Just got dumped because I showed too much affection.

thebassoonist06 · 2019-03-27T04:17:40+00:00

I'm really not trying to be glib, but you were only a month into this dude. It's still the phase of trying to figure out if a LTR is going to work out. If you enjoyed your time with her, break up aside, then it sounds like this was a positive experience. She did you a favor by letting this go so you have more time to spend finding yourself and someone who is a better match for you. It's way better to be yourself and find these things out early than pretend to be something you aren't for years so you can keep someone around who likes the act. Now use all that love you were giving to her on yourself, build up your self esteem and dive into hobbies. When you show people affection don't do it with the expectation that they are going give it back, that's a covert contract. Do it just because you love them and it makes you happy(and them).

raziphel · 2019-03-27T03:54:37+00:00

Manipulative bullshit like that is inherently disrespectful.

Just because you like someone doesn't obligate them to like you back. Could you have gone too fast and laid it on thicker than she actually wanted? Probably - it happens. All you can do is take her word for it, and trust that she's being honest. Sometimes you can do everything right and still not succeed. That's just a part of life.

If kindness and affection hadn't kept her, making her chase you through manipulation really won't work. At least she told you sooner than later.

Barneysparky · 2019-03-27T05:27:25+00:00

When a relationship isn't working drama prolonges it artificially.

Think of a jealous spat and making up like having a mini baby, bonds you in the tension moment.

If your not compatible you shouldn't be together!

Rationally couples once they decide to be couples should have a on going discussion about their deal breakers. . Like if you blatently flirt with the waitress the break up may not happen today but it is coming kind of a thing.

Crashlands · 2019-03-27T03:23:29+00:00

The problem is that you are genuinely needy. The red pill teaches you to act like you’re not needy. It’s a band aid fix for an actual personality issue, and it’s treating the symptoms instead of the problem.

I strongly recommend “Models” by Mark Manson. He’s an ex red pill guy, and this book is all about what he learned after leaving TRP. It is absolutely the best dating advice book you can possibly read.

iostefini · 2019-03-27T08:07:33+00:00

You're still falling into that trap of thinking all women are the same. This woman wasn't the right one for you. It's fine. Keep being yourself, keep being the person you want to be, and try again with someone else.

You need to find someone who wants to receive the same level of affection that you want to give. I've had trouble with this too, most men don't want to receive the same level of affection that I want to give, but I've found a good partner now and I'm very happy. You need to find someone who matches what you want too.

sarah-goldfarb · 2019-03-27T03:12:06+00:00

I think it's best to mirror your partner. If she pulls away, you pull away. If she seems into you, show affection. People's desires ebb and flow, and the more your partner feels like you feel similarly to however she is feeling, the more she will feel like the two of you are ultimately on the same page and therefore compatible.

This is not a gender thing, by the way. It's true for men and women. Nobody wants to feel smothered or unloved, it's all about striking a balance.

claireauriga · 2019-03-27T09:53:58+00:00

It sounds like you were doing affectionate things because they made you feel good, and you weren't checking in enough about whether your partner was reciprocating and also feeling good about them. Each person has different preferences about how they like to express and receive affection, and how quickly they like to escalate those expressions.

It's totally okay to express your affection. It's great that being affectionate makes you feel good. You've just got to check in with your partner to make sure they're happy too. And if there's a big mismatch that you can't work out a compromise for, maybe you're not a good fit.

Moldy_Gecko · 2019-03-27T12:06:38+00:00

You'll get a lot of 'you can learn all that without TRP' here, but that's not the point. TRP is where you learned it. I think what happens is we tend to revert back. We lacked giving affection so much while wholly swallowing TRP theory that if/when you find your own way, we tend to overkill. Don't worry bro. You'll find one that suits you.

jimjamj · 2019-03-27T17:23:36+00:00

Her main reason being that I liked her way more than she liked me

She broke it off because she doesn't actually like you that much. The following clause

and she thought it would be a problem later on because she would not be able to reciprocate those feelings

is not particularly useful. Like of course you're not gonna be affectionate with someone you don't like. It's not about how affectionate you were, it's that she didn't like you. You can analyse why she didn't like you, but starting with "she didn't like me because I showed too much affection" is no more valid than "she didn't like me because I drank too much milk".

