What do I do?

georeddit2018 · 2024-06-09T13:56:25+00:00

Wow. Cold heart. Want you to leave a home you pay for. Get your lawyer and stop texting her. Also becready for restraining order and abuse allegation . That typically what they use to get you out of your home.

Present_Nothing1697 · 2024-06-08T00:24:02+00:00

I wouldn’t leave and sounds like you need to be recording all interactions so she can’t make up shit to get you out. Don’t react to anything she says or does. Make notes. Don’t yell or get into any type of argument. She only has words and who cares about words. Keep your hands to yourself. You have to be the man, let her know you don’t want this and that you love her. That should be your only answer to whatever shade she throws your way.

stupididiot78 · 2024-06-06T23:02:18+00:00

You're going to be in conflict during divorce. If you got all along so great then you wouldn't be getting divorced. You need a lawyer yesterday. She's already got one so she has someone who knows the law looking after your best interests, not yours. You need someone who looks after your best interests.

As for leaving the home, don't do it. Get your lawyer and let her take you to court. That house is as much hers as it yours and I've never read a single story that had a good outcome for the man if he leaves.

SuperConfused40 · 2024-06-06T22:20:05+00:00

Read the books, "no more mr nice guy" and "when I say no, I feel guilty".

They will help you understand who you are, why you are that way, what you want, and how to stand up for yourself.

We have all been there. Grey rock her. I wouldn't leave the house until a lawyer gave me advice. Not sure if it matters if the kids are all adults.

DaddyNoBux · 2024-06-06T22:00:37+00:00

Time to man up brother and take the fight to this scumbag

She’s trying to call the shots. Don’t back down. Play her at her own game.

Lawyer up. Voice recorder up. Go into robot mode.

Show no emotion. It’s cold, hard thinking from this moment on.

LAWYER UP

Equivalent_Rabbit_62 · 2024-06-06T19:28:50+00:00

You’ve been gaslit for years. That’s why you feel guilty. Just a guess. Not saying you did nothing wrong, but she may be a narcissist and you are a codependent. Sorry you are going through this. STOP LETTING HER GUILT YOU. Marriage takes TWO people to make it work. It’s not solely your fault. She is just as responsible. Not to mention that, biblically, if she was unfaithful you are in the clear. Don’t leave your home. She mentioned it several times for a reason and it’s not for your benefit. You will go through a lot of pain. Turn to God and ask his will. He hates divorce but will still allow it sometimes to work something good in your life. He loves you and knows your pain.

whiskey_piker · 2024-06-06T19:05:58+00:00

Pay for an attorney consult. There are no free consults that are worthwhile. Go with specific questions about your situation and keep the attorney on track to educate yourself.

As an aside, you sound like a mess as well and given your situation, “hoping” for a cooperative, amicable, inexpensive divorce in your situation is, frankly, laughable. You don’t get along w/ your STBX so atop wasting fantasy time thinking you will get a favorable and affordable result. Spend more time thinking about how you’ve exposed 4 children to a horrible toxic relationship for the majority of their formative lives.

lurkermurphy · 2024-06-06T17:52:49+00:00

The lawyer is going to request a restraining order to kick you out of the house. Most likely, it will fail, but now is the time to beg your family and her family (having all the support is your entire advantage) for lawyer money. This guy saying call all the lawyers--- that is absolutely correct. Every lawyer you consult is a lawyer she cannot hire, and if she calls a lawyer you already consulted, that lawyer will call you and tell you about it. Even paying $100 up front for a consult is worth it, and I was broke AF.

Also forget about "I don't want to hurt her." I thought I was in a massively advantageous position so I didn't come after her as hard as I could, and she used that to destroy me. If I had destroyed her first instead of being nice, it would have saved a ton of suffering for my kids.

Amber-13 · 2024-06-06T16:29:24+00:00

Call attorneys- most give free advice- if you really don’t believe shes spoken to one- CALL ALLLLLLL OF THEM She can’t or will have a hard time with having one if not already once they speak to you as its conflict of interest- if you choose that route.

Only way to be removed or told to vacate is a ppo/pfa- minimize conversation- keep it in black and white- email ideally, new thread for new subjects, detail and look into your rights. Keep notes, and be logical and smart with every interaction or move.

She sounds awful, and you’d have to split the house selling or buy one out. Many stay under the same roof while divorcing as it takes time to save or even find a place to go, sometimes needing to temporarily stay with parents. She’s just bullying you thinking she can or will get away with it. Ask who the attorney is and call them for advice- if they cannot then youll know she spoke or hired one. I’d trust nothing. Divorces brings out a side no one sees of the other party.

gojirapower87 · 2024-06-06T16:16:05+00:00

DO NOT LEAVE. Whatever you do

Least_Respect_7686 · 2024-06-06T14:35:09+00:00

Never take legal advice from your opponent… that’s what she is now. Your opponent.

Do not try to win her back. Do not give an inch. She doesn’t love you. She doesn’t even like you.

She would be happy if you were broke, locked up, and forced to be her literal chattel slave. That’s what she wants from you. She would not even attend your funeral.

Let that fuel your inner resolve.

MoooderCommunists · 2024-06-06T14:18:56+00:00

Whatever you do, do NOT leave your home.

captainchippsixx · 2024-06-06T12:58:41+00:00

Yep. Take the high ground. Get an attorney. You can use a credit card. Or look for pro bono help. Do something. Get a consultation and see if they can direct you for help. Or go see the courts and see what you can learn.

