C-PTSD therapy

QueenAlice3 · 2021-04-25T01:05:00+00:00

I had a therapist gaslight me for two years worth of weekly visits. As someone who was raised codependent but unaware of this (something a therapist should help you discover) I completely fell for her stating I “needed” the weekly therapy and went into great debt because of her, despite making little to no progress over the two years.

My suggestion (or what worked for me) is to also consider carrying on your own mental health investigations. I did this by listening to the Therapy Chat podcast and buying any books by anyone that was interviewed who really spoke to me. I became aware of issues and began new methods of coping far more quickly this way.

And if you find a new therapist make sure they don’t deny your reality in the future, but help you learn how to cope with the one you’re experiencing. If they’re invalidating you they have their own agenda.

Best of luck!

Platipus6 · 2021-04-25T01:57:21+00:00

What are you looking for from a therapist though? Validation? Coping / healing skills? How to spot it again?

People who are dedicated to the subject and know what they're talking about have written the books about it.

Complex-PTSD by Pete Walker, Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg, The Body Keeps the Score by Van Der Kolk.

Re-building boundaries : Boundaries by Henry Cloud, Not Nice by Aziz Gazipura, When I Say No I feel Guilty by Manuel Smith.

Richard Grannon and Dr Ramani on YT have a lot of videos on covert narcissists.

What kind of recovery do you want? CBT? EMDR?

If you're set on using a person/therapist for recovery, ask how many C-PTSD/abuse victims they've actually helped to recover and what methods they used. Also ask how many women they've helped get out of abusive relationships, or did they focus on keeping a victim with an abuser.

lucidlotus · 2021-04-25T05:08:09+00:00

I'm so sorry your therapist made things worse. When I was looking for a therapist I narrowed it down to those offering EMDR and specializing in treating trauma, and then I looked for the key word "abuse." I don't know whether I just lucked out, but the one I found is pretty knowledgeable about narcissistic abuse. I would just ask them directly if they have expertise in narcissism and narcissistic abuse. Possibly mentioning the "two types of narcissism" could be a good way to gauge whether they know not all narcissists are overt.

On another note, it was incredibly validating for my therapist to say to me, "That was emotional abuse" and "That was narcissistic abuse." (I suspected narcissism but didn't bring it up before she did, so that was also very validating.)

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-04-25T02:29:31+00:00

I am so sorry. The experience with your therapist sounds awful.

I have stopped traditional therapy for this reason, I just don't know how to vet them and be on the same page. However, I do somatic healing, which in my experience there is a lot less talking and analyzing and more active listening and trauma healing. Idk if it's my counselor or the field, but I feel like I'm validated and my emotions and thoughts are taken seriously. Just a thought.

burpleseaurchin · 2021-04-25T01:30:39+00:00

[deleted]

level_up_always · 2021-04-25T01:18:53+00:00

it's surprisingly really really hard to find a therapist who is actually educated in this stuff. they usually have to specialize in it or have a personal interest beyond just being 'trauma informed' because that is very broad. this is a very specific type of abuse that many don't understand even therapists. i watch a woman on youtube who is both a therapist and lawyer (she also wrote the book 'getting past your breakup' that is recommended on this sub a lot) who talks about narc stuff and especially the way they abuse the legal system custody issues etc (a lot of judges and such don't get this either) and she has spoken about the therapist issue too. here is her playlist on narcissism so maybe that will help fill the gap in the meantime.

as far as finding a new therapist goes i would have a list made with questions and do a mutual interview type thing, let them know you're talking to multiple therapists and go from there. see what they know. ask if they've had personal experience with this issue (they won't talk details if they have good boundaries but most good ones will say yes/no at least - i've found if they have personal experience they are more likely to get it). i would just be as specific as possible and not worry if it feels like you're interrogating them or whatever lol. they work for you and it's basically a job interview.

honestly the realm of therapy is very imperfect, i've found there are self educated people who know more because they've been there so they learned the ins and outs and had a reason to do so. most likely the best therapist would be one who went through this themselves and became a therapist to help others do the same. that's why i think it helps to ask if about their personal experience.