Some other really good comments in here, just wanna cut off that line of thinking there

FabioAbdilla · 2019-03-27T07:17:09+00:00

Perhaps it wasn't being too affectionate but clingy. For some couples messaging every day is almost a must, but for some it can get tiring and give the impression that you're too clingy.

user123446777 · 2019-03-27T16:54:45+00:00

Dude, she's damaged. Nothing you can do to fix that.

Ask yourself--do you really want a girl around that you have to constantly mess with? Fun in your 20s, but what about in your 50s? Still want to be playing games then?

Some women aren't capable of having a long term relationship. The big mistake you are making is having this all be about what you did or didn't do.

mykidisonhere · 2019-03-27T21:04:08+00:00

I'm going to offer an alternate conclusion. What if it's exactly the type of thing that happens in normal relationships?

You guys stated dating. You felt deeply for her. She realized that, while she likes you, she doesn't have deeper feelings for you and didn't think they would develop so she ended it.

That's a normal outcome from a normal interaction. No bad guys here. Just a relationship that didn't work out.

CaptinSuspenders · 2019-03-27T04:33:55+00:00

The problem is you're still being selfish. You're not taking seriously her wants and needs. You're not tuned into how she's feeling, when she wants to be touched and kissed. This is because to you, on some level, she is an object of affection, not a full person that you genuinely want to please. Love is about learning someone to the core, not just having someone to kiss on. Other commentators have suggested building tension or whatever, it's just the same thing, but sloppier. Really tap into the other person. I've dumped men who just assume I'm 100% into kissing them all the time immediately, and I've definitely dumped men for not being attentive enough. The answer is not doing one of the other, the answer is being observant, and caring.

EDIT: I talked about these issues with them first and gave them a chance to adapt. They didn't listen. Most people though dont know why they feel uncomfortable, or why it's not working, so when they break up with you and provide a reason that feels best, it might not get to the root of the problem. I've never dumped anyone for liking me too much. I have dumped people who consistently didn't respect where I was at emotionally in the moment.

DarkLorde117 · 2019-03-27T20:57:16+00:00

The issue with/ combatting TRP is that it actually works for all the wrong reasons. All the tricks get results much faster and easier than "just being yourself" and it's so difficult to find a legitimate, working relationship on the other side. It's like the knock-off Rolex where nobody can tell the difference until they have a real one.

But when you find something real, it's worth it.

Just because this relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you should stop looking for one that will.

mjeleon · 2019-03-27T22:31:24+00:00

You already have a lot of great comments here, but I'm going to add my own two cents because I feel like there's something that a lot of redpillers get wrong when it comes to relationships...

Because so much of the ideology relies on the concept that all women are the same, there are all these specific behaviors that are supposedly applicable to all women, teaching you how to treat them in order to keep them under your control. There is little focus on things that are actually important for a LTR to be successful, such as compatibility!

When you first start dating someone you like, you usually have some initial chemistry with them. But there is so much about them that you don't know. So many things that need to go right for both of you to be happy and for the relationship to last. Imagine that instead of being honest, you kept "playing games". It's possible that she might be interested for a while longer, but if she genuinely doesn't feel strongly for you, she is still likely to break up with you (or even potentially cheat on you) in the future. If you're relationship is based on superficial games and lies, then it's not really a solid relationship, is it?

Would you have preferred that she not break up with you, even though she clearly didn't feel the same way about you?

Try to imagine the reverse situation. Imagine that you're with a woman who appears to be head over heels for you. But after dating for a while, you realize that you just don't feel as attracted to her. This happens. Do you pretend that you still want to be with her, knowing that the longer you stay with her, the worse it will be if you break up? Or do you end things now, to avoid causing her future heartbreak?

The "endgame" of any relationship should never be to "win" the other person. That's not how relationships work. It should be to discover who the other person is, and discover if you're compatible, and if your feelings are shared.

