Why the hell im I still thinking about her

SwamiSweatSocks · 2023-01-09T22:19:52+00:00

You gave up years of your life, most likely on someone who didn’t feel the same way about you. It’s tough but scar tissue will form in your memory eventually. It will affect trust in future relationships. I pretty much promise that but you can move on.

SilverknightFL · 2023-01-09T23:00:35+00:00

Memories are in your short term section of your brain. Long term is about 5 years. After a while, a good part of the day will go by and you will realize that it was your anniversary or her birthday. And you'll feel good that the day wasn't front of mind Just takes time.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-01-09T23:11:25+00:00

Old habits die hard and a life together builds in a lot of triggers. Also some trauma. All in all a great cocktail for your brain to gnaw on. Gotta try to retrain your brain somehow. Therapy, meditation, stoicism, time.

nelvonda · 2023-01-10T01:39:51+00:00

What “fires together, wires together”. The feelings that motivates thoughts in the present come from a different (often childhood) time period. It’s not just the ex which need healing, it will go much deeper than that for many of us. I think we all need therapy, and time.

5unshine_Daydream · 2023-01-10T11:10:37+00:00

I think part of it is facing the loss of what could have been shared memories for the rest of your life. Whoever I end up with, if anyone, will not be able to share the joy of the old memories which someone lessens my life. There were a lot of good times, fun times, raising two kids, etc. Even if I share the photos and video, the new person will never know the feelings we had when those things happen. So I think about her and wonder about what could have been. BUT, I always come back to realizing that divorce was the right outcome.

GrouseyPortage · 2023-01-10T14:47:32+00:00

I’m in the same boat. It’s always in the morning. Been with multiple women during the separation and seeing someone that checks all of my boxes currently. Hard to let go of that past life and person. I just keep trying to remind myself that this person was someone I created in my head and does not exist anymore.

WartimeDad · 2023-01-10T02:28:58+00:00

Learn how to meditate. Guided meditation. Actively will allow you to reduce the number and impact of intrusive thoughts.

whatskeeping · 2023-01-10T04:20:23+00:00

I like to think about Sinatra, he married 4 times. 1 was Ava Gardner whom he never stopped loving they say. It's normal we all go through it even the Chairman of the Board.

NightHawkVXN99 · 2023-07-15T00:43:47+00:00

Because there's something your current one lacks that the ex had. You're in love with the ex.

EvidencePlz · 2023-01-09T22:48:10+00:00

You are still thinking about her because you yourself have made a conscious decision to continue to think about her. You can stop anytime you want to though.

Substantial_Week3298 · 2023-01-10T00:46:21+00:00

I only think with disgust and anger about what a sick narcissist criminal put myself and my kids through although I will say, after several years of being out of the unstable situation plus winning the divorce and getting custody, I am bitter towards women now in general, if I see an attractive woman who's interested in me, I get anxious, lightheaded and want to run. I'm still working on this problem. A good therapist helps too.

Birdie_Jack2021 · 2023-01-10T01:31:41+00:00

She was a part of your life. You need to break the soul tie. And then carry the memory but don’t carry the pain.

warrior_up · 2023-01-10T05:55:36+00:00

3 yrs man, get to 3

Dad2Greatkids4ever · 2023-01-10T13:41:06+00:00

My first girlfriend haunted my dreams and thoughts for years. She was a controlling person and not nearly as hot as my next few girlfriends, but I alway wanted her back for some strange reason.

I hope that I don't feel like this with my stbx, as I have been looking forward to divorce for a number of years.

Your feelings for her will fade with time - hold on to what you got now.

traveller1976 · 2023-01-10T13:58:57+00:00

You lack closure. Perhaps you are blaming yourself for what went wrong. Don't do that. Find a way to move on with a clean conscience. It's not fair for the new women in your life. Therapy should be considered if needed.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-01-10T14:42:35+00:00

I wrote in a diary and told her "goodbye, this is the end, thank you for the memories but I have to let you go in order to heal. I forgive you for what you did to me (she accused me of rape and I spent 3 years defending my innocence). "

I did that several times and it really helped. Give yourself closure, let her go, say goodbye (in a diary).

Title	Why the hell im I still thinking about her
Author	broakie212
Upvotes	17
Comments	32
Date	January 9, 2023 9:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/107rg14/why_the_hell_im_i_still_thinking_about_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-the-hell-im-i-still-thinking-about-her.1146311 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146311

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