Aocwannabe · 2021-04-25T01:54:04+00:00

Honestly, FDS and Instagram therapy (accounts like @decolonizetherapy) have been better than the years and thousands of dollars that I spent on talk therapy and couples therapy.

I had a similar experience of being gaslit and constantly having to educate my therapists. I also still feel angry that one therapist insisted that I needed to live with an ex before marriage. I was adamant that this was unacceptable to me and yes she insisted.

I wish you the best AND I want you to know that like any field, there’s are many people that are mediocre and/ or woefully unqualified to be offering solace.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-04-25T02:17:40+00:00

http://www.pete-walker.com/findingATherapist.htm

TheExtras · 2021-04-25T10:24:56+00:00

People have already noted other options, but many trauma-informed therapists utilize a strategy called "cognitive processing therapy." During this process, you write a narrative about your trauma. With the help of your therapists you find "stuck points" within your narrative. Often this means you have thought or cognitions that induce a negative core belief about yourself. For example, common "stuck points" are "I should've known better," "I should've said something to someone" "If I hadn't done X, then Y wouldn't have happened." etc etc. The therapist should help the client develop new ways to analyze their cognitions objectively. Once the client has the tools, therapist and client begin examining these stuck points. Over the course of therapy, the narrative is rewritten, and ideally the client is able to write it with less self-blaming experiences.

As far as directly dealing with trauma, it's super effective. As far as finding a good therapist, I'd say there are a few things in mind. Your therapist should be doing a lot of listening and "reflecting" in their first sessions. This means, listening, asking questions, and clarifying what they heard in a supportive way. ("I was really nervous about coming today" --> "It takes a lot of courage to come to therapy and discussing difficult topics with someone new"; "I have a history of trauma but I have felt in the past that my therapists blamed me and it made my self-worth plummet even more" --> "I am so sorry to hear that and can't imagine how difficult it was to try again after such a negative experience. First, I want to say that I will do my utmost to make sure this is a safe, supportive space for you. Second, if you're comfortable it might be helpful for me to know what hasn't worked in the past for therapy and what has. After that, I have some ideas of some strategies we could use that might be useful in ensuring our work here is collaborative") There should be no "advice-giving" or big assumptions on their part at first. This would suggest to me, that the therapist is labeling and quick to jump to conclusions with too little info. If they do make a conclusion that is incorrect, they should be QUICK to adapt to your correction. If my client isn't bothered by my mistake, I continue forward without looking back (I wouldn't make an attempt to explain myself--it isn't about me!), but if my client appears upset by my miscalculation I will point it out "Thank you so much for correcting me. I can see though, that what I said may have bothered you. Do you mind explaining a bit more?"

As far as vetting a therapist, here are other considerations: I take my client's feelings at their word. I would never, ever try to claim I knew my client better than they know themselves. I point out inconsistencies if they seem useful "I hear you saying your partner is loving and supportive, but you appear sad when telling me this." The cognitive restructuring in CBT NEEDS to be client-led, NOT therapist led. I would never tell a client what their thoughts should be, or claim to be objective. In fact, much of my "suggestions" will point out the ambiguity of human behavior or figure out what level of risk/vulnerability they are willing to take. Like I would never tell a client that they are silly for fearing dating or relationships. I acknowledge the inherent risks, I acknowledge that people do let you down, that people who you WANT to fulfill certain roles for you (and should) often don't. So I help my client develop the social skills and ability to identify prosocial and antisocial behavior from the beginning. Many of my female clients will get these feelings in their gut, but don't test and experiment with them. Especially if they have a trauma history, one survival tactic is to preemptively restrict and adapt themselves especially when there are intense emotions in the environment to avoid abuse and to obtain any affection available from their abuser. So a big part of therapy is helping them test their gut feelings early. It's hard, because the rejection is often intense. It's hard, because they'll be letting go of people less shitty than their dads and past partners. But over time, their perspective of themselves and what they deserve shifts! FINALLY, your therapist should know how hard what you are doing and celebrating EVERY goal. Too many people make huge ass goals that are overwhelming. So I help my clients make piece-by-piece goals and celebrate as each piece moves. For some, that's telling a barista they made the wrong coffee, telling a friend their feelings were hurt, walking around the block, going to bed one hour earlier, saying something kind to themselves, etc! Building self-esteem around therapeutic process is HUGE. Anyway, I could go on, but I've already said WAY too much.

