What is wrong with her

NreoDarknight21 · 2023-09-02T23:00:07+00:00

Document this behavior and take her to court for primary/full custody of your children along with child support.

Your kids deserve better than a negligent parent like your ex wife.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2023-09-02T23:19:56+00:00

You have zero control over what her dumb ass does. So just shake your head.

As far as the kids heck yeah take then, just hug them, say you love them and proud of them, then redirect want to play x or do x.

If they want to vent about it let them, but never bad mouth her. You don’t have to, children really aren’t stupid.

OutlawShah · 2023-09-02T22:33:59+00:00

What’s your child support situation look like? Keep a log of when you have your son and then file a motion to modify the amount and cite timeshare change as the reason why. Then show that you actually have the kid majority of the time. If anything it’ll incentivize her to actually have custody when she should be or at the very least compel her to pay support if she’s not actually watching the child when she should be.

savage_cabbages · 2023-09-02T23:00:16+00:00

This will effect your child's view of their mother and her partner. I remember when I was a child my father took his steps kids on many overseas trips and I was extremely jealous and angry with him. I hadn't been overseas and missed him and wanted to spend time with my dad, I waned to feel included.

Your son will need your support and comfort and it's delicate as you need to be neutral and not speak poorly of your ex to him. How you approach this is up to you.

How could she do that? Seems like her preferences are displayed by her behaviour, 3 days a month isn't 50/50. Maybe she's living the life she wants and that she couldn't see that with you and unfortunately your kids also. It's unfair on your kids (and you time alone is great also).

Depending on your child support laws, you could keep a record of the nights the kids are meant to be with her and then seek an increase on child support payments from her as you're the primary care giver. That might smarten her up to have a true 50/50. You could also consider an online calendar you both share to mark the week on/off arrangement and additional days/weeks you are both entitled to have to manage your lives.

TheBoyBand · 2023-09-02T22:05:57+00:00

Stop worrying about what she does, giving up time with them is a burden she will carry later! Worry about what you do, the relationship your establishing, plan your own epic trips. You got this.

Edit: These decisions they make has long lasting impacts that can’t be seen till wayyy later when our children reject them or a relationship, it bites them in the ass later, its called the long game.

playerknowmore · 2023-09-03T00:16:33+00:00

She is in post affair fog and trying to lock the new guy in. I'm guessing she's over thirty and is on the clock. Men's value is affected little by the fact they are divorced and have kids. But the dating market is hard on single mothers over thirty. She probably feels that if she doesn't lock this guy in, she looks like a fool for putting a nuclear bomb in her marriage.

I would just enjoy your time with your children.

Fwooply · 2023-09-03T03:33:59+00:00

That's pretty awful dude.

I was in the same situation with my 16 yo son. My ex simply moved on... from everything. She completely checked out of parenting. She had better things to do with her life than her kids. (She never said as much, but her actions do.)

She does a lot of "We should do lunch one of these day" invites. I hear that and cringe. But I can't say anything to her. She's extremely contentious. I try not to deal with her. I tried once. I felt I had to step in. I sent an email that said, "A kid needs both parents. He's a teenager. You have to be the parents and invite him, not the other way around. Approach it more like, "let's take a walk on the beach Saturday morning"". She still doesn't do things with him.

I don't necessarily want my son to spend time with her if neither want it. I just want him to understand that I'm doing right by him and not romanticize what a relationship with her would actually look like. I didn't want that "I want to live with mom!" fight, you know?

She never changed her ways. He's 20 now. She does something with him on his birthday. And he attends here birthday party. And each of those events is little more than a Facebook photo op. It's f'ing disgusting. They meet for an hour and the facebook post is up 5 minutes later and she replies to every like. She has 1500 facebook friends so she actually spends more time tending to that photo than her kid. (And I spend too much time looking at her social media hahah - seriously, not that often - just enough to know how my kid is being parented).

Hey, what can I say. Kids know. They see. Play it by the book with parenting. They have two eyes and a brain and can figure it out

Is0prene · 2023-09-03T00:48:04+00:00

More importantly, what kind of man is she dating? What kind of guy would be ok with his girlfriend not wanting to take her own kids to disneyland with her? If she doesn't love her own kids why would she love his kids, or even him in the long run? Too bad we can't get this guy on this forum and talk some sense into him.

Aside from that though, there is nothing you can do, so don't try to dwell too hard on it. Just be there for your son as he needs you now more than ever. You sound like a great dad and are doing a great job.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-09-03T00:55:48+00:00

The only thing you can do is be a stable rock for your children, their mother clearly isn’t going to give them that anytime soon.

You obviously need to be documenting all of this. You’ll have a few options in the future, she can either pay you child support since you’ll be the primary caregiver or quit being a shitty person and want to take her kids half the time.

Unfortunately you can’t court order somebody to not be a terrible human and have a quick resolution.

dadplup · 2023-09-03T09:16:20+00:00

It sucks for the kids that's for sure, now just because you have no control over what she does , it doesn't mean you can't use it to your advantage.

I am passive about things myself and during my divorce I did nothing but being non confrontational, my daughter had just turned 17, and decided to live with me, I documented every behavior my ex did, the times that she called her or texted her, (it wasn't hard she only communicated with my kid a handful of times), saved every threat she made, every report to the police she filed, you get the idea, and I took that to court , she was served with the divorce papers and the custody hearing summons the same day, and when she tried to yell at me for it, but she knew that she was in trouble, she never showed up to court, or answered the divorce papers. I'm not gloating I truly am not, in the end I got custody of my kid and she got visitations, that she never used.

My point is this and I used to tell her this too, I don't create the situations but I will take advantage of them. And when the time comes You might be able to use it to modify the custody agreement.

Your kids are young and they will miss their mom but they are not blind and they will grow to resent her for pushing them aside for her new man's kids, they will never forget that, you should continue to be there for them just the way you are they deserve better than what they are getting from her, good luck to you

CrazySanta7 · 2023-09-03T13:08:59+00:00

My ex did things like this. Never did anything with our kids while married. This all changed when her boyfriend had kids. Total b.s. Just continue to be there for the kids. They have figured out who she is. My daughter lives with me 100% after my ex pulled this b.s. She's been with me 3 years....won't even visit her mom.

Seemedlikefun · 2023-09-03T17:26:54+00:00

You've been told before. Guardian ad Litem.

iamnotyoutoday · 2023-09-03T23:08:10+00:00

true colors.

Old_Payment_4335 · 2023-09-03T03:58:50+00:00

silmarp · 2023-09-05T07:10:22+00:00

Document everything and file for full custody. That will wake her up

Living_War_8089 · 2023-09-12T00:49:12+00:00

Document everything and give the information to your lawyer

Title	What is wrong with her
Author	rootron80
Upvotes	43
Comments	27
Date	September 2, 2023 9:25 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/168ecbn/what_is_wrong_with_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-is-wrong-with-her.1230723 https://theredarchive.com/post/1230723

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