Entering into a new relationship, there are any number of deal breakers you might not know about. There are plenty of good reasons to break up with someone. Please trust, break ups are NOT failures. They are the realization that you are not in the right relationship, which then allows you to pursue another. The longer you are stuck in the wrong relationship, the more pain there will be, and the more time you'll waste.

rrroqitsci · 2019-03-27T03:30:00+00:00

Read up on Positive Emotional Tension, or PET, at www.drglover.com. He explains it pretty well in his free articles but sadly he saves the best for his paid course.

Women need emotional tension in their lives. The trick is to do it with positivity. TRP creates nothing but negative tension.

In simplified terms, keep them guessing and looking for positive surprises. Don’t tell them where you’re taking them for dinner, let them anticipate it and wonder about it for a while. Don’t just give them flowers or a gift out of nowhere, but make them anticipate something first. Don’t be affectionate without letting them anticipate it. (You didn’t surprise her, did you?). It’s all about positive anticipation, like Christmas.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-03-27T17:11:41+00:00

"Being yourself" is bullshit, whereas because you are genuinely yourself or because you are faking it.

In a relationship, you need to be atone with the other person and viceversa.

If the other person likes personal space and independence, then you have to respect that. If the other person needs more attention, you have to be there.

Of course, this is all as long as you are ok with that. If not, simply there's no compatibility.

bright-morningstar · 2019-04-01T11:56:55+00:00

Knowing how people work and acting according to that isn't manipulation. Don't you think women don't do that kind of stuff to you with a clear conscious you feel guilty as manipulation? Think again, get out of the box.

goldensurrender · 2019-04-02T15:17:52+00:00

I can only give my experience with a situation like this. I will not end my relationship over it, but I think it's time that it gets worked out a bit with a possibly difficult conversation with my man. So, here is how I feel when he is super affectionate all day every day for weeks or even months on end: pressured. Yeah, it might sound weird. I love the affection. I feel loved and wanted and it does not feel bad. It in itself, his true emotions being displayed, are a wonderful thing to me. But if I sense at all that there is a desire from him to GET something in return, and that's WHY he is showering me with all the love and affection, it makes me feel trapped, and even controlled. It feels like if I were to not reciprocate back in the way that he wants, he would be upset somehow. So, his voluntary actions are actually demands in disguise. "Say you love me too. Give me a hug now." This is needy behavior, and it's a turn off.

I'm not saying you are doing this, but I think sometimes it can even be subconscious. So, I would take some time to get really honest with yourself and ask yourself if every single time you gave love and affection to her, would you be okay if she didn't reciprocate? Are you doing it because you want to experience the good feeling of her doing the same thing to you? Giving to get can feel suffocating to the other person. Again, not saying you were doing this, but I'm just trying to offer some perspective.

Drummerboy860 · 2019-06-12T19:08:13+00:00

This story right here is why so many men dive into TRP-style teachings.

Guy meets girl, and decides to simply show his cards with zero BS attached, and love her to the fullest.

Girl pulls away. Guy is shocked, and cannot understand why. Guy finds out girl is in bed giving another man everything he used to get merely days after the breakup.

These types of women just suck, plain-and-simple. They enjoy men who "play games" with them, even when they regularly plaster social media with status updates about how they hate it. Obviously, the same is true with some men - they only chase women who offer drama and play games, and these men suck.

You were real with her, and she broke it off. Good. She's an immature person who is probably terrified of a real, actual, loving relationship. She's interested in exciting flings, not actually settling into a home and building a family.

Keep your chin up, and find a more mature woman.

alphafili · 2019-03-27T04:49:30+00:00

Good, never get fucking oneitis. Always let these bitches know you a fucking alpha male dating the world. Let em fear losing you just as you used to in that fucking relationship. Be the most alpha motherfucker in the world, go conquer shit and pound hella pussy.

Title	Just got dumped because I showed too much affection.
Author	JQuim
Upvotes	27
Comments	74
Date	March 27, 2019 2:43 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/b5z0sa/just_got_dumped_because_i_showed_too_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/just-got-dumped-because-i-showed-too-much.299826 https://theredarchive.com/post/299826

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