oachkatzlschwoaf95 · 2021-04-25T12:01:25+00:00

_electrafire · 2021-04-25T17:13:47+00:00

Honestly this may be why I’ve always avoided therapy. Now that I’m aware of trauma-informed therapists I’ll reconsider, but I always got the vibe that they’d be full of it and make my issues even worse

orangeboobert · 2021-04-25T02:09:02+00:00

[removed]

BusinessTwistofLime · 2021-04-25T02:11:20+00:00

Look for a therapist that specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and/or EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). These are the two most effective treatment modalities for treating C-PTSD.

While you may not be in a romantic relationship for much longer, you always have the relationship with yourself -- and that relationship is never too late to find a new therapist for.

"To find out if this therapist would be able to gauge the subtleties of a vulnerable covert narcissists abuse tactics?" --> my question for you is if you feel like there is abuse happening, why do you need your therapist's approval for your soon-to-be ex's abuse? You are the one living the experience. If it feels like abuse to you, it's abuse. Leave. Narcissists cause you to question your reality such that you have to check in with them to reaffirm whatever they want reality to be. You're essentially taking that dynamic in your romantic relationship and placing your therapist in the same dynamic. It isn't up to your therapist to tell you what your reality is... You have that power. And only you. When you give that away, you are more easily manipulated, by anyone.

Check out a website called Out of the Fog. They have a bunch of tools for dealing with personality disordered individuals. One of the techniques is not trying to focus on "winning" or being right. If your partner wants to tell you that the sky is green, then okay the sky is green to your partner even though most people would agree that the sky is blue. When your partner is manipulating, observe the manipulation. Note it in your head or in a journal and keep track. Don't respond or react. Grey rock - Medium chill that shit. I recognize that you may not be able to leave right away so I hope you can check out these tools. Just like dating, be picky with your therapists! They aren't all a good fit. If you don't feel like you're making progress, find someone new. Set-up treatment goals and check-in with them regularly about your progress. Ask them for recommended reading or homework if you are into that.

Sending you well wishes and 💕. You deserve to be treated well by people whose profession it is to give you a literal safe space. I hope you find your match!

pat_labor_of_love · 2021-04-25T17:49:29+00:00

I've watched several of these videos and they're helping me a lot. https://youtube.com/c/AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

ShittyPianist · 2021-04-26T20:11:34+00:00

I found a therapist who previously had worked at a military fort helping veterans with PTSD, tho this was mostly by sheer dumb luck and a solid recommendation from a coworker. Perhaps it's possible to look for therapists working in liberal areas with a lot of military people around?

elainejay82 · 2021-05-09T01:19:45+00:00

I think you might want to find a therapist who is well versed in abusive relationships and what you describe in how you acted towards the end is likely reactive abuse after so much gaslighting, emotional abuse, etc. It's really common and normal. In fact, the whole game of manipulators and emotional abusers is to make their victim self-destruct like that. We end up reacting that way because they continuously refuse to meet our needs, gaslight us, toy with us, break our boundaries, and many times like to put us in set ups where they know we will end up losing and in pain. Sadists, really.

The nature of these types of men is very very covert and the nature of these types of relationships is very insidious. Find someone who sounds like they get it. I would honestly start with "I was heavily abused and eventually self destructed" and see how they react.

Title	C-PTSD therapy
Author	orangeboobert
Upvotes	142
Comments	52
Date	April 25, 2021 12:53 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mxx8a9/cptsd_therapy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/c-ptsd-therapy.777270 https://theredarchive.com/post/777270

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