So no retirement funds no savings? What are the assets worth that you guys have? Based on what you said about her she is hiding money probably. But she is drinking and smoking it and usually leads to harder drugs.

If you have no assets, the biggest concern is alimony and is she going to run up debt.

I would get out ahead (after legal advice) and talk to your family (outside of the household. Lay it all out there in daylight. The. Call her parents or siblings and lay it out. Then talk to her and says let’s just end this shitty marriage.

Independent_Owlz · 2024-06-06T12:22:39+00:00

You need to start planning. Expect the unexpected.

Do not respond to her and please do not leave the house.

We’re here to help so please keep us updated.

alifeofpeace · 2024-06-06T09:28:38+00:00

You don’t need to go anywhere. Get an audio voice recorder and record every in person interaction with her. No one has to leave the martial home. Sorry you are about to go through hell. But leaving her is worth saving your life!

pikohina · 2024-06-06T04:39:40+00:00

I feel like we’ve seen this post in here before. Troll account?

She cheated 3 times and you stayed. Ok

FUMoney · 2024-06-06T04:15:49+00:00

Do not move out. Do not move out. Do not move out. You need legal counsel. IMMEDIATELY.

I haven't spoken to a lawyer because I wanted to work through mediation or something less aggressive. I was also waiting for graduation.

Bro, have you even read the posts here? Such a fucking mistake. She's f-ing other guys. Aggressive. Substance abuser. How the fuck did you think this was going to go?

Listen to NOTHING she says concerning divorce or family law. What she has said to you is plainly incorrect. Absolutely incorrect.

You need legal counsel ASAP. And now you are in a war. A divorce court war, and you best start gathering evidence. And you start with the substance abuse. You use it ALL.

She is no longer your wife. She now is either plaintiff or defendant, and your divorce court adversary.

Everything I have said is 100% true. If you take this lightly, if you fail to heed this advice, if you fail to prepare for divorce court war, you are going to get fucked so hard, and so bad, your backside will be bleeding for a decade. Not an exaggeration.

Get ready. She's thrown down the gauntlet. You're at war. Proceed accordingly, and with alacrity.

Reflog1791 · 2024-06-06T04:14:22+00:00

Calm down. Don’t respond. Just take a deep breath and wait. Call three lawyers tomorrow to schedule a consult. You need consult by Friday to get urgent legal advice. Save the text messages. Don’t you dare drink a drop of alcohol or smoke any weed. Cops are probably going to show up between now and Sunday.

She’s playing a ruthless game but her hand is not nearly as strong as she’s making it seem. Somehow catch her lying about the physical abuse she’s about to accuse you of.

Even if she succeeds in getting a TRO it’s just a few months of bullshit. Don’t be afraid. You’re gonna make it through this and her evil plans will fail as long as you keep a steady head on your shoulders.

Don’t talk to her. You’re now in family court. Everything you say and do even the gracious stuff will be used AGAINST you. Talk to a lawyer ASAP.

Retainer will be $5k give or take. Hire someone who seems like a straight shooter and wants to keep you out of jail. Hourly rate should be $300 tops. You’re not getting anything extra for these $500 lawyers.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-06-06T02:47:26+00:00

LOOK! DON'T MOVE OUT IF YOUR NAME IS ON THE HOUSE as if you move out; you will be at a disadvantage. Ok, first thing next time, she goes off, calls the police and gets reports on her. I know you don't want to do this, but you are fighting for your life and the kids' lives, Look, the kids are all over 18, so they can and more than likely be asked who they want to live with. And if it's you, you get to stay in the house until they finish school. SHE IS BLUFFING when it comes to you moving out tell her you are staying and if she makes a thing of it, her past behaviour will be brought up but don't let her know that until you see a lawyer and in front of a judge, who do you think is going to get Custody of the kids a hard-working dad or a known alcoholic and abuser?? Look, I know where you are at ok, I'll tell you a story, About 35 years ago, this not-so-confident young man met and married this, at the start, a loving, caring woman, but on the day of their marriage, she made a pass at his best man, but the best man was such a good friend he told the groom. The groom forgave her, but she doubled down and said that we were not going to make love like we used to. "I want to keep it special," her words, and after making a pass at his friend. Groom forgave her again. This king, it's going to be ok, but no, their lovemaking was, on average, once every six months, and a lot longer. The man didn't mind as they had a child so he was happy with looking after the child, he brought them a house for cash, he had saved up his money she didn't put a cent into it, So, over the years, she was just terrible to him, throwing plants, pots, food, and knives. Anyway, it came to a head when she ran off with one of his friends whom he dived with, but she was dumped around 6 to 8 months later. She came back and got his money house and worst of all the boys, He was like, you glad to get it over with, BUT he regretted it to this day if he had stood up to her, he would have got the house and the boys. He has never forgiven himself for letting that happen, and she abused the boys, and that is what hurts the most. So you see, fight for the kids. They will love you for it. It's hard, ok, but you will get through this and feel much better, and I'm sure you will meet that special someone who will love you for you. I wish you luck and remember the people who are here have or are going through what you're going through. Trust me, the fight is hard, but when you get over that hump it will be worth it. And remember, you have friends here who will do what they can to help .

Title	What do I do?
Author	Hefty_Application962
Upvotes	6
Comments	29
Date	June 6, 2024 12:09 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1d94yee/what_do_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-do-i-do.1520655 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520655

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