is out there in the food world.

It’s the little shit that you don’t think of that ends up being pretty beneficial to your mental health!

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2024-02-24T01:53:05+00:00

Motorcycle

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2024-02-24T00:51:01+00:00

Watching YouTube premium (no ads) on the TV. Long form (1 1/2 hour) shows where the host interviews thought leaders. Psychacks.

Focusing on dressing a little better, just for me.

Enjoying scent. Cremo body wash. A few trials from MicroPerfumes.com

Consuming social media at a coffee shop, instead of alone at home for hours.

Title	What are some unique, less-common ways that have helped your healing?
Author	FigurativeLasso
Upvotes	8
Comments	47
Date	February 24, 2024 12:07 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ayg58d/what_are_some_unique_lesscommon_ways_that_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-are-some-unique-less-common-ways-that-have.1246252 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246252

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